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I am new and finally unafraid. It's taken me a long time to get to a point where accepting help, accepting truth, is something I can live with. I come here exhausted, mentally ill, and ready to heal. Fix Your Life Goal: From October 22nd - November 18th (or the remainder of this challenge), I will not purge any food I eat. I will accept the consequences for the food I eat by keeping a diet log; noting what I eat, when, how much, and my anxiety level involved. Diet: Part of what causes the negative thought cyclone I get sucked in to are the foods I eat. Or don't eat. I have the bad habit of fasting, binging, purging, chugging an energy drink and starting all over again. For this challenge, I will eat foods I know are good for me. Going off of Nerd Fitness' paleo pdf, my meals will consist of 2/3 vegetables OR 0 carbs. Fitness: Can't neglect my body! While nutrition is my big goal, I will attach a routine of yoga (Nerd Fitness Yoga, Down Dog Routines) for 20 minutes, 4 days a week.

A little mini win. I went and looked at my profile on Facebook and noticed. I seem like a pretty happy guy. I know I get wrapped up in my head at times, but I think that I am a happy (and very lucky) guy. For those who don't know, I used to fight depression seriously. I was hanging on by a thread. I was probably a few months from suicide. Uniquely, that's what saved me. One day, I wanted to see if I had the capability to do it. My method was to drive off the road into a tree. I didn't care about pain, but I didn't want my family to know about my struggle, so I wanted it to end in an accident. A "randomly" occurring accident. So, I drove slightly off the road towards a tree, and got scared, because I realized "I can do it." I immediately saw a shift in my mindset. There was no longer a simple "well, I physically can't do it", but now a "I can do it, if I wanted." This freaked me out so bad. I overcame my fear and anxiety and called the counseling center, or maybe I emailed or just went there. I can't remember, but I set up an appointment, and started my recovery. That will be three years ago in January. I am so, so happy with my recovery, and I'm so glad that I've had all these new experiences since then. But, if it weren't for the depression, I wouldn't know that I needed to fix the rest of my emotional bases. The happiness and love I've felt in the past year... hell, the past month! It's amazing. And I love all you.

"I want to know why it seem as though we’ve implicitly decided to agree that the only ones in our society who get to be strong and who get to have muscle – real muscle, not just muscle meant to make your ass look good in a pair of jeans – are men.... it wasn’t until I’d spent quite a bit of time lifting weights and running that it slowly started to occur to me that our culture had basically fetishized feminine weakness, and that I no longer wanted any part of that paradigm." *Trigger Warning/Content Note for domestic violence* http://fitandfeminist.wordpress.com/2013/10/21/what-does-domestic-violence-have-to-do-with-this-blog-everything/ Now I'm off to stroke my biceps