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THE SILVER ARCHER: BOOK II Chapter 5: Solo Mission The theme of this month's challenge is really about self-care. I feel like I've been doing a lot of that lately and I'm more than ready to get back to butt-kicking, but as the sun rises on Week One, I will be in a van driving ten hours away from the only hometown I've ever known, preparing to spend three months working an incredibly high-stakes internship, living with two strangers (and their cats!), learning the rhythm of a metropolitan region, and basically upending every imaginable portion of my currently quiet, happy, predictable Midwestern life. Recipe for freaking out. So this month, I will be laying out goals to help myself stay centered and not withdraw into a melty puddle of panic during the move and subsequent transition. Week Zero will be move-related goals; the main challenge will help me check in with my morning and evening routines, make sure I'm eating well, and try to work in some physical activity to release stress and keep me feeling good. This will also be a fluid challenge, as I don't know yet what my daily routine at my internship is going to look like (other than the fact that it begins way earlier in the morning than the night-owl schedule I've been keeping) and what is going to be feasible and realistic. I may create small sets of goals at the beginning or end of each week instead of one big set at the beginning of the month. Tomorrow I'm going to create a plan to help me finish packing and getting all the utilities turned on properly (everything is in progress, just not getting accomplished as quickly as I'd like), and this will guide me in the second half of Week Zero. Yoga and physical therapy exercises must happen too, and eating reasonably despite stress and sharks. And lastly, Sky's narrative may or may not appear in this challenge, just to be realistic. But whether or not I find time to write it down, I am very aware of what she is doing currently, and she and all the wisdom she has gathered over the last few months are close with me while I pack and prepare for my own "solo mission", as she prepares to set out into the forests of Middle Earth and uncover the Dark Elf's latest evil scheme.

I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SHARE Overview Since I first started doing challenges, I've known there are sort of "4 pillars" of fitness that I thrive under - walking, eating primalish, yoga/mobility work, and strength training. Every one of my challenges includes these in some way or another, although the eating is a big question mark right now. Last challenge, I was overall pretty good. I did a ton of work on reducing stiffness and increasing mobility, and I was overall very active. Last challenge, I also confessed my secret dream of doing a triathalon despite wobbly cycling, an inability to breathe while I swim, and constant running injuries. I made less progress in these areas. So like any good ranger, I am working on goals related to these three areas on top of my 4 pillars. I also had wrist surgery last October after struggling with wrist pain for a little over a year. That whole process really forced me to cut back on pushups / dips and I've seen a huge reduction in overall strength, which is frustrating. On top of that, I'm also trying to get back into Aikido, which I stopped doing after I moved in August / had to have wrist surgery. And of course I might as well throw some sort of non-fitness goal in there too, right??? Is this way more things than is reasonable? Yes. But a baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do. Honestly, I'm frustrated with how weak I feel. And I'm waaaaay overly scared of trying new things (like going to a pool I've never used before). So I'm going to try to embrace the baby mindset and accept that I am where I am, but I've gotta do the things anyway. PILLAR 1: Flexibility If I do yoga or other flexibility work, I feel about 60% better even if I do nothing else. I feel good in my body. I don't feel stiff. I feel more in tune with my needs. I've done 18/30 days of this year's Yoga With Adrienne Challenge. I want to finish the remaining 12 videos this month. Continue slowly integrating MWOD stuff into my routine and reading Becoming a Supple Leopard. No specific goal here other than to keep trying to do the sessions regularly. Continue doing GST videos 2x/week (45 minutes each), skipping yoga on GST days ROADMAP: At the end of the month when these things are done, I can: A - pick up the third and final GST stretching video, B - Sign up for some in person yoga classes, and/or C - Do a 14 day mobility challenge using either Becoming a Supple Leopard or Ready to Run. PILLAR 2: Walking I work from home and don't have a very active social life. If I don't deliberately take the time to walk, I do not walk. Ever. And I really like walking and hiking. It's also just really important for basic health because people are meant to walk. Walk 16 miles per week (2 miles weekdays, 3 miles weekends) - this only counts deliberate walks and not overall steps/distance, although TBH there's not a huge difference. PASS: 12 miles. EXTRA CREDIT: 20 miles. For each week I do extra credit, I can put $10 towards hiking/backpacking gear goals. ROADMAP: Start rucking again now that I have a better backpack for it, begin exploring local hiking trails more. PILLAR 3: Strength Pretty self explanatory. I seem to naturally be pretty strong and I like doing strength work, but I have a lot of recovery to do after surgery, etc. Do at least 2 startbodyweight sessions per week, and do at least pullups and pushups in a 3rd session (exception - for Zero week I'll just do 2 sessions and an OCR workout without the extra push/pull work) ROADMAP: After a month or so of consistency, re-evaluate whether I want to push forward or switch tactics. Options include: Keep going until I feel stuck on startbodyweight (aiming for 3x/week?) Redo/finally complete GMB Elements program Look into actual lifting at a real gym Look into GST foundations program Look into GMB integral strength program Intro class at local crossfit place (there's one where the coach is also a certified running coach) PILLAR 4: Food Kind of a mess, tbh. I don't even know where to begin here. I'm doing a lot of slow and mindful exploration right now, so it's hard to set a concrete goal. Eat 5 servings of freggies/day. PASS: 3 veggies specifically. EXTRA CREDIT: 3 consecutive days. For any 3 consecutive days, I accumulate $10 towards a kitchen gadget or fancy food of some sort. I may need to recalibrate this as I go. Triathaloning The big challenge here is just getting out and doing a couple things that make me nervous. Once I've done them I'll be fine, but that initial 20s of courage keeps stopping me up. From there, it's a matter of establishing the basic skills. It may require lessons - tbd. Take my bike in for that tuneup and go on at least one real outdoor ride (I've been delaying because it's winter, but it's not actually really snowy at all here so I can go out.) Weekly cycling session, increasing by 5 minutes total time each week Go swimming. Just get there and figure out how to use the swimming facility. It doesn't even matter what I do. Just do it at least one time. Continue trying to run without injuring myself Get running gait analysis on the 12th to help diagnose form issues ROADMAP: Start working towards 2.5 hours of aerobic work per week to establish a good base Aikido Visit the 2 closest dojos and observe sessions - either sign up for one of those or explore the other dojos in the area. By the end of the challenge, my goal is to know where I want to practice and to sign up somewhere. Non-Fitness I already meditate/practice Japanese through duolingo daily, but I feel like I don't spend enough time on self improvement / learning outside of fitness. FRUGAL FEBRUARY. I do this every year and have already started for the month. No extra purchases at all allowed for the month. Exceptions: Book I already preordered that comes out on Feb 6th & 1 REI purchase since I have a $20 gift card that is going to expire and I want to use it Spend 2 hours/week on some sort of personal development - I have a bunch of things it can be and for now I'll just choose freely based on what I feel like doing - whittling or other creative exploration, work related reading, python, harmonica practice, etc. Do 1 thing/week to connect with my father Prioritization This is a lot of things, so there will be times when I can't do them all. I definitely want to make strength work priority #1. If it's a choice between that and something else, I'll prioritize the workout. Everything else is about even. Flexibility work is even with walking. Aikido is even with swimming and getting a bike tuneup. Running is a slight priority over cycling, but they're about the same.

I just started throwing pebbles in the ocean of life to see how far the ripples reach. I have an idea of where I'd like to be, but don't really have a clue or care how I get there. I am a blank slate. Deconstructed and abstract. My stats: 5'2" Female Medium build 155lbs No major known detrimental health problems/limitations No prescriptions Time wasting at work. Summer is so quiet. Quite nice. Let's me think and focus on me. The days are as slow as molasses but I don't care. Let's me practice living in the present and be alone with my thoughts except for the occasional beggar. DAY ONE of logging my pebble ripple journey thing at least here. I've been doing lots of logging elsewhere, but this will be way more personal. Way more public. Way more uncomfortable. I have been calorie counting for a couple of months now. Only finding it is more difficult and way less healthy and less effective than the low carb way of eating I've experimented with. I am never satiated and always grumpy and obsessing over the scale. I found if I eat more than 900 calories, I gain weight. Definitely going back to low carb ---- meats and veggie---- this coming week. Oooh Assasin's Creed theme music is playing on my Pandora. Will I play the game tonight? Maybe, maybe not. I have too much to do to get sucked into 18th century France again forever eating away at my life and the summer's waning days. Sorry, squirrel moment. Today, I had a sausage biscuit with cheese at McDonald's. Damn little things are too addicting to be real. It may not be my last but will certainly be for the next month at least if not more unless by some magical pill the very thought of them makes me sick. I had half a serving of Noosa mango yogurt for lunch. Yumm Just finished half a serving of Atkins Dark Chocolate Royale Shake. I have not eaten enough today obviously, and yes I'm feeling the effects. Emotionally down and weak and mushy brain. It is my work out day. I'll eat a nice piece of chicken breast and drink some hot green jasmine tea after my workout. That will help. My workout will consist of the following: Chuck Norris' Total Gym Machine Thingy 3 sets 12 repetitions seated bicep curls seated chest presses Body and Free Weights 3 sets and 12 repetitions squats with two 25lb dumbbells good mornings with one 25lb weight Boxing 4 -45 second rounds punching the punching bag and walk/run on the treadmill to the highest intensity possible Outside Walk around the neighborhood with the dog (1/2 a mile maybe??? not sure, never measured). My fiancé and I do this together and alternate our sets in our little makeshift gym at home listening to the loudest angriest music to keep motivated and going strong throughout the entire workout. Definitely going to have to add a little something to the routine next week, as I am no longer sore after the workout. Still feels good though. I'll let my fiancé do the planning. He is the coach after all with the exercise science degree. I don't have a clue what to do next. Suggestions welcome! Well, that be all for now. I'll see to it that I track my day again tomorrow. A practice - in self-discipline.

On an adventure to find myself, to not only feel and be healthier on a journey to massive lifestyle changes about as intimidating as Mordor, but an inner emotional change that has me overwhelmed, humbled, and scared to pieces. I had an epiphany not so long ago that I've been everything to everyone else but myself and in that process have never gotten to know ME. I don't know who I truly am! I am nearly 40 and I don't know who I am and I'm getting married soon! Luckily, the man I've found is willing to support me as I find my voice. Do I have the courage and the discipline to see this change through? I have no clue because I've never truly gotten to that finish line. I'm a little quitter! I've been chasing tails never really getting any where and am now completely turned around and lost. I've never been this emotionally low in my life. I've hit as rock bottom as I've ever felt or ever want to experience. Any lower and I don't think there is any hope left for turning my life around. So here I am. I can't say "again", I can't say "I'll do it this time" again, I can't say "I promise to meet my goals" again, because IT HAS NOT WORKED for me for 10+ years. I have no motivation for myself. I don't know how I'm going to find it, but I've made a choice to start here among rebels, to take that first step into some unknown force to see what it reveals about me! I don't know how I'm going to do this. Number one short term goal and priority I have 6 weeks to look good in that dress! I started this year with a goal to lose 36 pounds. I can celebrate a 16 lb weight loss to-date, but have failed to meet my initial goals of weighing in at 135lbs by May 31st (7.2 lbs a month). So I ask: Can I lose 15 pounds in 6 weeks healthily? I've been practically starving myself for a month to break my 155lb plateau unsuccessfully. I've started exercising more this month, but feel I need to bump that up even more and truly test my limits. My mindset now is if I weigh 140 and look good in that dress, I'll be a happy purring kitty cat. mrrow! mrrow! mrrow! I'm a cat! Lifestyle and lifetime goals eliminate coffee, drink green tea eat Primal 80% be green increase my wind (lung capacity) stand up for what I believe in and be able to explain why walk the talk stop eating fast food think scientifically think strategically gain some self discipline mountain bike with confidence and cross that stupid little bridge I can't seem to bring myself to cross! gah! learn Yang style Tai Chi play the piano and the violin climb all of Colorado's fourteeners practice yoga and mindfulness daily stop the negative monkey brain thoughts gain confidence in myself, my skills, my talents believe in me exercise my creative talents, and create an artistic library worthy of, well ME! ride horses often and compete at least once in equine dressage, jumping and eventing. volunteer start my business and succeed become a gaming Goddess ask more questions continue be a student of life test my limits cry out loud laugh out loud Not asking much at all. =P I fancy personifying myself as an amalgam my favorite heroines: Elizabeth Bennett Ayla Maid Marian Galadriel Thanks for listening

Balsquith doesn't give up My last challenge started strongly and ended not all that badly, but was under attack from life (and injuries) a lot which made it feel like a losing battle. Still it was, hopefully, a great learning experience and one which I can transfer almost directly into this challenge, as..... my goals will be the same! This feels a little bit like a cop-out, but I view all of these goals as core and if I can't get these down I don't want to distract myself by doing something else. So my goals are: Goal 1: Get up to my alarm Frequency - Daily Tactic - Set alarm sensibly to give 8 hours sleep Criteria - Out of bed within 5 minutes of alarm Bonus - Every 7 days on my chain unlocks something good (to be decided) Goal 2: Regular exercise Frequency - At least 3x per week Tactic - Go to gym to ask trainer about working around injuries Criteria - Any concerted effort counts as exercise Goal 3: Plant-based diet Frequency - Daily Tactic - Ensure breakfast fulfils criteria to ease the blow of life getting in the way later Criteria - At least 50% of meals must be heavy on vegetables Goal 4: Useable German Criteria - Acrue 14 points a week (30 minutes study = 1pt, courage to speak to someone = 3pts)

Challenge number the umphteenth. I am batting on a good wicket. Things are improving, even if it is slowly. My weight and eating habits are under control. I do some exercise every day. I meditate every day. But everything for me is a bit wishy-washy, I do not have any hard rules. James Clear talks about Bright-Line rules, so for this challenge: - I do the important things first. Challenge stuff that happens late at night is Wrong - Mondays and Wednesdays are input-deprivation days. I've done a week, and completely relapsed, so this is important. 1. Be kind and grateful My ongoing quest to have a happy mind. Kindness is almost natural now, but I have to start work on gratitude. 2. Be brave Don't sneak. I have become aware after watching this how often I hide things I do from people. Time to stop doing this. 3. Be strong Yoga is daily, even if it is only a mini session, but I have to get to the weights again. Since the power cage is 5 meters from my bedroom door I do not really have any excuses. My hip trouble seem to be past, and it is time. 4. NaNoWriMo That time of the year again. My fifth year of doing NaNo. Edit: And two I forgot about 5. Laptop of at 9, bed at 10 I've done this before, it was good. 6. Make one knife a week Just to stop me fiddling around.

Hello Everybody, My name is Aaron, a little about my self and my journey. I was one of those kids that played sports all throughout my child hood, So I'm not a stranger to physical activity. I played football, wrestled, and played lacrosse, when I wasn't involved in sports I was totally nerding out on video games and comic books. After high school I joined the Marines and served my country for six years and was deployed to a combat theater on three separate occasions. During this time I was probably in the best cardio shape I had ever been, weighing in at about 170, Most of my life I have been a chubbier kid but I always had a good strong foundation under the layers of mountain dew and cool ranch doritos. I left the military due to a medical separation, I tore every ligament in my left knee and have no cartilage left and have had four surgeries to correct this issue. As you can imagine this played havoc on my work out routine or really doing anything physically active. Even through that I still managed to stay in the gym and make some gains but I never really achieved the results I wanted because my diet was probably the worst it could have been. I got married at 29 and started a new job, this new job required me to be on the road for months at a time. During this time my diet took a turn for the worse(worse than before) and I ballooned up. When I got home from traveling my ex wife didn't recognize me and let me say she was no longer interested in me. That feeling of her being uninterested lasted for a long time and she finally decided to call it quits last July and moved out. The divorce was finalized in Sept. and I kind of went into a free for all of depression, anxiety, which was compounded by PTSD. I was like this for months, until my 32 Bday in Jan I looked in the mirror and couldn't believe that this was the person that I became and I didn't like it one bit. So I snapped a before picture to remind myself of what not to let happen again. So I went back to what I knew best, lifting weights. It worked well for a few weeks, I got stronger and my fat clothes finally werent being stretched to the max. I was kind of just fumbling my way through. Then I came accross NERD FITNESS and I was instantly intrigued and figured I would read through the page and gain a lot of knowledge. I was really impressed by how thorough and complete and fun the site was. I have been a member of Bodybuilding.com since it came out although its a great resource I didn't feel like I fit in that culture. So after immersing myself into this site and the Paleo diet I can say since Jan, I've gone from 5'9 267 to 5'9 214 and have gotten really strong. I couldn't have done it with out this website and am very happy to finally be joining the community. Thanks for letting me let some steam out, -Aaron "Winter is coming..."

Balsquith's 10th Challenge Sadly I have let myself go a bit of late and all of the useful routines I had developed have disappeared. This challenge is therefore a bit of a much needed reboot. I will be keeping it simple. Goal 1. Get up when my alarm goes off – every day I like this goal even though it has been my eternal nemesis. When I do get up to my alarm instead of dozing I generally feel less tired and have more time to do things. That said it is a fiendish habit that I have never quite got going in the long term. Requirement: Simple. Get up when my alarm goes. The time the alarm is set for does not matter, although this links to goal number 2 in some ways. Goal 2. Get 8 hours sleep - every night This is in many ways more about being organised than anything. I need to plan my days out better and being more consistent with when I go to bed and get up is a good basis for this. Requirement: Simple. Go to sleep, get up 8 hours later. Goal 3. Exercise - every day This sounds like a stupid goal that is not very feasible in achieving, but my definition of exercise in this case just involves doing specific exercise of some sort with no lower or upper time limit. I just want to get into a habit of doing something active every day. On top of this I do actually have a more detailed plan of what I want to achieve, but the important part is to start making it a thing I do often, rather than once a week or once a fortnight. Requirement: Simple. Exercise every day. Goal 4. Courage – Every day I tried to get this goal to work a while ago but it only half worked as I wasn’t as well planned as I should have been. That said, it was a great goal and really pushed me so I want to have another go at increasing my courage. The strategy is to talk to someone in German every day. This is potentially easy as I live in Austria, however, it is actually incredibly difficult as I tend to shy away from ever trying to speak in German. To make sure that this works I have created a list of situations that I can put myself in so that I always have the opportunity during the day to speak German (this is where I failed last time – it is much easier to cop out if you wait for an opportunity to present itself). Requirement: Simple, but very tricky. Speak German to a stranger every day.

At this point I need a non-fitness related challenge to level up. It seems a trend among monks Target 1: fight the telephone (and win) As of today I officially failed my life quest of last challenge. I have the name and the number to call, but I panic every time I have to pick up the phone. I have never liked to make phone calls, but this thing has become unmanageable. So, this is my big task for this challenge: call hospital and make an appointment with the surgeons. And since all this should happen in Dutch, I had some daily Dutch practice: 5-10 minutes of conversation with a colleague at work, or read a couple of articles in the newspaper. Summarizing: make the appointments (WIS +3)speak Dutch 5 days/week for 5-10 minutes (minimum) and read in the weekend for 30 minutes (CHA +2)Target 2: fight CHAOS (and win) I am messy and I want to make my house decent again follow Flaylady baby steps (CHA +2)Target 3: fight the software bugs (and win) At the moment we are quite busy at work, with a big delivery planned for the end of the year. The guy who was supposed to work with me is having health issues that do not allow him to work in front of a monitor for more than two hours per day, which is quite a problem if you develop software for a living. I manage to cut down the requirements to the bare minimum, but there will be a lot of pressure on my shoulders until the end of the year. To keep my balance I want to make time every day for meditation (15-30 minutes) and for outdoor activity (at least 30 minutes on top of the hour I need to bike back and forth from work). And of course I need to eat well and to sleep (no long coding nights) Summarizing: meditate 15-30 minutes daily (WIS +1)karate outdoor 5 days/week (working days) (DEX +2)walk 2 hours on Saturdays and Sundays (STA +1)sleep 50 hours per week (7 hours/day, but I use the average per week to give me some room) (STA+1)eat daily according to plan (2 meals per week are free) (CON +2)Target 4: plan next fights I realized that I don't have a long term plan, something that I want to achieve in the coming years. And for what is there I don't really have a plan. So, I'll do some brainstorming session with myself and report here weekly. By the end of this challenge I want to have a plan for the next 2 challenges (WIS +.25)something (at least 1 thing) I want to achieve by summer time (WIS +.25)something by the end of 2015 (WIS +.25)at least two item after 2015 (WIS +.25)As usually there will be a spreadsheet to track everything. There will be some wife-days in, so there could be some re-shuffling

Looking at how my life has been lately, I may bring up dark topics, like depression, suicide, sadness, vulnerability... 1) I will commit to one Random Act of Kindness every week Jitters suggested it'd be helpful to look for opportunities to help other people. Not just opening a door for someone, or a compliment, but something they will remember, and smile about. 2) Zenhabits 1000 cuts "Over the previous challenges, I have several times tried working out as a solid set of bodyweight exercises with a warm up, exercises and streching. It has felt intimidating and pressing to obsess over it and have it as a unyelding chunk. Then, during the Planksanity I found it fun to do planks in small 1-2 minute doses over the day. So it turns out The Zenhabits Thousand Cuts Fitness Program, as described there, http://zenhabits.net/1000-cuts/ is small things along the day. A few pushups there, a pull up when you pass the bar, run when you feel like it. Making them more frequent, harder and preferably something playful given time. So for future comparison, run until I have to stop, 10 push-ups or 1 minute good-form plank are sufficient each for one point." This has worked before, I got results with it, I felt better. I can do 10 push ups, a little planking, a few lunges... I feel like shit sometimes, both mentally and physically. Human beings are meant to move, and when that doesn't happen, it leads to all kinds of problems, right? So I have to get off my butt. 3) Find three significant / beautiful / good things I am grateful for, every day. (I remember Liberator did the same thing before, so tip of a hat her way ) There has to be, and are, good things in my life, I know it. I forget/don't want to look for them sometimes, and still they are there. I am alive. I bought vegetables instead of candy. My workday wasn't a complete disaster. I still did some productive things. 4) Go to work, every day, on time, and do focused, productive work. Last week, I used almost three full workdays on computer games, NF and other shit not related to work. That is unacceptable. I am not proud of it. They pay me to work there, and then I cheat on them like this? Makes me feel horrible. I wouldn't go and steal from the cash register, or lie to my co-workers, but what I am doing is so close I might as well have. It isn't right. I do not want to be that kind of a person. Also, I will not cut a single meeting with my therapist, and I will be honest with them.

A fair warning: This thread may still contain thoughts of suicide, depression, and dark and sad emotions. I feel I cannot and do not want to clean those away. To me, fluffing it away would be a another kind of lie. It is not wise to be so immensely honest. I probably going to tell things other people would think thrice to tell anyone. If I ever am going to make waves and go out in the public to do great things, some bastard (or worse...) is going to look out for my weaknesses, and use them against me. There are people like that. But there is also people who this will help, and give strength to, and make lives more loving and beautiful! Those I help, even only a few, are more important than some hurtful S.O.D delibrately looking out ways to hurt other people. Or my personal hurt, if that happened. But what if this will be used to hurt those I love? That's what I'm scared for. After you've read this, I would appreciate help about this matter. I am so young I do not know the dynamics of the Internet. At which point doing what feels right meet the limits of caution of common sense? The worst case scenario: If I was a parent, and a random jackass came and said: "Yeah, your son had depression and suicidal thoughts, right? So did you fail as a parent?" it would hurt tehm like seven hells... And even if they would understand my need for excruciating honesty, it would still hurt them badly. ----------------------------------------- Brene Brown's work inspired this challenge, and I am grateful for stumbling into her talks. http://blog.ted.com/2012/03/16/being-vulnerable-about-vulnerability-qa-with-brene-brown/ https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame I try convey the impression she has had through this challenge write up, but it will be imperfect. Things marked in this post "in quotes" are all direct quotes from Brene. *breathe...* Getting a name for the core fear of myself, the fear of vulnerability and shame, felt so real and important, and also really icy fear scary. I have big issues with this, but I know there's a way out, and I will love myself. I know that. It ain't easy, but I know I can do it. Do you know those people who like to hurt other people from the sheer joy of it? My inner critic, Demonemon I named him, is one of those. And he is a part of me, because if I curl up, put up walls and nurse my hurt and let it all get to the point of... You see where this is going? Not pretty. I will very easily remember again I am not good enough, I am a bad person, good for nothing, I am not worthy of love... Hypocrite. Hurting other people. Dark dark dark. It is a lie, I know, but it hurts the same as someone came and dug up one of the worst things from the box of hurts you keep locked... Those sudden times, I am not strong enough to believe it. But oftentimes, I can also love myself! You know, the amazing feeling of "worthy of loving and belonging" "I am enough", I am a good person. I can take mistakes, make the best of despite them and find good sides of almost all of my darkest thoughts... And forgive myself. 1) Go to work every day, on time and do productive work and the best I can. My practical placement is 5 months, and I know I will inevitably screw up, and it will feel like the whole world at the time. It is not. Whatever I feel, I will go to work and do good work, because I cannot let my personal pain hurt other people. I need an immensely good, indefiable reason not to go. And 99% of the time it is not, even if it feels like it. 2) [Reddit post Ryans gospel -> http://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/comments/1qbxvz/the_gospel_of_uryans01_helpful_advice_for_anyone Okay, this quote is from Ryan: "Rule numero uno - There are no more zero days. What's a zero day? A zero day is when you don't do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. -- -- Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That's rule number one. Do not forget." So, Non-zero for me is either: be something where I face my shame/vulnerablity or do something definitive towards my dreams, or otherwise do something I would regret not doing. But despite what was said, my self worth is not tied to achieving. List of things to count, but depends from the best I can do at the given day: This doesn't work, but I am too tired to change - I look at the list, and I am already overwhelmed by it, because most of the things has to be done consistently or they do not matter enough. And I cannot do it all consistently, just too much. It is a giant, terrifying 'if I do all this, I am good enough' to-do list from hell. ... Write something of your own. Plan the trip abroad a bit. Practice Japanese. Visit a gym to ask if they have personal trainers to teach me bodyweight exercises. Find a traceur(s) to practice parkour with from my hometown. Work out. Cook a new recipe/eat a helthy meal. Reach out to people, old friends and new ones. Reach out of my way to help someone. Reveal an idea I might get negative feedback from. Do something differently. Stand out and make waves. 3) I will strive to love myself fully, flaws and the good and bad and the whole package that is me, so that feeling is not dependent about anything happening outside me "You are worthy of love and belonging" - Starting by completing her worksheet full of important and difficult questions about shame 4) I will continue the Zenhabits 1000 cuts fitness program (fitness things in manageable chunks spread throughout the day) It is easy, and making results. The goal is to make it consistent throughout the challenge and make at least 120 fitness-things.

Barriers. Obstacles. Demons. Call 'em what you want, we've all got 'em. My goals this challenge are primarily focused on some big emotional/psychological barriers that are keeping me from moving forward in life. Now that I've got my diet and training program well-established, I feel like I have the personal resources to dig in and face some of the deeper issues that have been hovering like harpies over my life. In discussing this on my prior challenge thread, I heard some comments from other Rebels with similar goals, so I decided to set up this accountabilibuddy group. If you have goals this challenge that target anxiety, fear, stress-management, coping skills, personal demons, emotional obstacles, etc. etc. etc., and you want some support from your fellow Rebels, feel free to sign up. This is a cross-guild group and we only have one rule. (also, those were three separate tags: "cross-guild," "anxiety," and "fear" -- but for some reason when I hit publish, it combined them into one tag. weird.)