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It can get pretty lonely and boring for the Princess of Neptune. While peaceable times are wonderful, there isn't much to do while out at her planet, making sure no threats are coming to threaten the Silver Millennium. Michiru decided it was time to get herself back in tip top fighting shape, with a little help from her friends, the rest of the Sailor Senshi. The pretty soldiers in sailor suits spent a lovely day together, over the course of which they brainstormed goals with Michiru, and promised to help keep her on track. Each senshi would assist with one objective. SAILOR MOON! Usagi-chan loves her junk food. LOVES IT! Sometimes her sailor suit gets a bit tight though, so over the years she's learned to dial it back and eat in a more balanced manner. Goal: Log all food on MFP, do not go below 1200 or above 1700 SAILOR MERCURY! Ami-chan is so smart and studious. She is rarely seen without her nose in a book. She will be encouraging Michiru-san to read more. Goal: Read books five hours per week, divided between the days however works SAILOR MARS! Rei-chan is a Shinto priestess and serves at her grandfather's temple. She will be helping Michiru-san to get back in touch with her spiritual side. Goal:Do something spiritual once per week. Can include reading from a book, meditating, or performing a small ritual (New Moon 9/1, Full Moon 9/16 SAILOR JUPITER! Mako-chan is such an amazing cook! She's going to reach Michiur-san a few tricks this month so she can broaden her kitchen repertoire. Goal: Try three new recipes over the course of the challenge and/or three new foods. SAILOR VENUS! Minako-chan is a social butterfly. She loves singing, games, and so much more. She's going to encourage Michiru-san to have some fun! Goal: Do something social once a week. Can include: WoW (if grouped), D&D, board game night, Friday Night Magic, group hikes, karaoke nights, etc. SAILOR URANUS! Haruka is so active and athletic. She will help Michiru to stay active! Goal: Do something active every day. Can include: 10k steps, 30 mins walk/hike, 30 mins bike, 30 mins gym SAILOR PLUTO! Setsuna is the Guardian of Time. It just makes sense that she'll help Michiru stay on task with schedules/calendars/all that fun stuff that can get lost in the shuffle of day to day life. Goal: Stay on top of things like mail/bills/scheduling workouts. SAILOR SATURN! Hotaru-chan has dealt with many health problems and has learned the value of self-care. She's going to assist Michiru-san in remembering that she cannot take care of others or be a good Guardian Senshi if she isn't taking care of herself. Goal: Take better care of myself. Shower more often, brush teeth twice a day, use lotion, etc. I'm working on a "points" system to earn money to spend at a concert I'm going to on 9/16, since that's almost the end of the challenge. I haven't finished this points system yet, and it's stressing me out to try, LOL! I think instead, if I get 75% success rate across all goals, I'll allow myself to buy some nice souvenirs. Ready, set.... GO! RESULTS! List of goals: Moon: Log all food on MFP, do not go below 1200 or above 1700 Mercury: Read books five hours per week, divided between the days however works Mars: Do something spiritual once per week. Can include reading from a book, meditating, or performing a small ritual (New Moon 9/1, Full Moon 9/16 Jupiter: Try three new recipes over the course of the challenge and/or three new foods. Venus: Do something social once a week. Can include: WoW (if grouped), D&D, board game night, Friday Night Magic, group hikes, karaoke nights, etc. Uranus: Do something active every day. Can include: 10k steps, 30 mins walk/hike, 30 mins bike, 30 mins gym Pluto: Stay on top of things like mail/bills/scheduling workouts. Saturn: Take better care of myself. Shower more often, brush teeth twice a day, use lotion, etc. Week One Summary Week Two Summary Week Three Summary Week Four Summary

Spring is in the air, we have peach blossoms and some signs of life in the garden. Last challenge were a bust, I had a weak start and then things collapsed completely after I got a phone call that messed up my mind. I hate telephones. So, as part of a very grand scheme of not leaving life as a result of suicide, the following three little things. 1. Go to bed at ten, get up at five. Getting up early in the morning is good for me. It is the only time I can be alone, and it does my soul good. The extra time in the morning will also give me a chance to get important things done, if I want to. 2. Finish things. I am an expert at starting new projects, and I have piles of unfinished ones. I have an outing the first week of September and I need to have some things ready to sell, so it is time to get it finished. 3. Be Mindful I have lots of things to be grateful about, but my brain likes to stew in hatred. I know all the ways to get it to stop, but it is difficult to remember in the darkness. Every time I catch myself going to the dark side, do some push-ups to get myself in the moment. Keep up to date with the challenge forums. I do get a lot of support, and I appreciate it, and I have to give back. And meditation. Remember the meditation.

Intro: I had a productive first year in NF, and then the wheels came off. Amidst the perfect storm of mental and physical burnout, injuries and illness, family and work stresses, I went into a bit of a dark place. I went back to bad habits of eating like crap, making excuses not to exercise and isolating myself from everyone. It took longer than it should have for me to recognise and confront those issues, but I started to do that last challenge. This is somewhat of an extension of that as I continue to rehab my body, mind and spirit. QUEST 1: See a Grown Man Cry Try to re-establish some kind of fitness routine, whilst continuing to rehab my shoulder and neck. Make sure I do the daily stretches my doctor gave me. Try to get three light cardio sessions per week done at the gym. Walk more, regardless of the weather. It’s rain, not acid. I won’t die. Points available: +3 DEX, +1 STA QUEST 2: Black Coffee Blues Don’t Eat and Drink Like a DickheadTM. No more than one chocolate bar per week. No energy drinks. If you need caffeine, have some damn coffee. There’s a perfectly good coffee machine in the kitchen, you don’t need Rockstar. Drink water. It’s plentiful. Points available: +4 CON QUEST 3: Solipsist A healthy body must work in tandem with a healthy mind. Look after what’s upstairs, by any means necessary. Sleep, meditate, ASMR, sit under a tree, stroke a pet, cook, read a book, take a bath. I’ll try to finish Ken Costa’s “Know Your Why” during this challenge, but no pressure to do so. I’ll read if I feel like reading, but not going to force it. One “must do” task, is take a leaf out of Spooky’s book and list three things I’m grateful for on a daily basis. Points available: +4 WIS QUEST 4: Art to Choke Hearts Inspired in part by binge watching Bob Ross on Netflix, I decided to have a go at painting during the last challenge, and discovered that I really enjoy it. Keep at it, and share the results, good, bad or indifferent, on here. There’s also a tumblr here for the things I’ve done. Points available: +3 CHA

I don't know why I clicked on the particular meditation I did in my bhuddify app this morning, it's one I always have difficulty with - thinking kind positive thoughts at the people I see on my walk. I dislike this for two reasons, one - I am a very negative person and two - I really don't like being around other people, not even my own family. I know, I've got issues. This is why I'm on antidepressant medication. A lot of the negative think comes from having dealt with depression for so long, and the lens of depressive realism I tend to view the world through. As an example, every morning I walk 2 miles along a divided 6 lane road to get to the bus stop to catch my city bus to work. (I work app 5 miles from my job, I could leave my apartment at the same time I do fir the bus, walk the entire way and arrive at work at the same time as I do taking the bus.) I know how dangerous this is, I don't choose to focus on that but that bit of knowledge is in the forefront of my mind the moment I step out the door. This is the voice that also tells me no matter how many positive thoughts I put out into the universe it's not going to stop some jerkwad from texting while driving while making a right turn on a red light while I just happen to be in the crosswalk in front of him. (This has actually happened, the guy even tried to blame me for being at fault for crossing the street in the crosswalk when I had the walk signal. The situation didn't deescalate until I point out he was scaring his own kids with his shouting.) No matter what I'm trying to send out into the universe, the universe just doesn't give a shit. It is going to keep being the universe regardless of what I do or don't do. I'm actually at peace with that concept, I find it freeing in a way. I don't like being around people because of situations like the one I've described above. I seem to have an uncanny knack for finding myself involved with people at their worst. I've seen quite a few instances if people at their best as well, so my faith in humanity is not completely shattered just mostly so. It doesn't help that I work for a place that does website design and data aggregation services for car dealers. So I'm on the phone with jack asses that really represent the worst in humanity all day every day. Therefore when I get home I don't want to be around my family, because, honestly, I need quite a bit of recovery time after that. Not to mention, I'm introverted by nature anyway. Social interaction is very draining to me, and working in a call center type environment really drains the life out of me. This is not to say I think trying to spread positive vibes is bad thing, not in the least. I'm just always on edge that the person I'm encountering is going to prove themself to be a complete alpha hotel. This is why things like the gratitude mini challenge are important for me to try and do. I know I need to focus in positive aspects of my life more. I keep aiming to be like Yoda, I keep ending up like Anakin. So, while my official challenge is with the Monks this go, my mini challenge to myself is at the end of every week to make a list of all the positive things that have happened in my life that week.

EDIT: Here's my first challenge if you're interested: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was nervous about posting this, I'm quite a closed off person and have only ever revealed this information to my counsellor before, but I guess being anonymous on the internet helps and I used my 20 seconds of courage. I also need to introduce myself otherwise I'll probably won't convince myself to move any further on NF. So anyway... Hi everyone, nice to meet you all. I'm a University student about to enter my final year. I've been a big fan of NF for a long time. I love the philosophy behind it, the articles and the community. I started off with the Beginner's workout and then kinda just improvised from there. I also did Taekwondo in my spare time. However, I've kinda been thrown off... things haven't been easy for me (well life isn't easy for anyone, is it?). Backstory (I tried putting it in note form to shorten it, but feel free to skip to the TL;DR). TL;DR: Close to suicide, but counselling saved me. Now ready to sort my life out and take care of myself. Still suffer from depression and anxiety, so it's going to be very hard though. Hopefully committing to NF forums will help. Now enough of the sob story! Time for the fun things! Nerdy side: Uni got me into anime! (So addicting, though, hopefully it won’t be too distracting…) That’s what I get for joining Fencing (in my Uni most fencers study science and/or are part of the anime society. Someone should’ve warned me! ). I love Fairy Tail and have chosen Erza as a role model. She’s BADASS and I feel like I relate to her (no, I'm not saying I'm badass ). I wish there was a real Fairy Tail guild, but I doubt we can train our magic no matter how hard we try. But please no spoilers! I haven't finished the 2014 season yet! (I know, shame on me ). Fitness goals: To be Erza Scarlet! I’ll have to think about this. I’m struggling to pick a guild. Erza would fall under Warrior, but personally I would prefer Assassin or Ranger. I want to be built for travelling/exploring, climbing and martial arts (for fun, but self-defence is handy too). So there's my backstory and bits of trivia. Despite my mental support, I still wish to commit suicide sometimes. But like my counsellor said, I wouldn't keep coming back to her if a part of me didn't want to get better. This little piece of info has helped me realise that I do want to get better and live a good life. The prospect seems so out of league, almost impossible, especially since I know I'm going to be (subconsciously) sabotaging myself. It also feels like so much, not just my fitness, but my health, goals and life in general. But one baby step at a time I guess... Anyway, thanks for reading (if you managed to read through my melodramatic - and maybe TMI - post). Looking forward to getting to know you guys.

It is winter now in South Africa. I am supposed to do more, but for my own sanity and energy levels I am doing as little as possible. I am in the middle of major depression. Some days are very bad, some are better, but none is good. Things are not going well at work, and because of that not well at home either. And I cannot do anything to help anybody, except do my best, in my little way, and hope that is is going to be good enough. 1. Eat less, move more I need to check on how much I eat. I tend to eat out of boredom, and that is not good. My weight was stable around the last two challenges, and that is fine, but I need to drop some. And I have to get moving again. I would love to do yoga again, but it is freezing cold in the only place I can do, so for now, some exercise every day. Non zero is fine. 2. Buy less, make more Buy less. I started July as a no spend month, and have already broken it. Stay out of shops, as simple as that. Make more. Yup, the knives. 3. Stress less, laugh more I have no idea on how I am going to stress less, focus on 5 maybe? Do some effort at smiling every day. Forcing it is fine. Too many days goes past without a smile. 4. Feel blessed, love more Making an effort to feel gratitude for things that happen. And concentrate on having good feelings about people and try to do something for them. 5. Find a quiet spot every day and Breathe. The meditation and breathing thing. I have neglected it the past few months.

Committing to this challenge early. I think posting here can only help me, so again it's a similar goal: daily to do list. One step at a time.

INTRO: When the wheels come off, sometimes the only thing you can do is stop, step back, and rebuild. This is one of those times. I’ve scraped through a couple of challenges lately and just about held it together, but during the last one, things completely fell apart in a perfect storm of mental and physical burnout, bad luck, and family drama. My work life has been increasingly busy and stressful over the last couple of months. I’ve had to deal with a series of nagging injuries and aches around my shoulder, lower back, hip and groin. My mum had two nasty falls in the space of five days, the upshot of which is that she’s had to move into sheltered housing, and my wife is taking a career break in order to look after her, meaning we’re back down to being a one-income family for the foreseeable future. Add to that the challenges which come with having three demanding kids of your own, and you can start to imagine why I’ve been sliding into a dark, dark place of late. Previously, my answer to this would be angry, hate-fuelled workouts to fight my way back. This time, that’s not going to cut it. I don’t have the energy. I need to get myself into a better place, mentally and emotionally. That place, this time around, is the Druids. Here’s the plan. QUEST 1: EXERCISE / STRETCH (Achievable points: +4 DEX) Nothing heavy, nothing scheduled. I tried to force it last time and aggravated the injuries. I’ll limit the exercise to light cardio and a lot of stretching. I’ll get to the gym as often as I’m able to, but there’s no target. My mum’s new house is going to be a lot closer to mine, so I’ll try to walk there when I can, rather than driving. The stretching is going to be key this time. I need to loosen up, for my mental wellbeing, just as much as my physical. QUEST 2: FOOD AND DRINK (Achievable points: +3 CON) In dark times, my default is “Eat all the chocolate.” That needs to stop. Again, this is a simple challenge. For the duration, I’m going to try to stay off the chocolate bars and the energy drinks – I might even try to just curb the Diet Coke as well as the usual Rockstar/Relentless/Monster. QUEST 3: ME TIME / REST AND READ / BE SOCIAL (Achievable points: +4 WIS) This is an all-encompassing “sort my head out” goal. I’ve had the weight of the world on my shoulders lately, and it’s been crushing me. The last couple of months have been a complete blur. I need to intentionally slow the pace down and take some time out for myself. Whether it’s introvert pampering (shut up, it doesn’t make me less manly!), picking up a book, soaking in the bath, or just taking a little break to sit alone in a quiet place to close my eyes, it’ll be whatever it is. Rather conversely, I also need to stop isolating, so I’ll try to be more active here, both in terms of keeping myself accountable with my goals, and in following and encouraging my friends on here again. You guyses are the bestest. QUEST 4: CREATE (Achievable points: +4 CHA) There’s a definite plan for this part. I might decide to share something at the end of each week, or I might leave it until the end of the challenge. This is a distraction I need, and it fits in nicely with the Me Time goal.

So, I am totally failing at being creative and thinking of a cool challenge theme. Therefore I'm just gonna be random! I'm mostly using the same goals, because they are working for me! Nutrition Challenges Track ALL THE THINGS! Good eating, bad eating, exercise, pedometer.... it all goes into MFP. I've also found it's helpful to track BEFORE I eat/drink - then I can decide if it's really worth it to have those cookies. Drink LOTS OF WATER! I've gotten into the soda habit a bit more again outside of work. That needs to stop. I'd also like to reduce my daily work soda - right now I buy those 1.25L bottles of Diet Mt Dew and drink one every day. I think I'd like to make one of those last two days. I'm going to gradually cut down over the course of the challenge, with a goal being that at the end of the challenge, I'm buying 2-3 a week instead of 5-6 a week. And more more soda outside of work! If I need caffeine, coffee or green tea. Fitness Challenge Do something active EVERYDAY! Options include (but are not limited to): 10k steps, 30 minutes on my gazelle, 30 minutes biking, or a trip to the gym Level Up My Life Challenge Watch some NEW THINGS! I tend to rewatch the same few TV series over and over. I'm not going to completely eliminate that, but the rules are that I can only rewatch something if: 1. it is background noise for cleaning 2. it is background noise for grinding in WoW 3. it is background noise to help combat insomnia If I am actually watching TV to pay attention and watch it, not as a distraction from something, it must be something I haven't already watched. I know this goal is silly, but I gotta get out of my rut! This will probably also help me to read more books, since I won't just turn on the same crap to watch over and over. LET'S DO THIS!! Log everything on MFP Week 1: Week 2: Week 3: Week 4: Gradually decrease soda Week 1: Week 2: Week 3: Week 4: Something active every day Week 1: Week 2: Week 3: Week 4: Diversify my leisure watching Week 1: Week 2: Week 3: Week 4:

Lets start with Today. I had an omelette for lunch, egg and onion. It was delicious.I emptied my email inbox (over 900!!).I replied to an email that I've been meaning to do for 3 months.I downloaded all of the stuff that I will need for the rest of my course, assuming I havent failed.I posted on here.I soaked my new piercings.I was on time to work.I had a pretty good day. Small steps. Just keep swimming and breathing and we'll be fine.

Hey all you wonderful people <3 My brain has been a terrible jerk lately. Depression and anxiety have been far too high for me to function. So it's time to work on battling the brain beast, and try to get back to what has worked. So....daily to do list! That's my only goal. It worked well before I got derailed by a break in my routine, and then it was just so hard to get back on track. No use dwelling on that though because the only thing I can control is what I do right now. So here we go....

And the sun is turning this challenge. I don't like winter. So last challenge I did nothing (on purpose) And this challenge I will try to do something. I am in the middle of a major depression. This time around it isn't as bad as it used to be, but I need to be careful. Stuff at home are marginal, the family is stressed out and I will have to take my cat to the vet to be euthanized soon, at work we are down to 3 days a week. Money is very tight, but I am fine until the end of this month. I owe a little money on my credit card but it is within control. For this challenge: 1. Keep on ticking the boxes. I have a list of ten items on my battle log. I've been slipping a bit the past few weeks, so I have to concentrate on ticking more boxes every day. There are no lower limits, just something is good enough. Rise and shine - up every morning early and do something useful 750 words - either write 750 words every day or practice my touch typing Cleaning - do some cleaning Bed - make my bed as early as possible. That depends on the dogs not having their morning wrestle on the bed. Garden - do something in the garden Meditation - a little bit at least Movement - move around a little bit while walking the dogs late are night. Shower - One of the things that get neglected during depression times. German - I am learning German on Duolingo Reading - read 15 minutes a day.I am busy with the Foundryman's Handbook I am debating on putting my Project 365 on here as well. I am taking a picture every day, and have been busy with that for a month now. I just have to download and organize them. 2. Stand up I have insomnia, I woke up every morning very early (it is now 5:30 and my breakfast is done.) It is a problem I've never had before in my life, and started 8 months ago. The goal is to get up when I wake up, rather than just lying in bed cuddling with the dogs. This means I will be up before the sun every day. 3. Get sharp The knife thing again. I've been severely neglecting it. In defence a lot of time has gone into the belt grinder I am busy building, but I must make knives. The rest is detail. The short workweek will help a lot in getting that done, but I have to do something every day.

As I sit at the bus stop, with the growing heat of the morning sun on my shoulder and a welcome breeze lifting my hair and swirling around my feet, a familiar melancholy accompanies my experiences, beautiful and haunting. Dreaded because it comes and goes as it wills, unbidden, it is yet a misunderstood visitor, mysterious and multifaceted. Closer even than breath, it permeates my being, inviting me to feel, deeply and poignantly. Dare I listen to its call, let my armor fall away, and stand; open, feeling, and vulnerable?

I started losing weight before I'd ever even heard of Nerd Fitness, but it wasn't on purpose, and it wasn't healthily. I lost about 15 pounds by just... not... eating. And throwing up any time I tried to. No, I didn't have an eating disorder, although there's nothing shameful about that. What I had was Trauma. And Major Depression, but I'm pretty sure it was the t r a u m a that was putting me off my food. Also didn't sleep for like a month, did I mention that? The bright side is I looked great afterwards. Hopefully, I can be actually healthy next. A five-month struggle and some new scars later, and I'm finally in the later stages of recovery. Which is nice. The early stages involved dropping out of college and moving to a completely new state, which, in hindsight, was 300% the right decision and I regret nothing. Except maybe not doing that sooner. But it does leave me with the question of, well, okay, ehat should I do next, now that I've got myself something close to a blank slate? Now that my daily goal isn't just "keep breathing", what now? Now I have to, like, make decisions about my future and stuff. That's when I heard about Nerd Fitness, and Level Up Your Life. And by heard I mean I remembered an article I'd seen on lifehack.org like a year ago and was like "huh". I'd already been using Habitica, and other gamified types of organizational thingies, so I knew the basic drill. I used some Audible credits to buy the book. Listening to it, and browsing the website, I realized that while Nerd Fitness was kinda like the programs I'd been using, it wasn't just another extra fun to-do list. It was, like... Well, it was like a step-by-step built your own adventure workshop. And something about doing exciting things in a very organized manner appeals to my Ravendore soul. My vague goals are to be as mentally and physically healthy as possible, and avoid another depressive episode. Forever. My less vague goals are to finally go to Korea and visit my best friend from high school, get to a competitive level in Tai Chi, meditate every single day for however many years. At least one. Finally be able to do a decent pushup, and lose another 15 pounds. Healthily, this time. I'm posting on here because I'd love to be a part of the community, but don't have a facebook and refuse to get a facebook. So, hi. I'm new here.

Jakkals doen niks. This challenge I am not planning anything. I have no goals, no dreams, no plans. I am in the middle of major depression, and it is the start of winter down here and a time to stop and reflect. Preferably with a book in bed.(As if I will manage to do that) I am going to do the things I must do, and all of it will be considered good. So just expect, like always, small snippets of an ordinary life.

As those who followed by last challenge know, my depression has been getting worse. I have decided to make simple, achievable goals this month. This will keep me on the right path, and won't set me up for failure! I couldn't think of a cool theme this time, so, just basics. Goal One Track all my food on MFP Con +2, Wis +2, Cha +1 Goal Two Exercise three times per week Str +1, Sta +2, Con +1, Cha +1 Goal Three Do not drink soda except at work, and if used in mixed drinks at my brother's bday party Con +2, Wis +2, Cha +1 Summary: Goal 1 = stay in MFP range, Goal 2 = exercise 3x/week, Goal 3 = no soda outside of work Week One (5/8-5/14): Goal 1: 86% (went over the limit 1 day) Goal 2: 100%+ (exercised four times!) Goal 3: 100% Week Two (5/15-5/21): Goal 1: 100% Goal 2: 100%+ (cardio/long walks four days of the week. Squats 5 days of the week for the Mini. Got some form of exercise every day of this week, Sun-Sat!) Goal 3: 100% Week Three (5/22-5/28): Goal 1: 100% Goal 2: 100% Goal 3: 100% Week Four (5/29-6/4): Goal 1: 86% (went over the limit 1 day) Goal 2: 100% Goal 3: 86% (had soda at home one day)

Alright, time to make an impression, but heads up this might become a sob-story. I'm nearly 22 years old, I train about 3-5 days a week, have lost weight and gained muscle, my fat percentage dropped from nearly 27 to 23 in three months through distance training and I ran half a marathon completely by myself indoors on a treadmill less than six weeks ago. I am awesome. But I don't believe that. 3-5 times a week isn't nearly enough, it's not hard enough, it's not intense enough. So what if my fat percentage is lower now than it has ever been? It's not low enough. And half a marathon doesn't really count when you complete it in 2 hours and 30 min on an average speed of 9 km/h. I want to join kick boxing at a martial arts center near me. I've joined it 3 times. And quit 3 times. Today I've had 2 slices of apple pie and probably 4 glasses of fruit juice and you have no idea how tempting it is to make myself throw it all up. I have never actually made myself throw up, but I've been thinking about it on and off since I was 14. I don't know why I wanted to get fit, I saw a picture of myself and thought I looked like someone had tried to wrap mashed potatoes in seran wrap. I don't even know how fit I want to get. I want to get slimmer and stronger- whatever the hell that means. How do you measure that? Where's the progress? I put all this time into gym and boxing but never feel I'm getting closer to my goals because I don't have any. Just a perfectionist with mild depression, social anxiety who's crippled by fear of making any mistakes at all trying to get in shape. And the voices in my head are determined to convince me that no matter how hard I try it is just never going to happen. I was and forever will be the chubby, shy and stressed little 11 year old who stuffed her face with doughnuts to deal with the bullying. I know this is all very corny and sad and way too dramatic but bear with me, we all need to vent sometimes. I'm so tired of having no direction, of hating my body, of being constantly stressed, of never feeling like I can be proud of myself, of never feeling like I did enough. How do you create a lasting habit? How do you find goals? How do you stick to something you don't actually think you are capable of?

I'm intimidated by the forum change, so this challenge is all about just coming here every day, trying to follow threads, and posting in my own thread.

I apologize if this is the wrong forum. I can't seem to find the right one. I don't know what it is with me. I have these extreme ups and downs. A few small accomplishments and I'm on top of the world, a small failure and I hate the world. I hate myself. I'm just crashing. I had a pretty good week, from Sunday to Thursday, then it just went to hell. I feel like jumping into the darkness and laziness again. My big failure was that I decided to give up most meat, bread, and processed sugar items, but, as soon as my brother came 'round, I started eating crap again. Like, probably even more than before. It was fine on Saturday, because we went to a Celtic festival, and I allowed myself no restrictions. But the day before and the day after. Man, I just hate myself. I just want to give up. The other thing is that I've been trying for so freaking long to lose weight, and I'm at my highest weight ever. I see people on the Facebook group all the time who are successful, but I never see the failures. Am I the only one struggling with losing any weight whatsoever? Like one guy lost twenty pounds in two months! I want to do that, but I can't. I'm busy as hell, and my plans keep getting interrupted. I'm trying to do everything, but I just can't do one thing fully. I just want to breakdown and cry, but real men don't do that. If I hadn't cried from laughing a few months ago, I would have thought I couldn't cry. I can't show emotion, and I can't ask for help without looking like a wimp. I know a big part of it is that there are still living, breathing remnants of my depression and I haven't seen a therapist in close to eighteen months. Because of my ups and downs, I'm wondering if maybe I'm actually bipolar, but it's muted because I can't show emotion well. Because I don't show emotion well, I don't get the physical reverberation to assist in identifying the emotions. If I can't identify it, how can I handle it? I don't know, but right now, I just want to give up. Why do I try so hard every morning, just to fail in the evening? What's the freaking point? I signed up to Camp Nerd Fitness and Nerd Fitness Academy to get myself motivated to stick to good habits, but I've had it for a month now, and barely progressed. I don't know. I need a friend, who I'm not romantically attached to (which basically covers all my friends. OTL). I just want to be happy.

Doing my best. I know what to do, I know how to do it, I just have to do it. Every day I want to look back on the day and know that I've done well. 1. I am going to be a better human. 2. I am going to be a more productive person. 3. I am going to be a stronger person. 4. I am going to be a better knifemaker. Carry on.

Back for another challenge! I feel like this month, I'll be advancing in some ways, and going backward in others, but it should all be helpful! 1. Clean up my drinking! I was doing well with cutting soda this earlier this year, but as soon as I dropped it from my challenge goals, I lost sight of it. For this month, I will only drink soda at work, or in a mixed drink at a social gathering. I have maintained my (not listed as of yet) goal of only drinking alcohol in social settings. This month I am making it official. The last couple weeks my depression has started to intensify again, and historically that makes me drink a lot more often. I don't want to fall into this trap again. I will continue to have a couple drinks at game night, but no solo drinking! +2 Con, +1 Sta Week 1: 100% Week 2: 100% Week 3: 86% (missed one day) Week 4: 100% 2. Clean up my snacking! Guys, this is super embarrassing for me to admit. But I know NF is "safe space", so here goes. My snack habits for the last couple years involve eating an entire bag (not the little bags, the big bags) of pre-popped popcorn almost every day. Like at least 5-6 days of the week. Sometimes I also eat a bag of chips (again, full size bag), or a bunch of candy, or etc. Now, I have done really well over the past few challenges in that I have cut almost all sweets (baked goods and candy) out. I'm eating small portions occasionally instead of mowing through a box of Little Debbies in a day. But I am still crunching away. One step I have already taken to hopefully help with this is I am eating bigger lunches. Healthy, but bigger. I am hoping this will help me stay fuller longer, so that I don't go nuts on snacks after work. I am also spending the money to buy healthy snacks. My current favorite is green grapes which are kinda pricey this time of year. Well, I am paying the money, it's better to keep those in the house then junk. So, the goal itself: Only eat popcorn twice a week. That would be a big improvement from 5-6 times a week. +1 Int, +2 Wis Week 1: 100% Week 2: 100% Week 3: 100% Week 4: 100% 3. Clean up my exercise! Just kidding, my exercise isn't dirty. (maybe it should be? that would make for fun tracking, LOL) I just wanted to stick with how I'd been writing these because reasons. So, this month I'm going to step outside my cardio comfort zone. I will do the NF Beginning Bodyweight Workout twice per week. I will also still do cardio, at least twice per week. +1 Str, +2 Sta Week 1: 100% Week 2: 50% Week 3: 50% Week 4: 100% 4. Clean up myself! As previously stated in this post, the depression monster has been chasing me harder lately. The first thing to go is my personal hygiene. Gross, I know, but I am going to make it a goal to take care of myself. What I am listing as my goal may seem like low standards, but it would be a huge improvement over depression standards. For this goal, I will take full showers at least three times a week, and I will brush my teeth every day. +3 Cha, +3 Wis Week 1: 100% Week 2: 100% teeth, 66% showers (2 of 3) Week 3: 100% teeth, 66% showers (2 of 3) Week 4: 100%

I've been struggling to be okay lately. I've been under a lot of stress and struggling with anxiety and depression, but I've been trying to learn about myself and what makes me happy and makes me feel worthwhile. I'm going to try and keep it simple, and remind myself that the goal isn't weight loss, it's just trying to feel okay. I want this challenge to be very, very easy to stick with, so all the active pieces combined are going to take 1 hour or less per day. Excluding sleeping, because that would be crazy. Main Quest: Reduce anxiety and depression. Learn what causes these. Acknowledge that some things in my life are stressful and that's okay. Goal 1: Quality Alone Time. Reason: I'm an introvert. I like doing things by myself and rarely make time to just be by myself, especially with a partner who likes to spend almost all their free time with me. I'm much happier when I make time for productive alone time. Details: 30 minutes or more per day. Should be something that I want to do that I really find satisfying, and is in no way social. So reading, meditating, painting, or playing guitar would count. Browsing the forums would not, and generally netflix/youtube/reddit/imgur would not; I already do 30 minutes per day of this and it doesn't make me any happier. Strategy: Spend the first 30 minutes of the day by myself. Get a comfortable chair in my home office, shut the door, maybe get a "do not disturb" sign. This is my me time. Goal 2: Enough movement, enough rest. Reason: Exercise is a mood booster. And if I have exercised today, at least I have done something worthwhile. I get sad when I get sleepy. I also find it difficult to accomplish the simplest things when I'm tired. Details: Any exercise daily, 8 hours of sleep daily. I would like to keep working on my C25K training, but I'm not going to be hard on myself if it doesn't happen. I just need to do something, whether it's a brisk walk or a short dance session or a few minutes hula hooping. Strategy: Set gentle alarms for when it is time to exercise and when it's time to start going to bed. Goal 3: Put the right things in your body. Reason: Severe vitamin D deficiency. Alcohol exacerbates my depression. Caffeine exacerbates my anxiety. It was a huge eye-opener when I started tracking my mood and realized 75% of my panic attacks happened within 2 hours of heavy caffeine consumption. Details: Take daily vitamin D supplements; no alcohol; cut down to 1 cup of tea a day. I had been drinking one or more alcoholic drinks per day, along with a quad shot or more of espresso every morning. Strategy: Have vitamins every day first thing when I get up, since I'm always at home and have access in the morning. Tell your friends and family and partner you're abstaining from alcohol and caffeine for the month and ask them to help you stay on track. Other stuff that I have no choice but to do: -Taxes (come on Grizzy, you can do it, you only have to bring two forms to an office and then just wait while a guy does some stuff on a computer...) -Moving (I'm buying a house. Assuming nothing goes wrong, which I always assume things WILL go wrong which causes me to be anxious, we're closing on the 15th and ending our lease on the 30th. So I have to do all the packing and activating utilities and fixing a bunch of stuff and aaaahhhahahahhhhh *cries*.) -Put in consistent effort at work (I got moved off of a project I disliked for under-performing. My boss made it seem like not a big deal, but I feel like my ass is on the line and I have to prove myself on my next project.) Sample Daily Schedule: 7 AM: Wake up, spend 30 minutes reading, painting, or meditating. 7:30: Do 10 minutes of hula hooping, a walk around the block, or at least 1 set of some weight lifting. Maybe more if I'm feeling ambitious. 7:40: A simple breakfast of cheerios, yogurt, fruit or a green smoothie. One cup of tea if I'm feeling really out of it. 8:00: Shower, dress, gather lunch & work stuff. Maybe read some more if I'm still waiting for my partner to be ready. 8:45 (at latest): Leave for work. 9:00-5:00: Working 5:00: Leave from work 5:15: Make dinner or clean stuff or relax while partner makes dinner. 6:00: Eating time. 6:45-9:00: I don't really know what I usually do with all this free time but I can tell you that I'm great at wasting it. 9:00: Get ready for bed, drink some water, read some more, sleeeeeeeeeep. Here's to keeping my head above water this month! I would drink to that, but you know, goal 3...

Figured I'd start one of these so I can ramble on and on and have some accountability to boot. My primary goal for this year is weight loss and mindfulness. I want to be good to myself. I'm unsure if I'm aiming low or high, but I'm making 199 by 1/1/16 my goal for the year. That's 60 lbs. 5 lbs a month... I think that's doable. Especially at first, I'm mainly going to work to accomplish this by rehauling the way I eat and drink. The past few months in particular I allowed myself to stress eat like crazy - donuts, cookies, candy, all sorts of sugary badness. My soda and alcohol intakes increased as well. I'm going to work on food first. I've already cut back significantly on alcohol, so I will keep going with that. Soda will come after I get food under control. I don't want to bite off more than I can chew (ha, ha) and set myseful up for failure from the get go. Later this year when I have food and drinks leveled up into better habits, I will build exercise plans. In the interim I will do minor (but hopefully helpful things) like taking walks when the weather permits. Let's kick 2015's ass.

So I'm gonna try and make this a bit simpler. I think I will be better off focusing on a couple of things and doing them well, really making them habits, and then evaluating how I did at the end of the challenge and going from there. This is basically me telling myself to SIMPLIFY MY CHALLENGES I've been re-watching Avatar: The Last Airbender (and also The Legend of Korra). Mostly, I've been listening to Uncle Iroh. So this challenge is about connecting/listening to my inner Iroh and using the wisdom I've earned. I'm asking myself the things that add the most value to my life and making those my focus for the moment. Inspiration and Gratitude will still happen but they're not Challenge Goals for the time being. The Spirit World: Daily Meditation Fun fact: I found this gif on google....from one of Korranation's old challenges This can be as little as one minute. As long as I do it, it counts. Something is better than nothing Avatar Training: Daily Movement This really really helps my mood. So a little bit every day is better than nothing for me. This is ALL about the mood regulation for me Tea Time: Daily Creativity This has been a quest the past couple challenges and it's really starting to become a habit, at least with writing. I'd like to do more guitar and drawing too, but I've been pretty good about doing at least one creative thing...probably 85% of February. And that's awesome. Sokka's Schedule: 2 Hour Blocks Gonna keep working on this cause when I do it, it really helps my day 5x per week Order of The White Lotus: Reach out to 1 Friend per Week I haven't been reaching out to my friends as much IRL so my goal is to contact one friend from school a week And that's it!

I've been struggling to be okay lately. I've been under a lot of stress and struggling with anxiety and depression, but I've been trying to learn about myself and what makes me happy and makes me feel worthwhile. I'm going to try and keep it simple, and remind myself that the goal isn't weight loss, it's just trying to feel okay. I want this challenge to be very, very easy to stick with, so all the active pieces combined are going to take 1 hour or less per day. Excluding sleeping, because that would be crazy. Main Quest: Reduce anxiety and depression. Learn what causes these. Acknowledge that some things in my life are stressful and that's okay. Goal 1: 30 minutes quality alone time daily. Should be something that I want to do that I really find satisfying, and is in no way social. So reading, meditating, painting, or playing guitar would count. Browsing the forums would not, and generally netflix/youtube/reddit/imgur would not; I already do 30 minutes per day of this and it doesn't make me any happier. Reason: I'm an introvert. I like doing things by myself and rarely make time to just be by myself, especially with a partner who likes to spend almost all their free time with me. I'm much happier when I make time for productive alone time. Goal 2: Any physical activity daily. I would like to keep working on my C25K training, but I'm not going to be hard on myself if it doesn't happen. I just need to do something, whether it's a brisk walk or a short dance session or a few minutes hula hooping. Reason: Exercise is a mood booster. And if I have exercised today, at least I have done something worthwhile. Goal 3: Take your darn vitamins. Have them every day with dinner. Keep a stash in your purse so you have them when you go out to eat. Set an alarm reminder in case you forget. Reason: Severe vitamin D deficiency. It can exacerbate depression and worsen my immune system. Goal 4: No alcohol, low caffeine. Tell your friends and family and partner you're abstaining for the month and ask them to help you stay on track. Reason: Alcohol exacerbates my depression. Caffeine exacerbates my anxiety. It was a huge eye-opener when I started tracking my mood and realized 75% of my panic attacks happened within 2 hours of heavy caffeine consumption. Goal 5: Sleep 8 hours a night. I should be in bed, lights out by 10 on weeknights. Since I'm often out late on Friday, I should avoid scheduling things for Saturday mornings. I need to try and force myself to go back to bed when I wake up after 6 hours on weekend days. Reason: I get sad when I get sleepy. I also find it difficult to accomplish the simplest things when I'm tired. Other stuff that I have no choice but to do: -Taxes (come on Grizzy, you can do it, you only have to bring two forms to an office and then just wait while a guy does some stuff on a computer...) -Moving (I'm buying a house. Assuming nothing goes wrong, which I always assume things WILL go wrong which causes me to be anxious, we're closing on the 15th and ending our lease on the 30th. So I have to do all the packing and activating utilities and fixing a bunch of stuff and aaaahhhahahahhhhh *cries*.) -Put in consistent effort at work (I got moved off of a project I disliked for under-performing. My boss made it seem like not a big deal, but I feel like my ass is on the line and I have to prove myself on my next project.) Here's to keeping my head above water this month! I would drink to that, but you know, goal 4...