Edgedancer

Hello everyone! I did not handle very well the stress related to research position applications. I had an emotional breakdown and needed some time to recover. I am going back to France to spend time with my family for about a month. I don't think I will be on the forum much, and I am not planning on doing any challenge. So see you all in a month!

Ah! That's a good idea. I don't have the book yet, my (french-speaking) book store hasn't received it, but it can arrive any day now. I saw your post yesterday morning, and both yesterday and today I worked on my research project in the morning so that if the store received the book during the day I could go pick it up after work. I don't usually use reading as a reward because I know reading every day is good for me. It works with Rhythm of War though, there is no way I'd rather not work and not read it so it is a good incentive!

I had the same problem when I had a water-tracking goal. My goal was pretty high, but I stopped drinking as soon as I reached it, no matter what time it was That's what matters!

Interesting! I wouldn't have guessed. I feel like it is more difficult for me to focus now than it was a couple of years ago, and it is affecting my ability to learn. But when I was in university I had to focus for long periods of time, I was "trained" for it, I guess I lost the ability due to a lack of practice.

I watched the video and went on to read other people's thread, but the song is stuck in my head on. I did not expect the "Gobble gobble" part to stick so well ^^'

I am not working that much on the bigger plan. It is making very nervous and I am just avoiding it. I'll do better tomorrow.

Stoping therapy and meds this summer, with the covid crisis going on, must have been difficult. It is good you are finding things that are helping you feel better! I hope you will find a long-lasting balance

It seems I am once more doing weekly updates only. Intention 1: a still mind Honestly, I am going better and better. I had many things to do last week, and some anxiety about it, but I feel like I dealt with it pretty well. I still have issues with the bigger plan thing, which might bring some anxiety back later on, but overall I don't feel as hopeless as I did a few week back. Intention 2: a moving body I started the "start bodyweight" workout every other day. It was my fourth time today and so far my neck didn't get stuck, so I have big hopes about this. There are not many lower body exercices but I am very happy with my neck not getting stuck so I don't think I am going to mess much with the program for now. I went out almost every day, mostly to buy scones and watch dogs play in the parc near my appartement. Intention 3: trusting the bigger plan I changed my bigger plan on Monday, but I haven't done much this week. I think I am less caught up into it now, I will get back to it tomorrow and try to make it a priority for the week. I mostly have to decide on my research plan for the next 10 years, which is a difficult task. My first draft will suck terribly, I just have to accept it and write it anyway so that I have something to start with. Intention 4: making each week special I finally took care of the basil. It is not exactly sick but it has thrips (tiny insects eating the leafs). They lay eggs in the soil so I cut branches and put them in the water to make future new plants (I am sure there is a word for this but I don't know it). I didn't really take care of my mom's Christmas present. Next week my special things are: Take care of my mom's Christmas present Get and read Rhythm of war 🎉🎉🎉🎉

I relate with so much of this. Have you tried reading or finding resources about perfectionism, self-esteem, or mental health in general? Answering irrational thoughts is helping me, but there are probably other interesting exercices that can be good tools if you don't know how to deal with questioning yourself so much. I think seeing that you have unrealistic expectations, or that your reactions to "failure" (or, well, not complete success) are not rational is an important first step. I guess not being so hard on yourself also applies to mental health: you are not perfect, but it's alright

Ah, you are doing the Start Bodyweight program? I am considering starting it, there are a lot of moves I'm already doing anyway, and the full workout seems reasonably long. Well I speak French but I don't really need to practice ^^'. Let me know if you have questions though!

Sounds exciting! Would you really be locking yourself into one thing? I don't know anything about art, but if you choose a niche, start experimenting with it, and find you don't like it, you could probably explore something else. If the niche you chose first worked well it can provide an income while you explore something else on the side. If it didn't work well you can make a U-turn with no regret. Reading this makes me realize I have a similar issue with finding my research "niche". Thinking I am now deciding for the rest of my life and beyond is bringing needless anxiety. We have to choose something now, but it doesn't mean we have to stick with our choice forever! I think remembering it makes choosing easier

I think he's a great author. Definitely one of my favorites. I read for the first time last year, and I remembered a lot of it (more than I thought), so some part were a bit long on the re-read. But it was my first re-read, and it was fun to pick up on things I had missed the first time. I was on the kickstarter too. I had completely forgotten about the novella, it was a very nice surprise! I agree. It is sometimes hard to find the will to go out, but I do feel better when I don't stay inside several days in a row. It seems like a reasonable guess. I have done all of the exercises for some time without having any problem, but I should check.

I tried the bomber push-up, but I felt it more in my pecs and shoulders. I might just be weaker there! I liked it, I might integrate it in my routine once I figure what I need to do so that my neck doesn't get stuck.

I haven't been very present here this week. I'm going to try to recap everything: Intention 1: a still mind Meditation and 15 minutes of mental health are not done on a daily basis but I remember to do them whenever I need them, which is already quite good. "Prioritize reading over screens" is going very well (hence my lack of activity here). Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive 4 (Rhythm of War) is coming out on November 17th, so I re-read the first 3 books and I got really caught up in them. I finished the 3rd book just in time for a novella (taking place within the book series) which I received on Friday. I am trying to take my time reading it but I will probably finish it in a couple of days. I am not going to wait a whole week without reading anything so I think I'll read Wheel of Time 2 before Rhythm of War. It's a big book so it will probably take me a bit more than a week to finish it, but I don't think my book store will receive Rhythm of War on November 17th exactly anyway. That was quite a lot of talk about books, but it's a big thing in my life right now! Intention 2: a moving body I am going out almost everyday (sometime making trips to the book store ). Strength training is not going so well however. After one day of upper body and one day of lower body my neck was kind of stuck. This usually happens on a morning after a workout, but I did not expect it to happen on the morning after lower body. I thought it might be due to the lack of a full rest day, so I did one day of upper body, then a full rest day, then lower body, and on the next morning my neck was kind of stuck again. I don't understand. I am doing a full body warm-up on both days. Intention 3: trusting the bigger plan The bigger plan is getting overwhelming. The things I had planned for the current time-period are too big, I am not completing them, and my to-do list is getting bigger and bigger. I am not handling well the resulting anxiety. I will re-assess the plan at the beginning of next week. Intention 4: making each week special I did 2 of the things I had planed for this week. I spoke to a co-worker at least once a day, even if some days I forgot and it was not really intentional. I also did my Thanksgiving diner yesterday, yay! Planning and cooking it was week-long and exciting, which is nice. I made a vegan meat loaf which I really liked, mashed potatoes, candied sweet potatoes, mushroom gravy, cranberry sauce and a pumpkin pie (with whipped cream, as per @Rookie's instructions). It was very good and I had a great time! And with have plenty of leftovers. I did not take care of my basil this week. Next week my special things are : - Take care of the basil - Buy/make a Christmas present for my mom.

Great, thanks!