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  1. Hi, it's me... again... again... I've been in a downward mental spiral again, set off by rapidly increasing weight, which seems to have been (ironically?) set off by getting back into working out. For those who don't know, I'm Matt, 33M, ADHD, depressed, anxious, etc. I lost about 100 pounds from Jan 2016 to June 2017, most of which was done between Sept 2016 and March 2017. In early 2018, I was at my lowest weight, but had been slowly coasting since June 2017. About mid-2018, I gave up my weight loss journey in search of enjoying life. The problem was that I had developed orthorexia, dysmorphia, and was spending upwards of 5 hours in the gym, 6 days a week. I felt that I was eating, working out, sleeping, working, or meal prepping. I didn't socialize, I felt like I had to ignore people to keep up my "good" habits, and I was just overall not happy. After that, I started believing I "deserved to eat" bad food or taking a rest day. Eventually, that lead to overall poor eating and not working out at all, which lead to regaining most of the weight. In October 2021, I was back, about five pounds shy of my highest weight. Since then, I've lost about forty pounds. I'm intent to lose the weight in ways that keep it off and keep me healthy. I'm learning more and more about the long-term positive effect exercise has on the body and mental health. Also, I'd like to live past 70. Much of my family on my mom's side died in their early 60's or earlier. I'd like to enjoy my retirement. Overall, I'm just trying to find that balance between what I want to do and what I need to do, and finding how I can cross the streams. Feel free to ask me anything.
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