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Well, hello Friends! I’ve been toying with coming back for a while. For various reasons, I didn’t. One of those reasons was this little niggle in the back of my head that said ‘you’re probably going to fail and drop out mid challenge again, so what’s the point?’ But by that logic, I’d never do anything. It is better to do the thing half-assed, then to never attempt to ass it at all. Right? So here I am. A brief overview of Life since Lockdown (the First and Second instalments): Since coming home, and starting my new job as a theatre porter (porter for surgical department/OR to my American friends), not much happened at first. I started in June and we are only just opening and doing the first surgeries this very month! Yeah… Setbacks, COVID, staff dropping like flies (and oh man did I come close to quitting myself). I’m still with one eye on the job boards. I think I will like my role, and I like my boss for being fair and having my back – but also as a whole I don’t know I like this place. Too much up and down. Too much being messed around when Upper Management changing their minds on the daily. Sadly, the pay is better than what I was getting at my old job. Even if my old boss and a friend who still works there have both low-key mentioned that the door is still open. I am also not very busy and I have learned that this is Not Actually a Good Thing most of the time. Still, in other areas, life was chugging along and I was actually feeling really awesome. I got myself into a routine of going to CrossFit 5 times a week (I aimed for 4, but was hitting 5 consistently), running once a week, and feeling like I was making real, tangible progress. I was even able to get some semblance of meal prep happening. Sure, it was bland and Level 1 – 2 style cooking, but I was getting it and feeling healthy. I had this back of the mind fear that just when I was getting somewhere, it would all fall apart. I tried to push it away but it was there nonetheless. And then ‘IT’ happened and I have not dealt with it well. ‘It’ wasn’t Lockdown 2.0. Although that’s a bit of a blow, its not really having a material effect on things. The ‘Event’ was a family emergency that has engulfed me, taken all my stability and thrown me curveballs heavier than a wallball. Much of it is not my tale to tell. Suffice to say that whilst I was up North, in a wild, cold (and wonderful) land exploring a certain Yeti’s stomping ground, I got a call about said Emergency and when I returned home, assumed responsibility for a 10 year old for the foreseeable future. This was mid-October, I think. Instantly, life got uncertain and turgid and I did not handle Advance Responsible Adulting so well. As someone who has no children, nor any intention of having children, it was – a culture shock. Gym time became a distant memory. I snuck out for a ten minute run once and felt both exhilarated and guilty. Nephew is a good kid. A little clingy, but given what the poor kid is going through, totally understandable. I had to work out how to be here for him whilst juggling work and my – homelife. Work had – at the beginning – been pretty good. They let me go down to half-days 4 out of 5 workdays so I could go home at lunch and be there for Nephew. Necessary given the level of support (read: minimal) partner was giving. I won’t go into details, but that is a whole other area that I need to Adult with. When the crazy situation slows down somewhat. Suffice to say… it added to the Difficulty level rather than decreased it. Life with a 10 year old is tough, and took a heck of a lot of adjustment on my part. Adding his 2 year old sibling on top for a weekend damn near buried me. I do not know how parents do this. I really don’t. Even with just Nephew, I sometimes found myself hiding in my study for an hour here and there when Nephew was playing his computer games, or slipping out for a walk when he went to bed. Eating has been so awful, its embarrassing. I cooked meals of varying degrees of healthy (fish fingers, chips and baked beans was my frazzled go-to) but then I found myself eating copious amounts of snacks. I don’t even know why. Stress eating perhaps. I got to the stage where I was going to bed the same time as I sent Nephew to bed, waking up with my alarm to go to work, giving me a good 9 hours in bed some nights and I was still exhausted. It was a good job work was not busy because I was just mentally drained most of the time. Not even just the caring for Nephew thing, though I did find it took its toll. He asks more questions than he did when he was a toddler… I think it was the emotional toll of said Emergency, trying to be there for him, trying to avoid the inevitable talk of why I was always leaving early, then the pressure of several meetings with my manager to discuss how things were going – i.e when the situation was going to be over, and the reminders that the half days arrangement was not going to be sustainable. Oh, and some other unrelated stuff to rattle around my brain when it had a free moment. But now we are pretty much at the end. I may still have him for some weekends, but that won’t be as much of a strain as all week. I feel bad for being relieved, because Nephew is a lovely kid and he’s said he likes staying with me. He cleaned up the living room once when I was at work to thank me for looking after him. It made me feel so guilty that I couldn’t have him with me until Emergency is fully resolved. I dropped him off home, where his Grandma is, this weekend after a Harry Potter themed birthday lunch (complete with Harry Potter cake) for his 11th birthday (not for a couple days but wanted to celebrate it with him before he left. So, that chapter is ended and another one begins. I am tired, and wrung out. But determined to rise. Goals will be very small. Because even without the Family Emergency, I struggled to keep up with my challenges. They will centre on getting me back to a place I’m happy with, mentally and physically. Then we’ll work on how to stay there. Goal the First: Rise up · Exercise 5 x week consistently (mix of running and strength) Now, I am not planning on diving straight back in to pre-lockdown, Nephew-situation levels. But when I ended up working out 5 times a week, it was because I realised that if I waited till I was ‘fit enough’ to do so, I’d never do it. I’ll start slow. Short runs, and as lockdown is soon to lift here (we’re going to be in a complicated and confusing Tier system once it lifts, but my county is in Tier 2 and I think gyms can reopen) I’ll be back to the box most days but I’ll know which days I need to throttle back and which ones I can go harder on. Goal the Second: Solid Foundations · Meal prep be happening, at least 5 lunches and 5 dinners each week Doesn’t have to be fancy. Chicken, rice, broccoli. Crockpot meals. Pasta and a protein. Just need to get back to eating more protein and not – whatever is in the freezer and that Nephew would eat. Goal the Third: Not Yet Ready for Reveal I’m tracking this because I need to, but it’s something I’m not yet ready to discuss openly so for the purposes of this challenge, it will be simply scored as /4, because it’s something that I need to do weekly, rather than daily. Scoring Exercise: /20 (5 times a week, 4 week challenge…) Meal Prep: /4 (Minimum 1 meal prep session a week, ideally covering all dinners) Secret Project: /4 So that's me. And it is so good to be back. Lets end the year on a high.