Search the Community

I’m starting this challenge in what feels like the dawn of a new era. And whilst inevitably the shine will fade, the shadows will lengthen and I will again need to rally my strength and punch anxiety in the dick, along with the confidence stealing fear and lack of self-belief, I think this really will be different. Never before have I managed to not only survive my anxiety spiral but actively stop it and say, out loud, enough is enough. That I am enough. That I have worth, independent of any achievement. And believe it. Finally. Something deep down inside of me feels like it’s healing. Not all the way there, perhaps, but its healing. Which leads me to a sudden realisation I had soaking up late summer sunshine, walking through a field a couple of mornings ago. Thinking about wanting to go on adventures, feeling frustrated about my weight and not doing much about it in the last two weeks (see previous challenge). And I kind of realised that mindset is everything when a thought came to me. My body is an amazing thing. The absurdity of hating it finally seems to have hit home. I've been so focused on dislike, of my belly. My thighs. My face, even. It's fuller than it used to be. But I could be angry at myself and berating myself, or I can reframe it and acknowledge that I was just in the preparation phase for a magnificent adventure. I didn’t just ‘gain weight’. I had an epic bulk. It's like a heavy backpack full of food, filled in preparation for a long adventure. That pack will change shape and size as I use the food and turn it to energy, to fuel the adventure. Like Frodo and the setting out from Hobbiton lightly moaning about the weight of his pack and later finding himself and Sam down to a few precious wafers of Lembas on the long, perilous journey to Mordor. I am that pack of food. I don't hate the full pack for being big, bulky and heavy. Well, I might grumble with the effort of carrying it. But I also know it's everything I need to sustain me for the weeks and months ahead, on a journey where food will be scarce, where the bulky pack means life, and continuing the adventure rather than turning back, and missing out on the things that make life beautiful and fun for me. Reframing it has made all the difference. Sure, I weigh more than I want to weigh, and more than is healthy for me. But that just means that I have a heavy, bulky pack full of energy I can use. I'm all stocked up now. So, let's go have that adventure. To where? Well, to the Mountain of Knowledge! (Which I will put in a separate post so I can pin it to the start of future challenges. If you stay to read, and I hope you do, it's a bit of a long one. Bring water and snacks