Search the Community

So this pretty much is my first post here and not as a lurker. I need some help with some issues I've noticed that keep cropping up which is sabotaging my weight loss goals. Some background on myself: I'm 5'2'', weigh anywhere from 140-150lbs (stopped weighing myself long ago as I became too obsessed), my bodyfat was 19% but has gone up to about 21% because of having a Fleur De Lis with ab repair done 7 months ago and have just been laying around but within the last few months have I been able to slowly get back into working out. I wear a size 4-6 jeans depending on the maker. My biggest size was a 24. At my maximum weight I weighed closed to 300 and have lost 150lbs. Of course with that you get loose skin which is why I had the surgery on my tummy. It has been 4 years since starting my journey in case anyone would be interested. I still have a lot of loose skin on my inner thighs but I'm not here for that. I will say this, after being on this life changing journey I'm on, no one tells you that you may get some "mental" battles. I still see myself as that huge girl. But I have my good days and bad ones. Everyday is a work in progress. Couple issues I've been noticing is that ever since getting into a relationship 2 1/2 years ago my "perfect" diet i was able to maintain being alone in the beginning for almost 2 years has sort of clashed with my boyfriend's way of eating. He's naturally very thin, 5'11'' 155lbs, and has AMAZING food control but can eat pretty much anything and never gains weight. He can have a piece of cake sitting on his lap and somehow forget it's there. :/ It's hard to tell him no don't bring home nutella, pasta, chips, etc without feeling like I'm an ass for "controlling" what he brings into the house. I don't want to be that person. My self control with food sucks. Period. I never grew up knowing how to eat and before my lifestyle change I would eat out 2/3X a day every day or boxed meals. Never ate veggies. So you can say I don't have a healthy relationship with food. I on occasions have binged and my mindset has unhealthly gone back and forth on I should remain in "lose weight" mode and not maintain mode. I don't eat anything near what I use to and never eat at fast food places but my bf has taught me to enjoy eating out at all natural restaurants. Thank you PDX for having so many options on healthy restaurants! But where I'm getting at is that with my horrible self control I catch myself eating things I shouldn't be eating every week. It wont be everyday but overtime stuff does add up. I haven't been able to lose the stubborn fat I have because of my self control that doesn't work. I know we shouldn't be obsessed with the number of our weight but I'd love to be around 130lb. When I'm on tract I eat my protein, carbs, and healthy fats. Another habit I've recently started as in within 2 months and I'm kicking myself over this, is alcohol. I'm what someone would call a social drinker. I pretty much never drink at home and when my bf and I go out to eat, which is once a week, I have one maybe two beers. But when we go clubbing with friends or to bars with friends or boating with friends it turns into binge drinking where I drink like 4-6 shots or have a whole bunch of beer where it went from enjoying to I want to get drunk like everyone else. I need to kick this but with my self control and even low self esteem I for some reason can't. Funny thing is I hate the taste of hard liquor but love the drunk side effect.. I'm thinking of telling myself two alcohol beverages a week to start with until I can just go without having to feel like I need to "fit in" and get drunk. I'm a little socially awkward but I'm friendly. When I'm drunk I turn into super outgoing and everybody is my friend. Not sure what some peoples' thoughts on this subject would be but any advice would be helpful. Learning to love myself is a major hard one for me but I have an amazing man who tells me I'm beautiful. I am planning on seeing a therapist but any input from you group of lovely men and women will be gladly helpful. I'll add a photo of myself