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I've been stuck at a plateu on my deadlifts for a few weeks and the weak point is not my body: it's my grip. So, I went and I got myself some basic lifting straps and googled how to use them. I tried them out this morning and my question is: how do I use them? I couldn't get the straps to either get tight or grip the bar so I was pretty much just lifting with a nylon bundle in my fist. I did get it to finally get a grip but only on the hand where I was wrapping the straps around the bar with one free hand so... one handed lifts only?

The personages and equipment in the Gym are varied and possibly unstable. Contact with equipment and patrons should be minimized to avoid injury to both body and mind. It is of the utmost importance that you not speak to anyone while in the gym. Should your find yourself talking to someone mention a rash or attempt to have sex with them. If one of these methods is not effective to stop conversation try the other. The combination has a very limited failure rate. There is a theory that people will use equipment no matter how ineffective it is. This theory was debunked when after equipment devolved to an old man wiggling about with a bit of garden hose. The people of the gym decided that was entirely too silly and everyone collectively simply stopped that nonsense. The giant bouncy balls for people to sit on were kept. It’s best not to question the logic too closely. People go to the gym to get into shape. No one is certain which shape and fewer know what they do once they achieve that shape. There are great architectural opportunities for those who achieve “pentagon†and “pyramid†shapes, though these are not generally mentioned while in the gym and sometimes attributed to aliens. Freeweights are for people who like to lift heavy things and be very aware of how heavy the thing they are lifting is. You will know these people because they are larger and often interested in attending conventions for local firearms dealers. It is believed their obsession with guns is related to errors in using freeweights. An error results in a loud bang, similar to a gun. Dissimilar to a gun is the number of resulting holes. Guns make many small holes in people, animals, little bits of orange clay, and most notably: paper with circles on it. Freeweights make far fewer holes and mostly in walls and doors. The gun’s natural enemies normally go unharmed, though the little bits of clay are in significant danger if freeweight technology is ever weaponized. Treadmills are fantastic inventions for people who wish to walk very far, but don’t want to walk very far coming back from walking very far. It was once suggested that everyone walk half as far and walk back, but we discovered that she was working for the sidewalk manufacturers’ lobby. Rowing machines are fantastic inventions for people who wish to row a boat, but cannot swim. Some of the romance is lost and singing is discouraged, but you are permitted to wear a straw hat and give a flower to your date no matter what Chad says. Chad is a stick in the mud. Stationary bicycles are fantastic inventions for people who wish to ride a bike, but don’t want to muss their hair with either a helmet or wind. Of course, after riding your stationary bike it is strongly encouraged that you wash and style your hair since it will have gotten covered in sweat. Elliptical machines are fantastic inventions for people who want to be giggled at while they pretend they are falling out of an airplane. This machine makes the most sense out of all of the machines in the cardio section as you avoid falling out of the airplane while enjoying the activity. No one knows what that machine in the corner is for. It has three foot pedals that are far too high and it has no handles. No one is certain if there is a weight attached or not. As soon as a three legged alien comes to the gym in pursuit of becoming a pyramid we will be enlightened. It does have a television, though. Weight machines are one of the most popular way to exercise in the gym. People using this equipment are considered quite clever as the machines simply look like bits of spare plumbing yet they have managed to improve the appearance of specific body parts. There is evidence that results are in fact plumbing related: after the local gymnasium renovated their showers a Connecticut man’s left bicep shrank significantly. Steam rooms are places to go if you want to remember how lucky you are to not be living on a volcanic rim. You will be able to chart the progress of memory loss by age if you monitor the steam room long enough. There are rooms set aside for classes where people dance in lines, fight people that aren’t there, jump up and down, and writhe around on the floor. Only one class has been described to the reader. There is an area of the gym that promises “Tasty, healthy refreshments!†The most common products include ground up bits of plants, ground up bits of animals, ground up bits of rocks, and ground up bits of milk which begs the question “How did you grind a liquid?†It’s often found that these refreshments are supplemented with snack foods from the 7-11 around the corner where you are unlikely to be recognized. Snack foods from the 7-11 are neither refreshing nor healthy. Generally, the less sane you behave the healthier you are considered. There are thresholds and attempting to start the machine uprising while positioning yourself as the leader of the army of weighted plumbing and non-travelling travel devices is frowned upon. See entry on rowing machines for more information on Chad. Most gyms offer swimming pools. These pools are designed for swimming regular laps in order to exercise. You will also be required to take a shower before you use the pool and you will want to take a shower after using the pool. In short you are will get wet and clean before getting wet and dirty and finally getting wet and clean so you can dry off. These pools are probably not available for swimming at any time you are free to swim laps as the gym is offering swimming lessons in the pools at the times the students are available. On average, a great deal of time and disappointment is saved if you just take a shower in your bathing suit and tell everyone you went swimming. The locker room contains lockers, the weight room contains weights, but the yoga room is just an empty room with some foam rubber in it. When you come to the gym you pay a fee to join and then are given one free session with a trainer. The trainer will use that session to see what kind of shape you are in which inevitably means you are not in shape because you have never been to the gym before. This is productive somehow.

Hello rebels! If you are visiting this part of the forums, chances are that you're looking on how to build or improve your workout plan. And here I am, trying to give you some tips, and possibly spectacularly failing at it. Anyway, onto the guide. First off, there are different kinds of weekly workout schedules. The bi-daily plan, the one I myself use, will be up first. The second, with it focus on specific muscle groups on specified days, will be after. The Bi-daily plan. In essence, this will be a plan that you will do every two days. It is this way because you muscles need rest and time to build themselves up again and strengthen themselves. In practice, this means that you will train a day, take a rest/light exercise day and a training day after that again. If you rest or do light exercise depends on the amount of muscle aches you are feeling. If you're perfectly fine, just go running, riding your bike, or running up and down the stairs, whatever gets your hart pumping. But don't destroy yourself, that is not the point of this day. Also, seeing as this is bi-dialy, but the week does not have 8 handy days like on the Discworld, you will either end up with switching your workout days throughout the week, or with an extra resting day. I myself chose for the latter option, and exercise on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays when I can. But onto the actual plan building. In this repeating plan you will try to work out the full body. But which exercises to choose for that? Well, first off, start up your Word or whatever you're using to write down things on your particular brand of PC. Secondly, make a table in it. Now, I'm gonna list a number of exercises, and you're gonna pick a few from each category, lets say two (some exercises feature in multiple categories, try to balance out the categories against each other), and stick them in the uppermost horizontal line of the table. Now, color-code them, and if you're colorblind, might I suggest trying different combinations of fonts and styles. Each color (or font/style) represents a category, this should give you an quick overview of the different categories over- or underrepresented in your workout. Core Planks Push-ups Crunches Knee Tucks Squats Dead Lifts Legs Lunges Squats Calve raises Jump Squats Dead Lifts Arms Push Ups Pull Ups Curls Dips Inverted rows Waiter Carry There are probably more, but I can't think of them at the moment. But you now have a little list of exercises to do. But still you have questions. Have no fear, because Wonderdog is here! At least, he would be, if he were real. Sadly, he is not, so you'll have to do with me. Anyway, your table has more than one line, correct? Well, those other lines are going to track your progress. Put the date in the first column, and how long the workout took you in the latest column. In the remaining columns you will put the amount of reps you did, or if it is a timed exercise, the time you took. But how to determine how many reps you do? To determine that, I do a so-called 'clean slate' workout. What this means is that I do reps till I can do no more. That max is my new daily, and then, for each workout following on it, I try to add at least one rep to the total. For it is one of the core tenets of the Fitness rebellion that you will push yourself that little bit further every time, every time improving yourself, every time being better than you were before. Also, get yourself a goal. No, not one like those in soccer, because lets face it, that wouldn't fit in your apartment anyway. For instance for the push-ups my goal is 3 sets of 20 reps. When I reach that goal, I pat myself on the back and make the exercise harder by putting my feet on my couch when I do the push-ups. Or perhaps I will add weight, but whatever I do, I will keep improving myself. And so will you. Anyway, that's about it for this workout type. Now on to the second one. The Specific Muscle group workout This one is very similar to the previous plan in overall planning, except for one key difference, namely that instead of doing a mix of all muscle groups, each day now focuses on one group and you go to town on this group. Monday will be Coreday, Wednesday will be Legday and Friday will be Armday (substitute names to your own liking). The obvious downside to this is that that group of muscles will be absolutely wrecked. Luckily that problem is circumvented by the fact that that group will get to largely rest for the rest of the week, thus giving ample time to recuperate. Aside from this difference, the steps from the previous plan, choosing your exercises, doing a 'clean slate' (although tabula rasa sounds way more awesome, but that's Latin for you), and building from that, apply to this as well. General tips Remember why you're doing this, let it fire you up, let it let you push through all that tries to stop you like some pissed off Juggernaut, whether it is to boost your confidence, impress that hot coffee lady/guy or to stay with your family for some years more. Get yourself some music that pushes you over your boundaries, onto the next level. My music of choice for this is rock/metal, but it is your choice, really. Remember how proud you will feel after and during the exercise, or maybe even the physical feelings you will get. I for one have trouble actually starting my exercise, but if I focus on how pumped I will feel after those first few exercises, it becomes a lot easier. Use what you have. Some of you don't have a lot of money to spare, and some of you rather dislike spending money in any case. I know both of those feelings, for I am a student brought up by a loving woman who knows how to get the best out of a dollar/euro/currency of choice. Not that my Dad isn't loving, mind you, he just has a rather more carefree approach to money. Anyway, use what you have. Why buy weights, when you have perfectly fine books/cinder-blocks/little sisters lying around, ready to be lifted up in the sky? Why buy a pull-up bar, when a perfectly fine tree is growing right outside your door (or in my case, since I have an attic bedroom, when you have a perfectly good hole in your ceiling?). You can start exercising tomorrow, nay, now (depending on time of reading), improving yourself, without spending a single buck. So what do you have to lose? I hope this has helped you, and if you have anything to add, don't hesitate to tell me so. Also, please tell what you'd like to be added? And I have a question for you: Can you tell me how the 'a href=' line works in these forums, because I can't seem to get it to work.