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¸„.-•~¹°”ˆ˜¨ Health & Happiness Are Hard ¨˜ˆ”°¹~•-.„¸ Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies 𝔽𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕒 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕐'𝕒𝕝𝕝 I am diagnosed with a lot crap that makes life hard — manic depression, C-PTSD, OSFED (eating disorder), OCD, anxiety, some chronic pain, and other crap. these aspects of me and my life are going to come up in my journey to getting back on track with my health and happiness. I'll try to be sensitive to triggers, include warnings such as this where needed, and use spoilers when necessary. but this is my "cover my butt" warning. thanks in advance for you understand. life is difficult; but I find obtaining Health and Happiness is even harder. as aforementioned, I have some mental and physical ailments that complicate the normal struggles of life even further. recently, my depression and my eating disorder have been soul-consuming. it's time to end that. I used to be a rather active member of Nerd Fitness in its early days. the life happened and I left for a while. well, I'm back; and hopefully for even longer this time. I'd like to get my life and health in order, lol. as follows are my current Goals for this upcoming Challenge. I, of course, reserve the right to adjust them as time progresses and I see what's going to work for me and what isn't. Get Down to 125 Pounds (ideally by 08/24/2020) Do a Daily Workout weightlifting on MTWRFA everyday: warm-ups and cool-downs MR: upper body — push-up, bicep curl, bent-over row TF: lower body — squat, strait-leg deadlift, calf raise AW: mix/misc — mountain climber, tensor curl, flexor curl, donkey kick cycling everyday AMWR: ~5 mi (2 circuits) URF: ~2.5 mi (1 circuit) Adhere to Caloric Schedule [TW — Eating Disorders] TO BE UPDATED to a point wherein I'm not slowly starving myself gets tweaked and Friday before depending on plans for the week Goal Average Kcal/Day: <700 Sat: 1,200 Sun: 1,200 Mon: 0 Tue: 1,200 Wed: 0 Thu: 1,200 Fri: 0 Log Monthly Body Measurements take body measurements at start of every month Log Daily Metrics continue to complete the daily Metrics spreadsheet, filling it in as completely as possible Make Next Week's Food Plan every Friday, make the caloric and cooking food plan for the following week (as starts on then ext day of Sat) Manage My Mental Health Do Daily AM Prep complete morning preparations for the day, every day Do Daily PM Review complete evening review of the day, every day Complete Mood Form Daily complete the mood tracking form at least once every day Track Meds track all medications and (certain) supplements consumed every day Become a Professional Writer [to be tweaked soon] Find a Career Counselor/Coach solidify a working relationship with a career counselor/career Resume Being Creative Write for One Hour per Week work on any writing project for a total of at least one hour a week Be Artsy for One Hour per Week do any artistic work for a total of at least one hour each week

Hi all! So, let me tell you a bit about myself, first. I'm a single mommy living in south Florida. I'm newish to the area and am still getting accustomed to the small town vibes. (Originally from mostly Atlanta.) I live in a small apartment with my 14 year old son, two kitties and a greyhound. It's a busy, happy, home. I work at home as a computer programmer. I mostly like my job. I’m a feminist but, to the disappointment of so many, I rarely eat men or murder babies. (Really, it’s just a casual weekend hobby.) I’m a casual gamer Borderlands, Fable, Wolf Among Us. (If anyone wants to help me advance in Borderlands Pre-Seq, please hit me up. My casual gamer skills are not up to this!) I love all things pink and glittery. A diagnosis My journey began a few years ago. I received two diagnosises. One for a disease called lipedema. It's a disorder of the adipose tissue. That means the majority of my fat cannot be starved or exercised away. The second diagnosis was for an eating disorder. Because, when you're fat and can't lose weight and can't understand why, things get out of control. An old love I fell in love for the first time. He was older, a game writer, and a principal. I adored him and he adored me. We were really happy in our blissful geeky bubble. For the first time in my life, I started thinking about the future and including someone other than myself and my son. When he was transferred to another school in a different state, I prepared to move as soon as my son’s school year was complete. But, it was not meant to be. A porn star During his first week away from me, he set up an OKCupid account. Within two weeks he had met and begun a relationship with a local porn star. He never bothered to call or write or break up with me. He sent me an email after I found everything out saying never to contact him again ‘or bad things would happen.’ It was like he had weaponized my deepest fears against me. The kind, gentle, moral man I had known vanished and was replaced by someone too cruel and cowardly to even break up with me. I was devastated. My eating disorder raged out of control. How could I not compare my ugly body, to the beautiful one he left me for? Obviously, my bedroom skills were lacking. Obviously, my breasts were too small, my ass too big, my hair not long enough. For the first time in my life, I was ashamed of my body. I might not have hated it before, but now, I couldn’t look in the mirror. It was every fear from my childhood my parents had left me with. It abandonment personified. I was ugly, unloveable, and unwanted. A new love It took time to heal the damage my first love did to me. But, after some time, I decided it was time to try again. I wanted my future to have a companion. I wanted someone to share my life with. So, I began dating. Oh, and I dated it. I found, that while, my body is not attractive to most men, some men can see past chunky thighs. I went on date after date after date. Every night, for weeks, I would have a new first date. Some wanted second dates. But, there were none that I liked enough to consider for a second date. But then, one night sitting with my best friend lamenting that I’d never find anyone he encouraged me to expand my preferred distance. And sitting, just 5 miles outside of where I’d been searching was a man I knew I could fall in love with. So, with fingers crossed I sent my message. We’ve been together now for a while. We’re matched in so many unexpected ways. And, oh, he loves me. He makes me feel loved, and beautiful. He loves me in a way I didn’t think I was worthy of being loved. And, for the second time in my life, I see a future that includes more than just me and my son. And for the first time, I look at the man sitting next to me and think that maybe soulmates are real after all. A new perspective I’ve been treated for my eating disorder. And, am doing okay, these days. Some days are worse, but relapse is part of recovery. My lipedema is stage II and I’m mostly pain free as long as I keep my lymphedema under control. My new love, is tall and skinny. And while, I’ve dated tall and skinny before – they’ve always been tall and skinny by coincidence, not effort. New love keeps himself in shape. He is active and I want to be able to keep up with him. He bikes and swims and ski’s. He loves to hike on trails or challenging beach hikes to inlets and tide pools. I know he wants me by his side as much as I want to be there. I might never be thin, but I sure as hell can step up my game. So, here’s my goals. These are rough and unrefined still. But I’ll break them down in the 6 week challenges. -Lose as much non-lipedema fat as I can. I have no way of knowing what weight this will be, but I’ll figure that out when I get there. -Acquire physical skills. Learn to ride a bike and swim. -Improve overall appearance. Instead of giving in and giving up on my body, I’m going to do the best with what I have. So, there’s me and my story. TL:DR Got a diagnosis, ex left me for a porn star, new boyfriend is active and I want to keep up. (And looking better wouldn’t hurt, either.)

My Main Quest is to use my work as an escape from ‘life’ rather than use ‘life’ to escape from work. Let me explain. I’m lucky enough to have a really creative degree and I tend to procrastinate from doing the work (which I love but am self-conscious about) by picking irrelevant things to fix in my life. Like healthy eating or fitness. My fridge will be awesome, with meals prepped and healthy snacks while my work suffers neglect. Problem is, I’ll go too far and end up eating broccoli and tofu for a week straight while running and doing SS. So I’ll burn out and crash, all the while not even having progressed creatively. So I’m not good at my work, so I feel uncomfortable doing it, so the cycle begins again. My goals are: To begin Start Bodyweight and incorporate the additional exercises – I’ve discovered that ‘doing cool stuff’ is more important to me than improving my lifts.To stop myself being crazy with food. This is more measurable than I first thought – any time I feel ingenuine or stressed or weird because of my eating habits, I will stop and rethink. This applies to overeating, not balancing a meal, snacking on food I don’t want just because it is there, stress eating at social gatherings, etc.To write something that isn’t self-analytical each day. I’ve noticed a pattern in my writing, which is ‘So. Stream of consciousness writing. Creativity. Hmm. Nothing. I’m so uncreative. Why am I so unoriginal?’ ad nauseam. My Life Side Quest is To be able to play Gipsy Rondo on piano.I’ll focus on practising this once a day. Literally one song – It’s by Joseph Haydn. I need to play it on stage for an upcoming production. So if anyone can help me out with any tips I would love it. I just have to muscle memory learn that one song, rather than learn piano in general.