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I'm going to be using this Battlelog to stay in touch with my awesome NF-friends. And to vent... like a Dear Diary... Because I might need to... Then also, I want to do all the things! But we're facing a big change in our lives and I'm not sure what I'll be able to manage. I'm Divergent Background: EXERCISE: I'll be happy doing 3 of the following each week, even if it is one activity more than once Dry Fire Drill Strength Training Walk Self Defense Gardening (not much left to do after Julius cleaned up so nicely - with it being winter and all, things are slow in this department) HEALTH: Already trying to do these every day. Water: 2x500ml - more is better. Food: Banting green list (2x exceptions/week). Just eat right. No pressure on how much, and just to get the budget cooperating with another mouth to feed. Morning Stretches while waiting for the coffee to brew (week days) not so easy in the winter cold. ME TIME: To help me keep sane Try for 15min absolute alone time (peace, quiet, no disturbances) 1x or 2x during the day, or as necessary. An hour with Brandt, just being together, talking, watching videos, or something. The boys and my mom, will have a strict shower/room/sleep time I go to bed: 21h30-22h00 TO DO's: Things to get done this month - just to check for myself. Finish April finances (started) Finish May finances Finish June finances Proof Reading Evening Bible study

When I joined the rebellion, I first did so as a lurker in 2012. I was skeptical of anything weight loss related, especially from people that seem so happy about it. Working out has been associated with nothing but pain, dull aches and sharp aches of someone who should not be doing that. Food is delicious and sitting down worrying about every little thing was not something I was interested in starting to do - especially considering that I had so much more of everything else to worry about - bills, being a retail jockey, trying to find a way into better paying work and a slew of other problems. Then in 2013, for the decision of it being a new year for a new me, I made my first challenge list and lasted all of two weeks. My life shattered shortly thereafter. My parents began the process of divorce and hours began drying at my job. Pain became a regular way of life for me, headaches, joint pain, stomach trouble, you name it - I had some sort of issue with it. Motivation dried and all efforts for physical health were dropped for the sake of keeping my mental state together. The last three months have been the most insane, including confrontations with my mother - who was my primary caretaker for most of my formative years and is an emotional and physical abuser. I have been living on a shift a week for this time, funds garnished by the generosity of loved ones and now this has been capped by the official diagnosis - I am gluten intolerant. In a general sense, this is the lowest point I have ever been at. My pain is near constant, I can no longer rely on foods that I used to use for immediate comfort lest I cause myself more pain, my only blood family left are my father and brothers and my job is beginning to fall in on itself - if the treatment of their workers is any indication. I have to go slow - my impatience is damning and frustrating but I have to. There is too much for me to do and to attack any issue with full energy risks a large, final burnout. I have to be careful. I am uninsured, with no savings working on little money and too much uncertainty. I only have two options: climb or drown. I have myself and whatever I have internally that has let me get this far. This is my rebellion.