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I'm not sure how to go about this post, honestly. I mean I know the gist of it, obviously, but I'm not sure what my quests should be because I don't know where to go from here. A little history, a year ago I started cycling down my carbs. I was averaging 182gr of carbs a day with less than 100gr of protein and fats (combined). That's not a good balance. So I started working my carb average down to 75gr by 5g when I'd reached the average (my ultimate goal is to average anywhere between 75 - 100gr once I've reached my goal weight). Two weeks ago I reached 90gr (after a lot of hard work) but since that day I have gone back up to averaging 120 - 180gr a day. I had also managed to stop my binge eating and hadn't had a binge (as far as food is concerned) in months (pretty much the whole year) and now I struggle to control myself. I'm not sure what has happened or when things just changed, but I find myself giving into my cravings and then it's a case of just continuously eating and eating and eating (an example, was yesterday I bought a soda, 3 bags of crisps, a chocolate and a pie and ate all of it in less than 30 minutes). I was never like this before. I can't even seem to stop myself, even after I'd told myself not to do it. I am a self saboteur. I know what I need to do and I know how I need to do it but the minute I start making progress, I go and ruin it for myself. The binge eating is a good example. The problem is I'm not sure what the triggers are, when they happen and how I get around them (well duh, if I don't know what they are, how do I prevent/manage them). I grew up rough, but my life is great now so it's not like I have those stressors anymore. I need help identifying my triggers. Why do I keep sabotaging myself? why hasn't anything changed for even though I've got so many great habits in place and so many fantastic things happening in my life? Why can't I get it right? Anyway that's why I am here I guess. Here with the Druids. I'm here to learn more about finding "inner peace", recognising and fighting my demons and battling my biggest nemesis - myself - from the Masters themselves. Main Goal: I can say a lot of things here, but let's be honest my biggest goal right now is to lose weight, lots of it. Overall I need to lose about half of my weight (weigh between 120 & 130kg, haven't weighed in ages). So... Overall goal weight: 65-72kg (depending on muscle) 2016 goal weight: 110kg Challenge Goal weight: 120kg Quest 1: Keep cycling down to an average of 80gr carbs I know that it seems like dropping an average of 10gr is very little, but apart from the above reasons, I'm finding that once I reached an average of 110gr, it was taking me on average 2 - 3 weeks to drop the next 5gr. So 80gr is manageable and achievable by the end of this challenge. Quest 2: Identify triggers and work out a plan of how I'm going to manage them I know this goes against all we preach - SMART goals - but I honestly don't know how many triggers there are. I have a definite plan - Assess, Investigate and Manage - and I would be happy to just find 1 trigger and have a plan of action in place to manage it when it comes around. If I find more, bonus! I'd say I would journal, but I honestly hate journaling, so I am going to rather post my thoughts here and perhaps someone has some insight - please be as harsh with me as you need to be, I won't be offended (I've learnt to assess something before opening my mouth). Quest 3: Find a new job I am currently trying to ensure my family's (mine and Jax) mental health for next year. Jax is our bread winner which has allowed me to work for passion instead of money, but next year he will be studying his MBA full time and we will be reliant on my income, so I need to find a job that I'm passionate about and pays enough to cover us. Luckily it's not a lot more, but it still needs to happen. So at least 40 applications and 3 interviews over 6 weeks. Quest 4: Spend 20% less on junk food and eating out It's a pretty self explanatory quest, but my boyfriend still pays for a lot of our nights out. Which is fine, because if we're at a restaurant I'm prone to eating good healthy meals. I don't eat desserts and I mostly eat meat (steak) or seafood with veggies/salads anyway. AND he doesn't indulge me in the other junk food. No more than R980 over the challenge. And that's it for now. If anyone has any ideas/advice for me I'd love to hear them. I know that there aren't any fitness goals, but honestly until I can get my head space right I am struggling to get fitness in as well. I love cycling and I can't even find the "energy" to fit it in. Reward: If I reach my goal weight, my boyfriend has said that he will buy a stationary bike for me.