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Balsquith doesn't give up My last challenge started strongly and ended not all that badly, but was under attack from life (and injuries) a lot which made it feel like a losing battle. Still it was, hopefully, a great learning experience and one which I can transfer almost directly into this challenge, as..... my goals will be the same! This feels a little bit like a cop-out, but I view all of these goals as core and if I can't get these down I don't want to distract myself by doing something else. So my goals are: Goal 1: Get up to my alarm Frequency - Daily Tactic - Set alarm sensibly to give 8 hours sleep Criteria - Out of bed within 5 minutes of alarm Bonus - Every 7 days on my chain unlocks something good (to be decided) Goal 2: Regular exercise Frequency - At least 3x per week Tactic - Go to gym to ask trainer about working around injuries Criteria - Any concerted effort counts as exercise Goal 3: Plant-based diet Frequency - Daily Tactic - Ensure breakfast fulfils criteria to ease the blow of life getting in the way later Criteria - At least 50% of meals must be heavy on vegetables Goal 4: Useable German Criteria - Acrue 14 points a week (30 minutes study = 1pt, courage to speak to someone = 3pts)

Well, hi folks. It's been quite a while since I stalked the NF rebellion. Well, let me give you a short overview of my glorious deeds ... It's really short: None. Maybe some of you guys remember that I had to restart my engineering studies ... well, that restart was a disaster. I only passed three of 10 exams - I'm still in, I can continue, but it's pathetic. That totally dismantled me ... well, I spare you the details. I had to stop my TKD classes, and of course the workload is so immense that it's THE perfect excuse for skipping exercise and drowning in misery. Well, good news is: I pulled myself together, I even found friends at college [sic!] and studying is finally as natural as it was in High School. The bad news: Sedentary lifestyle, bad nutrition, BC pill (I will stop taking that crap very soon, switching to a hormone-free method), so I put on about 10 kg. Which sucks. But not as much as the loss of the little strength and endurance I crammed together so painfully. And now also my mind starts messing around with me again. Freaking out over everything, making an elephant out of a fly ... My soul too isn't in best shape, therefore the tag uncertainty. Now, what to do: I'll be honest: I don't have the slightest idea. I don't think I have the willpower to reset now, but I hate my life as it is now - I could make so much more of it than just being reactive and being afraid and anxious about everyrhing all the time. It's not that I have biiig problems or feeling like shit all the time, don't get me wrong, all in all, I'm fine. I ... just kinda hit a dead end and don't know how to get past it. So forgive me that I don't have a good plan for this challenge, maybe I just need a place to share my thoughts to get them in order - to kick some butts again.

Oh dear. This had to happen some day. The Courier has lost her mind for good. Guys! Wait, don't give up on me yet! I'll illuminate you! Reactivity is the exact opposite of proactivity. Figures, doesn't it? … No? Uh ... I came across this term in Stephen Covey's „The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People“. It was a fascinating book which I literally devoured (don't worry M, not THAT literally, you'll get it back in one piece). The first big kick in the butt was the following simple concept: That there is a gap between an external stimulus and the behavioural response. This gap contains the „freedom to choose“. So it is totally up to ME how I react to something. I am not a subject of my environment, the conditions, the weather, or to gremlins. Although that is quite logic, it has to be manifested in your consciousness. Now, how do you define 'proactivity'? Let me quote Mr. Covey: „... It means more than merely taking initiative. It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behaviour is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.“ Well, it hurts to admit it, but I am still a quite reactive person. I noticed it with much discomfort again just yesterday. I didn't really feel like participating the service as a member of a choir, and the fact that it took me more than 2,5 hours to get to the church because of building sites all over the public transport system (plus irregularities that resulted in missing almost every train and that the choir made several unnecessary mistakes which almost screwed us worsened my mood extremely. So I spent half a nice summer day angry and sulky, green with envy for the guys in the TKD-boot camp I would have SO DAMN loved having attended, feeling sorry for me for being stuck here, having such an awful morning, instead of … I don't know, for example packing my things and get to the lake and go for a swim to spend some nicer hours and relax a bit. (Which I did this morning. Better late than never.) … you see what I mean about me being reactive? Although I must also say I was much, much, much worse. Such as described above happened much more often and the feeling lasted much longer. But still, there is a lot of work to do. And why bothering with all this? Because I happened to notice, that me being slacky on daily exercise is not a problem of a busy life, or finding the right program, but of a serious lack of guts and willpower. I do come home very late almost every day during the week. So what? One still CAN do 2 sets of 10 'exercise XY' The answer, why I don't do them, is simply: I don't feel like it. And now there comes the reactive personality: „I had an exhausting day, I deserve to rest. There's always a tomorrow.“ Well, vicious cycle. And it is so silly, since exercising and eating right brought me some results. Nothing extraordinary, but I feel much better about myself. And would I do a bit more, I would feel even better. Self-rewarding system, actually. The big question is, how to accomplish it. I don't really have more of a plan than to pay more attention on how I behave. Unfortunately, there is no emergency kit when I notice I am being reactive again, which I do. I am well aware when I am making excuses or blaming gremlins. Unfortunately it seems that I am perfectly willing to listen to them far too often. (T__T) So, this is more of challenge about the right mindset than about health itself. Regular exercise which is independent from TKD-lessons, is the last big health issue I have to master, but it's been over a year that I am struggling with it, so … maybe I need to concentrate more on my brain first. Speaking of Taekwon-Do, since my school is closed this week due to a boot camp almost all members are attending, I have one explicit, measurable goal for week #1: Do any kind of exercise every day. That might be a 5km-walk, 15 min of jogging, a CC session ... doesn't matter what, but do something to get you to sweat. It might not be efficient as far as getting strong is concerned, but not much unlike M, I really have to get used to exercising daily. I know that I have to come up with a more specific plan to succeed at least a little bit, just give me the first week to observe, as a time of making up and developing strategies against the reactivity gremlins. So, brace yourself for a frenzy of modifications during those six weeks.