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And maybe always has been? Hello friends its been like...actual years. How goes it. Knife to see you again. With the seasons changing and some of the crises of the last few years calming down a bit (literally covid-19 was like a 4 out of 10 of what’s been happening since I was last here,) I got the urge to work towards some goals! A little over a month ago I was up at 3am and was like “I need to learn to juggle knives” and since I had bought some dulled knives for our Roomba (and they came in a large pack) I dug those out and started messing around. I was, predictably, terrible. I couldn’t even throw them from one hand to the other or flip the knife one time in my hand and reliably catch it. No I don’t know how to juggle other things already. Should I have looked up a youtube video on juggling? Anyway I’ve been screwing with that for about a month and sent a progress video to my friend and he was like “I expect to see a Loki cosplay in the future now that you have the skills” and this was on the same day I took a ‘what superhero are you’ uQuiz and got Loki (and a scathingly accurate mental health commentary? uQuiz you don’t need to go so hard.) I hadn’t thought about this character in like 6 years lol, but it keeps sliding into my orbit (especially since the new show came out, which I have Opinions™ on.) Since it fits all my goals for this challenge I’m going with a Loki theme. Skill Goal: Get to 10 reps with juggling three knives I am currently solid with 3 reps in a row. I have ONE time done 7 in a row. I think it was a fluke, however I believe that with solid practice, I will be able to nail 10 reps in a row at least once, even as a fluke, in 5 weeks. Method: Daily juggling practice, even just for a few minutes. Preferably for about a half hour a day. For reasonableness, I’ll call this a pass at an average of 5 days/week. Motivation (why I want it): I’ve been getting seriously into circus arts lately and a variety of knife tricks is just one of many things I’ve wanted to do since childhood. My eventual year-long goal is to hit 100 reps, which might be a long shot, but I’m taking it in steps. Fitness Goal: 360 Inward Dive Roll Ehhhhh sort of lol. So the roll itself is actually a long term goal. It’s well outside of my current skill level. Fitness Goal: 360 Inward Dive Roll Improve overhead strength so that I do not break my fragile little neck Method: This is a little more free-form than I usually like my goals, but I’m going to be working a variety of things. The Specific and Measurable part of the method is to do a full handstand workout each Monday. It’s a 30 minute routine that really works on the handstand strength, for holding duration and also HSPU work. The less specific and measurable part is when I’m messing around with my tumbling practice (Wednesday Thursday Friday) I’m going to squirrel around with some roll variations, getting my easy dive rolls dialed in, trying different ways to roll out of a handstand, ect. Not too much strength work, but movement exploration/making new neural pathways. Motivation: The 360 inward roll is one of the most advanced rolls in a list of rolls I want to know how to do, to throw into parkour stuff and tricking and just cool looking flows. I’m going to work my way through them piece by piece until I get to the “Final boss” lol. This video shows a lot of the rolls I want to get locked in: Life Goal: Mental Friggin Health Because we all know Loki is the poster child of a stable mental condition. Interestingly enough, I have just started the therapy that Loki actually needs lol. With all the latest Loki hype on tumblr I’ve been seeing a lot of meta, and many by actual psychologists that say he has all the diagnostic criteria for Borderline personality disorder (not narcissism, frell you Michael Waldren?) And I just got officially diagnosed with BPD this week (*worlds most pathetic party sounds* yayyyy…….) But while that sucks, I have been told that if someone takes therapy seriously and does the work, symptoms can be reduced to almost none in an average of 5 years. I am nothing if not a hard worker. So. Method: It’s a two-parter. 1. I’m supposed to do the mindfulness thing. Back on the headspace app I go. I need to restart this habit into something long-term and really focus on making it happen EVERY day. 2. Do all my therapy homework. It looks like this therapist is into that pretty often. Motivation: While I’ve always been hostile toward therapy, honestly I’m really ready to stop being everyone’s problem. So I’ll even try this. And any scientific endeavor is useless if you don’t commit to the experiment. Alright guys,

A almost accurate picture of a classical Roman feast Everyday I get to pick from my menu of things to do. Some days I'll just want appetizers, and some days it'll be a multi-course extravaganza. It'll depend on what I'm up for and how "hungry" I am. Tasks are organized into categories based on time involved, location, and level of concentration needed. Bread Basket Just like some restaurants bring bread, there are some things that I'll get for "free" regardless of if I really want them or not. These are non-negotiables. Dance: Sunday and Wednesday Yoga in studio: Tuesday and Thursday Pony: Sunday after dance, plus Tuesday and/or Wednesday, possibly also Saturday after work Healthy foods, no snacks at work, lots of tea Appetizers Easy to eat, grab-and-go kind of things. Drop and do a plank, lower as far as I can with elbows in Facial stretches for jaw pain Take a breath and think before eating In-the-moment meditation Review of Italian words with phone app Salads Quick to fix up and good for you, too. Short home yoga flow Plan meals for the week Pull an oracle card and journal about it Read something for fun Entrees Take time to make. Please be patient. Go for a bike ride Meditation in my special place Sat down Italian or chakra study (write things down) Therapy related work (deep reading, journaling) Dessert Special order things that you don't get often. Make meatball #5 (20) Make jam/jelly #1(30) Make creme brulee #1 (it's a dessert dessert! dessert inception!) (30) Work on striping furniture (10 each time) Complete craft project #1(way behind on these) (50) Go to social outing #4 and #5 (20) Have date night with Mr. Vibrant #4 and #5 (20) Because point systems work well for me: Appetizers are 1 point each Salads are 10 points each Entrees are 20 points each Desserts are pointed as marked Chef reserves the right to make changes to the menu as she sees fit. Related goals that I'm working towards: 1 date night/social outing per month 14 non-pressured bike rides this year 1 real pushup/hold chaturanga Master my headstand 30 consecutive days meditating 40 books read this year Have basic understanding of conversational Italian

I’ve never done a daily battle log thread, and I’m not sure if I’m going to use it “properly” as I’ll most likely be doing the bulk of my updates in my four week challenges. But I wanted to start a thread I could refer back to regarding my big picture, year long goals of what I want to achieve by the end of 2019, and updates of how I’m moving forward towards them. If I’m not doing a challenge (missed the start date, felt like too much pressure, Ect) I’ll try to keep updating in here to keep momentum going. The title is a reference to the fact that due to my synesthesia (associating colors and numbers) 2019 is a very nice bright shade of yellow. So I’m going to make it a good year. My big goals: Atain a B1 level in French I have many reasons for this, practical and personal. I live in an area that’s bilingual French/English. More than Half of the customers at my job speak French. My coworkers first languages are all French. I am able to get by because my small town is pretty anglophone and almost everyone ALSO speaks at least a little English (and I have about a two year olds ability in French and we get by) But there’s definitely like 15% of our customers that don’t speak any English and I struggle. I want to be able to really serve our full customer base in a complete way. I’m sick of having to ask coworkers to help me translate things. Since I’ve started working there, job descriptions have come to say “bilingual French/English mandatory” I’m not going to LOSE my job over this, but it’s telling to know that if I was reapplying to my job now, I wouldn’t get hired. I have one coworker who hates me, and one of the things she complains about is my lack of French. I want to prove her wrong (petty reasons count!) I have a friend who is francophone and although her English is fantastic, I want to talk with her in her FIRST language. Also her family only speaks French and her mom just seems SO NICE and I want to talk to her SO BADLY??! My area is pretty anglophone but the town nearby where ALL the fun things are is super francophone. I want to go take art classes and parkour classes and all this super fun classes and workshops but they are all in French. I set B1 as my level goal because it will be a comfortable level for conversing and functioning, and also because a B1 score is usually a requirement for college studies and if I decide to go take some courses at the CÉGEP I’ll need that level of proficiency. On a bigger picture note, I’ve always wanted to be fluent in at minimum five languages. French was never on that list, but given where I’m living now, it seems only logical that it become one of my five languages. So working on this goal is working towards my big picture life long “who I want to be as a person” goals. Improve my mental health I wish I had a better SMART goal for this, but I’m kind of new to the idea of my mental health and I don’t really know what specific things I can work towards. This wasn’t really something I’d realized I needed to work on until recently. I had a really, really bad last summer. One of my friends has been saying for the last two years that I should really consider therapy (one late, sleep deprived night she got me talking about stuff I don’t usually discuss. I told her like 2% of my history and she was like “sweetheart that’s some pretty serious trauma” and I was thinking lol yikes that’s nothing.) I finally caved and went to a psychologist and I found out I really do have a lot of things to work on (apparently having suicidal thoughts multiple times every day is not something everyone does?) I’ve been diagnosed with C-PTSD which is a subtype of ptsd, and the treatment is very long but there IS treatment. For years I’ve oscillated between “there’s nothing wrong with me” and “I’m so fundamentally flawed there’s not point in trying to fix it” but I’ve finally come to “there’s definitely stuff wrong, but I can do something about it” I don’t really have any specific goals, but it’s important to me that I keep working and making steps toward improving in this area. This past summer was very bad and I barely survived it. I don’t want to slide back to that again. Loose set of ongoing goals: Continue going to therapy regirally Stick with/improve my meditation habit Have regular, ideally daily, physical activity that involves skill-building Pursue potential medication (this is nearly always an early part of treatment to go on meds temporarily until the skills to cope are developed in therapy- I’ve hated the idea of meds but as part of a bigger picture treatment, I’m trying to be more open) Get a pet or volunteer with animals Cultivate my friendships Increase my cardio to be able to run for one hour straight This one isn’t really a running goal, but the running aspect is more of a benchmark to test. I do enjoy running, but I wouldn’t call myself a “runner” as my main sport. However, cardio is my weak area in everything I do (parkour, staff spinning, hockey) I hate having to stop my skill practice because I’m wheezing. I want to improve my stamina both by doing these sports more intensely and also by running, to the point where I can run for one hour straight without having to stop for a walk break. I know I can accomplish this easily in this year if I don’t slack, as when I finished zombies run 5k, I was running 50 minutes straight, and that’s an 8 week program. I haven’t run in like....months so I’m starting from scratch, but I can do it. Since I’ve moved to the frozen north, my outdoor sport has been basically zero for 9 months of the year, and that’s not enough to build stamina. I’ve now bought myself some solid winter outdoor gear and I’m ready to start just going out there anyway. Restart and complete zombies run 5k Do lots of stamina skate drills Basically if it’s warmer than -16 and the wind isn’t blowing, I GO. Develop some plan for when it IS colder than -16 and still doing SOMETHING inside to keep the habit flowing. Finally get my splits Getting full front splits (striving towards middle splits too, but I’m farther away in that one) is my specific and measurable goal. I’m about six inches off with my left leg and four inches off with my right. I think this is realistic and attainable in a year. Big picture reasons for this is that I need to stretch every day for injury prevention. I’m super, super tight in my entire body but mostly hips and shoulders. Because of this my body is not very resilient to issues in my sports and the slightest mishap can cause injury and it’s super frustrating. (Also, I learned that this muscle tightness is a symptom of my C-PTSD and regular stretching is part of my treatment plan so it’s also working on goal number 2. Multitasking for the win!) Envoyé de mon iPhone en utilisant Tapatalk

So a long long time ago in a galaxy far away........ or in reality last march from my couch I signed up for a half marathon, and because I hate running in hot humid weather I did very few long runs over the summer; which in fact does not make for good half marathon training. I am going to attempt a 10 miler this weekend 10/2 and totally wing the half on 10/9; if I can finish in under 2hrs I will be extremely happy Running, continue to get up before the sun and run, need to buy a new safety reflective vest so I can run the farm land safely, but getting up and running before everything gets crazy is meditative plus I get to come back to a quiet house and have a cup of coffee in peace Drink more water; attempt the gallon of water a day challenge for at least a week; that is way more than I need but it helps me not drink anything else and it makes sure that I am hydrated Meditate and Mindfulness, I have a few things that I need to change in my life so I am going to use meditation and mindfulness to help make those changes; basically Zenning the Fuck Out Goal is to use this half marathon as a long run for the Hangover Half Marathon on New Years; my only excuse for missing it is if they cancel it (lots of snow or below -30f wind chills both happen around here)

"It's just as if a man were wounded with an arrow thickly smeared with poison. His friends & companions, kinsmen & relatives would provide him with a surgeon, and the man would say, 'I won't have this arrow removed until I know whether the man who wounded me was a noble warrior, a priest, a merchant, or a worker.' He would say, 'I won't have this arrow removed until I know the given name & clan name of the man who wounded me... until I know whether he was tall, medium, or short... until I know whether he was dark, ruddy-brown, or golden-colored... until I know his home village, town, or city... until I know whether the bow with which I was wounded was a long bow or a crossbow... until I know whether the bowstring with which I was wounded was fiber, bamboo threads, sinew, hemp, or bark... until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was wild or cultivated... until I know whether the feathers of the shaft with which I was wounded were those of a vulture, a stork, a hawk, a peacock, or another bird... until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was bound with the sinew of an ox, a water buffalo, a langur, or a monkey.' He would say, 'I won't have this arrow removed until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was that of a common arrow, a curved arrow, a barbed, a calf-toothed, or an oleander arrow.' The man would die and those things would still remain unknown to him." TL;DR Stop overthinking everything and just do the things I am going to be moving the last week of this challenge but I know with all of the stress of moving I am going to need an outlet for all of the stress. So to remain simple this time I am just going to do a BWcentric routine and focus on my Linux training as well as some walking. BW 1K 2X a week So for my BW routine I decided to up my game a lil from my usual BW routine and do a modified version of the TT 1000 workout 2X a week: 100 Juping Jacks25 Close Grip Pushups25 Jumps25 Pull-ups100 Sandbag Squats25 Stick Ups50 alt bicycle Crunches 100 Close Grip Pushups50 Walking Lunges50 sandbag rows50 reverse Crunch100 alt bicycle Crunches50 Diamond Pushups25 sandbag rows50 alt Mountain Climbers50 Sandbag Squats25 Chin-ups100 Jumping Jacks Linux+ I am studying for my linux plus so I want to study at least 3x a week for at least 30mins I am currently using my VMs of different distros of Linux and using cybrary.it to learn my way around Walking 20 mins 3X a week I need to get moving and also even take a break while i am at work to break up the 11 hour day. I am usually pretty good about this because my kids like to get out and play when I get home. Side Quests: Language I am still working on my Spanish and I am using the HelloTalk app which lets me text and video chat with people who know Spanish and are learning English so we can work together and teach each other our target language. Wakeup: I need to wakeup at 430 at least 5X a week to have time to do my workouts and get ready for work by 6 Budget: I am moving on Sept 16th and will unfortunately be paying double rent because the apts I live in right now would not let us leave the 60 day notice a little early. So I made a budget for the next few weeks where all of my checks and bills are planned out, so I definitely need to stick to the plan to be able to make this move as smooth as I can. Mindfulness: I have been reading more books about being mindful in everything I do instead of just on the cushion so to speak during meditation. So I just need to continue meditating when I can and focus on remaining present in the moment and not spread my attention all over the place.