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2016 is over, and a lot has happened in my life. I have been away from NF for a while now, and I've never posted in the Druid forum before, so I don't think anyone here will know me. Anyway, Over the last year: I started working at a job I thought would be my dream job and ended up pretty terrible. I broke off a 6 year relationship with the guy I thought I wanted to marry because the only feeling I felt with him was resentment. All of of my friends have vanished from my life without a word. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive and Panic Disorders. I lost 20lbs from straight up just not eating or caring for myself. I've cried myself to sleep more often this last year than the entire rest of my life. Everything recently is unfamiliar territory. I am, more or less, alone. Without my friends or my ex, I ... barely know who I am. What do I like to do? What do I want to do? Everything is sort of scary and painful, especially the new things. 1) Gain Independence a) Find a New job Yes, I see the irony in this goal. But for focus, it's mainly about no longer relying on my parents, or my roommate to support myself. I want to live on my own by the end of the year. This goal is going to be about looking for a new job, something I will enjoy and I can pay my own way with. Job seeking is currently... hard. I have no idea what I am looking for and, again, everything new is scary and everything old is tainted with pain. b ) Save money Additionally, I've been pretty bad about my budget. I had one made, but I very rarely follow it, especially with the holidays just past, but I will work toward bringing it back under control. The real goal here will be to transfer $50 into savings every pay period, which means I have to be able to pay all my bills and have $50 left over. A near impossible task at the moment with my job. That's why these go hand in hand. c) Chores Keep up with my chores. I have an app that keeps track. Any day with overdue tasks is a no points day. 2) Endure the Hard Times a) Ask my therapist about anti-depressants I've ... been .. struggling. I meant to ask last week, but I chickened out at the last minute. I'm always happy to see her, so it's weird to be like, oh yeah also anti-depressants because I am actually doing terribly when I am on my own. I see her every other week, so I'll only get two chances to do this during the challenge. It'll be a pass fail kind of goal. b ) Reach out for help when feeling down Lately I've just been struggling through depressive episodes on my own. This is most true when they happen in the very early morning hours, say.. 3 or 4 am. I feel like I'm already worthless, why should I bother waking up the three people who still think I am worth talking to for this? But I know, they really do care about me, and if they are awake they will gladly help me through. After friend fallout occurred... and they are still left...they mean a lot to me and I think I am nervous about losing them for being annoying about depression. c) Find an outlet for depression This is really important to me. Finding something to do while I am depressed that isn't crying, staring at myself in a mirror and thinking about how much I hate myself, googling how to check myself into a mental hospital and ... well.. basically writing a suicide note. Ah. I've just gotta find something else to do to occupy my head. The hardest part, I know, is going to be actually doing the thing. Its one thing to say, when I feel depressed I will go for a walk, its another thing entirely to force myself to actually do it. Its hard enough to stand. 3) Be More Myself a) Try at least one new thing a week I'm not sure what I mean by this yet.... What qualifies as a new thing.. I'll work on it, but it feels important right now. b ) Try to make my inner self-image match my outer image I kind of want to learn to do my make up. I never learned. So for this goal, I will try to do one make up thing every other day. In the future, I would like to do a closet purge again. I would also like to get that lip piercing I want and the tattoos, but money goals come first. 4) Seek Happiness a) Indulge in at least one hobby a day /or/ spend time with people I care about This feels vital to me. It can be something as simple as playing a video game, or reading a book or comic, or Roleplay, or cooking, but it has to be an activity. Watching TV alone doesn't count. b ) Be mindful of the time I feel happy Just a goal, not really measurable, something to think about. When I'm happy, to take deep breath and let myself just be happy... no strings. Enjoy happiness, and realize that even though things are hard, there are good times. c) Write in a journal every day Nothing long, no novels, just how the day felt. Good? Depressing? Surprising? Short, no more than one page. 5) Move a) Find a practice I enjoy and will do. I quit my gym for money reasons, see goal 1, and I need something I can do at home that won't stress me out or hurt me. Previously Ive done yoga, but i cant seem to stick with it or I am just doing it for the skill of movement. I would love to dance, or something.. I dont know, maybe a martial art, maybe yoga, tai chi, something, maybe just go for a walk. Its related to finding myself goal, but i feel it deserves its own space.