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So if anyone is a part of the Ladies Nerdfitness Academy Facebook page, you may know that I have been through some major shite these past few months. Because of that, my timing is way off. I realize I only have 13 days left, but, I'm going to start this anyway. So what am I going to do in these 13 days? Continue going to Planet Fitness and follow the personal trainer's advice (see rant below) Meditate the embarrassment, guilt, and desire out of myself. Get a short comic up. Get to Chapt 2 in my Japanese Language course 1. PF- see below rant 2. Meditate: I have a lot of anger/frustration to deal with. And have been dealing with. Considering my breakup I have about 14 years of emotional stress to deal with. I also have about 2 more months of family emotional stress to deal with. Plus, I have to deal with the fact that while the weight is coming off, there's a really good chance (I'm betting about 95% chance) of me being alone for the rest of my life. I was afraid of that for a long time which is why I stayed in a bad relationship for so long. But I got to the point where I'd rather be alone than deal with his bs. A lot of people say, "oh you don't know what Goddess/God/Creature from the Black Lagoon has in store for you" and that's right. But I also don't like The Game. The Dating/Relationship/Hookup/Swipe Right game. I'm 35. I'm not hot. I'm a nerd. I like reading, playing video games and watching martial arts movies. I'm not a girly girl. You call me that I will make sure your legs bend wrong from now on. I am in no way shape or form hot enough for some guy to come along and pick me. Plus we're in a stage of society where they don't even have to get into a relationship if they don't want, they just sign up for Tindr, find a hook up for the night and boom, instant happiness. That's not what I'm into, so I'm out. Now, that's not me being all man hatey, not at all. That's me saying they do whatever makes them (and the women who do the same) happy and that's great. That's just not for me. So I get to sit this one out. Now, it's hard to do that because guys are, unfortunately, attractive. So what I'm going to do is what the monks in temples out in the middle of nowhere do. I'm going to meditate that side of me away. I'm going to meditate so that I can: be more in the now not worry so much about everything forget companionship (I need to heal anyway) understand what life is about So what I'm going to do is every day for the next 13 days, continue with my Headspace meditations and possibly add some more. I think it's going to do me wonders. 3. Comic I had a comic strip going, then life got in the way. Now I'm going to axe that, and do something based solely on my experiences in the past, and it's going to be a very short story of an instance that happened. With some dragons, magic and a school for the magically talented thrown in. I have not read any Harry Potter minus like 20 pages, so I hope I don't overlap too much. I'll read it after I am done with my story. So on Wednesdays or Thursdays, I'm going to write/draw (depending on which section I'm on) part of the story. I'm going to try to make it 14 pages long so I will see how far I can go. 4. Japanese Japanese is coming along, I still remember Hiragana and most of Katakana, but I need to drill myself every single day without fail. If for no longer than 5 minutes. I have Memrise for that. But that book I have needs to be something I do every day regardless of anything else. So at least 10 minutes a day I am going to read and study Japanese. The Stats as it was before: Str +1 (37) Int: +1 (8.5) Wis: 1 (14) Chr: +1 (20.1) Agi: +.2(20.5) This is where I was last time. Now, I'm going to add a few things because of what happened to me over the course of the difference between May 30th and now: Str: +4 I started doing weights again, and pushups. I can do 5 regular big boy pushups now. No knees here. Oh and I joined Planet Fitness!* Int: +2 I started getting seriously back into learning Japanese and working on my comic publishing skills Wis: +5 I left the man who was emotionally abusing me for years. I stayed away. I also have realized that I can and will be fine on my own. And that I want a dog so I won't be quite the crazy cat lady. I'll be a crazy cat lady with a random dog. Totally different. Chr: +2 I went on an outting. Granted I screwed up royally on it, but, nothing happened that would have been worse than the sheer embarrassment that already did. I can deal with embarrassment. Also, I got purple highlights in my hair. Always wanted them, finally did it. Half as a tribute to Prince, half as a tribute to my Queen side. Agi: +2 I started running! As a result of Pokemon Go (Go #TeamValor!) I started walking again. Everywhere. I even went *gasp* TO THE MALL DUN DUN DUN I went everywhere and no kidding I was having a ton of fun. The only time I have not gone out and walked around/driven around/interacted with life outside my dragoncave is when depression really took over. Not gonna lie, that happens sometimes. I can't help it, especially now after such a major breakup. But Pokemon Go has pushed me to walk around and enjoy the sun, the other people I see playing, and avoid talking to people I know are playing it. Today I get: Agi: +1 I went out and ran a bit today. Now, I had done this somewhat in the gym at the complex when nobody was around but never have I ever willingly run in public before. I remember distinctly getting into a fight with the gym teacher in high school when she told me to run. I almost didn't graduate because of it. But today, I put my gear on, went outside, and did like maybe 2 minutes total of running. You know the Couch 2 5k thing where you do a few seconds running, few seconds walking..I did that. I'm kinda proud of myself today. That's all I got so far today. I just wanted to really post about how proud I am of my fat self jiggling around the sidewalks for all to see. Ok so my totals are as follows: Str 41 Int: 10.5 Wis: 19 Chr: 22.1 Agi: 23 *Planet FItness: Ok so I joined PF. I went in there last week, totally dishevelled. I swear to Goddess I looked like a serial killer. I was shaking, I was sweating (didn't help it was literally 101 out) I was so nervous I almost died. Not to mention I went to the wrong damn PF. Apparently I signed up at the wrong location but they were kind enough to realize I as slowly having a melt down and let me just talk to the one trainer here. Now I am 1000% sure that guy thought I was going to eat him. I told him I was super nervous and I apologized for freaking out, and I could tell he was kinda scared. So I told him what I wanted, to lift heavy things to be stronger, to do pull ups, pushups, start to run for distance, and lose weight. He nodded and told me to come back next week (tomorrow). I said okay and then proceeded to go stammer on a treadmill for about 20 minutes to try to relax. The entire time I'm freaking out looking at ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WERE NEVER EVER THERE ALL THE 15 TIMES I GO DRIVING BY AT THIS SAME HOUR WHICH MADE ME WANT TO SIGN UP IN THE FIRST PLACE . I swear the place was jam packed full of all these people...I only went there because I was told that "nobody ever really shows up". BULL SHEIT. There were no joke 25 to 30 people in there. I was horrified...easily the fattest person in there. So tomorrow I get to go back again, to watch all the skinny/buff bastards who don't even need to be in there that day watch the short fat purple hair'd dragon jiggle her large ass all over the place bein sweaty and whatnot #breathes fire I HATE GYMS!!!!!!