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iatetheyeti posted a topic in Daily Battle LogsSome days are difficult, everything is a fight and no win feels like a victory. Some days are easy, everything flows and smiling is no effort. Some days are empty, I don’t know where those ones go or how time manages to melt into the abyss unnoticed. Some days are full, a frantic maelstrom of stuff and things that don’t mean anything alone but add up to exhaustion together. And some days don’t pass at all, they linger in awful silence, stretching across weeks until the clouds finally move on and emotions creep back in. Healing is not an easy or linear process, it’s an active process that requires an unearthly amount of work and the threshold for a good day varies wildly. Overall, it’s not entirely surprising that I’m getting my ass thoroughly kicked by my mental health right now. Which why it’s time to start a new chapter and put the focus where it belongs. There are three general areas that need watching. The first, and most important, is self care. Everything from getting out of bed before 3pm to treating myself when need be to remembering to write down any appointments I need to keep. Anything and everything I do to ensure I’m a functional person, and maybe even a happy or comfortable person from time to time. The second is food. There has been a slow improvement here, but as with the recovery process as a whole, it has not been linear. The third and final is fitness. I’ve taken a step back from just about everything out of necessity. Anything that could possibly become something competitive has had to go as the sheer negative impact it had on my mindset was overwhelmingly… not good, to put it mildly. What I don’t want, however, is to have my fitness stagnate and vanish entirely. So I’m figuring that out also. None of this is really about chasing a goal or achievement, it’s more like a restoration of self. So we’ll see how it all goes.
metanoia (n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life Or all of the above. It’s another step along the way to become the person I want to be, the kind of person I know I can be, if I give myself a chance and enough support to grow. A large chunk of this journey has been moved to my battle log as it’s more a day-to-day, goalless kind of thing. Though that does technically mean I have to find myself some goals for these challenges. Like so: Goal One: The Pistol I used to be able to do pistol squats. Only a couple on each side, but still… My progress in that area has reversed drastically over the years. I can just about wobble to the ground on each leg, but it is a very shaky wobble and I cannot rise up on either leg without ending up on the floor. As far as I recall, I managed to figure out pistols the first time around through brute force and ignorance. There will be a fair amount of that this time around, but there will also be some specific mobility and balance work. I can do this, I just need to help my body remember how. Aim: Do a whole pistol squat on at least one leg (more likely to be the right leg) by the end of the challenge (ambitious, not the end of the world if it doesn’t happen, but I’m determined to make sure it does!) Goal Two: Downward Facing Dog My heels do not now, nor have they ever, touched the ground in the downward facing dog pose. All signs point to my not-so-great mobility and general lack of flexibility. This is where the specific mobility work mentioned in the first goal comes in, and I’m hoping that since there are two outcomes resting on it that it will encourage me to actually get it done properly. Aim: Three times weekly leg mobility practice Goal Three: Vegetables Seriously. I am not getting enough in and it has a noticeable impact on my insides and my energy levels. This is basically a repeat of my food goal last challenge. Aim: Five to ten portions of vegetables daily Side Project: Guitar Something to force me to have some fun, even on the days I feel like crap. I can kind of play guitar. Very badly. I’ve wanted to improve for ages but have never actually made it a priority. Until now. I’m committing to ten minutes a day, five days a week minimum. Doesn’t matter what I’m doing so long as I’m playing for ten minutes. And that’s that. Keeping it simple goals-wise in an effort to help myself actually stick to things (as well as continuing the things I’ve tried to incorporate into my life already), especially when life gets rough and the stress climbs higher. I’m going to also aim for five small updates per week to try and keep me a little more social and connected.