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Hi! I'm Fedaykin, 25 yo female who loves to read, drink tea, dream and I'm currently interested in zero waste and minimalism. I've followed Nerd Fitness since I read the article on parkour but never stopped collecting underpants and started actually doing anything about changing my life. My reason for finally jumping in is a trio of events: I got promoted (yay, guest service team leader!), I caught and recovered from mono, and I realized that my life consists of working, sleeping, and sitting on my butt reading. My quest for this challenge is to build healthy habits. I will... Track what I eat every day. I want to see what I'm doing with my diet before I change it. Drink at least 60 oz of water a day (not including my daily tea). I constantly feel dehydrated and I know this is contributing to my lack of motivation to do anything. Exercise 5 days a week. Walk, run, bike, bodyweight exercises, anything beyond what I already do. I live close to a paved walking/biking trail, so as it becomes spring in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, I want to utilize this resource. Floss every night. I currently don't floss and it's a source of personal disappointment for me. Wish me luck! I plan to update at least twice a week.

So, last time I was on these forums I more or less disappeared from the middle of a challenge. A lot's happened since then: A low back tweak(which I have since recovered from), a Christmas trip to visit my Grandmother which ended up being much more somber than I expected, once I realized her state of cognitive decline - and a terrible case of food poisoning to cap it all off. Of course all of that was minor in the grand scheme of things. Two weeks ago, the love of my life was coming over for dinner. She had been down on herself, stressed out about her new job, as well as some lingering injuries that had prevented her from being as active as she like to be, and had taken a toll on both her fitness and body image. All the time I tried to be supportive. I always let her know I loved her, and I never doubted her a step of the way. I could tell she was upset, and so I asked her what was wrong. What ensued totally blindsided me. (Her) "I need to break up with you." (Gory details of conversation removed, as they don't really need to be on a public forum) (Me) "I'm really sorry I didn't do more for you when you needed it. I love you and want to do a better job helping you through this. What can I do?" (Her) "I don't want you to change yourself for me. There's nothing wrong with you, the problems are mostly in my head, but I don't think I can be happy with you over the long run and right now I just need to be alone" Long story short, there are several major stressors in her life(new job and family situation, among others), and I've always tried to be sensitive to that and do my best to be a positive factor in her life. She told me she was overwhelmed, stressed out, depressed, and "just needed to be alone right now", along with discussion of things that she needed that she didn't think I could do. And yet, as she walked out the door, she left me with "I love you." And so I am here. Single, again - when little more than a month ago we were looking forward to shopping for a house together. Right now I'm a bit of a wreck mentally, just trying to make sense of it all, and trying to avoid either blaming myself, or descending into bitterness and blaming my (now ex). She is truly a good person - she's going through some really tough times and deserves kindness and empathy, not anger. And so, that leads me to this challenge. Everything here centers around 1 point: Love myself. Heal. Goal 1: Get my head in the right place This has left me something of a cognitive wreck. Not to rehash my past too much, but this is the second time in my life that I've had a "Surprise! I'm leaving your life!" event with a significant other. Though the circumstances the first time were very different and more external to the relationship, I've long had a deep, dark fear of sudden abandonment by someone close to me due to events in my past. Between this The goal here is pretty simple: I'm going to do a few sessions with a professional to help me make sense of my head. The actual number of sessions is really more in the category of "as long as it takes" at this point. I need to stop blaming myself, and work on moving forwards - but at the same time I want to take an honest look at what I did and did not do as part of this relationship that might have contributed to problems. Long story short, I'm going to do what it takes to become a better person through this. I've got an appointment next Monday, and I'd like to do this weekly, at least in the near term until my thoughts are more under control. Goal 2: Stay positive So far I'm (mostly) doing okay at this one. Prior to this breakup I was mentally much stronger and healthier than I had been at any point during my adult life. I'm better equipped to deal with awfulness right now than at any point in my past, but I still need to stay strong, and not slip into negativity. The goal here is pretty simple - at least once per day, I will remind myself all the things I like about myself, and why I am a person worthy of love, who will find love again. For Today: I'm still in (nearly) the best shape of my life - and am doing well by most objective standardsI have a good job, and am regarded as a strong performer with high potentialI'm in good financial shapeI am intelligent, honest, kind, and loyal to a faultWhen I look in the mirror, I can honestly say that I like the person I see. I couldn't always say that in the past. Goal 3: Keep Moving I need to keep on doing things that are both good for me, and keeping up with my responsibilities as an adult: Go to the gym(or run outside) at least 6 days a week. It's OK if the emotional trauma leaves me mentally drained and I can't summon the will to do the same volume I'm accustomed to. It's not OK to lie on the couch in self-pity.Figure out what I'm doing with my house. Long story short, I'm in a situation where I've sold my house and I have a finite length of time to figure out what I'm doing for my next living situation. I need to lay out a strategy thereGet to work on my Masters' thesis. I guess this is one of the (only) bright sides to being single - once I get my head in the right place, I should be able to knock this out more quickly than I otherwise would have.Stay ahead of the curve at work. Lay out a plan of attack for the next several weeks so I can do my job efficiently and effectively. Eyes are on me, and now is not the time for excuses. Goal 4: Find someone new Okay, this is a process. There's no silver bullet here - but I'm 33, I generally hate the dating "scene" - whether it's going out to bars, or the whole online scene. The first goal here(along with getting my head in the right place), is to figure out an approach. I have some ideas, but still need to settle on a path forward. Here are some possibilities, among which I'll probably choose several: Join activity groups. Like-minded people often click when they meet.Reactivate online dating profiles: Online dating has generally been a disappointment for me(save my ex), but casting a broad net never hurts. Being in a smaller town is something of a liability here.Talk to friends: One of the best leads it talking to friends and seeing whether they know anyone that's a likely match. They know enough of who I am as a person to help find someone that might be a good fit, and the odds here are probably better than random individuals on online dating websites.The goal here isn't necessarily to find someone NOW - it's to do the right things, to give myself the best chance of success. What happens, happens. Updates will probably be more of a journal of my thoughts than workout logs. I will survive, and become a better person through this - though it will certainly take time. "Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find me, unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." -William Ernest Henley, "Invictus"

How to know when it's time to break up with your personal trainer? I hate confrontation, but my trainer is almost always late, be it 5-15mins late, and it bothers me!! I spend a good chunk of $$ on gym fees + trainer twice a week.. My hubby would prefer I quit the PT sessions and save the $100/week or whatever it is (but fully supporting my choice atm and would not let me quit my gym membership!!) So I guess, I could quit this gym, join another, I like it enough but not fussed..it has weights and the usual cardio stuff, lots of classes etc. Or create my own program (like SL5x5 and C25KZ and classes) which would be enough I think. He's introduced me to deadlifts..which he was surprised to find are my favourite.. I like him as a friend and don't want to disappoint, but at some point I need to say something? I also liked the nutrition advice - he pointed out Marks Daily Apple and from there I found you guys... Any help would be appreciated, atm I feel like I'm stuck in the situation? Just weighing the pros and cons of it all I guess!