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Where do I begin? It feels so awkward posting on here but I need to do it. I've said for like 3+ fucking years that I need to get back on here, but I'm not doing shit that would have me build a support network that I need. When I was part of the NF family, I lost 120 pounds, ended my 12 year long toxic enmeshed relationship, burned all my things in a funeral pyre, beat a Spartan race, and started doing mma. When school hit 4ish years ago, all the emotional/mental work that I did regressed back to square one. My health declined. Sleep lost. Anxiety spiked through the roof. Depression made my brain and body halt to a crawl. Re-gained back all of the weight that I fought so hard to lose. I lost the woman I wanted to spend my life with first from cancer and then again because of her emotional issues. My mom died. Four family pets died. Dozens of unsatisfying shitty relationships ping-ponged around with an unhealthy dose of abrupt abandonment and lots of binge eating. Loss of friends and important people in my life, leading me to feeling hollow and empty - like I've lost my heart and soul. Let's just say... it's been a really fucking rough time. NF isn't something I can abandon because the difference between having support from all you lovelies and being isolated and stressed and unable to be here is like night and day. I have another challenge on the side where I am working piece-by-piece on the relationship emotional ruins that I feel; but I think it's time I jump into being here like I used to do. With that, my challenge: ------------------------------------------- Workouts - 4x week. I've been going to the gym and using the elliptical 3 or 4 times a week for the past couple of weeks but it's not doing anything if I keep eating garbage and only am doing a little bit. I want to try this challenge to do some dumbbell workouts so I might do 2 weights/2 cardio but it's really more about feeling it out and doing what I want. I used to say on here all the time that the best workout is the one that you stick with so I would rather not be pigeon-holed into doing a specific *thing* but rather go with what works for me. Sleep - Christ, I have had such awful sleep for so long that last week when I slept for 7.5 hours I was shocked and almost manic the first part of the day. I thought about it and I literally don't remember the past few YEARS ever getting more than 6 hours of broken sleep *at best*. I need to make this a priority, obviously; and that means putting my foot down with bedtimes and having a night routine. No matter what - Sunday through Thursday I'm going to bed at 9pm. I have an alarm set on my phone. Friday and Saturday I would like to also go to bed then, but I'm not going to be penalized if i stay up until 10 or so on those days. Study - I have to pass my LCSW exam and because of the anxiety I have, I postpone it. I use getting in better physical and emotional health as excuses to not work on this; but then I continue to not do things to better my physical and emotional health....so I'm at the point that I am self-sabotaging. I need to say, 'Fuck you, BRAIN, just do all of it right at the same time and stop bitching with excuses'. I'm not sure what is doable for this, but I know I have about 450 pages of a study guide so I'm going to break that down into manageable chunks and read a few pages at a time. If I tell myself to read, say, 20 pages then my brain will shut off at around page 3. So instead, I need to do 5-page bursts and then maybe play a game in-between as a brain palate cleanser. I don't have certain days picked out yet, but if I can maybe do this study-game-study-game a couple times a week, I should be able to get this book done before the challenge is over. Then next challenge, I can sign up for the practice exam and study that the following challenge and finally take the test and be DONE with this bullshit. Eat - Like I said in the workouts part; I eat garbage and because of that, it creates a cascading effect. Sugar is toxic. There's no one that can convince me otherwise. My depression and anxiety are ramped up when I eat sugar. My sleep is garbage when I eat sugar. My weight obviously suffers when I eat sugar. It's an addiction, and one that I can't give excuses for. 'Oh it's just 5 hershey kisses'. No it's not - it's like 30 when I feel this binge feeling happen and I don't feel in control of my body as I shovel down candy like a fat jackass. I need to have a zero tolerance rule. Most likely a whole30 because that's literally the only way I can detox from this shit. I'll also be batch cooking 1 or 2 times a week. I'll see what works better. Socialize - This is a two-parter. I need to 1) Socialize with certain people less. 2) Be on here more. 1)My sister is a depression sinkhole. Our mom has been dead for over a year and my sister doesn't work: she just sits at home and plays some stupid bejeweled shit on her phone and whines. Me interacting with her does more bad than good. Also, she has the storehouse of all the candy and junk. As difficult as it is, I need to avoid my own sister who lives next door to me for my own mental health. It's obvious she needs help but she would rather sulk and feel shitty and ask, 'What's the point!?' like my mom did before she died... Another person I need to socialize less with is a ladyfriend by the name of JJ. I've known her for a while but she is an enabler, can't make decisions on her own, and ends up dragging me down with her. Yet another sad, fat, ambitionless loser in my life. And again, as much as I would like to help her; I need to avoid her for my own mental health. Although I care about both of these people, I think I need to set aside days/times/places to interact with them so that way *I* am in control. For instance, I'm not going next door to see my sister because I'm not dealing with the temptation of candy: she can come over here. I'm not going to JJ's place to hang out so she can come over here. 2)As I stated above, being on here is what empowered me enough to believe in myself and get shit done so I need to be on here more. I don't know if I should post on a certain number of threads, post here a certain number of times per week, or both. Maybe I should just consider 5x week NF to count. So if I check a few threads then that counts as 1, if I update my thread it's 1. I'll also count socializing with NF if I play a game with any of you so if you want to play, then you can add me on Steam: terosx I need more positivity in my life so I'll take it wherever I can get it; especially if I'm cutting out two huge portions of my socializing (Sister/JJ).

It's time for me to get out of this funk. The two weeks off made me lose an insane amount of motivation, paired with starting to backslide with eating. Granted, what I had over the course of 2 weeks that is considered 'bad' would normally be eaten in 1 day just 2 years ago. It's about perspective, huh? Anyway, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Teros and I'm the Guild Leader here for the Adventurers. To date, I've lost almost 70 pounds, made my own homegym, and tried a Spartan Race. Tried. This challenge though, I get my redemption. In just a few short days I will be attempting another Spartan Race with my extended family: my NF family. I'm more scared this time than I was at my last Spartan. I know what to expect though, but I'm going to be brave and face it anyway. As a side note for those that are new here: Never hesitate to ask questions or send me a PM. I always have time to help people. However, there are a LOT of people here on NF, so don't feel guilty for taking any of my time. Seriously. I've had a few people say they didn't want to 'bother' me, and that's foolish. This is a community of people that care and if there's a way I can help you out- whether it be through giving advice or just being someone to vent about your problems- I'm here for you. NF has been here for me and I fully intend to return the favor. Let's get on with the challenge now, shall we? 1) Eating Right - Last challenge I stuck with 95% whole 30. In fact, I went 54 days without feeling like I was deprived and I got close to dropping almost 15 pounds. I need to get back to this mentality. I had a slip up the weekend before the challenge ended and with the 2 week break; I've been sliding back. No more. I make another stand and with the exception of NerdsGiving; I hope to beat my 54 day streak. Today it starts. Day 1. I'm starting early. I can't postpone this. What I basically eat is meat and vegetables, with 1 serving of fruit and some healthy fats if I'm hungry. No sugars. No processed crap. It's whole 30, but with the exception of protein powder so I can make protein pancakes (protein powder, egg, banana mashed together). 2) Working out - Again, last challenge I was going solid with this. A few ladies come over twice a week to do strength training and I show them different exercises and spot them; while also getting my own workout in consisting of using a sledgehammer, kettelbells, dumbbells, sandbags, and some bodyweight stuff too. I also like going for long walks on non-workday mornings to keep some endurance/cardio as well. Jack of all trades. 3) Major List - This one is a bit fuzzy, but basically there's a list of about 10 things that I need to get done... like NOW. So I'm not writing it down, but I will note when one of the things on my Major List gets crossed off. 4) NF Basics - Last challenge I had a bit of depression. Also, consulting some people pre-challenge put a really bad taste in my mouth with dealing with certain....aspects... of this site. Don't get me wrong, I love all the people that are trying to better themselves, but the wind was taken out of my sails (and some Ambassadors) because of a big dispute. This challenge I go back to basics. I want to do a sweep of the Adventurers to make sure everyone feels welcome. I also hope to get the minis and RPG story that I write done sooner in the week. Lastly, I hope to be more active with the level 1s and make sure they feel welcome as well. Doing this is what made me feel like a better person. People on NF have inspired me to be the best person I can be. They gave me my life back, when all I wanted was to burn down the world with my bitterness, depression, and fury. I've been paying this back since day 1 of being on this site, and I continue to do so this challenge, despite some haters. I have decided to not bother with assigning points this time. What I always do anyway is try to even out my points so that I have easily divisible #s, so it's pointless. I'll grade on a whole. If I do everything and get an A+, I earn 15 points to distribute however I want.

Last challenge after giving my all for 4 agonizing hours at a Spartan Race. I tasted bitter defeat. To boot, I injured my ankle and it has been giving me trouble ever since. However, I am committed to healing and coming back stronger than ever to tackle the next Spartan Race in mid-November. This introspective look made me think a lot about who I am and what I want to be. Before NerdFitness, I was just a hammered down kid that never thought he was good at anything. That's 'Mike'. There was an alter-ego, my ideal, Teros, which was the small whisper in the back of my mind that said, "You can do more. You can be more. I just have to commit and listen to my real self, not society's hammered-down version." The Bad&The Ugly Vs The Good. Over the course of being here on NF, that whisper finally started to gain traction. During my low points, You all picked me up and I started to weather the storms that normally would bring me down- the ones that would pull me back into a depression and wallow. The whisper got stronger, louder... By the time the Spartan Race rolled around, I felt like I was being torn in two- my 'Dark Passenger'/depression/old Mike VS my ideal/Teros. One day I would feel like one of them, the next day I'd feel like the other. It was maddening that I could commit to something one day and feel fine and the next somehow feel like a complete failure and shoot myself in the foot. After the Spartan, as I sat here stewing while being on these forums while dealing with an injury; something changed. I faced a huge fear by going up against all odds- huffing around roughly 85 extra pounds of fat while going up and down rocky hills, through the mud, over walls, tire drag, carrying a sandbag, logs, burpees, etc. The fact that even in my falling, I still had Your support, the fact that I still had a will to fight through this and come back even better lit some sort of spark. This was the tipping point. This was The Time. I feel like that small whisper that hoped I could get better turned into a real personality with actual legs to stand on. Now, it is not merely a whisper, it is a roar of a lion and I have no conflict in my head. I am realized. This is the tipping point in a battle that has been waging in my head since I was in second grade and was constantly being lost- until now. I promise to all of You, and to myself that I'm not going backwards anymore. Now is The Time to be a hero and do what I knew in that near-lost kernel of my psyche I could do all along... 1) Whole+ - It's 95% whole 30, so technically it's not a whole 30. I'll be having protein powder and possibly a bit of seasoning which might have minute traces of flour/soy/milk. It's really more like 99% whole 30, but whatever. My goal this challenge is to stick with is the entire challenge. Technically I started on Sept 1st and it was supposed to be 1 month long. On October 1st however, I will not be backing down. I'm going to continue this and move forward. 2) Stretch - With reading up on ankle injuries and my want to push myself a bit too much, I need to keep stretching in mind. All my ankle stretches, twice a day, no exceptions. 3) Workouts - I'm walking this week to get a gauge for what my walking distance is as well as doing pushups. When I walked 2.2 mile, my Achilles was burning and after I read some stuff- that's a really bad sign. So I'm experimenting with distances until I find one that feels good, but doesn't cause pain. After I find this 'baseline' for myself, I will be sticking to it for 1 week; and then increasing the distance from here. So I might walk 1.5 miles the first week and feel fine. Then I'll try 2 miles, then 3, etc. As long as I'm not in pain; I'm going to keep going. 5+ times per week. This is consistency. I can't be a weekend warrior and do a beast workout, then hurt myself and spend the rest of the week nursing myself back to normal. That's dumb. I can't push myself too much here so this is a gradually and progressively increasing goal until I'm fine with going up flights of stairs and walking 4+ miles. Once that happens....watch out; because my goal before the next spartan is to find out how many steps are in 5 miles, then do that IN STAIRS. I will not be ill-prepared next Spartan. 4) Making Something - With my ankle being like this, I've had to itch to make some new gym equipment- a set of dumbbells. I'm figuring around 50 pounds. So, I think that's it. I'll assign actual points later on but this is my tentative idea here.

I was wondering if I could have a bit of gamer help. I have an older computer that's running XP and a bunch of older games. The problem is that I just got a new tv and it might not be compatible with my current older computer setup, which would mean updating the comp, and then I don't know about updating the games. Are there updated versions of a lot of games from the 800x600 resolution era? With the old game running on the old computer with the old tv, it works perfectly, but I might run into a snag. Some games: Diablo 1 Starcraft 1 + Brood Wars Age of Empires II Quake III Arena *Possibly* The Sims 2 I started doing some digging around but I was curious if anyone knew before I started a big search on what I could do in this situation. Thanks!

This is challenge #10 for me. I'm basing my challenge on this: I'll bold the lyrics Leonidas says that inspired the goal: 'SPARTANS! Let's start this! Show this petty officer who's the hardest. The biggest mistake that you've ever made, I'll toss you like a frag grenade I'll stomp you in the face with my sandals enraged and tonight we shall rhyme in the shade Your puny fans are fat nerds on computers Jerkin off to games giving themselves first person shooters Your armor's hard but my abs are harder You're in my hood now chief - THIS IS SPARTA Ha! I've had better battles with my 6 year old son I don't need fire power when I'm rocking these guns I'm king! You sleep in a freezer in outer space I'd look you in the eyes, but you're too much of a b*tch to show your face' --------------------- 1) Whole 30. It's mandatory now to not feel like a pile of pig s@#t. 2) SPARTANS! Let's start this! / THIS IS SPARTA - Complete the Spartan Race in roughly 3 weeks. This is pass or fail. Nervous as hell. 3) Your armor's hard but my abs are harder - 1,000 Ab Twists / 300 Seconds of planking ( total) 4) I don't need fire power when I'm rocking these guns - 1,000 Pushups (total) 5) I'd look you in the eyes, but you're too much of a b*tch to show your face - Be brave and post a picture of myself on here. Stats not determined yet. --------------------- I think this challenge is very different from what I normally do. Usually goals should be given a grade. Two of these are only pass or fail - either I do or I don't do them. The others are a specific number, as opposed to consistency-based. Normally, I try and just get into a rhythm of doing something consistently. The time for that has changed. I now have a very, VERY clear goal of getting through the Spartan Race during this challenge. Even if I come in dead last; that's still better than all the people that were too scared to try. Because of this looming deadline; I'm technically starting the challenge tomorrow - 5 days early. I can't afford to wait until challenge time to get my warface on. Every day I slack is a day wasted. Any and all 300 / Spartan related pics or gifs are welcome. I'm going to need all the motivation I can get. Last challenge, my mini-challenge lie to myself was 'I am a Spartan'. I aim to make that lie a truth.

The theme here is to be a consistency monster. I've realized that Consistency>Intensity so my goals this time is to create a cycle that I don't want to break. 1) Whole 30+ Always one of my goals because of how much it helps me. Eating right consistently means I'll lose weight. I didn't lose 45 pounds by cheating myself. I need to stay consistent with it; no matter how boring it might get. How I felt on the whole 30 was way better than if I wasn't and I need to remember that. +4 Con 2) Walking If I'm going to do a Spartan Race, I need to be able to handle walking long distances. I'm starting off with walking 2.2 miles a day. Once that feels easy for me, I want to steadily increase it. Again- consistency>intensity. No need trying to hike 10 miles and burn myself out. +3 Dex 3) PLP - Pushup + Lunges + Pullup Program. I can't do pullups yet, but that's why I'm going to do heavy rows until I can do inclined rows with my bar + cement blocks. I'll try 10 of each when the challenge starts and do that a couple days and then continue with increasing the reps. Sledgehammer workouts when I feel like I have extra energy worked out great last time, so don't worry- I'll be hammering away yet again (Sub-goal here: do 500+ Pushups over the course of the challenge) +4 Strength 4) Staying Positive. I haven't ironed out the details of this yet, but there is a lot of heavy stuff I'm dealing with right now and I need some mental clarity. If I'm depressed and stressed out- I won't be able to handle the other things. So this has to be a priority. Maybe a positive affirmation a day or something? Not 100% sure, but I'm thinking something along those lines. +4 (Determined Later)