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Found 5 results

  1. fleaball

    Flea vs Depression

    Depression is a bitch. I need to make it MY bitch. After I complained to my therapist (a lot) about the fact that I can't bring myself to care about challenge goals even though I want to make all kinds of positive changes and actually care about myself, she pointed out that depression makes it hard to think/care about the future. In retrospect... duh? So apparently I need to work on not being quite so depressed if I want to make progress on anything else. Boring. Daily Goals (tracker): Take a fucking shower. Eat a fucking plant. Do some fucking stretches. If it takes under 5 minutes to do, do the fucking thing. There are a million and one things I could be working on, but these 4 feel like the most effective attacks against the things that hold me back. We'll see. Currently making a list of extra credit things I can do to improve how I feel but I really need to focus on these. I'm super fucking pissed that I'm at a point in life where I need to make it a goal to shower every day, but such is life. This post and my glorious return by the fact that I have therapy tomorrow and for some reason my therapist disapproves of living in a depression cave and keeps asking about the last time I talked to my friends; turns out "uhhhh..." isn't a great answer. (Sorry.) Also, is it just me or is the Rebel GL position the NF equivalent of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher??
  2. spooky

    spooky figures shit out

    hey guys, it's been awhile, huh? 2018 was a really tumultuous year for me. i graduated from university! finally! but it was overshadowed when my father unexpectedly passed away a week before the ceremony. i'm doing the best i can, and i'd like to get my life moving in a better direction. but simple and achievable is what i want so: -1 minute of daily meditation -weekly reflection -1 thing that's solely self indulgent per week. this is a way to help me find a happier equilibrium, i'll see how i'm doing at the end of the challenge and either find new goals or repeat these ones if i feel like it's the best call. simple, small, sustainable self care. that's the goal
  3. Happienumber

    2019 is my favorite color

    I’ve never done a daily battle log thread, and I’m not sure if I’m going to use it “properly” as I’ll most likely be doing the bulk of my updates in my four week challenges. But I wanted to start a thread I could refer back to regarding my big picture, year long goals of what I want to achieve by the end of 2019, and updates of how I’m moving forward towards them. If I’m not doing a challenge (missed the start date, felt like too much pressure, Ect) I’ll try to keep updating in here to keep momentum going. The title is a reference to the fact that due to my synesthesia (associating colors and numbers) 2019 is a very nice bright shade of yellow. So I’m going to make it a good year. My big goals: Atain a B1 level in French I have many reasons for this, practical and personal. I live in an area that’s bilingual French/English. More than Half of the customers at my job speak French. My coworkers first languages are all French. I am able to get by because my small town is pretty anglophone and almost everyone ALSO speaks at least a little English (and I have about a two year olds ability in French and we get by) But there’s definitely like 15% of our customers that don’t speak any English and I struggle. I want to be able to really serve our full customer base in a complete way. I’m sick of having to ask coworkers to help me translate things. Since I’ve started working there, job descriptions have come to say “bilingual French/English mandatory” I’m not going to LOSE my job over this, but it’s telling to know that if I was reapplying to my job now, I wouldn’t get hired. I have one coworker who hates me, and one of the things she complains about is my lack of French. I want to prove her wrong (petty reasons count!) I have a friend who is francophone and although her English is fantastic, I want to talk with her in her FIRST language. Also her family only speaks French and her mom just seems SO NICE and I want to talk to her SO BADLY??! My area is pretty anglophone but the town nearby where ALL the fun things are is super francophone. I want to go take art classes and parkour classes and all this super fun classes and workshops but they are all in French. I set B1 as my level goal because it will be a comfortable level for conversing and functioning, and also because a B1 score is usually a requirement for college studies and if I decide to go take some courses at the CÉGEP I’ll need that level of proficiency. On a bigger picture note, I’ve always wanted to be fluent in at minimum five languages. French was never on that list, but given where I’m living now, it seems only logical that it become one of my five languages. So working on this goal is working towards my big picture life long “who I want to be as a person” goals. Improve my mental health I wish I had a better SMART goal for this, but I’m kind of new to the idea of my mental health and I don’t really know what specific things I can work towards. This wasn’t really something I’d realized I needed to work on until recently. I had a really, really bad last summer. One of my friends has been saying for the last two years that I should really consider therapy (one late, sleep deprived night she got me talking about stuff I don’t usually discuss. I told her like 2% of my history and she was like “sweetheart that’s some pretty serious trauma” and I was thinking lol yikes that’s nothing.) I finally caved and went to a psychologist and I found out I really do have a lot of things to work on (apparently having suicidal thoughts multiple times every day is not something everyone does?) I’ve been diagnosed with C-PTSD which is a subtype of ptsd, and the treatment is very long but there IS treatment. For years I’ve oscillated between “there’s nothing wrong with me” and “I’m so fundamentally flawed there’s not point in trying to fix it” but I’ve finally come to “there’s definitely stuff wrong, but I can do something about it” I don’t really have any specific goals, but it’s important to me that I keep working and making steps toward improving in this area. This past summer was very bad and I barely survived it. I don’t want to slide back to that again. Loose set of ongoing goals: Continue going to therapy regirally Stick with/improve my meditation habit Have regular, ideally daily, physical activity that involves skill-building Pursue potential medication (this is nearly always an early part of treatment to go on meds temporarily until the skills to cope are developed in therapy- I’ve hated the idea of meds but as part of a bigger picture treatment, I’m trying to be more open) Get a pet or volunteer with animals Cultivate my friendships Increase my cardio to be able to run for one hour straight This one isn’t really a running goal, but the running aspect is more of a benchmark to test. I do enjoy running, but I wouldn’t call myself a “runner” as my main sport. However, cardio is my weak area in everything I do (parkour, staff spinning, hockey) I hate having to stop my skill practice because I’m wheezing. I want to improve my stamina both by doing these sports more intensely and also by running, to the point where I can run for one hour straight without having to stop for a walk break. I know I can accomplish this easily in this year if I don’t slack, as when I finished zombies run 5k, I was running 50 minutes straight, and that’s an 8 week program. I haven’t run in like....months so I’m starting from scratch, but I can do it. Since I’ve moved to the frozen north, my outdoor sport has been basically zero for 9 months of the year, and that’s not enough to build stamina. I’ve now bought myself some solid winter outdoor gear and I’m ready to start just going out there anyway. Restart and complete zombies run 5k Do lots of stamina skate drills Basically if it’s warmer than -16 and the wind isn’t blowing, I GO. Develop some plan for when it IS colder than -16 and still doing SOMETHING inside to keep the habit flowing. Finally get my splits Getting full front splits (striving towards middle splits too, but I’m farther away in that one) is my specific and measurable goal. I’m about six inches off with my left leg and four inches off with my right. I think this is realistic and attainable in a year. Big picture reasons for this is that I need to stretch every day for injury prevention. I’m super, super tight in my entire body but mostly hips and shoulders. Because of this my body is not very resilient to issues in my sports and the slightest mishap can cause injury and it’s super frustrating. (Also, I learned that this muscle tightness is a symptom of my C-PTSD and regular stretching is part of my treatment plan so it’s also working on goal number 2. Multitasking for the win!) Envoyé de mon iPhone en utilisant Tapatalk
  4. jonfirestar

    JonFirestar: I am Awesome

    I Am Awesome My name is Jonathan and I am awesome I cannot even express how hard that statement is for me to write, let alone mean. This is going to be a departure from my normal challenges because I don't think they are useful to me at the moment. Fair warning, some of this stuff might get a little deep. One thing that those people that know me really well will already know is that I find it really hard to take a compliment. Indeed I find it impossible to take a compliment. Even harder still I find it impossible to give myself any worth or to believe that I am worth anything to anyone else. It may or may not have come to anyone's attention that I tend to deflect compliments. I'll disagree or manuviour my way around them. Those of you who have followed me for any period of time will also know that I'm really freaking confident in my own abilities. My ability to push myself and my ability to set myself a huge monumental goal and hit it. I often find it very hard to reconcile these two viewpoints of myself. It boils down to this. I have a lot of confidence in what I can do. I have a very low view of myself as a person. This challenge idea came to be after something really horrible happened. During a conversation with @Mr_Willes and @Charlie_Quinn some really, really nice things were said about me. Enough to make me well, if I'm honest. Rather than simply accepting the compliment my brain had an absolute melt down with it. Perpetuating my own feeling that I am simply a terrible person for having that reaction to them. I've spent a lot of the last few days thinking and talking this out with various people. With some very frank and open discussions about it along the way. I don't like myself very much. The purpose of this challenge is to challenge that perception of myself. That isn't a S.M.A.R.T goal or anything that is easily measured so I'm going to formalise this ever so slightly. Say Something Positive Say something positive about myself. Thanks to some very very good friends of mine I have been inundated with nice comments recently and I've got a lot to go with. The goal is as stated. Just say something nice about myself every single day. If I can qualify it all the better. Challenge the Negative. Identify and and challenge a negative thought about myself once per week of the challenge. I don't expect this to be easy. Life Habits I'm struggling with keeping my head above water in my life right now but there are a couple of small changes in habit that I want to make. Organise: I've got a daily planner. I want to get into a habit of using the planner to keep myself in check. Meditate: 5 minutes a day. Read: A little every day for no other purpose than entertainment. I started The Hobbit this morning. It is old familiar and easy to read. This is my challenge. I'm tempted to add the other things that I will be continuing with. Weight loss and exercise but I'm just not going to. Those things will be happening and I will probably talk about them but they are not what I need to work on right now.
  5. Dragonwolf

    Dragonwolf visits the Druids

    The Ranger drops the hood of her cloak as she approaches the hilltop cabin. Already, the serenity of the area washes over her, easing the anxiety that has built up over the past...weeks? Months? No. Years is more like it, though only recently have the flood gates opened on it all. She quietly enters the cabin and, after taking off her traveling gear, finds a comfy spot near the fireplace. The cabin's host brings her a mug of hot tea, which she graciously accepts. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep, restorative breath. "Finally..." The full context is a long, long story, but ultimately, it boils down to the fact that I've spent far too long giving up far too much of myself for others, with little to nothing in return. It finally came to a head last month and I've basically been in emotional pain and turmoil ever since. It's affected pretty much all aspects of my quality of life and has been a large hinderance in getting back to any kind of workout routine. So, I've decided to come visit for this challenge (and probably at least the next one, or however many I feel I need). I really only have one goal for this time: engage in some form of meditation every day and build that habit. Said meditation can be "moving meditation" (I have both a couple of Tai Chi DVDs and several yoga resources) or more "conventional" meditation, but the goal is to take 5-30 minutes or so each day to just...stop (particularly mentally) and work on me and my wellbeing and -- even if only for that block of time -- not have to fight, and be able to let go of all that is troubling me right now, and to just be.