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Last challenge was tough for me. I had a lot of stuff happen in life and I realized my coping skills leave much to be desired. I relied heavily on food for self-medicating and whiskey for forgetting, trading useful daylight hours for laying in bed way too long, and generally living mostly immobilized by fear. Living from a place of fear has meant that my reaction time is lightning fast, my fight-or-flight system is on hyperdrive, my responses to life are often irrational, and I care too much about things I can't control. At the root is ultimately fear of pain, be it physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. Fear of pain leads to a desperation to escape from discomfort. The desperation fuels the hyperactive amygdala which in turn heavily influences physical and psychological reactions. I've lived this way for 31 years and I'm just plain tired of letting fear of fear dictate the parameters of my life. I have a well-established paleo lifestyle and a solid training program going, so I plan to simply stick with those. As far as diet and exercise go, the idea for the next 6 weeks is just to stick to the plan. No program changes, no switching to a new idea from a new website/magazine/podcast. Just stick with the current program for the next challenge, and at the end I can determine if changes need to be made. With that in mind, my goals for this challenge are stacked heavily toward battling this fear beast that is blocking my path toward my goals. For 31 years, this thing has always been there...I'd work on a goal right up until I smashed into it, then I'd back off and think, "I just need to try something different." The obstacle always looked vague, shapeless, and immense, so naturally I thought the problem was with whatever program/hobby/diet I was doing at the time. This past challenge, something clicked into focus and I finally saw the beast as it is. It's not vague and it's not shapeless; it's big, but not insurmountable. It's my dependence upon fear. Truly, dependence. I don't know how to live without it being there, so that seems like dependence to me. It's dark, and hard as granite, shiny with a menacing oily sheen, and it's tall enough that I can't see past it. But, it has edges, scaly pockmarks, and fissures, and I can work with those. Edges can be climbed over, scales can become handholds, and fissures can be split wide open. I know I probably won't be able to conquer this thing in 6 weeks; after all, it's been sitting there blocking my way for 31 years. But I can sure as hell get it in the crosshairs and see how much damage I can do to it over the next 6 weeks. My efforts this challenge focus on these areas: --establishing a consistent journaling habit; nothing fancy or melodramatic, just a notebook and a pen to write down whatever. I started this already; I have been writing 3 positive things about the day prior every morning before getting out of bed. --honoring my spirituality and my commitment to Buddhist practice by bringing regular meditation back into my life. I also have a few books on various teachings that have been collecting dust, and I'd like to break them out every now and then to foster my learning. --not allowing my mind to keep my body in bed for 9, 10, 11 hours a day. I did that a lot last challenge, and ultimately I felt like crap...sluggish, grumpy, etc. I'm not setting any specific bedtime/wake-time goals, but just focusing on keeping my time in bed in the sweet spot of 7-8 hours per night. This includes waking time in the bed, so I will not be reading in bed anymore. Not only has this been terrible for my posture, but reading in bed keeps my mind super active and I have a harder time falling asleep. Which leads to laying in bed doing nothing for a longer period of time. --committing to taking my vitamins and supplements every day. I eat a healthy diet but my food choices are limited in variety because I live so rurally. In the summer, this is not a problem as the local farms explode and the farmer's market is awesome. But during the fall/winter, the rural community just shuts down and all I'm left with are produce choices at the grocery store, which are expensive and often taste like crap. I want to make sure I'm getting a solid range of nutrients so I have done a lot of research and come up with a supplement routine that has worked well for me...when I take them. --being intentional about preparing my body for movement and recovering adequately from movement. In short: MWOD, baby. My jump stretch band and tennis balls are en route to my door as I type this, and I am going to explore the wonderful world of MWOD throughout the challenge. I did an assessment of my current habits and environment, and came to the conclusion that evenings in my living room while watching Hulu would be a perfect time for MWOD. I mean, I'm there almost every night already anyway...the only difference is that instead of sitting on my couch or laying on the Saint Bernard, I'll be rolling my spine on tennis balls or stretching out the shoulder with a band slung over a beam. One thing that I truly believe is that people carry their feelings inside their body. I know I do. Many times when doing a long yoga session or other stretching that works major joints, I find that the physical opening-up often results in feelings rising to the surface. I fully expect that this will happen with much of the mobility work. --doing good stuff for my body and mind out in the wide world. As I've mentioned (probably hundreds of times by now), I live in the middle of nowhere and I work from home. I am extremely isolated, and on weekends I also have no car, so when I actually have time off I can't go anywhere. I rarely see actual people, and that starts to make me feel a little crazy after awhile. I love health and fitness, and every time I've ever done anything health- or fitness-related out in the community with other people, I've loved it and felt great for days/weeks afterward. So I have set up three tasks, pass/fail, to work on toward this goal. My expectation for this challenge is that the cultivation of journaling and meditation, combined with attention to my sleep hygiene and solid nutritional/recovery support, I can start to address the underlying emotional issues that make up that big, nasty, dark barrier keeping me from moving forward in life. Fear is the mind-killer... Without further ado, the individual goal details. And...yes, these are based on MTG cards. I had a lot of fun on the Gatherer doing research for this challenge. (Also, my workouts will be tracked in my battle log thread, while specific goal progress will be tracked here.) Level 5: Wherein Sambie Faces the Jabberwock (source) Defeat: Meishin, the Mind Cage Every morning upon waking, write in my notebook before getting out of bed. 42 days = 100%. +2 WISDaily sitting time. 42 days = 100%. +2 CHADefeat: Entangling Trap Spend a minimum of 7 and a maximum of 8 hours in bed each night. No reading in bed. 42 nights = 100%. +4 CONAchieve: Beastmaster Ascension Take vitamins/supplements every day as scheduled. 42 days = 100%. +2 CONPractice MWOD every evening. 42 days = 100%. +2 CON Acquire: Healing Salve Sign up for 1 massage with massage therapist in town. +1 CONSign up for 1 yoga class at the studio in town +1 CHAMake 1 telephone inquiry to the naturopathic doctor in town. +1 CON Support Strategy: Continue eating 100% paleo - sugar/honey/maple syrup are officially out. There's no way around it...my body hates them, acts like I ingested poison when I do eat them, so I gotta give 'em up. And the thing is, sugary stuff never tastes as good as my mind tells me it will before I eat it. Tricksy brain cells, they lies to us! This includes (le sob) chocolate. But, I have my cacao tisane, which is 100% roasted cacao bean shells and nothing else, and is delicious. Continue with current training program: BodeeFit full metcon 2 days/wk Free weights + BodeeFit mini-metcon 2 days/wk (not two days in a row) Yoga 1 day/wk Rest 2 days/wk (rest day can include Moving at a Slow Pace if desired, i.e. walk/hike, more yoga, etc.)