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Here we go again; I've lost count of the times we've gone again at this point but as always, once more with feeling! The only thing worse than starting again would be not starting again, so I've got that going for me. It's been a hot minute since I was here last and a hefty chunk of things have happened since then, but a few things have remained constant. Specifically I've sat very firmly in at least one pit of denial over the course of the four-ish years since I got my hEDS diagnosis. It became a very predictable cycle. I would pull myself out of my depression cave, usually spurred on by content of people my size or bigger getting shit done to achieve their goals and me saying "if they can do that then I can definitely do that!", begin a new wave of something while firmly ignoring the voice in the back of my head whispering "Yeah, those people are doing those things at your size; but they're not also built out of old rubber bands and caffeine.", cause myself a significant enough injury to need to stop doing the things, get angry about failing again, crawl back into my depression cave. Repeat ad infinitum. It's been exhausting, physically and mentally. I'm now in the worst shape I've been in my entire life. The day before this challenge officially starts is my 35th birthday and I've slid so far down the mountain that I've lost sight of the base of it, never mind the top. The starting line most people start at is a hazy blur in the distance, whereas I'm here outside this ramshackle barn being stared down menacingly by an alpaca who has declared the "start" spray painted on the dirt track as his territory. Even considering approaching is daunting. So, we're starting with acceptance. Accepting that I do not have the tools or the ability to start in the same place as most people; nor most of the farther back places others start at. And that it's not fine, but there's nothing I can do to change it unless I accept it and use the tools that I do have instead of pretending I have ones that I don't. The latter hasn't gotten me anywhere productive, it needs to stop. With that in mind, it's three goals for the start of the year. 1. Steps My fitbit pings me at ten minutes to the hour, nine hours a day, to do 250 steps. Do the steps, get the 9/9 active hours every day. It's not hard, not really. Min 2250 steps/day 2. Core I saw an exercise physiotherapist earlier this year and the start was going really well, but as with all things seeing a physio who wasn't hEDS informed became a problem very quickly. Building muscle is a necessary thing for me, but it takes longer than it does for other people and pushing me to almost triple my output after six weeks is just asking for injury and failure. So I no longer see her, but there are lessons I can take away from that and things that did work that I can implement until I feel ready to progress them further. Right now it's my core that needs the work, it's a mess and without immediate attention I'm probably heading for a wheelchair. 3x8 Sit to Stands 3x8 Seated Calf Raises 3x8 Wall Push Ups 3. Calories I'm on the waitlist to discuss bariatric options with a general surgeon, but that doesn't mean I can't work on it myself in the meantime. I use Lifesum, no muss no fuss, it does me well when I use it. Track food intake/maintain caloric deficit