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Sovellis cast his eyes around at the destruction surrounding him. The murky, disease ridden flood waters had begun to recede, revealing the true cost of the disaster. Amid the battered and broken buildings, bodies emerged. Young, old, mothers, fathers, children, their skin darkened and mottled from injury and rot. The stench was overwhelming. Somewhere in the distance a fire raged, sending thick clouds of acrid smoke wafting through the remains of the town. He looked around in horror. This was his fault. He didn't know how he knew this, but he knew it to be true. It was him. Him and the shit choices he made. All had led to this loss. He couldn't breathe. His lungs burned. He began to panic. There was no fixing this, and it was all his fault... He fell unelegantly out of bed, waking in time to see the floor rapidly approaching his face. Instead of his usual slew of obscenities, he frantically scrambled to his feet, kicking a couple empty bottles across the floor, searching the darkness for the destruction that had surrounded him just moments before. In its place, all he saw was the familiar confines of his usual room at the inn. Shaking his head angrily, he tried to catch his breath. His bed clothes were soaked through and clammy with sweat and it looked like someone had tried to tie the blankets into a pretzel. "Just a dream. Another goddamn dream," he breathed to himself quietly. Prone to unpleasant dreams for as long as he could remember, their frequency and vividness had taken a decidedly ambitious step up in intensity as of late. He used to be able to block them out by drinking, but now they were breaking through even the deepest stupors. Just as he was starting to orient himself to reality again, there was a knock at the door. Grumbling, he stumbled through the dark to answer the summons. Opening the door unsurprisingly revealed the innkeeper, who looked as unhappy to be making this call as he was to receive it. "My lord, you know how I appreciate the aid you've offered this town, but there have been three complaints tonight alone of shouting coming from this room. I owe you as much gratitude as any, but I am running a business here, and people are starting to check out early. You understand," she explained as politely as she could, seeing the state he was in. Sovellis nodded tiredly and wiped his hand over his face. "I understand. I can head out tomorrow. Thank you for being so patient with me. Sorry for being such a problem." "Oh no problem at all, sir, and thank you for understanding." She turned to leave, then paused. "If you don't mind me saying so, my lord, I would ask you to take care of yourself and dispel whatever evil it is that haunts you so. You deserve to be happy, or at least content." She looked nervous, but breathed a sigh of relief when he offered her a nod and a smile of appreciation. Shutting the door he turned back to the mess of his bed. He needed rest but feared what awaited him in the realm of dreams. Each of his nightmares seemed to center around his fears of the slowly aggregating consequences of his innumerable and consistently poor choices. Just like so many times before, he knew something needed to change. Reluctantly he climbed back into the unpleasantly damp bed to try and sleep. "Ugh, I wish you were here, Ishu. You wouldn't stand for me making foolish choices, you never did. Why didn't I listen to you back then?" Closing his eyes, he clutched the pillow tightly, an anchor to the reality where it wasn't too late, where he could still change his fate by making better choices. Or at least that's what he hoped. <------<<< So I decided to join the druids this time around. Ultimately, I would like to stay a ranger, because I love running and weight lifting and doing warrior dash and all that stuff. The reality is that I need to take care of some seriously more fundamental health and self care issues first. I am in the final stages of earning my doctorate in clinical psychology, which means applying for internship and working on my dissertation. This is intensely stressful and I have not been coping well. I need to find a better balance, learn to be okay being alone, and figure out how to consistently make good choices about self care. Specifically, I am going to focus on reducing my alcohol intake. Again. I tried this last challenge, but I think the structure I tried didn't work well for me, so I'm going to try something a little different this time. Goal 1: Do one academic thing each day. Goal 2: Do one fitness thing each day (lifting, yoga, running, archery, even taking a long walk, anything really other than sitting on the couch will count for this). Goal 3: Do one healthy self care thing each day (shower, read, meditate, play a game, going to be exploring options for this to see what works for me). Goal 4: Alcohol reduction. Each day where I do not drink at all, I get to bank 2 drinks for later, which I can cash in at any time. This means that after one dry day, I have 2 drinks available. After 2 days it would be 4, and so on. I cannot earn any drinks without having at least one dry day. If I manage to stick to this, it will significantly reduce my weekly consumption. I think it stands a better chance of working because it is a reward system that leaves the power of choice in my hands, so I don't feel like I'm being deprived or punished.

Huzzah, it's time for another challenge I had a tough time deciding which guild to be in this time around, but settled on the Druids because A) I'm still working on that inner peace thing and B ) although my long term goals are more assassin based, my current goals are more yoga based. So here I am, all bright and shiny and ready to go 2 Year Quest (November 2016) - be halfway to silly and badass ideal Run 6 miles w/out stopping OR run 3 miles in under 30 minutesPull myself over a 6 Ft wall without help or supportedDo a gymnastic routine with a backflip, somersault and sustained handstand (must be to music)Current Quest (due date = 3/11/15) - reach "basic health" levels Walk 6 miles comfortably and faster than a 20/minute mileRun 1 mile without stoppingComplete BBW series 'with ease' (to be better defined later) Challenge Goal: "Stockpile" healthy habits for future growth Walk 20 minutes every day (must be in morning on work days) +2 STA Mini-Workout 5 times per week (alternating shoulder strengthening and back strengthening, daily stretches) +1 STR, + 1 DEX Eat only homemade treats during the holidays +1 CON Work <41 hours per week +2 CON, +1 WIS Practice "stopping" daily - meditate or use mentally restful activities as needed +2 CHAMostly, I'm trying to finish up some of my burnout recovery, and build up strength after a shoulder strain two months ago and my back going out 2 weeks ago, as well as replenish my mental reserves after last challenge's shock. I'm feeling positive - home life and work life have greatly improved from a few weeks ago, and this just feels like the right time to make lasting changes