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Introduction: I've been struggling a lot lately and things nearly boiled over yesterday. I had a major mental meltdown. I wanted to quit my quest and just go back to the way things used to be. I went into full panic mode and ended the night with no workout and a burger and fries. I've made a lot of progress in the past few months, but yesterday it all felt pointless. I felt like I haven't made any improvements below the surface. I still feel like the fat guy. I still feel lonely and hopeless too often. But after letting the storm rage for a few hours, I suddenly felt better. A few episodes of Master of None helped, lol. I went to sleep with a clear head and this morning I awoke refreshed — and just in time for this new challenge. I've been a Druid for a few months, but I've been slacking on the actual yoga and meditation. Those are still things I want to pursue, but there's also so much more I want to do. I feel like even the Ranger guild seems a bit limited, so I'm pulling back even further into a broader spectrum and identifying as a Rebel now — plus I'm too non-committal to choose a guild and stick with it, so I'll likely jump around even more in the future. Because I like to do a little bit of everything and can see myself fitting in with just about any guild, I kind of feel like a shapeshifter. But not a murderous, cultish one like the Faceless Men, lol — although Arya kicks all kinds of ass. So then I started thinking about X-Men, particularly Mystique or even Morph from the old X-Men cartoon, which seemed fitting because he had to deal with so many mental demons. Yet, this isn't about changing appearances. It's more about obtaining abilities from different sources and using them for whatever challenge is in front of me. If I were an X-Men, I'd want to have Rogue's ability to borrow the powers of those she comes in contact with. Kind of like Peter Petrelli from Heroes. Because the people who enter my life and touch me have an influence on the way I think and the things I can do. And I want to use those powers for good. If only I knew a powerful telepath who could take all the negative voices in my head and cage them up deep within my psyche where they can do no harm. Sigh... Main Quest: My 30th birthday is in October. I'd like to weigh 200 pounds or less by then. Last month I lost somewhere between 7 and 10 pounds. I'm not exactly sure because I've been cheating a lot lately and may have gained some weight back. But I've got a week and a half left to go for a bet against my boss. I told him I would weigh 200 pounds by the end of September. It's not looking good right now, but if I really FORTIFY, I might be able to do it. Quest 1: Complete my assigned Bodyweight exercises three times a week and complete a cool down afterward. I update these daily on my battle log if you want to see details and follow along. A = Complete workout/cool down 3 times a week. B = Complete workout/cool down 2 times a week. C = Complete workout/cool down 1 time a week. D = Complete 0 workouts/cool downs in a week. F = No physical activity. Quest 2: Walk and/or jog every day and complete a cool down afterward. I usually track these with the RunKeeper app on my battle log as well. A = Walk/cool down 6-7 days a week B = Walk/cool down 4-5 days a week. C = Walk/cool down 2-3 day a week. D = Walk/cool down 1 day a week. F = No walking/cool downs. Quest 3: Drink less alcohol. A = Have no more than 3 drinks per week. B = Have no more than 5 drinks per week. C = Have no more than 7 drinks per week. D = Have no more than 9 drinks per week. F = Anything more than that. Quest 4: Cook paleo meals more often, eat out less. If I do eat out, I will find healthy/paleo-ish options. A = Eat out no more than 2 times a week. B = Eat out no more than 4 times a week. C = Eat out no more than 6 times a week. D = Eat out no more than 8 times a week. F = Eat out more than 8 times a week. Life Quests: I've been struggling a lot lately with some brain weasels. I think it's finally time for me to find the courage to seek help and find my own personal Professor X. I've been avoiding this for a long time, but I don't think I can afford to anymore. I'm a big proponent of breaking down the stigma of mental health problems, but I haven't been able to break down that stigma within myself. I will start by talking to my doctor about the problems I'm having and see where it goes from there. Motivation: I feel like my lack of self confidence is a big obstacle that gets in the way of enjoying life and taking chances. I'd like to look good, so I can feel good and live life to the fullest.