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Hello fellow Rangers, hello Rebellion, I am here. And I am not going anywhere else, except forward. These last two weeks, as I looked back over my last year, I had a different feeling brewing in my gut, different from the last few year's end of year melancholy. This time it was a distinct "roll your sleeves up"-kind of feeling. I've had enough on a lot of levels and something just has to give. So here goes: I am DONE waiting for miracles I have three things I want to get into my life this coming year. Thing 1 I want to lift heavy sh!t up and put it back down. Fitness places that are affordable and have free weights are beyond walking distance and I can just not afford them AND the bus 2-3 times a week / month pass. It'll be a stretch as is. If When I get a pass for either center and start lifting regularly, I need to have at least a bike. I have asked around inside the family for a bike. I will put more pressure into this, and if it doesn't fruit, I will, by the end of this challenge, visit at least three used-bike-places and buy a bike. Also looking into buying a used barbell, but that sh!t is expensive, if I want an olympic bar. For starters a standard would do, really cheap and not uncommon, just incompatible with later investments, that's what I stumble over. I should just get a cheap handmedown and get started... shouldn't I? Thing 2 I want to "grow up" - aka get my finances sorted to a place where I at least am in the black, start saving instead of always growing debt. First step: income (next step), budget (done) , save and pay off where possible (to come), save and get a weekend away or other vacation. I need to feel safe. I have a few things to summon some courage for and make appointments for, this is not negotiable. During this challenge I have to: * call someone about classes to take to get a better standing, and make it possible to get hired part time (=no more "on an hourly basis" sh!t), * call someone about the future situation of the classes I give (get information about how likely and for how long the "on an hourly basis" shit may still continue before it dies around me), * get a printout of what I have earned 2018 (and what hubby did), * and get an appointment at the finance place and sort that sh!t out. * Also sort out if quitting sports club is a valid next step or not. Thing 3 Aerial silks and/or bouldering/climbing There is 2 places that do aerial yoga, not sure if they offer silks per sé, need to check that out. And there is a climbing basement in walking distance from our flat, and I never checked it out, scary meeting people, but I wanna, so I gotta. That's the things I want to get sorted ASAP. Following are the things already on my plate: * I am currently in therapy for something that's called Neurasthenie in German, it just means I am emotionally, physically and mentally tired all the time and during rest periods I do not recharge as I should. I have mental loops that keep me stressing myself out while I am supposed to enjoy a movie and knitting or whatever. It fucks with my sleep. It is wearing me down. The therapy, as they do, is in parts really healing and good, but usually frikkin painful and difficult first. * I want to lose some weight, to prevent health issues later (diabetes, heart issues etc) and to make my body look like I feel I should look, which is not how I look right now. I am sure I am at least 10kg if not 20 kg above where it should be. But I don't know if eating under maintenance is a stressor I can endure right now. I think working out (bodyweight routines (and pool dates with myself) until I figure out the fitness center situation) and getting stronger, would help with my mood (yay endorphines) and getting stronger and maybe even slimmer (yay muscles) would help give me the confidence about myself that a ) I am a strong and beautiful ranger and that b ) I get the things I set my mind to achieving. I think about doing a few low-key changes, not start counting (mfp) again, but drinking water and fizzy water and maybe a glass of juice once in a while, and stay away from lemonade altogether. Reduce pasta to zucchini pasta, buy and prep paprika or another veggie as snacks at least 3 times a week. Do one workout once a week (2-3 is better, I know, but let's start small), and aim for those 10000 steps at least on sunny days, I dread them so much. no lifting goals yet, but lets get things sorted so those can happen, too, eh? It looks like a lot of "priorities" again, doesn't it? grrrrr And how is all of this water related? I have no idea. It may or may not be, actually. These challenges, that I do, elements air fire earth, now water, and finally love, they feel like "my thing". I am a shaman and a witch at heart and I am primal, so going to the elements, that's a language I understand on a deeper level. Water is my element. It has been as long as I can remember. For the elemental magic: * Wear blue and blue-greens, * drink more water than you think you need, * eat water-rich instead of salt-rich snacks, * two pool dates in four weeks, * sweat again. * And of course: constant dripping wears away the stone: keep going towards the three (five?) main things with consistency and selfcare.