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It doesn't surprise Scalyfreak at all that Self-Sabotage comes close to tearing her to pieces. The new body is too unfamiliar, the lack of armor to disconcerting, and her habits and fight instincts are not yet fully adapted to a reality where she is fragile and even a light graze of claws or fangs will cause significant damage to her. As if that was not bad enough, in the middle of the fight a Stress-Hydra materializes out of Scalyfreak's reach, but close enough to very comfortably reach her with multiple attacks. So Scalyfreak runs. As far as she can, and she is pleasantly surprised to discover that she now can run faster and farther than she has ever been able to before. The new and unfamiliar body has its own advantages after all, and Scalyfreak enjoys this new benefit as she continues to run, all while keeping her attention behind her, listening and occasionally glancing backwards, to see if one of the large monsters has followed her. She is so focused on keep an eye out behind her that she completely forgets to pay attention what is ahead of her, and she almost doesn't see the cliff edge and the steep drop before it's too late. Before she has a chance to realize what is happening, reflexes are taking over, throwing her backwards into a roll and back up to her feet again, this time at a safe distance away from any risk of falling to her death. “Huh. Well, that's convenient.” Scalyfreak looks down at her new, still unfamiliar, body, and shakes her head. “I wonder what else I can do now...?” Since she is alone, and it's clear that the large monsters have not followed her, Scalyfreak slowly draws her rapier and the parrying dagger and relaxes, allowing her still unfamiliar feeling limbs to arrange themselves into the stance they want. She stays still for several moments, attempting to get a feel for what she is doing, and then begins to move slowly. Though it is challenging at first, she persists in trying allow her body to move without interference from her mind's desire to stick with old movement patterns, because her new weapons work differently than her old ones, and the new body has different strengths and abilities than her old. It's challenging. It's difficult. It's frustrating. But Scalyfreak persists, determined to learn how to move properly in this new body the plot scroll gave her, because she knows that she won't be able to fight effectively until she can. In case you don't know me, this should give you a fairly clear idea of what to expect here: So. I need to regroup and refocus in general after things stopped working properly in the second half of the last challenge. The combined might of Self-Sabotage and Stress-Hydra was a little too much for me, unsurprisingly, and a strategic retreat was in order. And now it is time to regroup and refocus, and start over. It's not over yet. I still need to lose some weight, though not overly much. More importantly, my blood pressure still needs to go down. This is both a higher priority, and higher degree of difficulty. Based on observations and the data gathered from my last challenge, reducing salt/sodium in my diet and losing weight only goes so far. The big change, that will really make a difference for my blood pressure, is to strengthen the heart and the rest of my cardiovascular system. For this, I need to do what I would do when I want to strengthen any other muscle in my body - I make it work very hard, and then I let it rest and grow stronger, then make it work very hard again, through regular workouts. Since I spent the second part of the previous challenge completely failing to make this the priority it needs to be, it is time for me to set a cardio goal. I dislike it, but it needs to happen. And yes, I am aware that my mental block against doing cardio is not serving me well right now. Build HP (physical health) PAI continues to be a helpful measurement for me, providing useful data points for measuring overall activity levels on a daily basis. It is also helpful for showing me the difference between when I am just pacing a lot during the day, and when I am intentionally moving/exercising, so I am keeping the app and will continue to check the point totals and compare them. On that note, the health bar goal for this challenge is to do two cardio-style workouts during the work week and at least one during the weekend. Restore Mana (mental health) This continues to be a priority for every day life, which makes it very frustrating that I am still struggling to remember to meditate on weekends. Meditation is a firm staple in my daily morning routine, and the reason I forget on weekends is most likely because I don't do my regular morning routine on days when I'm not going to work. So “remember to meditate on weekends” needs to continue to be a goal until that also becomes automatic. Regenerate Stamina (emotional bandwidth) This covers all the things that fortify and recharge the emotional bandwidth and resilience needed to face stress, life obstacles, and everything else that is emotionally draining when life refuses to be all sunshine and roses (which is most of the time). Or to phrase it a bit differently, this is what allows me to turn the The Flame from unintentional immolation into enemy-destroying fireballs. Things that regenerate the Stamina Bar and will be measured during this challenge are my library book reading challenge, and various other things that I'll probably come up with later as the challenge progresses. For this first week I am starting with what I call Project Underwear, even though I'm close to the end of that project. Project Underwear is comparatively straight-forward, it's simply about replacing my old and therefor useless bras with new ones that are comfortable and do their job. I have one more bra I need to replace, which of course needs matching panties, but then I need to do something about the large number of black panties I have, that stylistically completely fail to match my new black bra. I also need new sports bras – the ones I have are several years old, and even the highest quality fabric and craftmanship becomes garbage after a large enough number of years. I am going to spare you my bitter rantings about how most of the bra industry seems to be designed to make it almost impossible for people who need to wear a bra to find one that fits, and I will also spare you the even more resentful and bitter rant about living in a society that has made it so taboo to talk about breasts that most of us who grew up with them go most of our lives without any idea of what to look for in a bra or even how it's supposed to fit in the first place. We don't exchange this kind of knowledge with each other, the way runners do with running shoes, or the way lifters talk about chalk or squat shoes, so we are left entirely to our own devices, depending on nothing but our own ability to research without any outside help. We may actually live our entire lives without ever learning how to properly size ourselves for a bra, and what style and cup size is the best fit for our breast shape, and yes this is me holding back and sparing you the bitterness. And those are my goals for this challenge.

Hi there! I'm keeping this very simple because there are a very few metrics I need to make important in my life and pretending I'm tracking them tends to make that happen. I want to teach myself to be kind to myself, to forgive me when I don't reach the targets I set, to learn to set appropriate targets and not to settle for bad when I miss one of them but to still consider myself a good person, worthy of things like sleep and food. They may evolve but my metrics for this challenge are, at this point: Go to bed by 9:30 pm. Eat 2 meals a day. Drink 4 half-bottles of water a day while at work (the goal is to keep me away from the coffee machine). Don't work more than 9 hours a day at work so as to have time for other things. Go out and have a walk/exercise 1/day. Going to the vineyard and having a beer qualifies for this. Time to get some food and take note that none of what I think I have to do this night matters and I can go to sleep at 9:30 and be fine (and even better off for it). Have fun and take care of yourselves!

It’s my least favorite month of the year again - Ramadan. Fingers crossed that having 2 years in lockdown during Ramadan will reset the tendency for every business to completely flip their schedules - or shut completely - for the entire month. I think at least yoga will keep a normal-ish schedule this year since the clientele is now majority Western. Still no food or beverage allowed during daylight hours outside, no alcohol and no live music (ever) either. Which is a bummer, since the two big outdoor venues finally got their shit together just in time to close for a month and reopen for maaaaaybe 2 weeks before closing down for the season (until November). Rumor has it the Ministry canceled at least a chunk of the live gigs this weekend in early prep for Ramadan (no idea why other than passive aggressiveness - there have been other ‘knickers in a twist’ things going on in town. I have a feeling this year is going to see all sorts of Westernification pushback in advance of the World Cup and the concessions that will need to be made there. Boo. At least I won’t have to deal much with external negativity, since I a: no longer talk to the group that loved nothing more than to whine about Ramadan daily, and b: aren’t forcing myself to be social through coffee groups with randos. #hermitlife has its perks - all the drama will be of my own making. I will be bummed to miss my weekly post-yoga matcha with those friends. Maybe we can still sit & chat in the outdoor seating of the cafe without being chased off by security. One of these years, I’ll get on the ball and do a month long ashram type deal - that’s a fairly popular thing to do here (use Ramadan as an excuse to do a hard reset), and having a month to work on growth would definitely be a nice thing. Hmmmm …. Maybe I should cobble something together…. DH will be gone for most of this challenge. We’ll also be going on a fun vacation at the end of this cycle - going to visit our friends that moved from here & had a baby + check out Paris for a few days. So that should be fun. I’ve got 90% of the Paris trip planned as well as I want to plan it (Google maps with points of interest/shops/restaurants flagged & a couple tours booked in - + tattoo appointments for the both of us). I’m planning zero things for Amsterdam, since the friend has already got that handled. She’s slightly excited. So. This challenge will be mostly just me, living that temporarily #singleladies life. This sounds like the perfect time to try and force the bulb of growth. Which may end badly; or may get some shit started. Let’s roll those dice and see. PLANNING Nutrition: It’s getting hot so I want “girl spa” food. DH also won’t be home, so shrimp & fruit it is. Maybe. Or maybe ill do vegetarian-lite? I’m in a slightly better place closet-wise, though everything i just pulled to try on of course smells lightly of mildew, since none of it saw the light of day through last mold season… eew. I’ll need to do another mass closet send off to have things cleaned. Should also do a full try on at the same time. I may just segregate out what I don’t fit in if i still cant bear to toss it. Movement: Yoga, yoga, yoga. Maybe extra yoga on top of my 5 classes? Bulbs: Business stuff in case that launches (website, logo, social media, Etsy), Skillshare to learn new things, new craft projects, I’m feeling the yen to draw again. Maybe do something else with home decor. I’m not quite sure what else ill get up to this cycle. We shall see. More tattoo planning to be sure at the least.

I'm actually really pleased with how things went last month, so I'm going to keep going with a few modifications. -Yoga will go from 5 days per week back up to 6. I definitely notice a difference if I go two days in a row without doing anything. Crow practice will still be on Mondays. -Maintaining good posture will be expanded to proper TMJ care. I've being seeing a physical therapist who gave me stretches and advice to do at various times throughout the week and I have to admit I haven't been amazing at keeping up the routine. So...getting more diligent with that. I'm going to program reminders into my calendar so that I really can't forget. So, in summery: -Yoga 6/7 days. Mondays are for crow practice. -Maintaining a proper TMJ routine. -Coming in at/under my MFP targets -Only enjoying restaurants/take out if I am with other people. To be honest, the last week has been incredibly off. It always is whenever family comes to visit, so I need to get back into my normal routine. Let's do it.

I have always been a little unclear on the ecology of Tatooine. With no apparent sources of food, how does the planet support enough wildlife that the large reptiles such as the great Krayt Dragon have food sources? Yea, I get that they eat Banthas. But what do Banthas eat?? It's a puzzle. Still, I am keeping up with the theme and am still on the trail of the dragon. It's a wily beast that I have fought most of my life (hum ... shades of Moby Dick here ....). This challenge, I'm focusing on tracking and consistency. Overall, these are the main objectives: Research or learning something new ... this challenge, it is the CrossFit Masters Athlete Training PDF Nutrition improvement - WW ... aim to log daily and stay within points each week Exercise focus and socializing outside of work - CrossFit 10+ classes Service component - Charity Miles app and trying to get in about 7+ miles per week Spiritual-emotional component - daily prayer(book) I am tracking in Habitica where we have a Nerd Fitness party and a Guild (join us!!). It might be a bit ambitious, but I have 12 habits that I am tracking. Success is to get 70% or 8 habits tracked each day: 1. Track 7 streaks each day = Success 2. Track meals daily 3. Exercise daily 4. Floss 5. Skin care each night 6. Study master's athlete training daily 7. Stretch 5+ minutes daily 8. Prayer/meditation daily 9. Get 7 hours of sleep daily 10. Once per week - stay within Points values 11. Check in at NF daily 12. Drink 32 oz water daily My primary tools this challenge are: Magic bottle of motivation (my 32 oz water bottle) Belt of swift travel (FlipBelt) Lenses of far-seeing (contact lenses) Tome of Mastery (CrossFit masters training recommendations PDF and other references) Registry of Deeds (Habitica)

Soo.... I have never been able to achieve fitting into a piece of clothing since I started here all those moons ago. But now I have a pair of pants, 3 pairs of the same pants. That I loathe and question if I can fit in better. The pair of pants is my work pants... the size is Dickie's 48U (whatever that means). I received them back in December with a company change. I could close and barely zip them up, but the pain of red around my belly and my hips asked "why??" after a day. My job has been a mess* where asking for a larger size has been impossible, and the pain wasn't enough to have me go and buy a pair (the pain couldn't beat my ego). I however started seeing them as a challenge. As the sweets were coming for Christmas I noticed my bloat, that would have me avoid a cookie or too. A piece of clothing I could see fit better with small changes. After signing up for NF Coaching the day after Christmas, I have been noticing every few weeks a better change. A month ago my ab muscles were pushing down my zipper somehow (I have muscles when they are start showing up they like to depants when possible). In the last week I realized that the zipper is going up with no problem, and the button is only a hassle because my belly is no squishy over the abs instead of a study fat bloat. AKA progress The goal of this Saga : (probably won't happen) Also there will be many other updates, as I'm gaining a social life (have an adventure or 5 I'm planning for). Might go try camping by the end of this challenge! Whoot! Also 11-1 InstantPot fun, I have been saving up for one finally. And this Thursday I plan to buy it (its $50 off compared to win I was drooling at prior). So fun like that! Progress uniform photos to be added here: Feb 22nd Today

[Preamble] Welcome to Owlshire, a beautiful woodland property in the Forest of Dean, England. I’m a 42 year old American woman living here with my British husband (Mr) and pre-school son (Enting). I work in gamedev and when I’m not doing that, I’m tending to my garden, doing needlework of some sort, writing, playing games (of various sorts), and exploring our local woodlands. The big Owlshire news for this challenge is that we have chickens. On the last day of the last challenge, we adopted 6 ex-commercial hens from a rescue organization. They are currently recuperating, re-feathering, and learning what it is to be outside (they have a pop-hole into a large grassy hillside run that you can’t see in these photos). [Goals] Reach Mordor Finally finish my (tracked) journey to Mordor. I’m 773 miles away! I’ve been wanting to complete this challenge since the early 00s (when it was called the Eowyn Challenge), and I’m sure I’ve been “there and back again” several times over, but I’ve never managed to track the whole thing. I want to finish my walking route to Mordor by November 2022. My goal for this challenge is to do more than 20 miles each week (this includes any movement my Fitbit tracks), as that seems to be my “default” without extra effort. Find the Entwives It’s the spring, and… well, there’s always a lot to do at Owlshire, but this is the time of sowing seeds and hens, and I want to throw myself into that. At least 5 days a week, I want to do something that moves gardening/related activities forward. For this purpose, basic maintenance doesn’t count (such as daily hen care or watering the garden). Steps forward (such as creating a new gardening bed, sowing new seeds, increasing the defenses of Chook Castle) will count. I will do this at my discretion, and a project (such as creating a garden bed) doesn’t have to be completed that day to count as activity for that day. Some of these are big tasks that must be done in small steps. A Hobbit in Attitude, not in Width I want to continue to reduce my BMI/weight. This will be done with increased activity and continuing to watch my portion sizes/limited snacking. I’m currently at 22.5 BMI, and I will count this goal successful if my BMI or weight is less than it was at the start of the challenge. Tracking will be done with a minimum of weekly updates, and of course will include plenty of Owlshire photospam. [Challenges] It’s likely that my husband will begin commuting part of the week to his workplace (after being remote the last 2 years) and I’ll be regularly solo-parenting which will require some routine adjustments. Seriously, can we get through one challenge without a nasty cold (or, like last challenge, Covid) derailing the household for 1-2 weeks? Admin note: I always start on Week 0, and I track from Monday-Sunday.

Ah, Spring. Last challenge I spent nearly every day incapacitated, which was ironic since I had planned to have it be a clearing of decks, titled the kNOwing, focused on NO. It turned out that I even said NO to the challenge that round. As fate would have it, this morning, the first full day of Spring, has dawned with a sense of restoration of body and spirit. I’m not going to go wild with activity or anything, but the positive outlook and energy is very welcome indeed. Spring, forward This challenge sees a lot of nurturing of growth, on all fronts. Mind Academically, I’ve found the framework for my whole dissertation, just this morning, and the cosmic irony is that it has been there the whole time. My mentor and I talked about this at length while he was developing his book, published in 2012 and largely overlooked in favor of his alignment with the Stoic tradition, and here I am, using his framework as my own, as his theory was intended. I miss him, and the conversations we had, and having his framework to guide me feels solid and right. This is “extra reading,” but I’m looking forward to it. Along with class assignments, I’m about halfway through the doctoral program, and I need to get my roadmap in order. I don’t come from an academic family, so I have no clue what lies ahead. Asking for advice is the answer, in this as in so much. Body. When it comes to my physical fitness, I am walking a path of acceptance. I spent two weeks in outright suffering and a few days of exhaustion after that. This was a rough space. It’s also difficult to address the idea of “being better” or “getting better.” Having a condition means I can be wonky and out of commission at any time, without warning and without recourse. Acupuncture, sleep, exercise, and good food all help create optimal conditions. Spirit. Acupuncture, food, sleep, good friends, the sauna, and time in the sun. These help restore me. There is no “better” in so many ways, but at times there is optimism and enthusiasm, and ability, and this is everything. It wouldn’t be a Heidi Challenge without a nod to a court date, and the next one is set for April 25. I’m looking forward to it, actually, and I have a sense that there may be an end in sight for restoration of a normal relationship with my daughter. Spring forward, indeed, as this happened very quickly once the changes started in January. I’m hopeful that this new growth can be nurtured. There’s always a bonus project, too, and this challenge is no different. The storage unit is now history, and that means that the things I decided to keep are all in the apartment somehow. A little more organization would go a long way. The current assumption is that Vivian will be spending the night at some point, so I’d like to rearrange the furniture in a way that is more friendly for a longer term visit. This would be easy in the Before Times, when I was strong-bodied, but now it takes planning and coordination of schedules. I’m blessed to have a friend who wants to help. This is Spring. May we find the path Forward.

Excited for my FIFTH Challenge! Here's a reflection of my first FOUR challenges: Chat more soon!

This is my respawn from 2017, and I'm exploring what does and doesn't work for me in 2022. I began this challenge last week as a trial - partly because I need consistency, but also because I'm going to be away for the final week of this challenge. So my week 0 is at the end of the last thread. I've tweaked a couple of the goals, but managed 20/30 XP last week, For this 4 weeks, I'm trying to really scale back to things which make a difference. Foundational Waters -Avoid unhealthy food choices (sweets/chocolate) for a whole day (_/1). -Eat 5 fruit/veggies at least 2 days. (_/2) -Intermittent Fast 15 hours. (_/7) Strength of Earth -Daily Movement / Stretching / Yoga (_/7) -Additional Walk / Workout (_/1) Scholarly Air -Read Nonfiction (_/2) -Read Fiction (_/2) -Complete a CNM chapter journal prompt (_/2) -Complete the GUGY journal prompt (_/1) Creative Fire -Write fiction (350 words / 2) -Write nonfiction article (/1) -Listen to ‘We Can Do Hard Things’ podcast weekly (/2) Total XP: /30 per week

It started with a bad morning, and it did not improve from there. Bad enough to wake up in what felt like someone else's body. Except Scalyfreak knew for a fact that it was her own. It was familiar. It just felt so different. A while later, there was the unpleasant discovery that her armor is gone. Along with her shield, and her broadsword. The corset style leather vest hanging off the armor stand instead fits perfectly, of course. As do the boots and the vambraces, and the sleek rapier, that is so light it feels like waving a knitting needle around. And where her backpack was placed last night, is a satchel, a beautiful dagger, and a couple of long hair pins. There was also a scroll, with specific directions. Hours later, the fire that has been humming inside Scalyfreak, tearing at the back of her mind all day long, begins to grow louder. And louder. She slows her steps, comes to a stop to take a deep breath and then, without hesitation, steps out into the large clearing where the scroll has informed her that Self-Sabotage can be found this afternoon. As with everything else the scroll's prediction is correct on this topic as well. The ugly beast stands quietly in the clearing, looking as smug as ever. The large monster lifts its head and almost lazily gives Scalyfreak a slow once-over, before it begins making that slow hissing noise that passes for laughter among its kind. The flames and their humming grow louder. It's starting to burn. “Oh, this wasn't my idea. But the quest scroll says this is what I'm doing now.” Scalyfreak glares at the ugly demon beast in front of her, and has the brief satisfaction of shutting up that hissing laughter. The quest scrolls are powerful, after all, and must be obeyed at all times, by everyone. Uneasy, feeling quite exposed without her armor on, Scalyfreak draws the uncomfortably flimsy looking rapier and feels a little bit better when her unfamiliar-feeling body automatically flows into a perfect fencing stance as if it has practiced the movement her entire life. But only a little. Self-Sabotage is formidable and brutal, and Scalyfreak is well aware that her heavy armor was all that kept her alive during some of their previous encounters. The armor she no longer has access to... and its absence is heavy and frightening. Self-Sabotage's hungry stare returns to Scalyfreak, eventually coming to a stop at her abdomen. While the monster most likely envisions feasting on spleen or liver, Scalyfreak hears the noise from the flames grow to a roar as the fire soars through her, demanding an outlet. As the giant monster begins to circle her, Scalyfreak decisively pushes her fear aside and focuses on the upcoming battle. She is the protagonist in her own story. She knows what to do, somehow, despite never having used a rapier before in her life. She moves closer, circling in the opposite direction to her opponent, while her left hand draws the ornate parrying dagger, and lifts it into a ready stance. And then she sets the flames free. For the very first time ever since I joined The Rebellion, I am doing a weight loss challenge. Spoilering the rest because weight loss talk. Keeping this new focus on cardiovascular health in mind, these are the goals for this challenge: Build HP (physical health) Another first time ever; This will actually be measured in PAI points! Becoming more active while learning how to use the PAI app and its measurement system all falls under this goal. (Many big thanks to @Ann of Owlshire and @oromendur for introducing me to PAI!) Restore Mana (mental health) Continue to meditate every day. The nature of this challenge will fuel The Flame and preemptive fire fighting will make all the difference. The mental health properties of working out also puts home workouts and gym workouts on the blue mana bar for this challenge. Build Stamina (emotional bandwidth) Keep up with the library reading challenge, stay engaged with the D&D campaign, listen to music, cook and eat good food, spend time with Husband and the Sidekicks. In short, do things that make me actually happy, not just things that feel good in the moment. Here we go. To battle. And lastly, a short intro behind the spoiler, because assuming everyone always understands my strange re-imagery would be a bit delusional.

This last challenge I started building some good habits I want to carry through. I increased my yoga class load, also sneakily increased my social life behind the scenes, and set myself on a good nutrition trajectory. Nutrition Last challenge, I added my green smoothies back in for breakfast and ate with a focus on hitting 80g/day in protein. This was difficult some weeks and definitely took planning. I felt a little veg-lite some days and relied too heavily on convenience junk foods just to hit that number some days. I’m going to continue to refine this one. I planned poorly this zero week and am riding the struggle bus to even want to hit that goal number as a consequence. Next week, I need to plan better. I’m still weighing whether or not i want to continue on with spreadsheets or tracking; we shall see what shakes out here. Movement Last challenge, I added an unexpected 5th class to the rotation and I want to keep that going. Schedule: Monday stretch & flow, Tuesday mobility, Wednesday detox yoga, Friday slow flow, Saturday slow & strong. All with 20-minute walks to and from. Other Continue on with crochet projects; finish the insides of all completed bags Get supplies to finish the couple bags I ran out of yarn for Get supplies for a cover-up project Start fabric bag project Complete copywriting project(s) as they come and I feel good about doing Try to keep my new weekly post-yoga coffee out going Meet up with a friend who is in town Finally get around to cleaning and reorganizing at least my closet so I can find all my yoga leggings - cull the things that no longer fit me - or that do not have a place to land (for the most part) Upcoming travel may or may not but into this challenge cycle; we are also theoretically hosting family for a few days possibly at the end of this cycle as well. We shall see what happens there: they’d be coming from a country currently on the red list (meaning 2-day hotel quarantine), so may just skip this leg of the trip.

I've realized as I'm about to start writing some sort of intro to another challenge that I barely write about me and what's going on in my head. I used to journal once a week and when I was at my height on NF, I would post stuff I was thinking about and debating in my head 2 or 3 times each week for a couple years. Now though, there's just this....blankness. And I'm not sure if it's because I ran out of things to say and what I feel, or if I'm just really rusty with writing in this way. Maybe it's because writing out what's going on is too painful to even talk about. I don't want sympathy and a random thumbs up from some people I used to talk to years ago doesn't address what *is* happening. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I'm stagnant and I don't know how or what needs to happen to make things not feel this way. Being with my ladyfriend: it's not *bad* but it's not really *good*. It's just stagnant. My job. It's not *bad* but it's not *good*. It's just stagnant. My weight doesn't seem to budge - taking literal years of bouncing around the same 20ish pounds before I finally just snap and binge-eat; only to claw my way back to re-lose 20 pounds and trip again and again. My sister isn't doing well. I know she's not and the fact she isn't bringing up what her scan results say, means that she's terrified and at the same time, doesn't want me to worry about her (which I'm obviously doing regardless). There isn't a sense of looking forward to anything. I've really fallen into a wormhole of art and reading which has been a good comfort but it isn't really a challenge - it's not something where I'm growing and doing better and better. There's a lot of shit that I thought I resolved that hasn't truly been addressed. Case 1: My mom. She died 3 years ago now and while I've had to deal with it, at the same time; it's left an emptiness. I don't have her judging me and thinking less of me which emotionally is a good thing. But my life feels a little emptier with her not being around. Case 2: My sister. I already think I had my last christmas, thanksgiving, halloween with her and I'm in a weird position because she's not gone, but she's also not 100% here. When my mom died, my sister did too. She never recovered - slumping in to a massive depression and never giving a fuck about herself and her well-being since then. She's basically become what my mom was: glued to a couch, watching tv and passing out on it, eating random junkfood, and bitter. I can't blame her for this, obviously. But it's also like my sister hasn't been my sister for years. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm there for her as best as I can be and I talk to her all the time (I had to stay away for a couple weeks to detox from junk food but I'm ok with hanging out with her these days). It's like talking to a ghost; she's a shade of her former self. And I can't be like, "Hey get your shit together" - I mean, she's going to be gone soon. All I really can do is be supportive. Case 3: 'Failure'. I don't even want to speak the name of the woman that I was madly in love with some 5ish years ago. That was the most intense and serious emotional intimacy I ever had and then she disappeared. I grew desperate, then angry and bitter, resentful, and eventually I realized that anyone who would act like that to me doesn't deserve to take up space in my head. She doesn't deserve someone to miss her - not when she was an emotionally stunted failure. And I wrote out the entirety of the relationship one day and afterwards, I had a calmness. She doesn't lord over my thoughts at all. However, what should be said is that my emotional connection to *anyone* is now less intense. I don't feel those 'butterflies' of being in love. I don't have a strong pining for past relationships. They have all been put into perspective and I realize that the women that I had attachments to weren't emotionally there. I've been trying to make an intense connection to another person that truly wasn't there. In order to have that deep level of love, both people have to have a level of vulnerability and in the end, there hasn't been a single woman that has lowered their guard in the way that I so deeply wish would happen. Instead I get close....but not *that* close. There are feeling, but they aren't *that* strong. I've often thought that maybe that emotional part of me is broken: that having connected and lost so many times that I'm sort of indifferent to other people being in my life. All of these things happened in the past 3 years and having all my family (I don't consider my sister's doofus husband who doesn't care about her to be family) and the strongest emotional connection either disappear abruptly or fade away makes me feel less, overall. There's a dulling to how I feel and that bleeds over to being passionate about anything or anyone. Like when I get a message from a woman on a dating site and I leaf through their profile and see stuff like 'morbidly obese', 'I know my worth', 'working a dead-end job', 'has two kids and is divorced last year', 'interests are shitty canned laughter comedy', 'drinks on the weekends and does pot', 'looking for something serious, no fuckboys'; all I can muster is a 'eww, no'. I have no desire to be some woman's golden parachute after they made a lifetime of mistakes and bring literally nothing to the table, who wants something serious after they had their years of fun, and there isn't a single attribute that they have that I don't and could look up to. It's basically a wasteland and I find myself going a month or two without even looking at the site. These days, I'm not even checking. I just couldn't care less. The above cases of loss for me, has made it extremely hard for me to care about anything. I hear about the covid shit night and day despite not even clicking on articles or reading any news about it. There's that trucker strike that is getting censored and I see various content creators that I watch starting to get copyright strikes and legal battles to even stay around. I see no brightness at the end of the tunnel in regards to serious relationships. Everything seems dim and pointless. And don't get me wrong, I'm trying. I've tried to have some convos with people at work, I talk with the owner at the warhammer store (Jimmy). I spend time with a ladyfriend. I come on here and try to post on a somewhat regular tempo. But it feels like I'm treading water. I'm going through the motions. I'm surviving, NOT thriving. I'm not sure what needs to happen, what I need to do, to get that kick in the ass to do anything more than maintain. I don't see weight loss progress despite hitting the gym multiple times a week and cutting out all the trash food. I mean, I physically feel better. I'm not getting constant headaches, stomach aches, and serious suicidal thoughts and huge bouts of anxiety. But NOT gaining weight isn't the same as losing weight. NOT being an emotional wreck isn't the same as being happy and fulfilled. I'm kinda just here. I don't know where I'm supposed to find joy and happiness. Like, let's do a thought experiment and I get this huge burst of adrenaline and go all david goggins or some shit. Let's say, theoretically, that my sister will be gone by June. I'm worried that when she is gone, my bro-in-law will inherit the house and there is no love loss between us and he'll kick me out so I'll be homeless. I have enough money in the bank that I won't need to sleep in my car but I'll have a ticking clock. So to avoid that, I need to talk to my sister first to see about what assurances are that things won't end up with the jackass that literally has a song on his phone of 'I married for money' inherits the house my mom broke her back to buy in cash like 40 years ago. Say I talk to her and I end up getting half the house and pay for utilities and my bro-in-law stays in one house, while I'm in the other. Do I ACTUALLY want to be there? Well, I don't want him to have the house. Maybe I could buy his half off with the money I have saved up. Then I have a duplex all to myself and literally no one there. Let's work backwards: In order to either 1) Have my own place or 2) Own my family's house, I need $. That means I need to get the therapist job. In order to do that, I need to address this mental block I have. In order to address the mental block I have, I need to lose weight and build my confidence back up (because it's currently utter shit confidence). In order to do that, it seems I can't lift 3x week and eat healthy: I need to go full-on gym rat and do more cardio, get more strict with measuring food, weigh myself more often to make sure I'm on top of shit, etc. So theoretically, I go beast-mode and Feb+March I lose the weight. I get the job in April and start making some decent money. In June, shit hits the fan and the saved money+the new money gets used..... THEN what? Like, am I happy then? What do I do in, say, August of 2022? October of 2022? I lost some weight and I have a better job. Does that mean I'm fulfilled? I don't think I will be but I don't know for sure. Like, what would an average week look like in October 2022? Monday - Go to work. Monday night - Gym, eat, ???? Tuesday - Go to work. Tuesday night - Gym, eat, ??? Wed/Thur/Fri- same shit. Weekend - Batch cook, do some art. Is that it? I need social connections. Is life worth living if you are all by yourself? What happens when you 'solve' things and life is working a few hours to maintain your life. Like, what ELSE is life? I used to come on here and say that life is the 1/3 of the day you are free. If in 24 hours you sleep 8 (yeah right...), you work 8, then there is 8 leftover. Less because travel time but you get what I'm saying. What the fuck is that 1/3 of the leftover supposed to be? I mean, let's say I won the lottery today and I never had to work. Would that even make me happy? Then I would have 16 hours a day instead of 8. Sure, doing this art stuff is nice and all, but that still doesn't feel like *thriving*. What else should I be doing? I guess the three cases have me questioning how to feel fulfilled when those 3 are all gone. I mean, I didn't feel fulfilled when my mom was alive, or when 'traitor' was texting me all the time. Is life just about filling up your time until you have none left? My sister said two or three months ago that she wanted to know that 'this all meant something', 'this' referring to life and what she has done up to this point. The thing is, I don't really think it has. I don't think there has been a meaning and with her being like this, it's making me reflect more and more on myself. Who else is there to lose? Let's say she is gone, bro-in-law takes the house. I have a bed, tv, chair, loveseat, punching bag, weight bench, and 7 bug-out bags. Back when I had the great purge, I consolidated everything of importance to me into just 7 backpacks. Two were important papers, two were clothes, two were items, one was electronics. I still have those backpacks ready to go, if say, the apocalypse happens. This means that besides a couple pieces of furniture, I could fit everything of value in my car today. So what do I value? What do I want? And will getting those things actually make me happy or will the goalpost towards happiness just be pushed further back? Perhaps the treadmill is a state of mind. You know, I think a lot about the dating scene and about people's likes, wants, and needs and it's a laundry list. All I wanted in my teens was to be with a woman. Now that I've had that several times....whatever? I wanted random toys and crap. I got them and then.....whatever? When I was trying to eat healthy, all I wanted was junk food and then once I had it....whatever? Happiness may not be a state of mind but a constant suffering and longing for what we think we want. A sense of this is also part of how I dealt with case #3, the traitor. If I run through the theoretical life choices and consequences, and I act out reaching that finish line to happiness; is it a reality or just a projection to keep me running on that treadmill? Am I just coming up with more and more carrots on a stick? I mean, when you think about it, that's capitalism: it's the manufacturing of happiness depending on the wanting of things. If I won the lottery and had that bag of money, would I even spend it on shit I wanted? We have these uber trillionaires that accrue more and more but do you really think that the owner of facebook, youtube, various fortune 500 companies etc is truly happy when they can buy a boat or skyscraper and then never even use the damn thing? Should I spend that 1/3 of my life chasing shadows or am I going about this all wrong? What do I actually want and why? This challenge, I'm going to try something different. For frigging years, I've had the same goals over and over and maybe that's me just on the treadmill. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, so I should change. I'm not going to posting how I ticked some boxes that I set for myself. If that works for you, more power to you; but I'm not seeing the benefits these days. This challenge, the only goal is to write. I'll still do workouts and stuff but the more important thing is to keep writing. Just posting this made things feel a little bit clearer so this might be the piece that I'm missing so I'll go from here.

Doing a continuation of my 3rd challenge! Can't wait!

If you are looking for a weight loss challenge this probably isn't the right place. I'm using NF Coaching for weight loss /strength training but I'm in "do it mode over talking about it mode". Except for wins like hey I'm sleeping great, gaining muscle despite the scale not moving right now and I keep waking up before 10 am which is kind of weird since I'm doing 2nd shift. Along with no seasonal depression because I'm walking outside all the time because of Pokémon Go goals... (maybe talk about Pokémon go A LOT). Also I don't hate my job.... (Fabulous things happening). So this last weekend I did a Frozen marathon with my mom for my b-day. Didn't watch the extras just the main movies. The 2nd movie hit me in the feels. I feel like Elsa, got out of the fear and depression. Into a life that was happy and stable... but keep getting the call. A little background... I had been working on a Recreation and Park degree with a emphasis to work outdoors. But me not keeping up my studies on nature... along with a minor in American Indigenous Studies. I officially graduated with my undergrad this last Summer (need to reorder the darn degree as I have a feeling it was sent to the wrong address...) After I finished my internship I was scared and literally fell into a job in security. Good pay, easy work makes sense to me. But feel like everything I learned could be into other jobs. (couldn't find a better gif) But every time I look at applications I'm star struck and terrified. While having a mentor inform me I could grow where I'm at too..... Anyway there's an adventure coming ahead. Goals: -Still showing up to my coaching and doing intentional movement. May share some of my journey. -Work on goals with bullet journals. Intentional goal making one step at a time and taking care of myself. -Remember to stay grounded... breathing deep, being in the moment, not have fear lead you. (Frozen 2 covers that part with her magic... though in reality you don't get as many snow crystals). Overall hope to update throughout my weeks. Work currently is my free time to update... ironically.

Whelp... I bit off a little more than I could chew last challenge, so this time: TWO goals! 😁 1. Sleep 2. Doggie walks Not-really-a-goal: Be more mindful about how I spend my day and what I'm doing with my time (and why)! No specific goal here just 'do this more'. 😂 Sleep I will aim to get eight hours of sleep a night from roughly 10:30-7:30. Right now I fluctuate wildly, although it's settled a bit thanks to the last challenge. I've been getting up and downstairs prior to 8am seems to slowly become more ingrained. (My alarm has been going off at 7:15 each morning for a while now and it's getting easier to get to sleep before midnight.) I had a more concrete plan for improvement last challenge, but that didn't seem to help, so I'm going to focus more on Mindfullness and force myself to evaluate how the night went each morning before work. (Which hopefully will also end with me being a little more social here as a side bonus! 😅) Doggie Walks I did pretty well with this last challenge! I really don't do well in the cold, so I went into hibernate mode when the snow moved in... but it looks like we're on the track to warm up a bit. And rain. Lots and lots of rain. Sigh. So the challenge this time is that if it's over 35 and not raining, then I WILL take the dog on a doggie walk for lunch. If it's lightly raining and it's over 40... then I will give it a try and see how miserable it is. (Our lunch walk is 1 mile and takes us roughtly 25 min, but that might be too much cold/damp for the doggo.) I will think Mindful thoughts whilst walking. I will also take him out on a longer walk on the weekends, trying to take him to a few different walking trails so he can smell the good smells!

Well, let's do this! I had sort of planned great intentions for this year, most of it will probably happen in a messy way, but it will happen nonetheless. I am not ready for this, but few have been the times when I've taken the luxury to take the path I was ready for. Balance, to me, is more of a dynamic thing than a static one: not staying long enough on the crumbling part for it to crumble under me. I can do it. I don't have the energy for either grand or many things, instead, I will focus on one single habit, the one that truly matters: Go to sleep by 9:30 pm, wake up by 4:30 am. That's it. Most other things will sort of fall in place as I hop on my merry way, oriented chaos is kind of my thing.

Ahhhh how I love new beginnings! The start of a challenge is the best part for me: you get to dream up your ideal day and there is always the hope of coming out on the other side having magically lost all the weight and built all the muscle and flexibility! CONSTRUCTION SITE! my body is stiff and brittle and Im old. thats the starting point. Sadly being stiff in my case means my achilles tendons are chronically inflamed and hurt. A lot! so after a year of pain Im trying different orthopedic soles, new advice from my PT and YOGA! certain holy beings among us have finished a 30 day program. So Im doing that too. I chose a yoga teacher with the cool name Fightmaster ,who sadly passed away, leaving me a 30 day beginners course to try out in her honor. I was tempted to go for Adrienne, but I can always do that afterwards. This course starts with 15 minute classes and works up to 30 minutes. I even splurged and ordered two yoga blocks and a yoga belt (??) thingy to pull your body parts in certain directions. they will arrive tomorrow. GOAL do a class daily. you may repeat or adjust classes. main thing is to move about in weird ways every day. HEADBANGERS KITCHEN I have jumped on the keto train a couple of years ago. during the first 2 years I was super diligent and my ass melted down to an acceptable size. Then I proceeded to order pizza during hard times and having croissants with jam as often as I fucking wanted. Those breaks have had my weight exploding and if I ever want be able to run a 5k or fit into my nice clothes again, I will need to change! Last challenge I managed to get back to orderly eating and lost 3kg. Now I want more! While browsing the interwebs for cheap keto recipes I found this hilarious Indian guy ( a death metal musician, thus his title!) whose kitchen equipment looks like mine. No fancy stuff there. The good dude presents keto for people who dont have money for steak every night and makes it fun and accessible. I have his book now and the latest weightloss is due to his no nonsense recipes. I want more of that during this challenge. ( why on earth did I start taking about buttery croissants? now I want one!) GOAL eat cheap and tasty keto foods, prep when necessary. have a tiny cute ass when finished! TALES OF A LOUSY WEEKEND WRITER After publishing a terribly written book in 2019 I have proceeded to call myself a writer without, well erm, writing anything. I have been avoiding writing by planning a podcast, doing other stuff and basically feeling smug about having a book out. To be honest, I like the process of being in the midst of typing down a pice of world literature. I just haven't found what I want to write about next. So during this challenge, my job is to sit down at my desk every weekend and find a topic first, then begin writing a shitty first draft of basically anything. My goal is to get back into the habit and being able to say I used the pandemic to write a bestseller. GOAL find a topic to write about and start a first draft. You must sit down every Saturday and Sunday for at least 30 minutes and stare at your dirty screen. Apart from those 3 goals you will read about the dog child, hiking at the beach, me feeling important by being involved in local politics and tales of a woman with a non existent financial budget.

This new challenge is all about exploring the habits I’ve been working on since I respawned here back in November. A little poking, a little prodding, and not being afraid to see what happens when I shake up the habits I have to make something new. Habits I’m bringing over from last challenge: 🌟Only eat take out or at a restaurant if I am with other people or involved in some kind of social event. This wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, and I feel so great knowing I can go into a kitchen without blowing something up. New habits to form and challenges to take on: 🌟 I’ll be keeping up with my yoga practice, going at least five days per week. However, Mondays will be dedicated to learning crow pose. I’ve found some videos that will hopefully help me on this journey. Even if I don’t fully accomplish the pose, I at least want to start to learn something new and grow from there. 🌟 Posture. I have terrible posture and with my TMJ problems getting worse, I think my body could benefit from me caring a bit more about how I sit. If there’s one thing I’ve discovered as I get help dealing with my uncooperative jaw, it’s that everything is connected in so many subtle ways. It’s been so interesting to see how the neck/back/spine has been impacting my jaw, and I want to see more progress there. Plus, maybe it will give me a confidence boost, and I won’t say no to that. 🌟 Meet my My Fitness Pal calorie targets…most of the time, and continuing to track no matter what. I don’t want to be unreasonable, because that sounds like the quickest way to failing and ending up back where I started. I have some good food habits and some bad ones, and I want to eat better over all and lose weight, but I also want to learn what works while not totally removing the enjoyment from my life. Grabbing pizza and a drink on the weekend with friends is not off limits. The goal it to simply keep track, and not overdo it with the mindless snacking/stress eating/boredom-work-from-home-cupboard-adventures on a daily basis.

I started my challenge around Dec 27, at a new smaller gym without a barbell. I have a couple at home, but I'm unable to be home for a long time right now, so I have to make do. My challenge is to get strong without the barbell, find ways to do sqwaat, DL, OHP, BP. Plus running as many days as possible because I love it, and I didn't bring my swimming or cycling gear. Ran 3ish miles today, medium pace, good weather, on very uneven ground. Today recovering from DL 100 lbs with dumbbells (BB DL, usually lift 125 lbs), and 60 lbs BP also with dumbells. (That's 30 lbs each hand.) I feel like I can do a double workout tomorrow, and I'll have time for it since it's a No Meetings day. A fun run? Skwaats and OHP? I'm also going through a really hard time emotionally and mentally having lost my dearest friend. It's like I've lost my brother or even my spouse. This pain will never go away but I'm fighting the negative with love. I loved him my whole life. I lived in his heart. It is and was my favorite place in the world to be. Now I feel like I belong nowhere. And that's real. I don't want to give up and die though it has crossed my mind. We'll see.

It's 2022 and I'm ready to shake off the fog of holiday/family time and tackle new (and old) challenges! Intro in spoiler Our word for the year, as mentioned in a previous challenge, is Nourish. WM defines nourish as "to provide with the food or other substances necessary for growth, health, and good condition." So for the year, we are focusing on healthy habits for us and the kids including: cooking more and making healthier meals, gardening, keeping tidy etc. I know it's pretty vague. We are still hashing out exactly what that means for us in this year. But we have the start! For this challenge: 1. Sunday planning meeting. Bard and I meet Sunday during naptime or after kid bedtime to map out the week. Specifically, all the appointments and scheduling our workouts accordingly, complete with dry erase boards to put up in the kitchen and gym. Eventually this will also be the meal planning meeting. This funnels into goal 2... 2. 5-6 Workouts a week I've committed to a long-term workout schedule with Bard. I might write more about it later but I'm basically earning a shopping spree for my birthday in 7 months. I'm tracking all workouts and I get a certain amount of cash per month based on the completion percentage. Below 80% is $0. Payout is August 1st. Bard has been wanting to help me create a training plan for my running goal (30 min) 5k so I'm going to let him. 3. TV-free Tuesday and Friday (for the kids... and us!) Pumpkin is a little too attached to his shows and we get sucked in by the dumbest stuff after bedtime. So the TV is off all day on Tuesdays and Fridays. I'm hoping it will make us a little more selective when we do watch stuff. Like, we only watch stuff we're actually enjoying and not just ALL THE POP CULTURE because phantom internet peer pressure. And hopefully I will get more reading done too! My TBR pile is long neglected and large. There's other stuff but that's the challenge. By next challenge we'll have more concrete ideas on the rest.

I've fallen off the horse so many times I ought to just walk alongside it! My goals: Tai Chi at least three times per week 8 cups of water daily Fruit and/or vegetable per meal Read professionally and leisurely daily Share or comment on NF at least three times per week

Hope. Isn't that what the new year brings, and inspires us to look ahead and plan for a brighter future? Future Us has yet to live up to our grand visions, but should we stop dreaming? Of course not. That's the point of the plan - to turn a hopeful vision into reality. So I have a plan. It's a lot like last year's plan, which did not survive real life all that well. Mostly because I wrote it and then worked off my vague memory of it only when I felt like it, then ditched things when it was clear I couldn't achieve them. Not the best follow-through. This year, I am going to work on integrating my plan better with my challenges and not bailing when things aren't going as I'd hoped. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take; you'll never reach 100% of the goals you never strive for. Progress not perfection. Etcetera. My goals for this challenge are a mix of habits and setting up Future Me for success. I hope. (It's long. Brace yourself.) STR Exercise daily with GMB programs. Make a list of specific movements that could be interesting to build towards, such as a pullup or pistol. I have my exercise scheduled; I have just been ignoring it. Stop doing that. This was a regular enough habit not too long ago that I'm hoping it will come back quickly. The second goal is to combat the "but I don't know what I want to do!" excuse with "you can do this, and this is how you can get there, and this is what you should do first". Because I'm lazy and I will absolutely cop out if I let myself make excuses. DEX I will build a skill tree to figure out which movements "unlock" harder skills. See above excuse in STR, except the problem with DEX skills is always "oh, I can't work on that, because I need to be able to do x first" and then find out I need another thing before that, and then get discouraged. So, skill tree idea. What are the basic moves that unlock other things? Learn those. Planning in winter when the great outdoors isn't fun to play in seems wise. CON Plan a walking route for later adventure. This got postponed for Covid, but I still really want to do it. Need a route that will hit accommodation and food sources at reasonable intervals, avoid busy roads, and otherwise be fun and doable. Plus planning this is exciting and makes it more real. INT Read two books per challenge, one fiction, one non-fiction, both of a different genre/topic than previous challenge. This is a new thing I am trying. I tend to order a lot of things on one topic, then either never read them, or consume a lot on a limited range of topics but never really digest it because it's too much to really process and take on board. And then never rarely read fiction, and ignore my classics goal. So. One fiction. One non-fiction. That's probably more books than I'm actually reading right now. I'm allowed to read more if I really want to, but not on the same topic or in the same genre for a whole month. Exceptions for books that are for other goals rather than for interest (ex. travel guides for walking route planning) and my breaktime language practice books. WIS Find a study circle and join it. Read Quran every day, even if only a handful of verses. Pray every day, even if just a quick prayer of gratitude. I will try to build these habits. I sort of had them, but then lost them. Fingers crossed they come back reasonably easily. The study circle is a bit of a stretch goal with all of the other planning. It's going to take a fair bit of work to find one that I can mesh with, but it would be very nice to have a little bit of community, even if it is online. CHA Properly investigate the volunteering options I have identified and commit to at least one by the end of the challenge. In my battle log I listed the options I'm currently looking at that work with my skills, interests, and restrictions. But I can't possibly do all of them, so I need to make choices. Occupational Get all my Amazon stock listed. Finish up VO booth. Really need to get buttons, get them sewn, see if that whole system works, and try something else if it doesn't. My whole plan in this category is held back by this, so DO IT! I also went through my books again, so I have another pile of potential stock to be listed. I would like the space more than I would like a tiny wall of books, and I really don't want to have to move them again. Art & Tool Practice fiddle every day. Find a tutor for fiddle. Have another look at the many organization categories that need purging and make some sort of realistic plan for this. Make a list of things I would like to try (ex. plant dyeing, knife throwing, beadweaving) but never have, and try one per challenge cycle. One session of trying it out is fine to fulfill the goal. I already have fiddle on my schedule and had the habit, but lost it after the move. It's another "hope it comes back easily with a little effort" goal. Finding a tutor to teach me basic stuff I may be messing up is very Covid-dependent, but I can at least do the research. I already have a list of categories of out-of-control stuff somewhere that I just need to find and review. And brainstorming list should be an easy fun thing. Not sure if I'll get to actually doing one of the things on it this challenge, but I hope so! Language Make a plan to practice listening, speaking, reading, and writing into my regular routine. Schedule this if necessary. Think up one major challenging event or activity in each language per year. This can be attending an event, travel, or some other immersion activity, such as taking a course or writing a story. Continue my daily Duolingo lessons in at least one language per day, as well as my Arabic lessons through Bayyinah (at least two per week). This is another that sounds like a lot but really isn't. I am already doing Duo every day (100 day streak hit recently; woo!). I have been working sporadically on finding opportunities to practice my skills, but integrating it better, like by lurking on a Discord in that language, would be both easier and more fun. Just takes a bit of work on the front end to think up ways to make it easy and fun. This sounds like a lot. It might be too much, especially for habit-building. But the habits seem so small, and most of them are things I was doing until recently. And the rest are one-off research projects. If I don't finish them, they can carry over and it's not a big deal. I am worried about mixing one-off goals and habits. Historically, this has never gone well for the habits. Hoping that scheduling the habits will help, but I fear this is the triumph of hope over experience. Wish me luck!

She has forgotten the past, and future is unclear. The landscape in front of her is just a blur to her eyes while she wanders with no clear direction, lost in an unkown territory. Dawn arrives, and the piercing shriek of a lonely swift crosses the winter sky. The promise of a spring.

Happy New Year! I welcomed the first day of the new year with a 4pm breakfast, because why not enjoy one of the last lazy days before real life starts up again. Besides, breakfast is wonderful, no matter what time of day. See? This cat agrees. But since it will be back to business very soon, here are my goals for this month: 💜 Complete all 30 days of Yoga with Adriene's MOVE series. I want to add some longer videos into my routine, since the ones I do right now tend to be around 20 minutes. 💙 Only get take out/eat out with friends and family. If I'm all by my lonesome, I'm going to focus on saving money and improving my cooking skills by actually making what I am in the mood for. The only exception is if it's a date night, family comes to visit, or I'm with friends. I still want to be reasonable and enjoy myself, and I know completely banning restaurants isn't practical. 💚 Track my calories/meals in My Fitness Pal. I always feel better and eat more mindfully when I'm keeping track of things which I haven't exactly been doing these last couple of weeks.