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Last challenge didn't happen. Bronchitis seems to be over, but I am still stuck with a runny nose. On the good side, my ankle seems to be right, at least I can run again. 1. Run. Slowly. 2. Do push-ups. 3. Keep a food journal. 4. Whatever.

I just copy-pasted my tags from last challenge. This challenge I think should be about end result and reporting my progress every day. The future keeps changing... one week, we're not going to be here next xmas, the next we're stuck in this area for life.

I was going to sit this challenge out because we were supposed to be on a space-a flight to England by now, and my internet access was spotty last time I went. Instead, in another shining example of my husband's command's abusively neglectful disregard for his welfare, they told him that he didn't need any paperwork to leave the country, then at the last minute they tell him that it takes a month to go through all the paperwork. They told him it was his fault, and they washed their hands of him because he's not at the school anymore (vacationing between commands.) We're loosing a very expensive commercial return-trip, and it was money we didn't like to spend in the first place. The thing that's stopping me from going without him is that I would have to buy a commercial flight because I can't fly nearly-free without him. I got a little bit depressed and overwhelmed by the house last time he was deployed, but he also never really recovered. His ship kept increasing the amount of stress with the amount of work he needed to do, the random schedule, just using him up so much that what time he did get off wasn't enough. It would have been better for me if he wasn't there at all instead of having to take care of him when he didn't have any energy to interact. He was almost returning to normal during Christmas break, but then they started using him up so hard that having a vacation between the ship and the school was needed but denied. Also when I started panicking and being convinced that they were trying to kill him, they just casually dismissed that there was a problem. He's fairly stoic about it most of the time, but he's been dragging home stress and not being there for me for over a year and it's been wearing me down. The only thing I can do to express my frustration and anger is to say "It's not your fault" because he knows and he's helpless about what his commands do to him. Also my gradual fear of driving and inability to cope fed the problem. (The traffic here scares me, but mostly I was scared of having a panic attack while driving, which mostly would have been brought on by the fear of having a panic attack.) I also hated driving because we only have one car and his schedule isn't predictable. I told him to find me something that runs better than it looks so I won't have so much anxiety about some nut-job hitting me. I'll be checking in every once in a while, but probably not much. First I'm going to go visit my mother so that hubby can have solitude, and hopefully it will break the stress-cycle. Then in return for me painting her baseboards and a few other chores, she's going to talk me through the problems caused by my hoarding and help me get my house so that I can keep it presentable and ready for play with an easy routine. Right now, I'd have to move a bunch of stuff that doesn't have homes off of the table just to do a small puzzle. I still haven't been able to find the box that I put my cross-stitch stuff in. I stopped cooking because I got sick of cleaning the kitchen and cycling the dishwasher every single day, and then not being able to do anything fun because the rest of the house was a blocked-up mess. Hopefully I'll be ready to have a goal like "play with legos or something every day" and have it not be a chore by the time the next challenge starts.