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I'll get this part out of the way first: I am not killing myself, so no need to report me to a crisis unit or anything. HOWEVER, I will be killing myself (ever so slowly) if I keep drinking two bottles of wine daily and getting less than 6 hours of sleep every night, so that absolutely has to change. And hey, both lack of sleep and excessive drinking contribute to weight gain. Fix my life and get thinner and more ripped? Sign me up! The plan: 1. Don't drink alcohol. 2. Go to bed before 10:30 on weekdays/get 7 to 9 hours of sleep. 3. Exercise 4x/week (they're short workouts). 4. Journal every now and then (this will be done in this thread). I'll elaborate more on these goals later. (Elaborating is in progress.) 1. Don't drink alcohol: Right. Some time during the last challenge, I mentioned that I was experiencing abdominal discomfort. This started after a pickle-flavored vodka bender between the holidays, so I figured it was just a part of the hangover and would go away in a few hours. But it didn't. It's not painful or anything (only a 1 or a 2 on the pain scale) but the thought that something isn't right has been plaguing me since that day. Then I was a dumbass and googled "where does liver cancer hurt" and, uh oh, it's the exact same spot. Panic mode engaged! An appointment with my doctor was booked when the discomfort was still present a week later, and then fretting about every possible bad outcome ensued. What if it's cancer? What if the health care system doesn't get me in before it's at stage 4 and there is no hope? I (and probably everyone reading my posts) realize that I don't quite enjoy life to the fullest, but the thought of it possibly being over in less than 6 months just terrified me. It feels like I haven't even lived yet. I haven't even lived yet. Practically everything I do is for other people and I usually end up putting myself last. The thought of the Grim Reaper showing up all like "lol sup, time to go" without me having even attempted to live life on my terms and focus on my own goals is just...depressing. More depressing than any of my current problems. The previous 2 challenges were an attempt to escape The Grind and go into a field I'd truly have a passion for, so an attempt was made, but what if it's too little and too late? (I've found that I can manage The Grind and the side hustle at the same time, so that was a winning realization at least.) Anyway. The doctor appointment was yesterday and nothing too terribly wrong seems to be going on with my liver, but a blood test and an ultrasound will be booked in the near future just to be sure. I did open up to him about drinking way too fucking much and how it's likely self-medicating and has been going on for probably 10 years now due to being easily depressed by this, that, and the other thing, and also all the things all at the same time. So that's going to be getting addressed this year, but before we get to the next step I need to stop drinking stupidly large amounts of alcohol because apparently starting antidepressants immediately after quitting booze cold turkey is dangerous. So now I'm (temporarily) on some pills that will help cut cravings until the next appointment...which just happens to be before the end of this challenge. I was trying to avoid the medication route, but I've just about hit "Fuck It" point. May as well try if it's on a temporary basis. I've stopped drinking for 30-60 stretches before but never addressed the underlying problems that made me want to drink in the first place so the unhealthy drinking habits always came back. If a tiny pill can give me advantage on the WIS save for the first 30 or so days, then I'll take it. (I'm still not 100% sure about the antidepressants, but would be willing to try them on a temporary basis at the same time as counseling or therapy. Hopefully my mood improves on its own after not drinking until mid-March, though.) 2. Go to bed before 10:30 on weekdays OR get 7 to 9 hours of sleep: Alcohol allows me to ignore my body's GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP signals and also causes poor quality sleep, so it only makes sense to focus on sleep. Mainly because it will make getting more sleep easier and I like it when things are as easy as possible. One of the functions of sleeping is to get rid of molecular/cellular garbage in one's brain, meaning that my brain is probably 98% garbage after....16 or so years of chronic sleep deprivation. Hopefully with enough consecutive days of quality rest, my thoughts will also become less garbage. If my thoughts become less garbage, I will in turn be less likely to reach for a bottle of wine the moment shit hits the fan IRL. Goals 1 and 2 totally synergize one another. I don't have a set strategy for how I'll manage to get to bed on time on a regular basis, but I'll come up with one before the end of week zero. I have a feeling it will involve the planner I bought in November and still haven't used. 3. Exercise 4x/week: Self-explanatory. I have a coach who designs a training program for me and knows how stupid my schedule can get, so the workout plan includes really short workouts. I just have to, y'know, do them. The nice and unused planner may be useful here too, actually. 4. Journal every now and then: Also self-explanatory. I'll be using this thread as a journal and ranting board as per usual 😆 I find that I have to re-arrange my sentences so often if I write in a physical notebook that it ends up full of crossed out words or sentences, or eraser dust, and then I look at the page and it looks like a toddler took a marker to the page, and then I feel super self-conscious because I used to be great at writing when I was a teenager and now I practically can't do it anymore. At least writing on the Internet allows me to use backspace and to copy/paste so I can have a final post of a somewhat decent quality. Also, I don't use the name Ahyar Dreamspark anywhere else on the Internet so I am afforded complete privacy by writing here. (Okay, mostly complete, because some people on the FB group probably know who I am on here, and it's probably not too hard to find out if one REALLY wants to know, but any of the people I would be complaining about here are unlikely to ever know.)

A challenge thread to go with the "Sober(ish) September" theme I've got going in the NF Prime Facebook group, because extra accountability can't hurt. I'll mainly be copy/pasting the logs I post on the FB page in here for the sake of efficiency. Also, because I noticed I've fucking gained 10 pounds over the summer, the following goals have been added, in addition to the whole "don't have alcohol except on Saturdays" goal: - Workout (6x/week) - 150g of protein - 2300cal max - Sleep 7-8h - Cold shower I know this seems like a lot, but all these goals are things I've either done consistently in the past and/or am almost doing consistently now. It turns out that these things can all be done consistently a lot more easily if I don't get wasted on wine daily. Who would have thought! Today will probably be a shit show because I have things to do back to back to back to back to back and the only time I'll have to do my workout is between 6 and 7 tonight. If anything happens to derail this I'm going to be fucking pissed, and then do my workout at 10 PM but angrily. Tuesday is similar. If I can get through these two days, the rest of the week will be a breeze.

Late to the party, whoops, but I did just return from vacation on Monday. I trailed off on the last challenge but don't feel terrible about it because it was insanely hectic - not the most stressed I've ever been, but definitely the most major events in a month. Plus at the beginning of the challenge I wasn't planning on the Italy work trip, and then that happened in the middle of everything. My healthy routines were thoroughly disrupted, but I still squeezed in a little exercise and some vegetables. I'm thrilled to be home, and in my own kitchen and bed again (not at the same time, obviously). After eating out most meals for three weeks, I am excited to cook balanced, delicious meals at home. Overall Goals My general life goals have changed a bit because, uh, I'm pregnant and all - so weight loss is no longer the primary aim. I weighed myself this morning and was unpleasantly surprised by the number on the scale, but the internet tells me it's normal to have gained 4-6lb at this point even though the baby is only the size of a raspberry, so I feel better about it now. I'm going to stop weighing myself at home because it makes more sense to focus on make healthy choices each day. I've cancelled my NF Coaching because I already feel a bit overwhelmed, and through work I'm going to be assigned an RN who will advise on healthy eating and exercise throughout my pregnancy. But I have even stronger reasons to eat healthy, and I won't be drinking ha, so I'm going to focus on paying attention to how I feel - more frequent, small meals seems to sit better with me these days. I am currently working to use up a lot of my pantry/freezer food which has been accumulating for...a while. I also want to declutter since we mayyy buy a house and move before the baby comes. Goal #1: Cook all the things Make (nearly) all our food at home, avoid relying on processed food. I'd like to get in a good pattern of meal prep and eating at home pre-baby. Document food here. Goal #2: Feel the burn Work out doing whatever feels good. Right now that's barre but I'd like to try to get running again if I can do it without chest pain. Aiming for working out 3x/week minimum, and walking on other days to aid digestion and circulation. Goal #3: Feed the fire Take extra kind care of myself. Give myself an 8-hour sleep window. Nap if needed. Meditate daily. I have FIVE WEEKS before our family vacation when we tell the family, and I have already told random coworkers in Italy (because finding out I was pregnant the week before the trip was anxiety-inducing), a couple coworkers I am closer to (because we were on vacation for a week and they wouldn't have figured it out from the not drinking anyways, and this way I was able to talk to a friend who had twins last year about it), and another friend (who I stayed with on the way to and from the Florida vacation, because we're close and it was nice to do it in person). Between now and the official family announcement at which point it will be public, I will probably tell a couple more friends because as an external processor keeping secrets is not my strong suit. It still feels completely surreal, but in the best way.

Yep I have no shame, it's Europe to the rescue! Bust out the big hair, we're headed for Venus!! Summary I set out on Jan 1st this year to drop 20kg, there are 4.4kg remaining. This challenge will be focused on cutting the final 4.4kg to get me under 80kg. Goals: 1. No alcohol until I'm sub 80kg. (2 exceptions allowed, this Saturday is my friend's 60th and 28 March I have a work lunch) 2. 4 x F45 challenge sessions a week 3. Eat 100% to the F45 meal plans for the first 2 weeks and 80% after that. 4. 2 x 6km walks a week 5. Rehab my shoulder. Physio exercises 3 times a week on Monday, Wednesday Friday. Please feel free to hold me accountable for this, I never do them. Measures: 1. I have an F45 end of challenge body scan in 2 weeks time, that will be a difference scan of 8 weeks. 2. I have a full DEXA booked for 17 April. This one must see me at under 80kg or I will be disappointed. Rewards 1. I have a drive day lined up for 11 April where I take my MX5 (Miata) on a track with some friends. I'd like this to be my weight loss reward which means I have 3.5 weeks to drop 4.4kg. 2. Something else I haven't decided yet, maybe some new clothes, maybe a massive wig! Let's Rock!

Goals: - No Alcohol - 1 hour walk or 1 hour gym every day - Track Calories - "Never 2 in a row" Big shift in my training this challenge, I got injured (again) and decided I am no longer doing Crossfit training with a Personal Trainer. I'll be going to F45 classes instead and training weights at home. I have signed up for the Crossfit Open but I'm not sure at this stage whether I will take part because I'm carrying a bicep tendon impingement injury which prevents me from doing any overhead or bicep work. The overall goal at the moment is body composition, specifically losing fat. Bonus motivators: 1. I'm in a weight loss competition with a friend at work from 6 Feb to 27 Feb, every 500g one of us loses more than the other is $5 you owe them. (This is a repeat, I crushed him in January in case you were wondering!) 2. I've entered an 8 week challenge at my new F45 gym, which runs 29 Jan to 25 March 3. I've set myself up for success with (another) 20 pre-packed Paleo meals. 4. In a PvP with @Baxtan which is a race to see who can lose 7kg (15.4lbs) first. Current status: Starting weight 93.0kg Current Weigh in: 88.9kg PVP progress: 4.1kg lost, 2.9kg to go. Super secret (not so secret) Open motivation

****************Challenge 19**************** I got some advice from the CEO of a bank recently, it was simple in more ways than one, all he said was "simplify your life as much as possible". I realized last challenge that less is more, focus on the things that you are really interested in and tune out the rest as much as possible. I'm going to do less to achieve more. Goals: L. - Lifting - 3 times a week (PT does not count). Simplify the programming, go old skool, NF Barbell Battalion - Rank 1A. E. - Eating - NO sugar and full Paleo as much as possible S. - Sleeping - 8 hours+ S. - Sober. - Only drinking on 6 occasions during the 6 week challenge. Epic quest: The driver for all of this is lowering my body fat to a point where I can see abs. Right now I'm the lowest weight I have been since July 2013. My lowest weight ever since I've been on NF was 76.4kg and my lowest BF% was 16.7%. These numbers were both achieved when I was in the Adventurers Guild doing tons of walking and body weight/dumbbell exercises from the Rebel Fitness Guide. Walking is undoubtedly a fat loss weapon for me and I will be running the walking PvP again this challenge. That's it, no fancy gif's, no complex theme. Simples. But we are going to review some articles for inspiration. Saint is the main source of inspiration at the moment, what a transformation Monty Python and the Holy Abs Protein and Tetris Look like Ryan Reynolds I will also be getting a DEXA, probably this week. What gets measured gets improved.