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Well, last month was a personal growth opportunity. I think that's what we'll call it. A personal growth opportunity. I made some decisions. Well, two decisions: 1. I'm not going to try to be happy anymore. Does that sound weird? I know it sounds weird to me too. But I'm so unhappy trying to be happy all the time, so I'm done. I don't have to be happy. In fact, not only am I not going to try to be happy, but I'm going to give myself permission to be as miserable as I feel in that moment. I looked back at the last year and all the things that happened to me and my family, and I said "Of COURSE I feel depressed! I have LOTS of good reasons to feel this way!" Do you know the weird part? The great sense of relief that comes with letting go of the idea that I need to be happy. I feel lighter. 2. I'm going to work REALLY HARD to lose weight. I'm going to write everything down in a stupid food/exercise journal, and I'm going to get weighed again and dammit, I'm going to LOSE WEIGHT. I'm back to 240 pounds and it's SO uncomfortable. FORGET THAT. I'm aiming for 1550 calories a day, and 300 calories of exercise a day. Yesssssssssssss. And NOT injuring myself. Also, I'm back to cutting out a lot of junk food. Sugar makes me an itchy-bee. Soooooooo mean. I've broken it down to smaller goals. First Goal: 12 pounds. Let's see how much weight I can lose when I give it my all. There should be pictures here. There WILL be pictures here. Someday. Maybe. :-D Maybe this month will be more like a text adventure game: You arrive at an old house. The curtains are drawn and there's a package in front of a closed door. There's a sign on the lawn that says "Keep off the grass!" Due north is the backyard, while the sidewalk you are standing on goes east to west. >