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I don't like birthdays, specifically my birthday, but I'm going to make the most of it. My 30th birthday falls near the end of this challenge. And that brings with it all sorts of feelings. Mostly not happy ones. And that's on top of the not happy feelings hanging around from the accident. I want to sound optimistic in my challenges, but that's not how I'm feeling at all. I always get mopey around my birthday because leading up to it I always imagine that I'll have a cool party or we'll go out for dinner or drinks and all my friends will be there... And that's where it falls apart in reality. I'll put up a few posts on Facebook asking if anyone wants to do anything, and I get a lot of nothing. I haven't really talked with any of them for a long time, so it shouldn't be too surprising. I might have better luck messaging them directly, but Anxiety. I get the same anxiety thinking about just asking if they want to hang out. And it's the kind of anxiety that makes you feel that being miserable is better than facing it. *sigh* I know I don't need to hang out with friends to make it a good birthday, but it's hard when that's what I want. This particular birthday is even worse because it's one of those milestones. Like, when you're in high school and college some teachers ask where you want to be in 10 years. Well here I am, 10ish years later and I'm no where near where I wanted to be. It also doesn't help that I don't really know where I want to go. Like, there's several different career/job ideas that I get excited about and I don't know what to pick. So this challenge is about dealing with those feelings. And it's about recovering from the accident. I'm finally going back to work. And I can walk around the apartment sort of normally. I do still wear the fracture boot and use one crutch when I go outside, because better safe than sorry. Anyways, I figure it's about time to start exercising again. And figure out where I'm at now. So, goals... Is that really a good idea? My one fitness goal for the challenge is to do the daily dares from Darebee in the morning. And to make whatever modifications I need to get it done. This is something I was pretty good at keeping up with, so it's more just getting back into the habit. Is this a landfill? The apartment is a complete mess. Even more of a mess than before. So the goal is to get rid of all the trash by the end of the challenge. And to keep it under control. By trash I just mean all the used paper towels, empty cans, wrappers and that sort of thing. Sorting through stuff is for a later challenge. What do you want to be when you grow up? I need to be looking for a new job, but when I think about it, I don't really know what job I want to get (and stick to). So this is about working on some kind of career plan and sorting through my options. Are you sure you can't draw? Back in December I was trying to think of something special I could do for my birthday. And I settled on getting a new tattoo. In January I was playing around with an idea for my arms, but it's still pretty basic. And I want to sit on it for awhile. So I'm going to go with adding on to the tattoo I already have (I'll post a picture later). I have a very general idea, but I need to actually work some kind of design out. At least enough of a design to get the tattoo artist on the same page as me. Is the cake a lie? Basically, figure out birthday plans, get whatever I need to get, and do my best to enjoy the day. And that's about it. I still need to figure out specifics, like how many days and for how long to work on things. But that's a problem for future me.

This is a group for anyone completing a seemingly endless stream of applications, for employment, higher education, or both. Group Members Harika Musuku Jaimee Nyxy Sterre

Here I am again. If you've followed my last challenge, you know I've had a pretty rough time. I'm nowhere near recovered and just got pretty sucky news from the doctor as well - I might have leukemia. I'm waiting for my blood to be tested, they're all backed up. I'll probably know more by the end of this week or start of next week. My boyfriend broke up with me, I had to quit my job, move back in with my parents and lost everything that was important to me. It may sound silly, but it's true. My whole life was there, all my plans, all my dreams. I didn't have every bit of my future planned out, but the general stuff? There was no doubt about that in my mind. Now there's not only a doubt, it's a fact that everything will go differently. I hadn't planned to go this challenge. But earlier today, I was listening to the radio and I thought "hey, I should pick up my hoop." So I did. And I danced and it was fun and it was the first time I was kind of happy since boyfriend left me. (I really need a new alias for him but I can't bring myself to call him my ex.) All that aside, my current situation is as follows: I live with my parents. I have to get used to that because it's not gonna change in the next few years. I'm searching for an apprentice position. I had one job interview so far and have sent countless apps, but the region where my parents are from is pretty rural and there's not too much to be had here. I'm apparently about to join my mom's all-ladies-gym so I don't sit around all day, because I seriously have nothing to do here. I watched all Game of Thrones episodes in 5 days or so. I have no friends here, no job, no nothing. But I can't not do anything. It's driving me nuts. I need to do something. I've accidentally lost nearly 10kg because I couldn't eat and hardly drink for over a week. So maybe this is a good place to pick back up. I don't want to lose any more weight, but it'd probably be easier to maintain this than to eat it back on and then try to lose it again. I'm not in a place for anything strict though. This will be a different type of challenge. I need to focus on what's good for me, find new things to focus on. Find a job, which is the main focus. There will be no grades. This is me trying to breathe again. Reheat the love affair with my hoop Music, dancing, hooping. Those are things that easily make me feel good. I need more of this. Make my room suitable for life While I was gone, my parents transformed my room into storage. I sleep on a broken bed, which isn't doing my back any favours, and for being DIY and decoration obsessed, this room sucks balls. I'm struggling with this. A big, big part of me doesn't want to admit that this is permanent. It feels like if I make this room pretty, even in the smallest way, I'm surrendering and losing the fight. But there is no fight to be lost. I need to realize this and get on with it. Do sportsy things I'm not in charge of my diet anymore. But my mom cooks healthy, so that's no issue. I can do the sportsy stuff though. I'll be trying out her gym, and while it's a weird type of gym, it's something. App. App app app. And then work I've got 4 apps to send right now and the app generator I use (just puts it into a pretty format and saves CV info and the like) is malfunctioning. Again. It seems to be dying. I'm hoping to get them all out today and look for more tomorrow. Here's another part of me struggling with it, because I keep finding myself factoring in the needs-a-new-alias in my search, and I need to stop this. Finish this book Maybe not finish it. But do something with it. Finish this book is an interactive book that I bought quite a while ago, and I just re-discovered it when moving my things. It's a small project and I've never really gotten far with it. But it's fun and it's time to get on that. Find a newspaper that needs volunteer writers I love writing. I keep telling myself that one day I'll do this. But we all gotta start somewhere, and the earlier the better, right? Find a way to express yourself Just something. I don't know what. Painting, writing, making music, something. Just some type of outlet. These are the things I'd like to focus on. These are things I feel can help me. Some have to be done, like the job thing, others don't. I just need to do something. I'm not GLing this challenge and I won't be able to follow as many people and update my thread as often, simply because accountability seems like a huge mountain for me right now, and I just can't handle it. But I plan to be back for the next challenge, so best to ease myself into it. Have a happy challenge, nerds.

'Sup Scouts? I'm the worst about actually finishing challenge, so in addition to my main goal, the meta-challenge is to actually finish this challenge. And I think I've finally figured out my main challenge... RUN THE 2014 BOSTON MARATHON (April 21, 2014) Now you're probably thinking that I'm crazy because people like my friend's marathon-running dad haven't qualified for Boston and I've only run 4 miles once. However, my university near Boston sponsors a Marathon Team, where everyone can run with the team and 100 people get numbers (the rest can do bandit, which I'll do if I don't get a number, unless I get injured. Priority goes to students about to leave and I'm a senior...so there's hope?) Anywho...challenge goals: Go to every marathon team run/interval training. I've been pretty bad about this for last few weeks, including this morning. It's Wednesday/Sunday runs and Tuesday interval training all in the morning, which (as a creature of darkness) is something I'm not a fan of. Run at least one other day during the week. Do this guy every morning. Modified a little bit because I live on the third floor of a very old college dorm where the walls are thin and I am self-conscious. I might drop this goal if I'm not seeing any sort of "Oh man I'm sure feeling awesome today!" results or something like that after a week or two. (Corollary to this one is getting up with my first alarm at 9:30. You'd think that wouldn't be difficult but you haven't seen my desire to not get out of bed.)The obvious exception to 1 and 2 is injury or illness, maybe if I have an exam late in the day, but midterm season is basically over so I'm in the clear. LIFE GOAL: Apply for at least one job every week Like I said, I'm a college senior. I took the FE a couple weeks ago and just handed in my term paper on Monday, so there goes all the things I said I would do before I started applying for jobs. The first one's always the hardest. Here we go...