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The Viking Village is now behind me, and I'm aboard Libera, the library ship of the seven seas. It's a large ship with a lot of crew, and it's heading towards Summer Islands in a few months. I decided that sailing with them would be safer for me than navigating the sea alone, and I can also gather some gold by working as a librarian. My own ship is being towed by Libera, and I still spend my free time there. In addition to working at the library, I have been given the responsibility of taking care of the ship's two dogs and a cat (there are more aboard, but the caretaker of these three was taken by a kraken a couple of weeks ago - I need to check the safety regulations of this ship). The dogs are named Savannah and Peregrin, and the cat is named Cannoball. I have been given clear instructions on how to care for all the animals. What all the animals need: ~: 30 minutes of walking on the deck every day :~ +1 point ~: regular meals with healthy ingredients :~ +1 point for every homemade lunch/dinner Savannah Savannah is highly intelligent, and needs to learn something every day to keep her from being bored. ~: study for (at least) 15 minutes every day (any subject will do) :~ +1 point for every 15 minutes ~: read 10 pages of fictional text every day :~ +1 point for every 10 pages ~: complete one drawing a week on Photoshop to learn new techniques :~ +1 point for every drawing Peregrin Peregrin is a laid back dog, who doesn't worry about much. Nevertheless, his previous owner was abusive, and now he thinks he's a bad boy. Peregrin needs to be convinced that he's a good boy. ~: change the negative ideas :~ I'm unworthy -> I deserve the good things in my life ~: remove restrictions, add High Quality Content to life :~ drawing photography reading adventuring socializing etc. ~: journal 5 times a week :~ +1 point for every journal entry Cannonball Cannonball is still young, and I need to help her build up a good foundation for her life as a ship cat. ~: prioritize sleep: go to bed when you start feeling tired :~ + 1 point every time I do this ~: do a bit of yoga daily, and a longer practice when you have time :~ +1 point for every yoga practice, +2 points for a long practice ** I am glad to start taking care of these lovely animals, and I hope that we'll have a good time together!

Hi all. I was wondering if there are any other ladies with previous eating disorders trying to lose weight. It's been almost a year since my last flair up. In that instance I recognized the cause and ended my relationship. This morning I woke up super hungry so I went to Wendy's and got breakfast. Then when I was finished I opened my computer and remembered that I was going to begin a 4 week challenge today. A familiar feeling in my stomach started. That urge inside me to purge my breakfast. I didn't do it. I decided to write this instead. So my question is to anyone else who has recovered from an eating disorder. What do you do when you have old eating disorder urges? Thanks.

*peeks out from behind a corner* Oh hello there. It's been a while. Things are crazy, but I don't know, driving home tonight in terrible visibility while sheets of rain were pelting my windshield made me think. Maybe it was the hydroplaning. One thing I haven't been completely honest about was a relapse into my eating disorder. I've mentioned it at points as a past thing but it's been very much a present thing as of the past ~4 months. My therapist knows, we're working on it and I'm currently maintaining a weight that is both too low and too high. Brains are dumb. This has been a big reason I've taken a bit of a break from here. It can be hard to fight the urge to lose more weight when, well....it's part of the environment. But successful maintenance is something at least. 2016 has been hard for so many reasons. We finally sold our house (for real). We're moving. School is still up in the air. I think my meds may be less effective than they need to be. I had an ED relapse. Trump got elected (god I'm still ignoring this). This is sort of a very very informal challenge. More of a desire to communicate, to catalogue, to work through. To set myself up for a better 2017. 2016 set a pretty low bar that won't be hard to clear. I made a huge roadmap for last year. In some ways it was a good idea, and in others it wasn't. So I'm doing something a bit different. Here are three things I'd like to work on. They're mostly abstract, though I am aware of how I can quantify them, it's just that they're mental rather than physical. 1. Bridging the gap between the Intellectual and Emotional: I can be so aware that something is true/untrue and yet feel completely the opposite. I want to listen to my intellect while respecting my emotions. It's okay to feel whatever it is I'm feeling, but it's important to understand the inherent subjectivity of that feeling as well. 2. Practice: I want to see things as a continuum, a series of interconnected skills, that all actions are just practice, without pressure. I'd also like to make this goal more clear lol. 3. Make Mistakes: mistakes are the goal. I WANT to want to make mistakes. I want to normalize them, reframe them as a positive, enjoy the error part of trial and error. I feel like this would help a lot with self image, anxiety, and depression. So that's it. I guess this is sort of a trial run before the new year.

Hi there <3 Whoever you are, I am VERY glad that you are here! I've decided to make the switch from challenging back to a battle log for the time being. I think that having short term goals with the pressure of a challenge isn't the best formula for me right now. I think that I need the accountability of something far more long-term and flexible. I need to be able to focus on whatever goals I think are necessary at the time, and I need to be able to change my goals in a time frame that I decide, but most importantly, I need a longer commitment than just 6 weeks. This battle log will hopefully stand as a constant reminder to me that being healthy and fit and successful and peaceful and happy is a lifelong journey. To give you a little background on what's going in my life right now, I am 22, currently living in a suburb of Sacramento, and working in another suburb of Sacramento. I am in management on a Congressional campaign here in the area, and I work 75 hours a week currently. Election Day is 8 days away, and life is crazy! I live in a house with a 32 year old woman who has become my newest best friend and sister, and I'm loving Cali. I'm moving home on November 5th and feeling very bittersweet about that. I'm interviewing for a couple new positions, and I will update you when things are more concrete. I'm not sure where I'll move next, but it looks like D.C. is the main possibility. As far as health and goals and such, I have been TERRIBLE. I've been eating lots of non-paleo things, and too much of them. I've been drinking a lot, and I haven't run in 3 weeks. I've stopped doing yoga, and reading the Bible, and generally anything that isn't working or partying with my colleagues, roommate and friends. Although I absolutely love my job and it's a complete dream to work on a winning Congressional campaign (we're absolutely smashing the opposition and it was never truly a contest), they're super draining and consuming and life-sucking I'm having a hard time finding time to do everything I need to do, or the willpower to stay on track. Politics is the #2 least healthy field in the professional world, and I understand why! Here are my goals for rght now: 1. I must eat/track my calories on MFP and eat between my BMR and TDEE of mostly paleo food. As far as priorities go, I am going to prioritize eating exactly my calorie goal rather than making everything absolutely paleo. If I'm eating 85% paleo and not eating under or over my calories, that's fine with me. The only thing completely not allowed is sugar..... except for alcoholic beverages I don't have a scale with me, so I'm going to guesstimate my weight to calculate my BMR and TDEE. If you would like to friend me on MFP, I'm politicosnow Consequence: I have realized that I am a sneaky, self-justifying, tricky bastard, so I am going to have consequences for not staying on track for each goal. My consequence for not eating within a range of calories (which I will re-determine every 2 weeks) is that I MUST eat entirely paleo the next day; no cheats allowed. 2. I must drink 100 oz of water each day. This one's pretty obvious. Consequence: I can't have any other type of beverage (besides coffee and tea) until I have done so. 3. I must exercise 3x a week. With my crazy schedule right now, I'm not going to specify what type of exercise or when or anything. I will plan it out week by week and try to get it in whenever I can. It could be a run before work, walking during my lunch break (if I get one that day), or body weight exercises after work, or riding my bike once I get home. I just need to do something active 3x a week! Consequence: No Grey's Anatomy for the week. It's my guilty pleasure binge show right now that is my stress reliever when nothing else works. If I fail to work out 3x by next Monday, I can't watch Grey's until the following Monday. 4. I must read my Bible every day and read from a career-related book every 2 days. I had a schedule ALL worked out for this and I was doing great, until I wasn't.... haha....so here's the new plan. I will read 2 chapters from the Bible every single night after work. There is NO EXCUSE for being able to take half an hour or less every night to read the Word before bed. And every two days, I need to get an hour of reading done. That's just an hour. And I can find time every two days to do that. So I need to have an hour of reading done in Political Confrontations by Wednesday morning. Consequence: I must perform a random act of kindness! 5. Every morning, I must post on this battle log: 1. One positive thing about my body 2. One positive thing about food 3. Three things that I am thankful for 4. Someone in my life that I am going to reach out to (and then actually reach out and either text, Facebook, call, message, etc them) 5. Things I want to accomplish that day Consequence: I cannot use any social media each day until I complete all of this. Thanks for reading! I'm grateful you're here on NF! -Snow <3

So much has changed for Snow in the past season..... she lives in an entirely different region of the Enchanted Forest, she has found new work to afford her enough gold to trade for the few necessities she can't make, hunt or find herself, she has a few new friends, and she has a new game plan for defeating the Evil Queen. But with all the change that remains, Snow can't seem to shake what has always plagued her.... worry that consumes her, regrets that follow her around like her shadow and an unquenchable thirst for victory over her lifelong foe, Regina, the Evil Queen. With all the success she's had recently at outwitting the Evil Queen, forging alliances, finding work, sustaining her life and making friends, she is very restless, anxious, troubled, and constantly on overdrive, never taking a break from the work and worry of finding vengeance, redemption, a future, love, a family, everything she is desperately craving. Snow has come to a point in her own life where she realizes that she needs to find ways to channel all of these nerves and all this pent-up aggression, and she needs to make sure she takes care of herself, or else she will not be able to carry out her plans and achieve her destiny. Snow has decided that it's time to make some changes; she knows that she cannot live with this level of stress, fear and worry every day. She knows that, if she does not defeat her fears now, that fear will become a greater foe than even the Evil Queen. She has finally made a plan to take care of herself, do things that will calm her mind and her heart, and build up discipline, creating habits that will make her a stronger, wiser, kinder, more disciplined warrior and, someday, Queen. (To break through the crypticness, I moved to El Dorado Hills, a suburb of Sacramento, CA, on September 2nd, because I was hired as the Volunteer Director for Congressman Tom McClintock's re-election campaign! I'm living with a supporter and his wife, and trying to get used to a new place, new coworkers, new job, new everything. I will be moving home on November 5th, so this will be the longest I've ever been away from home. I am interviewing with a potential employer for November, and dealing with a lot of stress due to the campaign, being away from everyone and everything I love, unfinished business from the past year, finances, all kinds of things....) My goals are: 1. Daily Yoga - I will be spending 20 minutes every day doing an online yoga video or doing whatever yoga poses my body needs. For the first 30 days, I will be doing the 30 Day Yoga Challenge on doyouyoga.com with DarkRaven as my accountability partner, and then the rest of the time, I will find whatever videos I want to do each day. This will create peace, relieve my stress and tension, and calm my mind and heart. I am allotting 3 STA points for a successful challenge. I will rate my success by how many days I miss doing yoga: A = 0-2 days missed = 3 STA points B = 3-4 days = 2.5 C = 5-6 days = 2 D = 7-9 = 1 F = 10+ = 0 2. Couch to 5K Program - I will be running 3x a week for the allotted 25 minutes of the C2K program. I love running, but my endurance is TERRIBLE. I hope to just successfully complete the program, and in doing so, I hope to prepare for my first 5K, which is September 27th. It's really soon and I won't be ready to run all of it, but it's for an incredibly good cause and I couldn't pass up doing it. Running makes me feel powerful, accomplished and focused. It clears my mind and takes all of my worries and fears away. Since running is so hard for me and so important to me, I'm allotting 3 DEX and 3 STA points for a total of 6. I will rate my success by how many runs I miss: A = 0-2 runs missed = 3 DEX, 3 STA B = 3-4 days = 2.5 DEX, 2.5 STA C = 5-6 days = 2 DEX, 2 STA D = 7-9 days = 1 DEX, 1 STA F = 10+ days = 0 3. Daily Bible/intelligent reading - I recently read Genesis to Joshua, so I have broken Judges-Revelations up into readable chunks every day, with 1-3 chapters of each the Old and New Testament each day. I have also been working on reading something intelligent every day; right now, they're all political books that will aid me in my new position as the Volunteer Director on a Congressional campaign and in my new position (hopefully) in November on a pre-presidential campaign PAC. This will increase my wisdom and knowledge, and build discipline. It will also improve my confidence on and off the job. I am allotting 2 WIS points and 1 CHA point. I will rate my success by how many nights I don't read: A = 0-2 nights missed = 2 WIS, 1 CHA B = 3-4 days = 1.5 WIS, .75 CHA C = 5-6 days = 1 WIS, .5 CHA D = 7-9 days = .5 WIS, .25 CHA F= 10+ days = 0 Please bear with me on how long this next one is.... It's really important to me to share info about eating disorders. There is not enough awareness about them, so I think it's well worth my time typing it, and hopefully your time reading it. I am still struggling with my OSFED (Otherwise Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder, formerly known as EDNOS). It can manifest itself in many forms; it is a blanket category to capture everyone whose eating disorder doesn't fit neatly into the box of anorexia or bulimia. Mine is severe atypical anorexia. I have all of the symptoms and habits of anorexia, but I am not underweight and have not lost my period yet. My body is still starving itself and my organs are under constant stress and damage due to my under-eating. Some of the signs of anorexia or atypical anorexia: Obsessive calorie counting and knowledge of calories in almost all foods. Purging, or attempting to get rid of eaten food by inducing vomiting or taking laxatives or diuretics. Hiding eating habits due to shame or embarrassment. Hiding the food reserved for binges. Showing excessive interest in weight, body image and fasting. Hiding items such as laxatives or diuretics. Skipping meals, often eating only small snacks instead. Ingesting an excessive amount of food, even when not hungry. Lying about having eaten in an attempt to avoid a meal or snack. Eating until uncomfortable or sick. Eating only a limited number or type of food. Binging, or eating a great amount of food in one sitting. Exercising excessively, particularly after or “to make up for†eating. “Grazing†for as long as food is available. “Playing†with or pushing food around a plate rather than eating it. Hiding food (in a napkin, under a plate, etc.) to avoid eating it. Some of the symptoms and results of (atypical) anorexia: Organ damage Abnormally slow heart rate Unusually low blood pressure Abnormal heart rhythms Heart failure Abdominal painConstipation Absence of menstrual periods Trouble getting pregnantIncreased risk of miscarriage or C-section Decreased urination Potassium deficiencyBone density loss Bone fractures OsteoporosisKidney stones, kidney failure Electrolyte imbalances AnemiaHigh cholesterol levels Dry, flaky, yellowish skin Fine downy hair on the face, back, arms and legsLoss of hair on the head Brittle nails Trouble maintaining core body temperatureBruising easily Depression Social IsolationIrritability Difficulty with social interactions FatigueFainting Chronic Dizziness or Lightheadedness Poor memory, change in brain chemistryDecreased attention span Decreased concentration Compulsive eating ritualsObsessive about food Mood disorders Anxiety disordersPersonality disorders Perfectionism Suicidal tendenciesAddictions to gambling, alcohol, or drugs Compulsions relating to sex, housework, exercising, and/or shopping Death I'm dealing with some of the listed habits and quite a few of the symptoms, and I want, not to mention need, to get this under control. I'm tired of feeling scared and sick. I'm tired of it affecting every piece of my life; my relationship with God, my family, friends and guys, my work, running, my social life, everything. I want to reach a healthy place with my body and food. Eating disorders are the most fatal mental health disorder; 10-20% of us die from our condition. I refuse to be in that statistic. It's up to me to fight this with everything I have. 4. Eating my BMR every day and tracking it on MFP - I need to eat my BMR of calories every day and consistently track it on MFP. Currently, that's 1426 calories and I'm really struggling to eat them. I am allotting 2 CON points and 1 CHA point. I will rate my success by how many days I don't meet this goal: A = 0-2 days missed = 2 CON, 1 CHA B = 3-4 days = 1.5 CON, .75 CHA C = 5-6 days = 1 CON, .5 CHA D = 7-9 days = .5 CON, .25 CHA F= 10+ days = 0 Thank you so much for reading my challenge and supporting me in this endeavor! I am grateful for your companionship and I wish you the best of luck in your own quest! -Snow <3 "And though she be but little, she is fierce." -William Shakespeare