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Klaybae's New Groove: The Outtening I AM RETURNED. Goal the First: Follow the first half of GMB's Elements according to the scheduled do / rest days. Goal the Second: Row 10 minutes a day. Let's just get that habit rolling again. Goal the Third: Get back to keto eating M-F with primal carbs on weekends. Goal the Fourth: Complete the first half of my MBSR course. Hello, why am I sticking to these goals? THE BIG OL HWHY. Hi there, it's ya boi Klaybae fka Klaymates here. About a month ago, I reached out to my GP about starting the process for FtM (female to male) transitioning. Among other things, testosterone therapy can cause weight gain and impact mental wellness, and I just want this transition to help me be the h e a l t h i e s t me possible. And right now, I don't feel like my healthiest self. Would you believe how completely and utterly shattered/off balance/stressed/exhausted I am processing all these EMOTIONS and shrugging off the uninformed/hateful/not-my-business opinions of others throughout this process? My GP included? It's hard stuff y'all. Aside from all the distress and other nasty feels I've carried around in my little gender dysphoria feelings bag, I've also constantly felt like a fraud or impostor or liar or fake for living without full authenticity. But hopefully, I can be approved for gender affirming treatments. WHOOOWEEE NOW THAT WE'VE GOTTEN THAT OUT OF THE WAY. Even so. This is the most fulfilling and most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life! My whole, big, great, grand, wacky, wonderful life! On the first day of this challenge I'll see my GP again, hopefully for a referral to an appropriate psychiatrist who specialises in gender therapies and can give me a nice little letter to take to an endocrinologist so that I can begin T. And get my titties lopped off. She asked for some weeks to try to figure out how to deal with all of this, after saying some really stupid, unprofessional, and hurtful things. I am secretly terrified she is going to try to block this process here, by refusing to refer me onwards just because she doesn't believe it's a real thing that's impacted my entire life. I guess I'll figure out how to cross that chasm if it happens. But anyway, in the meantime I've quit smoking, I'm shedding weight, I'm improving my fitness, I'm improving my mindfulness, I'm reconnecting to the things I love about myself, I'm hoping, and I'm going to breathe deeply and maybe have a nice cuppa. Also this will probably accidentally turn into a journal space about transitioning, so if you really don't want to read about that stuff...well there's your heads up. Thanks!