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But Self-Destruction.. it's the key..." The immortal words of Tyler speak to all of us. To create one must destroy, destruction of the old self to allow the birth of the new self. This is the non-sense I deal with constantly. heh. Just joined up, hi to all, let the destruction begin.

Balsquith battles the passivity My last challenge did not go all that well. Or rather, it went well at times but as it was mostly just collecting information it felt like it was never going at all. This challenge I will actually utilise a little bit of the information collected in my goals: Goal 1: Nutrition – Batch cook 2x per week. I kept a food log briefly last challenge and the approximate findings were that: 1. I probably don’t eat enough generally 2. I make poor choices when I go food shopping at lunchtime Therefore this challenge I will be doing some batch cooking to prepare some breakfasts and some lunches. I don’t expect this to be perfect, but it will at least mean that on several days of the week I have a good (ish) food choice (I will be aiming to go vegetable-heavy) Goal 2: Exercise – Short run 2x per week. I used to enjoy playing Ultimate Frisbee but have kind of lost touch with this over the past few years. As I don’t run at all anymore I will be starting my road back to Frisbee with a couple of short runs a week. Goal 3: Injury rehab – Stretching daily I have become somewhat injury prone of late (or maybe I am just noticing it more) and am convince that this is due, in part at least, to overall poor mobility causing problems to arise in other areas of the body. I will be addressing this by some targeted stretching using GMB’s focused flexibility. Goal 4: Learning – 30 minutes (or more) daily I am not dedicating any time to improving myself, which is a poor showing given how easy it would be to carve 30 minutes out of my day to do this. I have a few things that I want to work on in this time, but the goal will be purely for freeing up the time to learn.

"One must rise!" My screen ID, Rone the Anarchist, combines two of the qualities that I was brought up with. "Rone" is simple. I played world of warcraft for almost 8 years of my life, from 16 to 24. Rone was my main (an orc shaman for those who care). That game was like a drug, but when I was moved to Poland for two years, I was able to kick that game to the curb finally. Thank god I did. I play a lot of games, but they all get boring eventually. Except it took 8 years for this one. I have plenty of friends who still play it. So this shows the video game and rpg side of me. "The Anarchist" speaks to my view in life. I am a history major, a former high school football player, IT specialist, former ESL teacher, and more. Can't is not a word I like using unless it implies a scientific fact (which even those will be broken eventually). I am a very patient when it comes to life and people. However individualist kind of person. Any problem I have, though frustrated by others, is still a problem I can/could fix or prevent. So whether it was travelling for four years from poland, to russia to china, by myself, or being the weakest link on the football team, or having a hard time adjusting to a new work environment. I get things done! On my next paycheck this Thursday I am purchasing the Nerd Fitness academy. I have worked out on and off for my whole life. However, due to my inept knowledge of how fitness really works, I never made any gains. The only exception to this was last year, I finally bit my wrist and ponied up the cash for a personal trainer. I learned a lot, and I saw very noticeable strength gain and weightloss. 20lbs in 2 months. With my wife coming into the country I canceled my gym membership and never found a new one. This was no excuse to stop working out, but I did. I already have my gym membership again, and I only stumbled upon this nerd fitness site yesterday! Why the sudden change. It has always been in the back of my mind to go back to being fit. I watched my waist line grow, how I fit into my 38 pants beats me. I know how much I was eating and drinking, and I knew it wasn't healthy. This is changing now! The straw that broke the camel's back, was that my wife bought me a $300 Hugo Boss gift card for my birthday, knowing full well I always wanted an outfit from there. However, when we went there I became furious with myself. Most of everything was slim fit, so no go. The two shirts that were not, The biggest size was too loose in all of the wrong areas, and the size just below was tight at the waist line I felt like it would pop the moment I bent over. This will change! I like the idea. A lot. Combining RPG elements with fitness. I think this time, it is over and done. My goal is to get below 200lbs, no time limit as I don't feel that is being honest with myself. As long as I see progress each month, I will be happy, and I know the ultimate goal will be achieved. This will give me more opportunity to do things like CrossFit and a play soccer more. I am a huge soccer fan by the way.

I realize today is the first day, but I am still ironing things out. Regardless, I will be here and I am going to do whatever it takes to get back onto the health train. More to come!

Ugh. The one good thing about the spectacular meltdown that was New Year's Eve is that things can't possibly get any worse in 2014. I'll post the results to my previous challenge at some point in the near future, but let's just say that the good habits I've developed during challenge time (mostly the meditating and Lumosity exercises) also took some time off during the holidays, leaving me essentially right back where I started, if not even further behind. Holiday cheer, my ass. What follows is an excerpt from the previous challenge's original post, because I am far too lazy and unmotivated to re-type things right now: That is still me. This isn't to say that the last challenge was useless. I'm probably better at meditating now than I was before I started, and my life quest progress bar is probably at 1% instead of being at its previous position of zero. Same goes for my Lumosity score: it definitely increased. I should probably keep at it. Who knows, my life quest progress bar might get to 1.5%, or maybe even 2%! It was established that my main quest in life was to be a Wizard. Since RL sucks and won't let me be a real Wizard, however, becoming a Mentalist will be the closest thing. How am I going to accomplish this? 2.1: Meditate daily. Pass/fail. Same as last time, but BETTER! 2.2: Lumosity brain exercises. Pass/fail. See above. Need to get that +INT! 2.3, focusing and noticing. Pass/fail. There are a few exercises mentioned in the Mentalist book. The first one is in the section on how to increase your attention: Practice. Focus on one object, person, or situation which you find utterly uninteresting and study every detail about it until you are able to describe it. Pick a flower. Touch it. Smell it. Feel its texture. How many petals does it have? How long is the stem? What is the color and shape of the petals? Start to take notice of the details in the things around you: the places you visit, the people passing by, etc. You'll be surprised at the little things that you'll start to notice. The second is 2 pages after. A memory exercise: Taking Notice. To improve your recall of even the most minute details, try engaging in a mental review of each day's events. This can help you engage your attention during the day so that you recall of events is sharper, clearer, and available anytime for future retrieval. Try to do this work in the evening, when you feel at ease, but don't do it after you retire. (The bed is made for sleeping, not for thinking!) Sit down alone at night and spend fifteen quiet, distraction-free minutes focusing on the important happenings of the day. After a few days, you will find that you can recall more and more. Events will come back to you more precisely and more clearly each time. When you first begin this exercise, you may find that you have trouble recalling what you had for breakfast or what the cashier at the coffee shop looked like. But as your subconscious gets used to being called into duty, you'll find that you'll start to "take notice" of what happens as it happens, a skill that investigators across the country and around the world rely on heavily. I haven't decided if I'll make myself do both of these daily or only one. Will see, and adjust the grading scheme in my favor accordingly. Life quest: DEVELOP CONFIDENCE! More on this later. Diet/fitness side quests: plant some herbs, once per week. Pass/fail. I figure that, since I'll likely be a mainstay in the Druids guild and Druids are close to nature, this would be appropriate. Ever since that one tiny intro to plant physiology in 1st year biology lectures, I've had a deeper respect for plants, and I've wanted to experiment with growing useful and/or medicinal herbs that I can add to my food. This will be very challenging, because I am known for having one hell of a black thumb. And cats. I had a list of potential side quests that also involved drawing and increasing my vocabulary. I'll probably do a bit of this on the side no matter what, hence why they didn't get picked. They may become official in future challenges, though. I also thought about continuing with the "no picking at my face" and "eat more vegetables" goals from my last challenge since I didn't succeed at those as well as I wanted to, but I figure it would be too repetitive. I'll make a thread in the Battle Logs forum with these items instead, or simply keep track in a notepad file or something. There were mentions of a "Nutrition Challenge" at the gym I go to as well, and I'm still waiting to hear details about that. I have a feeling it's going to involve a lot less alcohol, which makes me sad. Right. Confidence. If I had to rate my self-confidence and/or self-worth on most days, it would oscillate between 0/10 and 1/10. Why? I'm not sure. My body and face look great now, which was not always the case. I embarked on my fitness journey approximately ten years ago, but mentally it's like I'm still the fat loser kid who fails at life in every way from my high school days. The kid who was the object of every joke and constant ridicule. The kid who can't look people in the eye for fear of anyone noticing and saying things ranging from "GOT A PROBLEM!?" to "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT, STUPID BITCH!?" followed by lulz from everyone else. The kid who plummets to the bottom of the social ladder the moment anyone speaks loudly or uses a dismissive tone. The kid who agrees with everything and everyone just to avoid a possible confrontation, because in RL I can't just rejoin with a new user name after I get my ass handed to me and publicly humiliated. This is essentially me: And I hate the thought of it. This is the opposite of who I want to be. I have no idea how to grade or quantify a confidence-based challenge. I made a list of things I need to accomplish to become more confident, but none of them are really gradable (I am working on all of them, though.) I figure an other good place to start would be the NF article written by Steve, 5 Ways to Instantly Appear More Confident. #1: Stop slouching. I'm already working on this. In fact, I have been since I started at a new gym in mid/late November and began lifting. Meditation during my last challenge also helped me straighten up and be more aware of my posture, and will continue to do so. I won't add anything posture-related to this challenge because I know that my inner OCD has already turned its gaze to posture, so I'm good to go there. Grading: N/A. #2: SLOW DOWN! This I definitely have problems with. I speak a hundred miles per hour, mess up my words, then become self-conscious and anxious, which makes me speak even faster and...yeah. Although Steve only mentions speaking rate in his article about confidence, I think it also applies to walking pace as well. I normally walk way faster than I need to, and over the last few months I've noticed that someone else I know IRL does the same thing and, well, it looks really freaking awkward when I notice it in someone else. I don't want to look awkward. I want to be the Wizard that's always cool and collected and arrives precisely when he means to. Walking slower and less awkwardly would also give off an air of IDGAF which, in turn, may make me care less about trivial things. Grading: I'll grade this based on how often I catch myself speaking or walking too rapidly. Speak/walk too fast 0 to 4 times: A Speak/walk too fast 5 to 9 times: B Speak/walk too fast 10 to 14 times: C Speak/walk too fast 15 to 19 times: D Speak/walk too fast 20+ times: F I'll adjust the grading scheme if I find that this is too easy. Also, walking fast between buildings when it's -30­°C or lower outside doesn't count. #3: Smile! Ooooh boy... "Don’t know how to smile correctly? Stand in front of a mirror, close your eyes, and look down. Look up, smile, and open your eyes at the same time. See that smile right there? THAT’S a genuine smile." I just attempted this and looked a lot like a serial killer. My eyes are deep set and I have a fairly angular face, which makes me look like a typical Hollywood villain. Don't get me wrong, this is great for cosplaying or being a drunken idiot on Chatroulette, but not so great when attempting to not look like a creep, which beings me to the next point of the article... #4: Win the staring contest. "Starting right now, you’re going to be the person that doesn’t look away. Think of each interaction as a mini-battle – your eyes against theirs. As long as you’re smiling and blinking, you won’t come across as creepy…unless, of course, you’re actually a creep." Well, shit. This is me pretending to be a Sith Lord (or me wearing a hoodie, but the first descriptor was more interesting.) This challenge seems very daunting, and is made even worse by the fact that I like to wear clothes that are slightly outside of the "normal" range, which makes people stare at me more than they would stare at the muggles. Did I mention that people often have a hard time telling if I'm a guy or a girl, too? In other words, people stare. A lot. And if I stare back and they don't stop staring and I don't stop staring back, things get awkward reeeaal fast. WAT DO? D: Also, that paragraph further up where I mention that I can't look people in the eye because of high school PTSD/bullshit. Seriously. I cannot look people in the eye. I used to love drawing, but I could never draw faces/eyes, so I just quit. For several years I even had a hard time looking people in pictures in the eye. Fortunately, I can do this last one now after extensive training on Tumblr. If you think this is pathetic, you are absolutely correct. Grading: "Win" five times per day. ^ I know I'm going to regret this. #5: Get out of your head. This one isn't much of a problem for me right now. I'm not afraid of asking potential employers if they have positions open, and I'm not scared of introducing myself at parties. Presentations usually go allright if there is no grade attached to it, and hpoefully my thesis defense (assuming I don't quit my Masters) will be the LAST presentation I'll ever have to make where I'm going to be judged. Grading: N/A. This should be it for my 3rd challenge. I shall leave you all with a bonus item that I found while browsing my pictures folder. It is of a tomato that is shaped like Lemon Grab from Adventure Time: FAILURE IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!!1

UPDATE (Nov 12): Thanks to all for the feedback! Most of the goals are now sorted out Hi. I'm a Wizard. Or at least I aspire to be a Wizard. NF has no caster types, though, so the Druids' guild is the closest match. I've always been one for multiclassing anyway, so it's all good. Speaking of multiclassing, I have some existing degree of fitness and exercise regularly, so this challenge contains very little goals in terms of physical exercise. Exercise is sort of like my therapy, so I'm all good there...for the time being. My diet is also relatively clean (no junk, no bread, no pasta and no beer 95% of the time.) I took on my first challenge already and passed it with average colors and planned to do challenge #2 in the Assassins's guild due to being a fan of body weight exercises but...it seems like I have a permanent case of mind fog, which hinders any attempts I make to level up as a Wizard. I fear--nay, I KNOW--I'm at a stage now where I can't really level up my life anymore unless I lose the mental encumberance. Let's just say having a clear mind and a more positive outlook in general is a prerequisite to me gaining any more levels in anything. tl;dr version: I'm a mental wreck and I hate it. I've also picked up the book How To Be A Mentalist recently, thinking "OMG, this will totally help me become a Wizard!" Naturally, I started reading it as sooon as I got home, thesis writing be damned. However, the first few pages of the book stated that in order to be a mentalist, one must have a clear mind in order to have better observation powers. Well, shit. This is like the opposite of me. Instead of complaining and feeling sorry for myself like I normally do, though, why don't I take on a NF challenge to make some changes happen? Main quest: Where do I want to be in a few months? LESS STRESSED. More successful, possessing an attention span greater than that of a squirrel on PCP, being able to think more clearly, having powers of observation that at least put me in the "functional" range of society. No joke, often times while playing D&D online, my friend will ask me "Did you loot?" and I'll reply "Huh? What loot?" and then I'll be told that there was a chest that I was standing RIGHT NEXT TO and did't notice. Then I'll feel like a complete retard, think I'm not even worthy of being in the party, hate myself for being the group's village idiot (seriously, aren't Wizards supposed to have high INT?) and it all goes downhill... For example, the .gif below is a good example of my I-just-died-because-of-lag (or I-just-caused-a-party-wipe) reaction: Just add F-bombs. I also I want the constant negative, racing thoughts and ever-present mental fog to GTFO. I want to be the stoic, unflippable badass that I picture myself being in my fantasies, as opposed to the spineless pansy who cries and/or flips right the fuck out as soon as the slightest, most insignificant little thing happens. I want more than 1/10 self-confidence. I don't want to be that person with the legendary mental instability and ever-swinging mood. I want to be able to function like a normal person who isn't stressed out and anxious all the time for no particular reason. I want my mind to be clear. I want to be able to think and focus. I want to be able to form a sentence properly on the first try, without stuttering because of anxiety or thinking I'll screw up my words somehow (which constantly happens because I'm nervous, due to being afraid of being nervous.) I don't want to be the poster person for social awkwardness but, as it is now, I can't observe anything worth a shit, or pay attention, or follow discussions half the time. Okay, maybe that's too much of a transformation to ask for in 6 weeks. This might be an unrealistic main quest for a 6-week challenge, but y'know what? Screw it! It shall be a main quest in life in general, with the more immediate quest being Nax becomes a mentalist. Incredibly specific goals that will help me achieve the main quest: 2.1: Meditate daily. Which type of meditation? Whichever type I try! The first one will be: ...the basic meditation exercise in the Mentalist book I mentioned earlier. The book also describes other, more advanced types of meditation that the author suggests should be done with a mentor at first but...mentors tend to not be cheap, nor are classes :\ Eh. I might try them on my own later anyway. What could possibly go wrong? If I pass out, then great, it's cheaper than alcohol. 2.2: Do some kind of yoga or breath exercise every day. See above re. which type of yoga. I'll be hitting up the link Evenewbie posted below, do the beginner program on DoYogaWithMe.com. 2.3: Do the daily brain training on Lumosity. I've been slacking on that site so much lately, it's not even funny. Side quests: 3.1: STOP PICKING AT MY FACE/NECK/HAIR!!1 Update (Nov 13): I've decided to give myself some kind of a grading system for the picking issue: Catch myself picking less than 5 times in one day: 0 points (A.) Catch myself picking between 5 and 10 times in one day: 1 point (B.) ...Between 11-15 times: 2 points (C.) ...Between 16-20 times: 3 points (D.) ...Between 21 and 25 times: 4 points (F.) At the end I'll add up all my points and convert them to a letter grade...somehow. I'll worry about the math later. I'm hoping that, now that I know there's a grade attached to picking, I'll be more conscious of it, and my face will become prettier as I stop mauling the hell out of it. 3.2: Eat more vegetables. This was actually a quest from a previous challenge. I didn't rock it as well as I wanted to, so it's following me into this challenge. UPDATE (Nov 19): The scoring method for this is as follows: 4 vegetable helpings: A 3 vegetable helpings: B 2 vegetable helpings: C 1 vegetable helping: D 0 vegetable helpings: F ...because "below averavge", "average", and "above average" just wasn't doing it. This goal should be easy because I am lazy and don't like to cook, so raw veggies should be my go-to snack, right? (Added in late Nov) 3.3: Drink less alcohol. Graded in a pass/fail manner, with two FAILs permitted per week because weekends. And holidays. As an added bonus, I'll do some kind of intro quest ongoing quest before the challenge begins as the challenge proceeds: clean my freaking room, and maybe even decorate it to my liking. Maybe if I make it MY space, I'll be able to meditate and/or work better in there. Some (most) of the clutter needs to go. Maybe with a clear room, I'll have a clearer mind? Another mini-goal was to get a user pic. DONE, on Nov 18. And no, it isn't me in the pic ;P LES' DO THIS!

...because I'm still new to challenges, and didn't realize I had to wait until the new 6-week challenge subforum had to be up to post my challenge thread. This post has been re-made in the correct forum, and I shall try to keep the derping to a minimum from now on.