Search the Community

Good morning! So I finally decided to commit to living a better life. This means keeping a cleaner house, creating meal plans that can feed two adults, and two toddlers while still packing big nutrition and enough calories to fuel our shenanigans, and completely restructuring how we think so as to be productive to our goals instead of undermining. I hope that in joining this community that I can get some advice from other like-minded folks. So my first questions for my fellow Rebels are as follows: 1.) As a half-time online college student and mother is it really possible to pull off something like this while still giving my children the attention they need and deserve? 2.)What are some sample meal plans that are healthful and simple enough to fit into a super busy life that are also desirable to the carnivorous hubby and picky kids? 3.) Has anyone else been able to regain their body after having two kids close together? and 4.) Does anyone feel comfortable sharing their struggles on this journey and how you've overcome them? (It doesn't have to be super detailed, I'm only asking to gain a sense of confidence to be able to surmount the challenges that are sure to come.) I know nothing worth having comes easy. I've been there, heck before my husband and I were married I was at the peak of my physical fitness, I was strong, at the lowest weight since middle school and I had confidence. While he still complements me and truly has a high opinion of me I have lost all of my confidence, that fire that drove me, everything I was before. This is mostly due to the depression but also because I've learned so much in the last four years about health and diet, and even things like organizations that I've found that the majority of what I had confidence in back then was a lie. I'm here not to mope about the past, or even to recapture it. It was a wonderful time in my life, I found my love, and found a deeper purpose as a wife and mother, don't get me wrong. It's just time to move forward, and be the best me from this point forward. More people depend on me now than they did back then so this beginning is very important and admittedly, I'm going to need a lot of support from a solid community. There it is, I admitted to needing help! There's one accomplishment already! Ready, set... Go! Let's get started!

As many of you might know, I took up a place in "Team Scotland" at the Commonwealth Powerlifting Championships in Richmond, BC, Canada at the beginning of the month. For those of you who don't know what the Commonwealth is, it's an association of 53 countries for whom Queen Elizabeth II is still head of state. Fourteen of those attended the championships at the Richmond Olympic Oval. We flew out to Vancouver four days before I was due to lift to give me a few days to recover as much as possible and booked a little AirBnB apartment with cooking facilities for the first two nights so that I could cook for myself and get my weight under control. Thankfully, I'd weighed in at 62.7kg the morning before flying out, so I was confident that my weight would be fine. I just went easy on the salt, drank lots of water and carried on eating as normally as possible. Unfortunately, other things weren't going as well. I struggled to catch up with the 8 hour time difference and woke up at various times in the night, and the occasional eczema on my hands flared up so badly that my knuckles split open and started bleeding. That said, all in all, I was feeling alright and fairly confident. I raided LuluLemon and had a great time bouncing around the shops, and got to know my teammates (some of whom I'd only met a couple of times). The Big Day The day before the competition, I woke up heavier than I'd been all week at 63.2kg but I made a conscious decision to keep on eating and drinking as normally as possible and sweat it out if I absolutely had to. I went out for lunch with teammates before the opening ceremony and then for steak and potatoes at dinner (even had some cheesecake). Not exactly starving myself! Unfortunately, I woke up the morning of the competition and my weight had dropped out overnight. I was 61.9kg at 7am, had breakfast and a small coffee and yet still weighed in at 61.8kg at about midday. I turned up at the venue just before 11am for my weigh in to start but, between kit checks, rack height confirmations and just the size of the queue, I wasn't weighed until almost midday. I wasn't too stressed about it, as it was already clear that they were running behind, but I was definitely ready to kill for my next coffee! They did a full kit check for the first time with everything, even knickers, being checked to make sure that it met with regulations. One girl had brought two non-legal belts so her dad went and bought her a legal one from the stands (despite offers from quite a few of us to lend her ours). I got stuck straight into a huge bag of salt and vinegar crisps (as recommended by Tankweazel) and loads of water. I know I ate a couple of oat bars too, but actually can't remember the full details of my post-weigh-in feasting. There was definitely a doughnut from Tim Horton's, though! Eventually, they announced that we'd be lifting off at 3pm (two hours late) so I headed to the warm-up room about half an hour before to start getting ready. Squats actually felt pretty decent. I was one of the heaviest openers in my class so I was feeling good. Two of the guys were acting as my "coaches" for the day so I handed my signed slips over to them and told them what the plans were. Squats My opening squat at 125kg was pretty quick and clear, but I decided to play it safe and go for just a 7.5kg jump to my second squat. Despite that, I just couldn't come back up from the second squat. I don't know what happened, but the spotter pulled it off my back when he helped me recover and (being a total idiot) I let go for a second before realising what I'd done and getting back under the bar. I crossed my fingers hard that I wasn't disqualified (which they were within their rights to do) but I was allowed to continue. I did get 132.5kg back up on my third attempt, but it was high. I was so freaked out by failing an "easy" weight on my second attempt that I just totally blew it. Bench So onwards to bench. I warmed up but it wasn't feeling right so decided to drop my opener to 65kg for safety. I'm really glad I did. I got my opener at 65kg and my second at 70kg but 75kg was glued to my chest. I'd been watching other people's lifts and knew that 70kg was enough to give me a bronze medal on bench, much to my shock, as long as one of the other girls failed her third attempt. Deadlifts By this point, I just wanted deadlifts to be over and done with. I knew my strong wasn't there so I just wanted to total and move on. Given deadlifts rely on confidence for me, I suspected I wasn't going to do hugely well. I was freaked that 120kg felt heavy-ish in warm-ups so dropped my opener to 125kg. Got that and 130kg but 135kg only moved a couple of inches before I gave up. I think it was that I gave up, because watching it back I can't see any breakdown. Regardless of that, I danced off the platform delighted that it was over and that I had a total. I don't think they'd ever seen anyone so delighted by such a poor showing on deadlift. The Medal Ceremony I went and watched the 72kg girls deadlifting before the medals ceremony then filtered backstage to be called out. But I wasn't. They got to bench in my weight category and called someone else's name. I was confused, but pulled up the score sheet and right enough she'd benched 2.5kg less than me. I got the guys who'd been coaching me to go up and point it out but it was too late for me to get my moment on the podium. I had to go backstage to tell the girl (Kristie) that there had been a mistake and that the medal for bench should have been mine. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience! Eventually, I was called up to the platform alone to receive my medal, but it wasn't exactly the same thing. Either way, it was done. We were finally finished at about 7:30pm, having been at the venue for over 8 hours, so we sloped off back to the hotel before heading out to the local Irish bar where they had a special on wings (a big portion for $3.90) and awesome nachos. The girl whose medal I'd "stolen" was on the next table with a bunch of the other Aussie girls, so we went over to hang out with them. The biggest joy about competitions for me is meeting new people and there were so many amazing lifters around to hang out with. EVERYONE liked talking about lifting. EVERYONE wanted to eat (after they'd lifted). Barely any diva behaviour, no commenting on how much the girls ate, even the referees were really friendly. The next day, however, was an even bigger challenge... I was coaching for the first time! TBC (Photos will be added later.)

Here's what I wrote 2.5 years ago: New Nerd 08 July 2012 - 11:06 AM Well, I'm not new at being a nerd, I'm quite adept at that, but I'm new to the Rebellion. Posting a new thread is HUGE for me as I'm a chronic lurker. I've been working seriously on my own fitness for about 3 months and have lost a good 15 lbs. I recently joined NF and today was my first workout in the program, Level 1 Rookie! I have a lot more to lose (currently 300 lbs, which is hard to admit, even in writing), and I'm looking forward to my personal improvement and reading about others' progress as well! .Lou186000 I think that 15 lb loss was the limit of my success at that time. It was hard to write that paragraph well over two years ago, it's harder still to look back and see the evidence of a failed attempt. Yet I've come to be a firm believer in facing my demons: it's not fun, but it's a huge help. Being honest with myself has to be part of my process. It's about self acceptance, I suppose. I restarted my path exactly 90 days ago (I can tell because it says "90 Day Streak" on MyFitnessPal, which strangely sounds like I've not worn clothes for 90 days). I started at 312 and have lost just over 30 lbs, which to me is unbelievable. It's the lowest my weight has been in years. I'm trying to keep track of what's working this time versus what didn't last time. Here's a list: I'm logging everything I put in my body, no exceptions. Last time I only logged if it was "good." I wanted to hide my poor choices, even from myself. If I went over my calorie allowance I left it off the food log and promised myself to make it up the next day via exercise or better eating. That plain `ol didn't work for me. Now I'm logging it even if I'm way over. This being honest with myself works stunningly well for me. I'm keeping a personal journal. I've been an avid (sometimes neurotic) journaler for several years. I'm being very sure to write consistently whenever I have a few minutes. It allows me to congratulate myself on a good workout, for example. It's also been a really good place to ruminate on those times when my motivation for both exercise and healthy eating are in the tank. I'm following the Nerd Fitness strength program. I'd been using Steve's stuff previously, and I liked the results I saw. That part's not going away. What's different this time is I allowed myself to "graduate" to Level 3 Outsider, after going through both Rookie and Recruit levels for a few weeks each. Moving to Outsider was a big personal step and one of which I'm quite proud. I'm cooking a LOT. I'm cooking for the family as much as myself, but it's been a great source of control and confidence to know exactly what I'm putting in my body. This one really works for me: I have a picture of Fat Me where I can see it every day. It was taken in Aug, about two months before I relaunched myself on the path, and the picture horrifies me. Last time I took no pictures. This time, I'm taking pictures, and keeping this first one handy as a spectacular reminder about why I have to keep at it. I'm not sure what motivated me to post this today. Maybe it's a stab at further accountability for myself. The success so far has been good and encouraging. There's a long way to go, but I feel I've come a respectable distance so far. At any rate, if you've happened by my humble post, thanks for reading. - Lou

A fair warning: This thread may still contain thoughts of suicide, depression, and dark and sad emotions. I feel I cannot and do not want to clean those away. To me, fluffing it away would be a another kind of lie. It is not wise to be so immensely honest. I probably going to tell things other people would think thrice to tell anyone. If I ever am going to make waves and go out in the public to do great things, some bastard (or worse...) is going to look out for my weaknesses, and use them against me. There are people like that. But there is also people who this will help, and give strength to, and make lives more loving and beautiful! Those I help, even only a few, are more important than some hurtful S.O.D delibrately looking out ways to hurt other people. Or my personal hurt, if that happened. But what if this will be used to hurt those I love? That's what I'm scared for. After you've read this, I would appreciate help about this matter. I am so young I do not know the dynamics of the Internet. At which point doing what feels right meet the limits of caution of common sense? The worst case scenario: If I was a parent, and a random jackass came and said: "Yeah, your son had depression and suicidal thoughts, right? So did you fail as a parent?" it would hurt tehm like seven hells... And even if they would understand my need for excruciating honesty, it would still hurt them badly. ----------------------------------------- Brene Brown's work inspired this challenge, and I am grateful for stumbling into her talks. http://blog.ted.com/2012/03/16/being-vulnerable-about-vulnerability-qa-with-brene-brown/ https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame I try convey the impression she has had through this challenge write up, but it will be imperfect. Things marked in this post "in quotes" are all direct quotes from Brene. *breathe...* Getting a name for the core fear of myself, the fear of vulnerability and shame, felt so real and important, and also really icy fear scary. I have big issues with this, but I know there's a way out, and I will love myself. I know that. It ain't easy, but I know I can do it. Do you know those people who like to hurt other people from the sheer joy of it? My inner critic, Demonemon I named him, is one of those. And he is a part of me, because if I curl up, put up walls and nurse my hurt and let it all get to the point of... You see where this is going? Not pretty. I will very easily remember again I am not good enough, I am a bad person, good for nothing, I am not worthy of love... Hypocrite. Hurting other people. Dark dark dark. It is a lie, I know, but it hurts the same as someone came and dug up one of the worst things from the box of hurts you keep locked... Those sudden times, I am not strong enough to believe it. But oftentimes, I can also love myself! You know, the amazing feeling of "worthy of loving and belonging" "I am enough", I am a good person. I can take mistakes, make the best of despite them and find good sides of almost all of my darkest thoughts... And forgive myself. 1) Go to work every day, on time and do productive work and the best I can. My practical placement is 5 months, and I know I will inevitably screw up, and it will feel like the whole world at the time. It is not. Whatever I feel, I will go to work and do good work, because I cannot let my personal pain hurt other people. I need an immensely good, indefiable reason not to go. And 99% of the time it is not, even if it feels like it. 2) [Reddit post Ryans gospel -> http://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/comments/1qbxvz/the_gospel_of_uryans01_helpful_advice_for_anyone Okay, this quote is from Ryan: "Rule numero uno - There are no more zero days. What's a zero day? A zero day is when you don't do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. -- -- Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That's rule number one. Do not forget." So, Non-zero for me is either: be something where I face my shame/vulnerablity or do something definitive towards my dreams, or otherwise do something I would regret not doing. But despite what was said, my self worth is not tied to achieving. List of things to count, but depends from the best I can do at the given day: This doesn't work, but I am too tired to change - I look at the list, and I am already overwhelmed by it, because most of the things has to be done consistently or they do not matter enough. And I cannot do it all consistently, just too much. It is a giant, terrifying 'if I do all this, I am good enough' to-do list from hell. ... Write something of your own. Plan the trip abroad a bit. Practice Japanese. Visit a gym to ask if they have personal trainers to teach me bodyweight exercises. Find a traceur(s) to practice parkour with from my hometown. Work out. Cook a new recipe/eat a helthy meal. Reach out to people, old friends and new ones. Reach out of my way to help someone. Reveal an idea I might get negative feedback from. Do something differently. Stand out and make waves. 3) I will strive to love myself fully, flaws and the good and bad and the whole package that is me, so that feeling is not dependent about anything happening outside me "You are worthy of love and belonging" - Starting by completing her worksheet full of important and difficult questions about shame 4) I will continue the Zenhabits 1000 cuts fitness program (fitness things in manageable chunks spread throughout the day) It is easy, and making results. The goal is to make it consistent throughout the challenge and make at least 120 fitness-things.

Hi, everyone! I just found this site a few days ago and have been lurking, learning as much as I can before being ready to start. I don't know if I'm ready to do this but I'm at a point where if I don't get started, I never will, so here it goes. I've struggled with my weight my whole life. As a kid I never seemed to lose my baby fat like everyone else did. It didn't help that the things I liked to do were largely sedentary. I would rather curl up with a good book and some music than go outside. I remember one summer my parents refused to take me to the library anymore and said that if I wanted to go I had to get there on my own. That actually worked-that summer I biked to the library and back just about every day. Even the organized group activities I was in weren't physically active. I was the music geek in band and choir. And the academic geek on the math and debate teams. Yeah, I was super cool! I was diagnosed with depression after a suicide attempt and episodes of self-harming when I was 16. While certainly not the only thing, my weight was definitely a factor in that. At 16 I was 5'5" and about 180 pounds. If only I knew then that I would kill to be at that weight again. I'm 26 now. For the last 10 years, I've been dealing with barely-managed depression. After some trial and error with therapists and meds, I eventually stopped self-harming. The problem is I didn't replace it with a helping coping skill. Instead I started eating my feelings. When I was happy about something, I ate as a reward. When I was depressed, I ate to feel better. When I was angry I ate, when I was tired I ate, and I ate and I ate and I ate. And now I weigh 350 pounds. The sad thing is I knew what I was doing to myself as I was doing it. I wasn't unaware as my jeans crept up from a size 16 to a size 26. But depression makes you not care. It makes you want a quick fix when you know deep down there isn't one. And it's so easy to say I'll start tomorrow. Another factor in all of this is my personality. I'm the type that always puts others first. I've lost sleep and sacrificed the quality of relationships in an effort to help and protect the people I love, especially my younger sister. But she's 22 now and I can't keep fixing her life for her. And this isn't just in my personal life. I work at a cancer support center and it is so easy to get caught up in everyone else's problems and minimize my own, convince myself they don't matter. But obviously they do or I never would have gotten to this point in the first place. So I'm going to be selfish. And I'm not going to apologize for it. For the first time in my life, I need to stop being so concerned about what other people think, stop sacrificing who I am, my opinions, and my passions in order to be more "neutral" and therefore more accepted. Stop feeling like I have to always have to put on my fake happy face because goodness knows, if I have the audacity to be fat I damn well better be jolly. I need to stop apologizing for thinking what I think and feeling what I feel. So there it is. My honest reality. I'm really looking forward to getting to know you all and getting some new ideas about food and fitness. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!