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Look here for last challenge -> it pretty well describes what I am up against. The TLDR version, Life is hard. My mom needs a ton of care, and expects it with little regard for anything else and is not the nicest of people on a good day. Work is insane since its this time of year. Add in work drama that is “My perception” and I have almost no spoons left most days when it comes to lunch, but I can’t give in to the lack of spoons since too many people need me. I AM TIRED. I am overwhelmed more days than not, and I can’t just throw up my hands and hide in a blanket fort. It would only get worse instead of better. Most days, I Just want to curl up and hide, and it’s been getting worse. So I keep doing things for everyone else, but myself has been last so much I forget to care for me. I need some sort of control over my life. Control that is stripped from me more days that not. I need stability that is taken when I barely know what things will be like when I get off work. Mom has a ton of Dr Appointments this month that will GREATLY affect her moods. I also think there’s dementia starting in, so I cannot just walk away. It would only be worse later. One more fun thing. Starting in a few weeks, Hubby will be working 2nd shift for at least a month, maybe longer. This means all the things he is currently helping with will NOT be an option and I will become solo parent. Mom is aware but doesn’t seem to care. So I am back to working on boxes. I am trying to not give up and up in the wrong path because I took care of everyone else. I am trying to earn more energy by doing more. Mostly, I am trying to just feel like I have some control over something. But most days, I just need told I am not failing at all of this. I am not ruining my kids, I am not a sucky daughter (I get told that enough that I am a horrible daughter) and that It is going to be okay. So feel free to stick around if you have the spoons to hear all the negativity and my new attempts to remember the good. But know, there may be more failures here than wins. Big goal is to stop missing more than 1 or 2 days at a time and not miss weeks at a time. Boxes are below. I am not doing them all, just enough to feel like I am in control and more than just Mom’s caregiver and maybe JUST MAYBE working towards that person I want to be. Someone who will be able to care for themselves at 65. Goal Value Description Strength 1 Calf raises 1 Squats 17 1 Wall Sit (sec) 1 Side kicks Do 3 1 Leg lifts 3 1 Reverse sit ups 1 sit ups 1 Knee to Elbows 1 raised Arm circles 1 Torso Twists 1 Bicep extenstions 1 Table plank 1 Bicep curls with weights (3 lb) 1 Backward Leg Raises 1 Step ups 1 Side lunges 1 Desk push ups Flexibility 1 Wrist Extension Stretch 1 Wrist Flexion Stretch 21 1 Upward dog/Child pose 1 Meditating Groot 1 Lord of the dance Yoga (ankle above head) 1 Lower back stretch (One leg across body) 1 Chair Pose 1 Butterfly 1 Tricep stretch 1 wall stand 1 Bridge 1 Calf stretch Do 4 1 Ballet/toe Touch 1 Cresent Moon pose 4.00 1 Sitting Fix/Shoulder stretch 1 Warrior 1 1 Ankle Circles 1 Warrior 3 (Eagle bird thing) 1 Quad stretch 1 Side stretch 1 Forward bend Life and Family 1 Floss in morning 1 NF status update 1 NF reply one other thread 1 Take Calcium in AM 1 clean out elderberries 1 Brush Yappy dog 1 2 things for mom a day 1 Check Dad's email 31 1 Spend time with Agents 1 Pull weeds 1 Harvest garden 1 Walk garden once a day 1 Text/Talk to one family member a day (Chosen or Blood) 1 Water garden 1 Read a book 1 Soak up the sun 1 Plan 1 Nightly downtime 1 Be in bed by 10:30 1 Put lotion on legs 1 Check ordering account 1 Floss after work Do 7 1 Floss before bed 1 Walk across beam once a day 1 Water 1 inside plant 1 Take Bloodpressure 1 Sew on 1 badge for Eldest 7 1 One good thing 1 Check Yappy Dogs night water bowl 1 Give Agent K9 5 minutes playtime 1 Play with Cats Fight Chaos 1 Pennisula/Island Clean all these daily 1 Table / Half wall 14 1 Desk 1 Computer room ottoman 1 Bathroom up 1 Clean off file cabinet Do 3 1 Bathroom down 3 1 Clean off door to basement 1 Grandpa's table 1 Clean off Stairs and landing 1 Clean off tall dresser 1 Clean off nightstands 1 Clean off Dresser 1 Counter over dishwasher At least 5 minutes per room (at least one) 1 Garage 1 Dust one surface 1 Computer room 13 1 Basement 1 Random organizing project Do 2 1 Pick up one furtumbleweed a day 1 empty out car daily 1 clean our bathtub 1 Sort Produce on counter 1 Wash window or mirror 2 1 Clean 2 papers out of paper organizer 1 File 1 thing a day 1 Purge 1 thing a day Walking 1 Walk 10000 steps 8 1 Walk 15 minutes a day 1 Walk 10 minutes at lunch 1 Walk 5 minutes after dinner 1 Walk 5 minutes in morning do 2 1 Take Agent K9 for a walk 2 1 7 hours with 250 steps 1 Walk to Mordor Fuel 1 No eating after dinner 17 1 No stupid sugar 1 Track breakfast 1 Track Second breakfast do 4 1 Track Elevensies 1 Track lunch 1 Track Dinner 1 Track Supper 1 Eat A Salad 1 Take Probiotic 4 1 < 3 bottles of tea 1 Eat Dates Daily 1 Eat dried Apricots 1 Eat Breakfast 1 Eat Lunch 1 120 oz of water 1 Record sugar in G Total Points Possible 121 Did I complete 5 minutes in room Total points for day 25.00

My backstory – married Mom to 2 human Agents of Chaos (Children (almost 13 and 17)), 3 Furry Cat agents ( Agent Black 3, Agent White 2 yo and Agent Twilight 1year old), 1 Dog Agent K9 (5) and might as well be mine Dog Agent Yappy (He’s been here since September, my mom can’t care for him 11 yo). My Dad died last year and my mom is not functioning. So the world here isn’t great. But part of me wonders if anywhere in the world is great now. Last challenge, I was too tired to care. I was tired emotionally, and tired of being angry at life constantly doing things to me where I have no control, but all the responsibility. And in many ways no one caring that I was burned out, but asking… no Expecting and requiring me to put myself on hold to deal with their life when they wanted it. I have burn out going, I know it. I am trying to keep going, even when I just don’t care anymore. Because I need to. I can’t just “take time off” or “let someone else do it” because in the end, it is my job, my responsibility and my life. It seemed like every day was full of more and more problems for me to face, solve and somehow make better. The big things for me, is that at this point in time, I am hitting 40 this challenge, I weigh in at 300lbs and my BP is probably horrible if I checked it. I am getting my Covid vaccine this challenge, and being tired will not help that. I know overtime will happen, that people will be trying to upset me or make things difficult that I can’t walk away from. I need to figure out how to handle all of this and do what I want and need to do. I am trying to walk and get strong, since it appears my life is going to require me to be able to lift things I shouldn’t have to. So I am going to have to just solve the problems as they arrive. This quote from the Martian has been running around my head at work and at home. I need to solve the problems, and sometimes the getting to go home is getting to end up on the couch and go to bed. I need control, because I have control issues and anxiety and depression which can be set off by both of the previous issues. So I need to solve problems. I need to be able to lift things and be strong to deal with problems. I need to able to bend and move to deal with other problems. I need to be a good Mom, Wife, Friend, and Pet Mom and emotionally stable to deal with other problems. I need to fight the Chaos and make the house functional to deal with problems. I need to make the house clean and livable to deal with problems. I need endurance with my walking to deal with problems. I need not just fuel, but the correct fuel in my body to deal with problems (and not cause weird mood swings on the wrong foods). Last challenge, I had to do some, and for the most part, I did fairly well. I had bad days and a bad week, but most days, I did way more than I called required for a good day. This challenge I am upping the number of points I need. I also added or changed a few things. I know most things won’t get done every day, but if I can get my base level number of points 38 out of 107 and at least the right number of things per category, then I call the day a win. Did I get all pts in: Needed Possible Strength 4 16 Flexibility 5 19 Life and Family 8 24 Fight Chaos - Clean 5 13 Fight Chaos - Purge 4 12 Walking 3 7 Fuel 9 16 38 107 My actual challenge goals are the second post because this became a novel, as usual.

My backstory – married Mom to 2 human Agents of Chaos (Children (almost 13 and 17)), 3 Furry Cat agents ( Agent Black 3, Agent White 2 yo and Agent Twilight 1year old), 1 Dog Agent K9 (5) and might as well be mine Dog Agent Yappy (He’s been here since September, my mom can’t care for him 11 yo). My Dad died last year and my mom is not functioning. So the world here isn’t great. But part of me wonders if anywhere in the world is great now. I am trying to get back to a place where I am not always angry, but I also need to allow myself to be miserable and depressed. I have had depression since I was 16 and anxiety forever. I know this and while I am not handling as well as I would like, I am not sure I can handle much more of the “Here is how to fix it” because I know I am in a rough spot with no one besides my Agents and Hubby to help. They are all pitching in plenty, but they can’t help on everything. So please understand, I appreciate the ideas and that people want to help, but sometimes people are just stuck in a bad spot, and telling me to get angry at the people around me for not helping, not being involved, not wanting to deal doesn’t help when I am already there or I am giving up on any positive solutions. This challenge is all about just getting control where I can. The things listed here don’t all have to be done, but I do better when all of them are done. Each box is to get me away from a path I don’t want (weight /moving/eating) or to live close to how I want (Fight the chaos by organizing or cleaning) or to be the person I want to be (Life and family). Instead of pushing myself to something that isn’t possible like doing them all, I am going to go for do a bit more than I did last challenge. Long and short of it, I need to do X amount of each category. If I get 27 pts I need out of 103 possible it is a good day. And right now, I need some good days. This challenge started this morning, I just haven’t had a chance to get this up. Goal Value Description Strength 1 Calf raises 1 Squats 15 1 Wall Sit (sec) 1 Side kicks Do 3 1 Leg lifts 3 1 Reverse sit ups 1 sit ups 1 Knee to Elbows 1 raised Arm circles 1 Bicep extenstions 1 Table plank 1 Backward Leg Raises 1 Step ups 1 Side lunges 1 Desk push ups Flexibility 1 Wrist Extension Stretch 1 Wrist Flexion Stretch 18 1 Upward dog/Child pose 1 Meditating Groot 1 Lord of the dance Yoga (ankle above head) 1 Lower back stretch (One leg across body) 1 Chair Pose 1 Butterfly 1 Bridge 1 Calf stretch Do 3 1 Ballet/toe Touch 3.00 1 Sitting Fix/Shoulder stretch 1 Warrior 1 1 Ankle Circles 1 Warrior 3 (Eagle bird thing) 1 Quad stretch 1 Side stretch 1 Forward bend Life and Family 1 1 thing for mom a day 1 NF status update 1 NF reply one other thread 1 Check Yappy Dog's night water bowl 1 Brush Yappy dog 1 Put lotion on legs 1 Take Calcium in AM 24 1 Spend time with Agents 1 Nightly Downtime 1 Text/Talk to one family member a day (Chosen or Blood) 1 Water an inside plant 1 Read a book 1 Soak up the sun 1 Plan 1 Be in bed by 11:00 1 Floss in morning 1 Floss after work Do 6 1 Floss before bed 1 Walk across beam once a day 1 Put christmas away 1 Check Dad's email 6 1 One good thing 1 Give Agent K9 5 minutes playtime 1 Play with Cats Fight Chaos 1 Pennisula/Island Clean all these daily 1 Table / Half wall 12 1 Desk 1 Bathroom up 1 Clean off file cabinet Do 3 1 Bathroom down 3 1 Clean off door to basement 1 Clean off Stairs and landing 1 Clean off tall dresser 1 Clean off nightstands 1 Clean off Dresser 1 Counter over dishwasher At least 5 minutes per room (at least one) 1 Garage 1 Dust one surface 1 Computer room 12 1 Basement 1 Random organizing project Do 3 1 Pick up one furtumbleweed a day 1 Deal with mail sorter on my desk 1 Clean up plants 1 Bathroom down 3 1 Clean 2 papers out of paper organizer 1 File 1 thing a day 1 Purge 1 thing a day Walking 1 Walk 9000 steps 7 1 Walk 15 minutes a day 1 Walk 5 minutes at lunch 1 Walk 5 minutes in morning do 3 1 Take Agent K9 for a walk 3 1 7 hours with 250 steps 1 Walk to Mordor Fuel 1 No eating after dinner 15 1 No stupid sugar 1 Track breakfast 1 Track Second breakfast do 6 1 Track Elevensies 1 Track lunch 1 Track Dinner 1 Track Supper 1 Take Probiotic 6 1 < 3 bottles of tea 1 Eat Dates Daily 1 Eat dried Apricots 1 Eat Breakfast 1 Eat Lunch 1 60 oz of water 103 Did I complete 5 minutes in room Total points for day 27.00