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Hello Nerd Fitness community! I feel quite excited joining this community after having followed it for the past year and a half. There is nothing like this specialized community, and I am so proud and so honored to be a part of it. It is something that inspires me both as a fellow rebel and as an aspiring wellness enthusiast. A little about me/ my 'stats': - 20 Years Young - Four foot nine inches tall, small boned, 'delicate' appearance (too tall to be a Hobbit… but too short to be an elf; I am a hybrid of the two at this time) - Was bullied for small stature all my life - Brown belt in Hap Ki Do; had to stop trainings at age 13 to focus on studies - Artist (once considered a career in concept design) - Writer (have tons of novels in the works; I also run a blog) - Yoga Teacher in Training (going to be certified hopefully by the end of the year; early 2015 at the latest) - Semi-Self-Taught Contortionist (double jointed in legs; Ministry of Silly Walks for the win!) - Aspiring Creature Actor (in short, a Creature Actor is your typical actor playing atypical roles either in makeup- ie, Abe Sapien, Hellboy- a suit- werewolves in Underworld, the demon in Knights of Badassdom, gorilla suits- or a motion capture suit- Gollum, Caesar from Planet of the Apes, Davy Jones. I've played a child zombie in a student film and regularly attend a local horror convention known as Monsterpalooza dressed up as Samara from the Ring. My ultimate dream is to collaborate with director Guillermo Del Toro, someone I consider to be a father figure and spiritual mentor. See why next. - Survivor of emotional/psychological abuse (from age 8 all the way to 19) from a parent, whom I am now estranged from. Let's just say during that time I was at an all time low physically and mentally. This parent manipulated me and convinced several doctors I was the one with a problem. I've been accused of an ED, depression, dementia, and anxiety because this person could not admit that what they were doiing to me was wrong. Thankfully, a combination of things helped to save me: Faith/Hope, another parent, and director GDT. His films reminded me of the power of my imagination and inner strength. I wanted to stop being a victim, and stood up for myself. A child attorney helped me to break free of custody from the abusive parent and turned it over to the other one whom I live with at this time. - Currently healing from nearly a decade of poor health. My metabolism is very fast. When I was abused, I felt little need to do anything. I did not starve myself intentionally. I did nothing all do. No eating, drinking, or even reading. I literally spent my days sitting in a corner crying my eyes out thinking I did not deserve any happiness. This period of time has caught up with me. See below: - Digestive is pretty off. Not going into TMI territory, but consistency varies, even with probiotics and enzymes. - 'Diet' (I hestitate to say this, as I am not in to lose weight) is mostly plant based. I initially went all out vegan because of my yoga training and the fact that I was always sensitive to animal treatment. However, I am considering turning a new leaf (no pun intended) and dabbling with something along the lines of paleo. I still LOVE my veggies; when I was a kid, they called me popeye, because I ate tons of spinach (and strawberries… my two favorite foods; I was a weird kid). But maybe the excessive fiber is too much for me. I also have noticed that certain minerals that would otherwise require a heavy load of certain vegetables can found in a few ounces of salmon or chicken. - There are a few books I have read and taken some merit from along my health journey- The Body Ecology Diet and The Beauty Detox Solution. Both focus on digestion, and have helped mine considerably, but still I struggle. Am curious about reading Your Personal Paleo Code and Primal Blueprint - What stops me from eating more animal foods is mainly guilt, and a small fear that it will stick in my digestive tract and make my digestion worse. Several health experts claim meat can rot in your intestines for days, and I sense there is something wrong about this notion. Is there evidence to prove this correct? - Goals: Health, Strength/Tone, and Confidence. Health: Fix that gut. No more IBS, or sitting on the toilet for hours. Quick, clean, and efficient. Improve skin health; lacks a certain glow at times. I want to be healthy to fulfill my creative, health, and life's goals. It is about quality. I refuse to ever step foot in a hospital, unless I am giving birth. - Strength/Tone: Because of my small size and 'weak' appearance, growing up I was often the target for bullies. Even my fourth grade teacher made fun of me. If the wind blew, he would pick me up off the ground and shout, "Hang on, kid, the wind is going to blow you away!" In fact, it was a customary for most kids to pick me up out of no where and literally toss me up and down. What's worse is that this carried on all the way to high school. My goals right now are to radically transform my body. Something strong, flexible, and lithe. My stature and size is very small. Too much muscle makes me look bulky, but I am looking for long, lean, and functional. Like a dancer's, or a female Bruce Lee (another small guy! taller than me, but still an awesome example of immense strength without bulk; I LOVE martial arts, and he is also one of my inspirations… one day I hope to study Jeet Kune Do, Shaolin martial arts, Gung Fu, Capoeira and Ninjitsu). Abs would be nice, but my upper body is especially susceptible to being stick-thin and weak. My legs are the easiest to tone up, but overall I want a total body change. And, I do not want to devote a ton of hours each day to maintain the physique. I am looking for a good base ground that I can maintain year round. Zuzka Light, a female fitness personality, is a good example; she looks relatively the same 365 days a year. Confice: I do love how unique my body is. Before any change, I believe you must first love yourself, and where you are. I am grateful to have a body, and a damn good one at that. But, it needs a little bit of help. We have work to do, and I embrace the journey, as I change not only physically but mentally as well. Given that I aspire to work as a creature actor and yoga instructor, my body is going to be judged, and will dictate what jobs and opportunities are available to me. I am very self-conscious with my arms exposed, be it a tank or swim suit; afraid of being called anorexic (thin shaming is just as bad; body shaming in general is horrible, no matter what the size) and weak. My family does not support me in my endeavors. I grew up without a mother figure in my life… in fact, my 'mom' was the parent who abused me. And I was always a tomboy and continue to be one to this day. But there is a part of me that wonders what it means to have someone say you are beautiful. No one has ever told me that because of the fact that with my current physique and height, I could pass for a twelve year old. I am twenty years old and people think they need to help me lift things or refrain from profanity because I appear so infantile. I know I am greater than all of these things. That is why I am reaching out to this community. I need an army to help me out. There is a Dragon inside of me- a Dragon ready to be reborn and take back a life that was once denied. A life of limitless possibility and magic. I believe in the power of evolution, and the time has come for that to take place. Who is ready to join me and help me along?