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Hey! I've found NF two days ago after looking at myself in the mirror and thinkin "I need to finally take care of myself". But maybe let's start with an introduction (I hope this forum is alive and well btw ;)) I'm (almost) 26 years old. I work as a web developer in Poland. My first encounter with a gym was when I was around 16-17 years old. I've always been a very skinny kid, and in a couple of months in the gym I've managed to gain a little bit of muscle and look somewhat healthy. Unfortunately I've abandoned that habit and never managed to get back on track consistently. I'm struggling to build a healthy habit of exercising and eating well. Some of my unhealthy and destructive habits are getting in the way also, so there are two fronts to manage for me. I think my biggest problem was always trying to do a thousand things at once (that's why NF philosophy brought me here - it's sound like a perfect solution for my situation and an awesome community as a bonus to that :)). Right now I'm trying to get into calisthenics, I feel too nervous to get back to gym and workout with other people. I just don't feel comfortable enough with myself to make that kind of wourkouts sustainable. I feel anxious even writing about it. Before I started to work as a programmer, I was working night shifts at a club as a bartender. This kind of work requires a lot of movement, so I haven't got any problems with maintaining my weight. Unfortunately, now it's a lot more of sitting and trying to figure out why is something not working and I'm starting to see negative effects of a sedentary lifestyle. I would describe myself as a skinny-fat person with more and more "fat" than "skinny". Recently my blood tests showed a TSH thyroid hormone above the norm (I looked up some info and it seems that people my age should have this near the lower limit), so I'm pretty scared that's a beginning of something bad. I've been thinking about my "big why", and there are multiple reasons for why I would like to get rid of my bad habits, build new ones, shake off my mental and emotional baggage and start living as a 26 year old man is supposed to live (right now I think I feel older than a typical 26-er). First of all - I would like to feel manly and attractive to women again. I live in a long-term relationship with a woman I love, but I just feel that there's a pattern that after some time together, most people just stop working on themselves. I've seen this pattern in my previous relationship and in my friends' relationships. I just feel invisible for other women. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend, I just want to feel attractive to her and more manly. I think that feeling attractive to other women is a part of this. Right now me and my girlfriend are both falling in and out with different workouts and "diets". I just don't feel that's right, because we're not getting any results. In fact, I feel like I'm spiraling down when it comes to my health, fitness, attractiveness, you name it. Second big thing is health problems in my family. My mom died of cancer three years ago. Her mother also died of cancer. My grandfather from my dad's side died from leukemia (it's basically a blood cancer). It's become something of a phobia for me, especially after my mom passed away. They died pretty young (my grandma was 66, my mom 51). My living grandma has diabetes and is basically unable to walk cause of her obesity. All she's able to do is sit in front of TV and watch brainwash-stupid shows. My parents were smokers (my mom smoked even when she was in the middle of her chemo), my dad is smoking a pack a day to this day. I was a smoker myself. I think I was an addict by age 15-16 till my early 20's. I was a miserable construction student, chain-smoking two packs a day. Destructive relationship also threw me into more and more booze to manage my anger and resentment. On top of that, I found out that my mom is sick at the time, so that only deepened my problems. I think it was the first time I thought about suicide. There were days that I had no money for food because I bough booze and cigarettes earlier. I haven't finish college and after my return back home I decided that I have to do something about my smoking and drinking. That's when I found some pushups, pullups and running routines and that period lasted for something about 8-9 months. I was in the best shape I was ever in my entire life - that's what I would like to strive for and even further ;). OK, im floating away from the topic - I don't want to be miserable and sick when I'm older, I want to be an active and happy senior, and live long and well. I wan't to live to see my grandchildren and to be a role model for my kids. I wan't to be a good father with an energy to pay attention to his kids and be able to guide and aid them with their struggles in life. I don't want to be dependend on medication and spend my senior years sitting in hospitals' waiting rooms. Third "why" is discipline and ability to stick to my goals. I have a problem with concentration, being productive at work and stick to my fitness goals. I feel overwhelmed with things that I want to accomplish and I need to work towards a maintainable system to manage all of it. I think that working out can benefit with sense of discipline mentioned earlier and help to create a ripple effect on other aspects of my life. In some sense, I want to become a good-habit-machine After all - i just want to have a happy and fullfilling life and I'm ready to fight for it. I just feel that I've tried so many times to do this on my own and I've learned that I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I need help and I hope that I will find like-minded people and we will finally strive to get each other out of our personal mess. Wow...that sound very pessimistic when I look at it after writing it all I hope you didn't get the wrong picture of me - overall I think I'm OK, I have my struggles and flaws that I need and want to work on, and I would love to be a part of this community and help anyone in need as good as I can Hope I didn't scare you off P.S. Feel more than welcome to correct me if you find anything wrong with my english! ! !