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I have mental health ... things. They are generally no big deal, have been well-controlled and unobtrusive for many many years and now all of a sudden - they aren't. Symptoms: I cry, uncontrollably, at really insignificant triggers, usually related to fitness/weight (e.g I miss a lift, I gain a pound, I look in the mirror and see body fat that I haven't noticed before) I cry in public, which I have never been prone to in the past. I have random occasional anxiety symptoms - difficult breathing, chest tightness, hyper alertness - when there is no threat or possibility of threat present. A return to prior levels of my AD/HD behaviors: lack of productivity, hyperfocus on entertainments (especially really dumb games on my phone - I can lose hours), task-jumping Most likely explanations: This is just plain ol' depression, which is well known for popping up randomly at times in my life where there are no problems, significant stressors, or reasons for being sad at all -or- Menopause hormones are the devil. I've never had emotional problems with PMS or anything before, but this "woman in her 50s" business is a whole new world. Additional evidence for this being age/season of life related - I have cut calories, upped cardio, been accountable to an excellent nutrition coach for every bite of food I have consumed for three months, and I can't lose an OUNCE. I've struggled with my weight and body fat before, but I've always been able to lose it pretty easily once I got up the gumption to make the food changes. Now, the things that have always worked ain't working, not a bit. The immediate plan to make my current Wonderland more wonderful is: Ask the Cheshire Cat: (a.k.a. get solid advice from reliable sources) More confessions - I'm terrified of medical doctors. Surgeons, physical therapists, chiropractors, dentists - all fine. But any kind of doctor who might try to pressure me to take some kind of pharmaceutical treatment more aggressive than Excedrin terrifies me. But I need the help, so at some point I have to find a few bouts of 20SOC to: 1) Find a therapist. I'm pretty sure I need to talk to someone about my resurfacing body image issues and emotional outbursts, before I go back down the ED rabbit hole 2) Find a general practitioner who can order bloodwork, so I can make sure that this isn't my thyroid or something else physical Hone my Vorpal Sword I don't want to lose all of the strength I have fought so hard for over the past year, so 3) keep showing up at the gym 3x/wk 4) add bar hangs on non gym days at least 2x/wk. Growing and Shrinking 5) continue tracking 6) hit at least 110g protein/day Guiding quote: "I can't go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."

Or at least I try. After succesfully completing the longest respawn ever I wanted to start working on my daily structures more (this challenge was planned to improve my evenings) BUT live got in the way so this challenge will all be about doing adult stuff that needs to get out of the way sooner than later. I will keep my year goals and will work on those as well. In part's this challenge is for those goals in other parts it's just stuff that got delayed for way to long. Also it will be a lot of work related stuff. Quest1: "We're all MAD here" This one is all job related. I'm unsure for quite some time now about what to do jobwise. At the moment I have a job at a biger tour booking agency in Berlin. We are preparing concert tours for hardcore and punk bands in Europe. It's a cool job because I'm working with bands that I like. The downside is that I have nearly no opportunities to get promoted because of the company size (not many personsn needed) and so I feel like I can't realy achive my full potential here, also the pay is pretty much garbage... That lead me to giving myself a deadline at the end of May to decide if I want to stay in the job I have and under what premisses or if I try to switch work. Till than there needs to be a lot of stuff done. This month the following things should be done: Analyse the options: - Read a book about how to negotiate your position and payment in a company - Take a look at switching career paths (Marketing or Logistics), do a SWAT analysis for the diffrent career options Talk the talk: - prepare a date and goals for talk with the bosses of my company Be ready to walk the walk: - prepare xing and linked in profiles - update cv and other documents needed for job search - take new pictures Quest 2: "Take the right potion" I've been puting of some health related issues and those came back and are interferring with my workouts... - make appointments with doctor 1 (allergies) - make appointment with doctor 2 (dentist) - update health inssurance - check out other inssurances Quest 3: "to late, to late" I started some projects at the beginning of the year but didn't ended them so since it's get sh*t done month now. - Decide and host my blog (It will be about getting healthy and happy as a Quidditch player) - start paying for the ETF (I put some money aside for bad times and it needs to be invested) - get documents in order Done - tackle the to do list of shame Quest 4: "Run to the hills" (Again) The marathon is sooner than I think so I need to pick up running again - go to tuesday and thursday running meeting - plan training for the comming months - buy new running gear - start tracking food intake again (less weight is easier running at the end ) So far that's it for this challenge. A lot to do so let's see how it goes.

I love Alice in Wonderland, the show I'm in is based on Alice in Wonderland, Alice in Wonderland is super gifable...perfect challenge theme! Admittedly I prefer the book to the film, and the animated is vastly better than the 2010 version, but book gifs don't work quite so well. I liked my points method in the last challenge so will probably repeat that. A google sheet means that I can update categories on the go so don't have to try to remember what I've done at the end of each day, and points are just fun. Down the rabbit hole we go... One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter As we all know, you can't outrun your diet (boo!). And my diet is...dubious. I seem to swing between eating really well and eating everything I can get my hands on. Add to this new meds which have appetite increase as a side effect (double boo!) and I really need to take a long hard look at my eating habits. I've started getting HelloFresh boxes, and whilst they're not the most cost efficient (it works out as ~£6.50 a meal, ouch!) but it's getting me cooking healthy food on a regular basis, and since the portions are actually massive I tend to end up with three meals instead of two from a lot of them. Plus they're really yummy (and I genuinely am a terrible cook). I also massively reduced my coke consumption in the last challenge so let's keep that up! This challenge I'm being harsher on myself for coke drinking and fast food, but also more rewarding for cooking and keeping on top of my calories. So points for this: Portion of fruit or veg +1 Bottle/glass of coke -2 Bottle of other fizzy drink -1 Take out/fast food -10 Home cooked meal +5 Daily calorie tracking +2 Under calorie target +1 We're all mad here Or at least I am. Last challenge I got a new diagnosis, a shiny new drug, and a shiny new therapist. This challenge ends two days before I'm due to go back to my PhD so excellent timing for finishing sorting my life out for that fun and exciting development (ohgodpleasekillmenow). This section is going to include specific mental health things as well as more general adult life things. Because realistically a lot of the issues with adult stuff are a result of being slightly mad. Psychiatrist appointment +5 Therapy session +5 Taking all meds +1 Daily thought record +1 Shower +1 Bath +2 Cleaning teeth +1 Hour of tidying +10 Completely sorted room +25 Completely sorted flat +100 Unnecessary spending -25 I say, you'll never get dry that way Get dry? Have to run with the others. First rule of a caucus race, you know. I'm doing a half mudder at the end of the month, so much training is needed. Run run run! Going for a run +5 Each km run +1 5km in one session +10 8km in one session +20 Twinkle twinkle little bat/ how I wonder what you're at/ up above the world you fly/ like a tea tray in the sky Can you stand on your head? Circus! Ciiirrrrccuuuuuuussssss Ahem. I like circus Much circus etc etc I've got moves to work on, rehearsals to get to, and I really need to get my flex work on again Aerial class +2 Rehearsal +1 Double skinner +10 Single toe hang +20 Heel hang +50 Forward belly spins/millwheels +10 New move/transition +1 Handstand work +5 Juggling practice +5 Hula hooping +1 Splits work +5 Backbend work +5 Doing less than 4 stretch sessions in a week -50