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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Ok. Ok. I got this. Don't panic. Lol j/k. I am most definitely panicking. The con is in 10 days. I have gained 10 pounds, on top of the 15 pounds I gained the year before. I can no longer see my abs unless I flex REAL HARD and even then the lower abs are no longer visible and there are blubbery rolls where there were no rolls before. Unacceptable. While it's not mandatory that I see my abs for the upcoming con (teeeennn daaaaayyyysssss), it is most absolutely mandatory that I have visible abs again for an upcoming photo shoot in just a little less than 2 months. I have embarked on such a challenge before, multiple times, and I have failed miserably. I am now trying the same thing, but with one additional ingredient: PANIC! Panic and cosplay usually gets shit done. Or at least it has one time before, back in like 2013 or something. Surely it can happen again? Optimism! Things I'll do to shed the muffin top: - MAXIMUM of 2 glasses of wine (5oz) on week nights. Ideally I wouldn't have any wine, but telling myself I absolutely cannot have a thing just makes me want the thing more, so I'll just try to be reasonable. - Go to bed before 11:30. Preferably 11:00, but I'm trying to set realistic goals here. - LEAVE MY FUCKING PHONE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF MY BEDROOM so I don't hit snooze like 7 times and then panic because I'm all like RUSHRUSHRUSHRUSH to get to work. This is the bad, unwanted kind of panic. - Right, speaking of alarm, set it for 6:00 AM. Refer to the bullet point above re. the use of the snooze button. - Run the dog, do a quick workout, stretch. This should all be completed before 7 so I have time to actually relax while having breakfast. - Morning break exercises at the office (2 min wall sit, 1.5 min hollow body hold). - Lunch time run at the office (about 3.5k). - Lunch time run on Tuesdays and Fridays, 3x (jump squats to failure, push-ups to failure) and plank to failure on M, W, Th. - Afternoon break PT exercises (shoulder mobility). - On Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays: whatever evening classes I have. - Thursdays and Fridays: ???? work on cosplay or w/e, just don't reach for the wine immediately upon arriving home. - Weekends: cosplay, D&D Online, some kind of physical activity. Attempt to limit wine intake to one 750ml bottle on Saturday. I'm good when it comes to nutrition and hydrating, and I actually enjoy exercising, but have been doing less of it lately. This needs to change.

I have been taking anti-depressant medication for a while now. I upped my dosage in May and it really did wonders for my mood and emotional stability. Recently, though, I have been having a horrible time whenever I am preparing for bed. I often feel anxious to the point of having near panic attacks. I haven't had anxiety or panic attacks in nearly a year and they have just come out of the blue. Not to mention I sometimes get this odd flutter/lightheaded feeling that I could equate to a very minor episode of vertigo. Obviously I know that if they get bad enough I need to see a doctor, but I was wondering if there was anyone else out here who experience this. I usually tell myself that I'm worrying over something in my subconscious, but I can't think of a blessed thing that would make me so manic and anxious, that I would have these sort of fits and attacks before going to sleep. It's worse when I'm so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open, but for whatever reason my brain just won't allow me that restful sleep. I do have Trazadone, but I try not to take it until I absolutely need to which I haven't in quite some time. I'm not afraid of taking it, but I didn't want to become too dependent on it. Thoughts? Suggestions? Sparkles?

Right, I actually got a gym membership today. Starting Saturday and lasting until at least the end of September. I'm totally freaked out and I have no idea what to expect. What can I expect? Am I expected to know anything, or is that part of what I'm going to pay $45 every month for? Or is that what these personal trainers do? Will the gym working people be insulted if I ask them for help? I need help with learning how to do exercises with proper form, and I need help with learning when to stop an exercise and I need to learn how not to quit once I reached my short-term goal. Further on, I haven't found much about gym etiquette. Sure, I get you're s'pposed to wipe equipment off after use, but how? And what about queueing? And... like, how should I warm up? And what about clothes? Shoes? Yeah, slightly panicky.