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Hello there, adventurer! If you’ve come here, it’s likely you remember me in the Before Days, when I was a regular here. Lurking in one of the famously many mysterious rangery corners of the Guildhall. Alas, how times did change. And somehow, I struggled to return. I think because so much changed. Here, yes. But also in me. In part, this is why my challenge is so focused on inwards. Because change is once again afoot in my life. As a wise Elf once said, ‘I feel it in the Water. I feel it in the Earth. I smell it in the Air.’ Change has this strange habit of making you forget the person you were, the thought patterns that dominated your life, the life goals you held to with such force that now – now you know were not meant to be. I hardly remember me from five, six years ago. The road was hard and painful in places. The mistakes were many. And even though I despaired of it at the time, slowly I grew. I changed. I got stronger. I got healthier. Physically, not so much. But mentally? It’s a whole different landscape up there. Not that I’m done, of course. I am still healing from the trauma that seems to rear up every time I think I finally quelled the demons. I am still hurting in places. But I am stronger. A word of warning. Things may get rambly in here, or I may go a little radio silent. My default position when things are bad is to stop talking. Here, in person, to the people around me. It is not good. It’s quite a dangerous coping mechanism, all told. But it happens and sometimes I can’t stop myself doing that. Anyway, inward focused challenge. Is Rhovaniel putting aside the fitness goals?? Nope. In fact, one of the inward looking parts to this is to work out what my new fitness goals will be. Fitness used to be a means to an end. Obstacle Course Races. Running. Getting a certain skill, like push-ups. Because not having them made me feel inadequate. Because I hated how weak and unfit I felt not being able to complete obstacles. I wanted to be better, faster, stronger because those things would make me feel worthy. When I joined CrossFit, I landed a whole heap of other inadequacies on top. Double Unders. Pull ups. Snatches. Burpees where you don’t want to throw up or die after the first 10. Not using the smallest weights in the whole class. Even though progress is what’s important, even though plenty of people told me those things didn’t matter, they did to me. They still do. I have some push-ups, I feel inadequate that I don't have more. I PB a lift, I feel down that my numbers are still low, feel like I should be better. It doesn't end those feelings of inadequacy. It just changes the goalposts. But we’re working on that. Me and Brain. Body gets a say, too. Body gets injured a lot. Brain gets angry that Body gets injured. Fitness takes a hit. Cycle repeats. Goal 1: BREAK THE CYCLE. I am so sick of being injured. Of hating/dreading running because it invariably hurts. Of getting back to where I was only to get myself another issue, another niggle. It’s time to look at what I want, why I want it, and what needs to change. Is this a SMART goal? I mean, I think it’s wise. But we’ll leave the acronym out of it this challenge. My goal is simply to work out what I want out of fitness, and take actions to get on that path. So, how will I measure this? No idea. But it’s out in the world now, so there’s accountability now and I’ll aim for a weekly check in at the very least. Goal 2: WHERE ARE YOU GOING, RHO? This one is more career focused. Right now, I’m looking at getting the heck out of low-level healthcare and into something more – me. I miss using my brain. I miss history, I miss actually focusing on work that mattered to me. I’m working on a few things for this. Education is the main one. Getting back into the thing I love, because no one knows how many turns of the sun we get and I’m through thinking in terms of practical, sensible options. I’m following my heart damnit. The other one is to find a job that gels more with what I want and who I want to be. Do I know what that job is right now? No. Well, I got the long term ideas for that, but ya know. Education. I mean something for the interim years. The goal here – continue the Plans for Education and begin the search for new job. This one is actually quantifiable. At least 1 job applied to each week, but the catch is, it has to be a job I am genuinely interested in and that will work with the plans for furthering study. http://25.media.tumblr.com/78859c399fabd59425ff094d90bfc40f/tumblr_mf1bqqF60D1rm7v00o1_500.gif And that’s me. Keeping it simple, and hoping to stick around.