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Showing results for tags 'arise'.
Long Term Ranger...first time Monk. Long post but it's mostly for me so skip to the goals if you like I won't be offended I've been away from NF for a few months. I haven't told anyone IRL...and I haven't said it out loud...but privately I'm fighting through a sea of work stress and other issues and I've been dealing with it by internalizing and self sabotaging and I've been mostly aware of it the whole way. Ridiculous I know but also irresistible, a cycle I have seen over and over in my past, very damaging but hard to resist. I've been working 60 to 70hr weeks the last 4 months, something I could manage as a young man but these days at 42, I've reached the edge of my limits and teetered on the cliff. Compromised my health without a doubt and knowingly.However I've made some serious coin, and I mean serious coin but I signed up for 5 months of this and was done after 2. Now I have 6 weeks left, I don't need or want the money but I have to deliver and finish the project, I always follow through on my commitments. Integrity is above all else for me. The challenge is I need to look after myself at the same time as I push myself up to and sometimes beyond my limits. I'm in the worst physical shape in years as a result of this situation but it's my mental health that has really suffered. Strange I have never been in this position before...I'm "strong". Bringing years of work stress coping mechanisms to bear and finally finding strength to admit to work colleagues "I'm taking a weekend off and I'm not answering my phone, I'm not working". I slept for almost the whole weekend and needed more. I've put work first, neglected my wife, I've called my borderline OCD (it's really OCD but I don't want to admit that) into it's full power to devastate my mortgage, at the cost of my health and friendships. I haven't seen my friends for months. On Tuesday my sacrifices come to fruition, the mortgage on a dream house will finally be paid off at age 42 and I will begin to set myself up for the rest of my life. A 25 year goal achieved, but at what cost? We'll see. Well here I find myself, at the doors of the Monastery. I need help, I need to help myself. I'm not really sure yet what that means. As a Ranger and a Crossfitter I am multi-faceted and I can bring a lot of skills to bear but the time to meditate, stretch and be with myself is upon me. A strange feeling indeed after pushing so hard for so long, I'm still finding my way in this new head space but initial goals are: - 1 hour of yoga per week (complete beginner) or 1 hour of swimming or 1 hour of "mobility" (crossfit stretching) - 1 float tank this challenge (haven't done one for years but has been revitalizing in the past) - 4 days with no alcohol - 4 days with no sugar These are meager goals compared with previous achievements but they are real goals for now. I can't tell you right now the last day I had with no sugar or alcohol. Times are tough but we will fight in the shade. @zenLara @BarefootDawsy @DarK_RaideR I'm in a hole and I need accountability, if you can spare some time to check in on me occasionally I will be very grateful. Side note, this is what drew me to NF all those years ago and hence the reference here: