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Feels a bit abrupt to drop back into the NF forums after being away so long, like :poof: I’m baaaack! I’m hanging out with the Adventurers for awhile (my previous couple years’ worth of challenges were done as a Ranger). It has been so long since I’ve been active, and my entire life/routine/body has changed so much in the past two years, that I have no idea what type of activity/lifestyle I’m into now. So, for now, I walk, I hike, I eat a mostly healthy diet that doesn’t fit into any particular category (mostly working on dialing down my sugar consumption without reawakening my disordered eating dragon who has been kept meekly at bay for 4 years now), and I work on my mental health (a host of other dragons). I’m a bit late in posting, but I started my challenge right on time on May 28. I’m easing back into the NF challenge arena with a simple challenge based on streaks. My challenge is intentionally gentle at this early stage. I am 6 months postpartum with my first (and only!) little, and it's been quite a ride so far. I am struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety as well as new variations of old body image issues. I am also pursuing a promotion (with a big increase in responsibility) at work, so I’m stretched to the point where it’s still manageable but I know I can’t add too much more to my plate. While I do have long-term goals for my weight and health markers, I am also working on being gentle with myself at this early stage as I ease back into the mechanisms of a NF challenge in my new postpartum reality. The Streaks: @=completed, X=missed, =gold star day [Nutrition] Eat a vegetable with two meals every day. Gold Star if I manage to find a way to make vegetables palatable for breakfast. Week 1 - @@@@@@ Week 2 - @@@X@@@ Week 3 -@@@@@@X Week 4 - @@@X@@@ [Health] Drink two of my big stainless water bottles full of water every day. Gold Star if I manage three full bottles in a day. Week 1 - XX@X@@X Week 2 - @@@XX@ Week 3 -XX@X@@@ Week 4 - XX@X@@X [Fitness] Walk for 15 minutes every day. Gold Star if I walk for 30 minutes in a day (can be broken into multiple walks). Week 1 - XX@XXX Week 2 - XXXXXXX Week 3 - XXXXXXX Week 4 - XXXXXXX [Life] Write something, anything, for 15 minutes every day. Gold Star if I write for 30 minutes in a day (can be broken into multiple sessions). Week 1 - XXX@@X Week 2 - XX@@XXX Week 3 - XXXXX@X Week 4 - XX@XX@X One-off PowerUps: =complete Call new therapist and make an appointment. Go to first therapy appointment and make a decision about whether or not to continue. Set up auto-pay for my June bills BEFORE the late notifications appear (a new problem for me due to new-mom fatigue and forgetfulness). Get the new plants put into the garden before they all die of dehydration in their little pots. Go to my local Pride festival in June. (happy day! Last minute schedule change meant we could go!) Spend legit hang-out time with a friend. My challenge retrospective post will tally number and length of streaks, and number of Gold Stars and PowerUps obtained. Will update the streaks in this post, and will share progress reports in the thread below.

I am having the absolute pleasure of being in the middle of a major depression. It is a long time since it was this bad. Weirdly enough I do not have many suicidal thoughts, nor anger. I will get over it. Some simple goals for this challenge. 1. No random Internet before 8 in the evenings. 2. Post something every day on the forums. 3. Lights off before 10 at night. I think I am going to manage that.

I have decided at least for now to switch to a battle log since it seems that is mainly what my challenge logs have become... I have a few goals for 2015... I am gonna figure out this place and what my goals are and whatnot... anything goes here... this is a place for complete transparency

I'm sitting here in the break room at the bank, and I just ate lunch. The bank I work at is going through some radical changes very soon, and I have been proclaiming that I was going to go through some radical changes myself for years. For the most part, those changes have not came to fruition. I did score a good job, with potential to move up and I am working on that. Spirtiually and physically I am severely lagging behind. As I've done for years. Today is the day. No longer will I shrug off the things I know I must do to better myself.

So here I am again, more determined this time. Having been made redundant. And for the last four months dealing with the stress of that possibility resulting in me diving back into the bottom of a bottle and stopping my depression meds and counseling (I know I am an idiot for it, But that is cutting a long story short). So I have had a look at my life, and broken my current situation down into a list of things that are bad, good or I have no control over. Bad. Been made redundant. (Also a good thing) Family is ripping itself apart. (sister has split up with her husband, grandfather is in a home and doesn't even remember who I am and my parents are at each other's throats every time they think I don't know) Drink... World of warcraft Good Been made redundant. (I have to use this as the massive kick up the backside I need it to be. I have a degree [sure only a 2:2] but four years at uni should count for something) I have finally been signed off and completed all the training to be a cub scout leader (and have had a couple of requests to take on the district commissioner role. Which I won't do because I prefer the grass roots group level scouting over the admin side of it) No control Being redundant. My family issues. The thing I have lost since university where I was physically my healthiest and fittest is the accountability from my housemates. Without them I default into just sitting in front of a screen, or spending way to much time in the pub. So thats my download of all the crap I have. Now to work on getting back to where I was physically at uni. I just know that I can't do it without help, because something else is either more important that fitness or easier. If anyone has advice (Be as brutal as you want) I would be more than grateful. But I think the thing I need most is an accountabilibuddy Or a team of them. Telion, the ironically lost scout leader

I continue to struggle -thoroughly- with the same things over and over and over. So again: Selfcare and taking breaks. Kinda boring, isn't it? more soon

All around us, it was as if the universe were holding its breath . . . waiting. All of life can be broken down into moments of transition or moments of revelation. This had the feeling of both. G'Quon wrote, "There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities – it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender." The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain. Big Why I have respawned more times than I can count. And I think the main reason is that my big why wasn't strong enough, or big enough, or revisited often enough. I always start out strong but then something happens to disrupt the routine, or I get distracted, or lose focus, and it all comes crumbling down again. I was having a deep conversation with my partner and he said, "I wish you could just be happy with yourself the way you are, and I think you would be happier overall if you just accepted yourself as you are, instead of constantly trying and failing." I understand what he was trying to say, but I think there is a fundamental part of me that says, "You could be better." It says, "You weren't always like this, and staying this way is a failure." There's a logical part of it that says, "A healthier lifestyle would be good for your mental health because endorphins are a great remedy for depression," and "Most of your depression and insecurity comes from being unhappy with the state of your health and appearance, your inability to buy clothes, the loss of looks you once had under pounds of extra flesh, and being too unfit to do things you used to be able to do so easily." So, while I appreciate that he was saying what he said from a place of love and with the hope that I would love myself as much as he loves me, and be happy with myself in who I am now, I think that I will respectfully disagree. I deserve to be in the best condition I can be. I owe it to myself to look after my body. When I know what the right choices are, it makes no sense that I keep making the wrong choices. SMART Goals/Quest list This is a master list; I won't work on them all at once but I will work towards these big goals with the challenges. Nutrition: 1. Eating planned meals according to macros: 33P/29C/38F 2. Weighing and tracking food on MFP for at least 30 consecutive days 3. Phasing out carbonated drinks (including diet soda) in favour of water, tea and black coffee. 4. Cutting down on sugar and processed foods over time. 5. Reducing take-out meals to 3 times a week. Mental: 1. Getting control of my depression through meds and therapy. 2. Improving self-care such as brushing my teeth at least twice a day for a month. 3. Meditating every day for a month. 4. Overcoming social media addiction. 5. Updating progress here at least once a day. 6. Using my bullet journal to manage my time effectively. 7. Doing deep thinking about relationship stuff to improve our communication. 8. Tidying the apartment for 30 minutes every day. 9. Completing a konmari of the apartment before we move to Ecuador. 10. Quit smoking. 11. Developing real life, sincere friendships. Fitness 1. Exercising every day (30 day fitness challenge app). 2. Building a regular workout routine (on paper and in practice). 3. Developing a yoga practice routine on my rest days. 4. Spending at least 30 minutes outside each day (once I have left China and its air pollution). 5. Swimming at least once a week. 6. Do a 2 minute plank. 7. Do a pull up. 8. Run a 5k. 9. Climb a volcano. And if anything pops up to throw me off track, I will be prepared. After all,

Hey all! A week late but had a desire to do a challenge. Kind of went MIA when stuff wasn't quite working for this site and me. Personal issues, that ended up leading me to depression in quite a dark place. Bright side I'm working on it, but everyday stuff is still hard even though I can plan 6 months ahead of myself. I'm hoping this challenge shows some daily light to where the conflict is coming from underneath everything. Along with wrapping my head around, having a schedule doesn't make things boring it just adds a little control. Bright side- I'm still trying to continue on! I have professional supports, have things to laugh at/with daily, even with my troubles with my projects I still want to work in the field outdoors. Goals: Sunrise walking- filling a mental, physical and spiritual need to get to close to nature. I will figure out the minimum but being outside for at least 30 mins with the sun up will help. (Sunrise is around 7 at the moment... I haven't decided yet but throwing on clothes and going on a walk between 7-9 am is my goal) Some Structure- I'm needing some structure in my slightly chaotic life. My goal is to plan out my day on my google calendar by my hope to do what for many hours. From checking when my appointments are, eating, and getting myself to the library. Goals- will make at least 1 goal to follow through daily (however small or big, something to move forward with my life) Enough structure to help fend off depression and cope with my anxiety. While also observing what my daily battles are lie for my goals. Side goal- get my social connections/ support links on here. My depression has been very good on cutting myself off, but I love the atmosphere and over 2 years I'm still coming back.

Close your eyes and imagine for me if you can; you have spent the time, done the research and finally figured out what it is that is wrong with you. At least in part. You have been in more then a rut, you have been in part hell for over a decade. You have search back to when you were happy and full of energy and life and realize that perhaps the depression is linked to your health, that the extra fat and wacky hormones that it creates has been playing havoc on you. You realize that you have to go back to being fit again, otherwise you will not just die young, but will lose the rest of the things you love, that which you have not already lost to the depression. But fighting it head on is like pushing the boulder up a hill, and I will be damned if my head is going to be hazed by some pill. I have spent so much time researching how to get healthy, but refused to acknowledge my depression. How many times have you tried to fight the battle of the bulge and lost? Imagine trying to do it with a millstone hanging from your neck, but you refuse to acknowledge the damn stone. I am depressed. Yes, I appear jovial and happy most of the time, but that is when I am around people. When I am alone, which is far too often, I am either sleeping or magnetically bound to the chair in front of my computer. Temple of the Dog described my life far too well so many years ago. I'm listening to that song now, while I fight the tears welling in my eyes, because the truth hurts so hard, but the specter of my looming failure stabs even deeper. How do I fight this thing that has had me beaten for so long, and while I have so much yet still to lose. I know now I have to come at it sideways. It's kind of funny, but when you research natural treatments for depression there is a huge overlap for fat loss, HUGE. Sleep better, exercise more, eat right, take these certain supplements. But I'm not trying to lose weight anymore, oh no. That is a symptom, perhaps a cause of my real problem. I am depressed, that is my demon, my monster, my dragon to slay. I am concentrating on treating that, knowing that by doing so, as a consequence my body fat will go down, and I will get healthier again. Before I was lost, now I am Sisyphus with a hammer, whacking off part of the boulder, throwing them up the hill, until I can finally reach the top. Pray for me, and ask yourself, do you have to attack it sideways too.

oops

Close your eyes and imagine for me if you can; you have spent the time, done the research and finally figured out what it is that is wrong with you. At least in part. You have been in more then a rut, you have been in part hell for over a decade. You have search back to when you were happy and full of energy and life and realize that perhaps the depression is linked to your health, that the extra fat and wacky hormones that it creates has been playing havoc on you. You realize that you have to go back to being fit again, otherwise you will not just die young, but will lose the rest of the things you love, that which you have not already lost to the depression. But fighting it head on is like pushing the boulder up a hill, and I will be damned if my head is going to be hazed by some pill. I have spent so much time researching how to get healthy, but refused to acknowledge my depression. How many times have you tried to fight the battle of the bulge and lost? Imagine trying to do it with a millstone hanging from your neck, but you refuse to acknowledge the damn stone. I am depressed. Yes, I appear jovial and happy most of the time, but that is when I am around people. When I am alone, which is far too often, I am either sleeping or magnetically bound to the chair in front of my computer. Temple of the Dog described my life far too well so many years ago. I'm listening to that song now, while I fight the tears welling in my eyes, because the truth hurts so hard, but the specter of my looming failure stabs even deeper. How do I fight this thing that has had me beaten for so long, and while I have so much yet still to lose. I know now I have to come at it sideways. It's kind of funny, but when you research natural treatments for depression there is a huge overlap for fat loss, HUGE. Sleep better, exercise more, eat right, take these certain supplements. But I'm not trying to lose weight anymore, oh no. That is a symptom, perhaps a cause of my real problem. I am depressed, that is my demon, my monster, my dragon to slay. I am concentrating on treating that, knowing that by doing so, as a consequence my body fat will go down, and I will get healthier again. Before I was lost, now I am Sisyphus with a hammer, whacking off part of the boulder, throwing them up the hill, until I can finally reach the top. Pray for me, and ask yourself, do you have to attack it sideways too.

I am going to get my sleep routines back. I have done it before, and it was good for me, but for some reason I stopped. Rule 1: Computer off at 21:30, lights at 22:00, get up at 5 Rule 2: Push-ups and stretching. Rule 3: Clean every day.

Truthfully, It's been a more than a couple years since I've been on this website, so "soft reset" might be too generous of a term. Still, I'm the same person with the same issues---now I'm just working with different stats. I was at a big university, but struggling with my mental health a lot, so I'm at a community college for now. I've lost a lot of the healthy habits I built, and being at back at home now has made me less motivated in my physical health. Right now I'm planning to focus most on water intake and calorie tracking using MFP. I'm hoping this time around I can work on the right kind of mentality to achieve my goals!

Hello all, my name is Fluffy_Shark (or Fluffy for short) and this is probably my third time respawning. I am 22 years old. I struggle with depression and anxiety and currently go to school full-time while working part-time. Lately my stress has been through the roof and I've resorted to eating copious amounts of sugar, and drowning myself in the internet, all trying to escape from my stressful world. I have never liked how I look and I have always felt weak and unfit. I haven't worked out in nearly 4 months and I'm sick and tired of it. I have so many things I want to accomplish in life but I barely have the energy to get through the day. Even keeping my home clean, and general adulting tasks seem nearly impossible to complete some days. I am also extremely socially awkward, sometimes even hanging around my friends is tough. I am a negative person and get upset or jealous when others are happy around me, I really dislike this part about myself. I do this because I don't feel like I'm ever enough, I never feel like I'm doing enough. Despite everything going on in my life, I desperately want to incorporate fitness back into my routine. I was happier and had more confidence when i was doing that. I also want to make a more consistent effort to focus on my mental health. I know I need to get a counsellor and I will be booking an appointment with my school's councillor. Outside of that however I want to start reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy again. I also want to practice my art skills everyday to get into a competitive design program. So my goals right now are as follows: Physical Health: Complete 2 NF workouts a week for a month Eat 1 serving of veggies a day for a month Limit myself to 1 sugary treat a day (I currently eat 1-5 so this is a challenge for me) Mental Health: Read Feeling Good for 10 min-1 hour a day Art Skills: Practice drawing for 10 min-1 hour a day My actions to make it happen: Physical Health Workouts: write workout in bullet journal schedule for that specific day 1 week in advance, pack gym bag with needed materials and put it on my bed (so I will see it and think twice before just mindlessly reclining on my bed). Progress will be tracked on here, bullet journal, and StickK (There will be a $10 penalty for every workout missed OR rescheduled) Food: Write a veggie to eat that day in bullet journal schedule, make sure I buy lots of veggies on my shopping trips Treats: Keep track of treats consumed in bullet journal and here, for every extra treat, there will be a $2 penalty, always have some kind of healthy snack with me like trail mix Mental Health Place book on bed and track progress on here and in bullet journal Art Skills I have already informed my friend to keep me accountable of this but i will also record my progress in my bullet journal, StickK, and here ($5 penalty on every day missed), Placing sketchbook and medium to use that day on bed Hopefully this new system works. I tried to change too much all at once initially but I think this is manageable. My physical health, my mental health, and my art skills are my biggest priorites right now aside from work and school. Wish me luck!

BackStory: Hello, again my fellow Rangers! I've not been around at all this year despite multiple failed attempts. Truthfully this has been one of the most trying times in my life I have ever experienced. Within this past year, I've moved to a different city, put final preparations on my associate's degree, and had the most severe family problems. To top things off, I've been in a terrible haze of depression these last six months that I am only now starting to come out of. Since finally regaining a moment of clarity this month, I realized that depression had been my main foe all along when it comes to me being successful. Realizing this, I decided that I wanted to do something about it. My doctor recommended I take antidepressants and that is what I will be doing. However, I realize that medication is only a supplementation and I must put in the effort to achieve my goals as well. And so that is the point of this challenge, to simply start taking the small steps each day that will build into success. There is more to the story but for now, I just wanted to get this posted Without further ado, the challenge theme! Quest 1: Go Swole 4 days a week at 9pm (gym 4 days a week) Quest 2: Meditate every day at 5pm Quest 3: Knock sleep back by 5 mins every day Quest 4: Do anything related to my life's goals everyday (at the moment this is coding, writing, and cartography) Ranger Challenge Strength Feat: Complete 4 days in the gym Speed Feat: Row 1800 m in 10 minutes* Distance Feat: Run a full 2 half laps in park Combat Feat: Sign up for Archery Range Ranger Feat: Complete 4 mile Hiking trail despite the cold

where's the lie though? actual goal of this challenge: treat myself like my cats. when my cats do something wrong or make a mistake i don't judge them. i treat them with kindness and deal with the results of whatever just happened. so...the same goes for me. also, taking things one at a time. cats aren't stressing about things that may or may not happen. they just do whatever is in front of them I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THIS CHALLENGE AS IT IS 12:40 AM. but i think the sentiment is right. measurable ways of doing this...is one of tomorrow's goals. gotta do a 2017 reflection in my last challenge and then, 2018 i'm so ready for you.

Almost all of my attempts at doing this have been mostly failures, this is in fact due to my mental illnesses plaguing me night and day. Whether it's the small little voice in my head asking the dreaded What's the point? Or simply letting my anxiety convince me that it's not a good idea to do the thing. I know that I always say this is the time for real... and I mean it, I even trimmed up my beard drastically to prove a point. (Have no fear the bearded one is still here and will return in his full glory soonish). So: I'm thirty years old and reside in the good ol' South ( a place I rather despise), I'm a father, avid gamer and a wanna be author. Currently I am 280 pounds exactly, and apparently fluctuate between that and 275. My goal is to drop down beyond that point, and do the thing! Step one, is to monitor my calorie intake and make healthier food decisions, no matter how yummy my son's snacks look. Step two, ?????? Step three, exercise as much as I can daily if possible and that equals the outcome I wish to see. Danny Trejo believes in me, so I need to believe in me too..

This challenge is going to be simple. I am going to start a Couch to 5K program. That is where this entire journey started for me four years ago. I need the exercise. I need the commitment. I need to overcome the depression.

We are now entering winter. Usually in winter I dissolve into a pile of calories and weeping. Game plan: avoid that. So here's what we're doing. I'm dividing it into three categories: mind, body, and spirit. Mind: Discover new things. Read 2-3 nonfiction books this month. Continue the Great Musician Quest of 2017. (I have Apple Music now so sometimes I spend time wandering around "related artists" until I stumble into something new.) Time listening to music or podcasts doesn't count as "internet" time unless I'm actually surfing the Internet. Body: Try to maintain weight & momentum this month. Go to the gym 3-4x/week, preferably in the morning. Do my best to keep up those sick, sick gainz. Take progress shots to remind myself why I'm doing this. 1 dessert/day, max. Try to meal prep at least 2 meals/week. Spirit: Replace social media & mindless scrolling with things I care about. Do something creative every day. (Drawing, writing a tea or book review, crochet.) Outside of work, 1 hour on internet/day. 5 minutes on Facebook/day. Social media often leaves me feeling tense/jealous. I need to NOT. COOL IT WITH ONLINE SHOPPING, unless it's for someone else. (I don't have financial problems; I just have too much crap already.) AAAAND.... let's go!

It's been awhile since I've posted here, and of course I haven't done much to change my physique or anything else for that matter. But, that is ok, I forgive myself that I have severely slacked in my training both physically and mentally. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and due to that I have hardly any motivation to do much of anything save what I barely have to do scrape by to live. So, daily I'll do a post about what I've accomplished for the day and I'll try to share my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy homeworks for the day with you all. Today, I've managed to get through half of the Nerd Fitness Body Weight Workout, and that's sad because I used to to the full workout almost double what I'm doing now. I will get back to that and surpass my old accomplishments! I've read in numerous places exercise and proper diet also help with my mental issues, so I'm definitely game to do whatever it is I can to make myself better not only for me, but for my family as well. Stay tuned to topic updates and quest adds! Edit: Redbeard's Quest for Viking Body, Druid Mind! Perform the Nerd Fitness Body Weight Workout at least 3-4 times per week. Do your daily CBT homework assigned by your therapist! Take time out to work on something spiritual for at least five minutes per day, ie meditation, studying Runes, Tarot etc or working on blót for Jul. Take time to read to Brann, my son :D, per day. I am very bad about overloading myself and then beating myself up about what I didn't accomplish. So, I'm going to take baby steps to start these four weeks off. Let's mosey.

Bye Weeks Challenge Goals Quest One - Try something new Cooking! I love cooking and am always looking for new things to try so this goal is 1 new recipe per week. Quest Two - Mini fitness goal Changed to one extra day of weight training. So Weights 2x a week: Tuesday and Sunday Quest Three - Unadulterated joy Reading for pleasure. I don't do this regularly enough . It always makes my day better so 30 minutes of reading per day. Continuing with meditation also falls under this goal. Life Quest: Finish Papers before June 3

Things are deteriorating around here. I am upset with myself, I should be able to cope better. I am struggling to get my brain to work, I need to rest more. I do have some bad depression signs, showering seems to be a chore again. I showered this morning after skipping it for four days. My brother invited me last week to see Blade Runner 2049 at IMAX. I enjoyed it immensely. Afterwards we ate Pizza. This was my third pizza for the year. And after the string of burglaries, last night we had a thunderstorm with lots of hail, and this morning most of the ceiling in the big storeroom at the workshop has collapsed. So we spend the entire Sunday morning cleaning up. The offices were also under water. Except for the ceiling there were surprising little damage. Fortunately we employ people to do the rest of the cleaning. This Sunday afternoon was passing out time until the dogs woke me up. After the not so good last challenge, the following. 1. Sleep. Computer off at 9:30, get up at five. I desperately need to rest more. I wake up every morning early, getting up will be better than just snoozing and feeling guilty. 2. No Freecell I have gotten obsessed with playing freecell online. It is time to stop it. 3. Squats. Doing exercise is one of those unreachable goals, I just do not have the energy to do it. But it would be nice to be able to do a decent bodyweight squat, and it will not take much time. 4. No spending. As simple as that. 5. Writing. And Nanowrimo is starting in a week. I really really do not have the energy to do it as well, so if it happens I will be proud of myself.

How auspicious that @Sylvaa poked me the same day the new challenge starts! I will be back later to actually post my challenge.

Lincoln's Log Stardate [-4]94845.5 Well, I'm back. I decided to start here at the respawn point since I've been gone so long. These last few weeks have been very hard for me. My depression is coming back, due in part I think to the coming holidays (So it begins...), but also because of a couple of hiccups I've had in my personal life. Part of me thinks they aren't relevant to fitness, but they are hindering my ability to function, and that makes them relevant. Short version is this: I'm caught in a negative feedback loop of thinking "nothing ever works out" (which is a blatant lie though try telling the little twerp in my brain that). My 75 gallon aquarium didn't work out, so I had to deconstruct it (which ended up being for the better, so if there are any saltwater enthusiasts out there, let's talk! I need advice), I ended up not getting a job I really wanted (my brother got it, and I feel bad for feeling jealous), and I've started going back to Kung Fu but my social anxiety is preventing me form staying for the whole time (I'm very out of practice, and I'm a brown belt, so I feel like I'm expected to perform at a higher level). So yeah, that's why I've been out for a while. I'm starting to TRY to get out of this hole. I've started preparing all of my meals for the week (turkey and salmon burgers FTW), and I'm drinking a gallon of water every day. I'm also going to Kung Fu twice a week, and I'm planning on starting to do some Yoga in the mornings (next paycheck will be for the NF Yoga download thing). I also plan on starting to do strength training twice a week, though it would help if I could find people to work out with (I'm friends with three bodybuilders, just getting the courage to ask for their help is tough. That's how bad my self esteem has gotten). Anyway, that's my respawn report. Thank's for reading End of Log

My City of Ruins: A select few of you may remember me. I came, I did some challenges, I dropped some weight, and then life started life-ing me and I disappeared. In early 2015, I weighed 255 lbs. I joined a gym, started eating better, found NF, and in around 18 months, I'd just about scraped under 200 lbs, got myself a nice suit, and life was going... better. But interest started to flag, and a combination of work-related stress, family dramas, injuries, illness and dark depression took hold, and I went under the ice for a while. It started with some niggling aches and pains, which, after an extended period of doctor and hospital visits, were diagnosed as calcific tendonitis in the rotator cuff, and bone spurs in the neck. As I attempted to get those under control, my wife lost her mother, and my own mother's dementia gradually progressed. She suffered a series of falls and spent a large chunk of the early part of this year in and out of hospital for weeks at a time. We're getting some support with her care now, which is helping greatly, but the dementia is only going to worsen as time passes. With all of this in the background, I completely neglected my own well-being, quit exercising, ate like crap, didn't look after myself mentally, and spiraled into a dark place. I could feel my health worsening as my weight increased, to the point where everything was becoming uncomfortable, and I felt constantly sick, tired, and sore. At the end of July, I made the decision to rejoin the gym and go completely cold turkey from my arch nemeses, chocolate, cakes and fizzy/energy drinks. On my first visit back to the gym on August 1st, I weighed myself. 257 lbs. Back to square one, literally. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $100. The Rising: There have been two weigh-ins since I rose from the ashes. September was 248, October 244, meaning 13 lbs lost, against a backdrop of having my car smashed and written off, and picking up some bumps and bruises and a mild case of whiplash in the process. Gym attendance hasn't been quite as consistent as I would have liked, but forcing myself to go even inconsistently is better than where I've been. Other than a two-day spell where two of my kids had back-to-back birthdays, the food choices have been pretty solid. I managed the best part of ten weeks completely cold turkey, had a treat around the birthday bashes, and resumed progress afterwards. The goal is to get back to completely cutting off chocolate, cakes and fizzy drinks between now and Christmas, and then take it from there. Further On (Up the Road): And so, we beat on, boats against the current. There's no grand theme, no complex strategies, no delightfully colourful spreadsheets (this time, but they're itching to make a return), just some simple goals. Get to the gym, three times a week. This goal should now be a little more attainable for me, given that a couple of changes to my regular schedule are in the process of happening. As of Sunday, my church has switched to Saturday evening/Sunday morning services, which means not having to rush home on Sunday afternoon and do a quick turnaround to get back at it on Sunday evenings. Gym goal is to keep pushing the cross trainer level up, notch by notch. It's currently sitting at 20 mins at level 12/13. I'd like to get that up to level 15, and start working on building up a second run to end each session. During my first run on NF, I was starting and ending with 20 minute runs. I can get back there. Food goals, see above. My only restrictions are cutting out the chocolate, cakes and fizzy drinks. Other than that, I generally can be trusted to eat sensibly. Mental goals: stay positive, stay connected to my friends here, stick to my daily bible reading plan. The rest will take care of itself. What's coming up in this period? We're entering a busy new season in church again as we prepare for our annual giveaway, which of course means the return of the panto. SGFS regulars will know that I regularly get roped into performing in the shows, and this year will, I've been informed, be no different. Over the past couple of years, I've played (off the top of my head), a hyena sidekick in the Lion King, Augustus Gloop (Willy Wonka), the Tin Man (Wizard of Oz), Anger (Inside Out), Shere Khan (Jungle Book), Cogsworth (Beauty & the Beast), Mr. Potato Head (Toy Story), a couple of World War 2 soldiers, a Jersey Boy doo-wop singer, and a granny tranny in a Queen "I Want to Break Free" tribute. This year's panto has just been announced, and it's Shrek. No idea who I'm playing yet. Secretly, I'm hoping Fiona... Now, as a wise man once said, "Let's go to woik."