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Hey all. My name is Joey. As you might be able to see, I technically created this account several months ago, but have not felt up to doing anything in that time, and so I haven't bothered posting anything. However, I know this is a bad start and I need to at least take this first step, and maybe that will help motivate me to go further. So, TL;DR, I have no idea what I'm doing and need a lot of help, both in learning how to get healthy and in getting motivated to do so. I struggle with life in general. I am 29 and have spent most of the last decade just trying to figure out how to live, with little success. I live with my parents (who are both on the decline in terms of physical health, and thus like having me around to help them with stuff around the house) and am not exaggerating when I say that all I have in my life are my video games, once-a-week animal adoption center volunteering, and every-other-week therapy. I struggle with depression and anxiety quite frequently (I've actually been in a depression period for a couple of weeks now, which is part of why I'm here, to try to do something about it). I also have ADHD, which I now take meds for which help a lot, but are a fairly recent development in my treatment/recovery process. I am extremely intelligent; and that is where my self-praise ends. Every other aspect of my life is pretty awful. Which largely nullifies any benefits my intelligence might otherwise bring. I'm not terribly overweight, however, having been hovering around 200 lbs. (now just over that, last time I checked) for as long as I can remember, even living a very sedentary life at my computer. I have had a somewhat vague, tentative goal of being 180 lbs. for some time now though, and at two previous points managed to start and maintain a simple and somewhat aimless exercise routine for several months. These exercise periods had my weight ranging in the low 190s, but ultimately didn't do much more than that. I don't know how much I should expect to weigh if I were "in shape". I haven't been motivated enough to really look into it or commit to doing it. Motivation has always been one of my biggest problems in life, and has kept me from doing much of anything, ever. For many years I have had a somewhat Nihilistic worldview, which isn't very good for getting motivated. I do have a bachelor's degree in Game Design from Full Sail University, which I got through their online degree program, but my motivation to do that was largely just feeling like I had to keep going and get a degree, and game design was what interested me most. After I graduated, I fell pretty hard on my face, and sank into further depression and anxiety. My struggles, as you may see, are primarily mental ones. I don't know if anyone here can relate or help me in any way, as such, but I figure at this point it couldn't hurt to just throw it all out there; and it wouldn't be very productive if I didn't, anyway. I need help, and these are the things I need help with. I have no one in my life that is able to help me, as far as I have experienced, so I turn to you, semi-random internet people. I desire change in my life, one of which is being healthier and stronger. Now, on that note, I'll talk a bit more about why I am here, specifically, and what I hope to achieve. I hold myself to pretty high standards (probably a contributing factor in my depression, as I often disappoint myself), and living a healthy and balanced life is one of my primary goals, which I have utterly failed at achieving thus far. I sit at my computer about 95% of the time, and while I don't snack a lot, I still don't eat terribly healthy either (though it isn't terribly unhealthy, mostly). I just don't usually feel like it's worth caring what I eat. I generally know what is unhealthy. For instance, when I sit and eat half a bag of Doritos (which is rare, mind you), I know I've done a bad thing, heh. So, I have no motivation, generally, to eat particularly healthy. While not terribly overweight, I am quite weak. Having very little exercise in my life leaves me pretty atrophied, I suppose, though I am able to perform some strenuous physical activities, like lifting moderately heavy objects. These activities are usually uncomfortable, however. Ultimately, I'd like to be strong enough to be of assistance in physically demanding situations without breaking myself. Not only that, but I find that my muscles are simply not accustomed to precision movements when under stress, causing me to shake quite a bit when trying to hold difficult positions. So, as a bit of a summary, here is a list (in no particular order) of physical activities in which I have interest, but have no idea how and/or no motivation/confidence to pursue: Martial Arts Hiking Free Running Rock Climbing Archery Playing Guitar (hand/forearm strength/endurance; this one I actually have done a little of, I have a guitar, but haven't touched it in a long time) There may be more I'm forgetting at the moment, but that's a good start if nothing else. These are things I've had interest in for a long time, but have never felt qualified or motivated enough to try. I am very much an introvert (somewhat less so in text-based online communication), so just the idea of reaching out to people to try to get into any of it is daunting, much like this post itself. Anyway, as I said, I need a lot of help and support. I don't know if I really expect to get it here. I feel like I'm asking a lot from total strangers who have no reason to care that much about my success. But if not, then I'm no worse off, I suppose. Except perhaps having yet another attempt at improving my life fail. But that's hardly something I could blame anyone else for. In closing, I suppose I'd just like to make a clear statement of why I'm here, without all the rambling I've done so far. So, what I need now is somewhere to start, some guidance on improving my health and finding motivation to commit to it. I fear I'll just disappoint myself and anyone who might try to help, but I've got to try something. I ask for patience and understanding. That would help a lot.

Back with the Druids after my respawn, since a lot of my goals revolve around being mindful while doing them. Along with things that keep me happy is getting outdoors… So I figured out when I respawned giving myself $1 for hitting goals that are a tad difficult has been working. Only way to keep this up though is keeping my budget to what I can live off of and side extra money, and helping to maintain myself. Main goals: -Daily DBT Dairy Card (Dialectical behavior therapy): For my therapy to checkoff the skills I use and emotions for that day. -Side goal: Will make a page in my bullet journal across from my weekly challenge page. I can make these in the beginning of the challenge but they had to be made (found it makes tracking tens times easier, even though it takes 30 mins to make the page). 2. - “Learn to Feed Myself” -Sticking to weekly food budget, grocery shopping once a week for my main stables, writing down my main stables for the week. I learned I need to figure out how to feed myself no matter what my mood or life is at- based of this video. -Daily Bonus if I don’t buy any extra food (mainly conveient food) with reward money (basically the extra calories I want but don’t need). Exception to this rule is finding out I miscalculated on food to have at home or cooking a healthy meal with reward money (buying ingredidents for making a meal to get enough calories) or stocking up on cheaper food options. -Extra bonus: Writing a list of wants and a list for needs in bullet journal. Pretty much able to break down items on paper for an extra step. Along with me remembering what I need when I do go shopping… 3. 20 mins of Base maintenance: Picking up my apartment for 20 mins each day, can help keep my apartment from turning into pure chaos… (A fact that I questionably avoid with ninja like moves). 4. Keeping the darkness away… Hiking 3 times a week. Writing 444 words of creativity on 4thewords (attempting every day). These two things are my biggest boosters on raising my light magic that helps keep the darkness away (But like any good goals I resist). (I will be tracking each as their own, for a $1 each day.) 5. Work on homework during the weekdays – Every 1 hour of produtive study is a $1… My goal is 10 hours, but working on it a bit everyday is better then nothing 6. Fake it till I Make it – I’m waking up new emotions, and trying new things. Which means oridnary things for every day be even more difficult to do. From showing up to work on time and actually working at work, or staying positive when its tough I’ll give myself a point. (This is very broad but I’ll note as I go on.) Weekly side goals (here I put all the goals I need to get on a weekly basis or doing for trial to be a main goal, all will have deadlines I have to report back to). Or these are also my monthly challenges. Or part of bigger challenges but challenges I’ve broken down to duckling steps. Week One: Sept. 17th – 23rd Week Two: Sept. 24th – Sept. 30th -figure out how to celebrate brother’s birthday (with cake and special candle) Week 3: October 1st – 7th Week 4: October 8th – 14th Note: Yup, lot’s of money points. However, when I’m taking out my extra spending and relooking at my needs. It’s pretty much having me work on being more mindful on my money, instead of spending a ton of money on extra unneeded items and extra calories that make my life worst.