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The struggle to fit into the size and shape that today's beauty industry makes women feel like they ought to have in order to be happy, healthy and successful in life has always haunted me. Limbs too thick, hips too wide, legs too short, not enough chest, too much booty, etc etc etc, has always left me feeling like an outsider very unable to identify with other women and with the entire industry that makes me feel like I'm not a real or beautiful woman unless I look like all the advertisements tell me I should. I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny. I'm not hideously out of shape, but I'm not fit either. I work an unpredictable job with a lot of uncertainty as to when I will be home and when I will be living in a hotel or in a camp, and for how long, well who knows. In the midst of life's chaos, my main quest is to strengthen my body and live the healthiest life I can. I want to live a lifestyle whereby my self-esteem does not rely on unrealistic physical requirements placed on me by society. Put in more specific terms I believe the best way to improve my self-image and help myself to stop caring what others expect me to look like is to reduce my body fat percentage while increasing my muscle mass. As a female I know I will not become "bulky" by doing this. I am also not concerned about my scale weight so long as I am seeing real progress in the mirror, in how my clothes fit, and in how strong I feel. After some careful reading, and because my job requires physical capability, I know that weight loss is simply not enough to level up my life in terms of emotional and physical well being. Being thin and weak will not improve my self confidence. Being strong and lean will. It is just as important to look good as it is to feel good, and to feel strong, and capable of handling a physically demanding job that will only degrade my body over time if I am not strong enough to handle its rigors. With that intent in mind I will list my missions that will bring me closer to this goal: I will do a strength-training workout at home with dumbbells (because I have them, and I am still very intimidated by the gym and its inhabitants) at least 3 times a week I will increase my protein intake and follow the Paleo diet as closely as possible (this is not always 100% possible because I am often subjected to situations where I have no control over my menu for weeks at a time due to working out of remote camps... in these cases I do my best to select the most simply prepared food items consisting mainly of meat and vegetables, as humanly possible) I will eliminate unhealthy food items that have weaseled their way into my diet, such as replacing chemical and sugar-laden coffee drinks at work with unsweetened teas and reducing froyo excursions to once a week or less. Motivation As Daenerys Targaryen often tells herself before she makes a bold move, "If I look back, I am lost." If I do not push forward, I am lost. Living sick, weak, and unhealthy is no life to live and I do not want to go back to that. Without health and fitness it is easy to lose oneself in negative energy and depression and that is no way to live. If I go back, I am lost. The only clear path to improving happiness and confidence comes through improving health through diet and fitness. With improved health comes improved mood, and this is the best starting place for a more successful and happy life, equipped with more ability and resolve to handle the challenges that life throws at us.