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The last challenge was allot of fun! So here I am again. On the never-ending quest to merge nearing middle-age and the cutness of mahou shoujo. This time I have some ambitious habits I'd like to incorporate, and the plan is to ease into them. Quest 1: Bury the Blue Light! No screens after 10pm Lately I've been going to bed super late, staying up being over stimulated by my cell phone. When I try to go bed, I can't fall asleep... So then I end up back on my smart phone or watching the news which leads to... From Tropical Precure I work in lighting and really know better than to be on my screens so late at night. My goal is to not use any screens after 10pm but I'm not sure it's realistic to jump straight to 10pm after weeks of being glued to my screen. So I'm easing into it. Cleaning, laundry, working on my electronics project, or listening to audio books are all things I could do that don't involve screens. Week 1: Midnight Weeks 2-3: 11pm Weeks 4-5: 10pm Quest 2: Just start moving! Work up to 5 hours of exercise a week I haven't been exercising as much lately and it's catching up to me. Not just physically but mostly mentally. The mental benefits of exercise, I really need to focus on. Because since I started eating disorder treatment, my motivation gets meh. I start exercising allot, people start commenting on my weight, insert downward spiral. I cannot be the only chubby person who exercises without dieting, right? Right now I'm averaging about 2 hours a week. But I've been pretty lazy. Week 1: 3 hours Weeks 2-3: 4 hours Weeks 4-5: 5 hours Quest 3: Plan to succeed and Meal plan You'd think working from home, eating would be easy. And yet, I wake up everyday pretty clueless about what to eat. Most of my coworkers are on the West Coast (I'm on the East) and I don't plan my lunch and breaks well. Let me tell ya', doing afternoon math is not easy on an empty stomach. From: Futari Wa Precure Although I love cooking, living alone is not the best motivator for planning meals. My new ED dietician is encouraging me try at least planning for 1 day, and then what to do with any leftovers. Instead of getting overwhelmed by trying to plan 7 days all at once. Week 1: Plan meals every 2 days. Weeks 2-3: Plan meals every 4 days Weeks 4-5: Plan meals every 7 days. Alright! Let's go!

Me remembering late last night that I was supposed to make a challenge thread: And then I went to bed! Probably best for all concerned. So, why am I here and what is this challenge all about? I'm not going to bury the lede. My focus this challenge is on working on eating disorder recovery, regular walking, and self care. I was officially diagnosed at the beginning of April, but it was something I had known on some level for quite a while and something I would have seen coming if I had been paying the right kind of attention for the last fifteen years. I'm not a newcomer to NF. I've been on and off the forums for about two years now and I've done a bunch of challenges. For those of you who remember me (though there don't seem to be many left that I recognize!) my diagnosis might come as a surprise. I was good at hiding it, and indeed I kept telling myself that I didn't really have a problem because nobody seemed to think I was doing anything dangerous. My whole life I thought I knew what I needed to do to be a better, fitter, healthier, more productive person. It was the same stuff I'd been trying to improve since I was a kid - eat better, exercise more, procrastinate less, etc. I thought I knew what I needed to do, and I thought I knew the right way to go about it. Willpower and discipline, self control, and accountability. I viewed all of it as a contest between my inner self, who was weak and lazy and lacked judgement, and my external and logical self, who knew better and was there to act as a drill sergeant, enforce the right decisions, and control the inner self who could not be trusted. I achieved what I thought of at the time as considerable successes - weight loss, fitness improvements, etc. But there were even more setbacks and devolution. And the more upset with my situation I was, the more I doubled down on self-judgement, and the worse things seemed to get. So I planned to try again, to do it better, to be better. I was sure that my strategy was solid and it was my execution, my character, that was flawed. I'm now seeing a specialist as part of my recovery and am also doing therapy every week. I'm starting to see and understand how so many of the behaviours and attitudes that I thought would bring me success (if I could only measure up) were actually exacerbating and worsening my problems. I'm optimistic, for the first time in a very very long time, that maybe one day I will no longer be at war with my own body and mind. I'm starting to believe that maybe there really are different and better ways to think about things. I don't know how long it will take. Years, probably. But even now I'm noticing some small changes, some small improvements. And I'm starting to see the true nature and extent of the problems for the first time in a lot of cases. And that too feels like progress. So this challenge isn't about forcing myself to do something I don't want to do, or a way to sustain motivation. It's meant as a chronicle - a place to record what happens and learn from it. I'll talk about what I do and don't do, and why, but not in a pass/fail way. Indeed, part of the challenge here is to break out of the old patterns for how I judged the things I did or didn't do instead of trying to truly understand my reasons and feelings. Here are the things I'm working on as part of recovery stuff: Do my best to eat meals and snacks at the frequency my specialist has asked me to. Try not to skip meals (more important than not skipping snacks) Notice whenever I'm feeling the urge to control/limit/punish myself and try to stop it in the moment or, if not, to at least notice it Write pertinent feelings and thoughts in my journal when it feels helpful Go to sessions each week as scheduled Take a walk once a day if I feel like I want to Do a mindfulness meditation exercise if I feel like I want to, aiming for at least once a day if possible So there you have it. I realize this is kind of a downer compared to most challenges and I won't be surprised or offended if this ends up being a pretty quiet thread. Thanks for letting me be here, even as my situation and goals evolve, and for letting me feel like part of the community. NF has been a really good influence on my life the past two years (indeed, I think some of the conversations I had here and the realizations I came to as a result of my NF challenges are part of why I'm finally seeking treatment) and I am hoping to still contribute to the community in a positive way.

Main Quest Loose weight - be under 150 lbs. Smile more. Goal #1: Get healthy! Zero binge episodes over the next six weeks. To accomplish this: - NO eating alone. - NO emotional eating - I will plan my meals the night before. - NO eating for the purpose of getting sick/emotional relief. If I'm not hungry, I'm not eating. - Since grains/gluten provoke a binge, I will prepare all meals without gluten, grains or processed substitutions for six weeks. Grading: A - No binge eating in 6 weeks B - Binge 1 times in 6 weeks C - Binge 2-3 times in 6 weeks D - Binge 4 times in 6 weeks F - Binge >5 times in 6 weeks (To define a "binge" for this challenge will be: eating will be more than 2,000 calories in one sitting, eating any gluten/grains intentionally, eating food that doesn't belong to me, eating in secret, eating when already full.) Goal #2: Get fit! Train 5x per week for at least half an hour. Grading: A - 5x per week B - 4x per week C - 3x per week D - 1-2x per week F - 0 times per week Goal #3: Intermediate Fast: 10 hour feeding window, 12 hour fast. Grading: A - 5x per week B - 4x per week C - 3x per week D - 1-2x per week F - 0 times per week Life Quest: Slow down! Meditate (read scriptures, pray, practice yoga) for 20 minutes a day Grading: A - 5x per week B - 4x per week C - 3x per week D - 1-2x per week F - 0 times per week My Motivation I want to learn parkour. Run faster. Climb higher. Jump distances and swim faster. I want to gain confidence and strength. Stats: Weight: 175 Height: 5'5"