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So, uh. I finally found the twenty one pilots bandwagon. And hooooo boy am I on it. I love this band, you guys. I. LOVE. THIS. BAND. *ahem* As you may know, I am off in a (not actually very far) faraway land doing physics research at another university for the summer. Which is super exciting, but I'm also having a bit of a hard time. When my parents dropped me off, I was really emotional at first - this is an entirely new thing for me. I have not spent any amount of time away from home by myself. It has now been one week. During the weekdays this first week, I was so insanely busy that I didn't really have time to think. But once the weekend arrived and everything slowed waaaay doooown, all of my sad feelings came back. I really miss my family and friends and familiar people. I feel lonely, cos even though I get along really well with all the other students in my research program, we still aren't at the close-friend level yet (obviously; it's only been a week) and I tend to cling to thrive on one or two close connections with people, and now I have none (they're all back at home), and it makes me feel lonely by default even when I'm surrounded by people whose company I enjoy. And I also kinda feel overwhelmed by the scope of my project (it's about lasers) and like my knowledge/skills are not nearly sufficient. tl;dr I miss my hoomans (and my doge) I feel lonely I feel like I'm not good enough I know that I really am not alone - I am surrounded by cool nerds who I get along well and have a lot in common with; and if I wasn't good enough, I wouldn't have been accepted to the program in the first place. But that doesn't make all those niggling thoughts and feelings go away. So now it's down to surviving the yucky feelings and getting on with the rest of my summer, and not letting my sadness control or consume me (like it kinda did this past weekend [oops]). Which brings me to the reason I chose this band as my theme. Their music is all about dealing with that darker side of your mind, and it makes me feel a little better when I'm having a rough time. Here are my goals this time around, inspired by part of the lyrics to twenty one pilots's song, Fairly Local. Only one is actually measurable; the others are just things I need to remind myself of, so I figured I'd write them down too, while I'm at it. The Few - few desserts :: At this university, the dining hall is basically an all-you-can-eat buffet with a sinful quantity of dessert foods (I'm lookin' at you, maple-glazed cake doughnuts...). Limit one dessert/carb-heavy food per day. Re-evaluate at the end of week 2, if it goes well. The Proud - pride in my progress :: I've come a long way, learned a lot, and fallen in love with physics. Remember that I am capable of a lot more than I think. - pride in my potential :: The directors of this program obviously thought I was good enough. Work hard, make it worth it, and do something I can be proud of by the time it's over. The Emotional - self-care :: Remember to rest. Remember to read my Bible. Make sure to get enough sleep. If needed, find a quiet place so I can get my feelings out; but try not to let it get to that point. - socialize :: Don't hide/isolate myself just because I'm sad. Get involved and stay involved. Friends aren't going to make themselves. There have been good days and bad days. I'm hoping that as the days go by, I'll get used to living away from home and my emotions will level out. But either way, there's only 9 weeks left. Let's do this.