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The thread title was inspired by the following exchange on Facebook: Friend's status: " Define yourself; do not let others do it for you. Your own narrative is yours and should not be dictated by anyone other than you. " My response: " How do you make up your character once you realize that your character so far has just been randomly generated by people/society for about 30 years though? :| For example, I routinely open my character sheet and select the personality tab, and attempt to switch one of the many skill slots in there from "doormat" to "assertive", but unfortunately the progress bar for the skill to change takes several years. And this is just one skill slot. Multiple skill slots are similarly fucked. Next month I will try the pay2win route by clicking the "Psychologist" button and just hoping for the best. tl;dr version: Plvl plssssssssss " The above probably has nothing to do with the challenge, but whatever. Goals are difficult, because whenever I set a goal, the opposite of what I want usually ends up happening. This is especially applicable to mental goals. Some of you may remember my previous attempts to not give a fuck. What ended up happening is that I...ended up giving way too many fucks about all of life's trivial things, and all the progress I thought I had made was essentially bullshit because oh hey look, I now feel like shit more than before. Theoretical step forward, two realistic steps backwards. I'm not saying that the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck" is bullshit, because it isn't. It describes the type of mindset that I aspire to have, but the problem is that it describes just that: a mindset. The mindset that functional and successful adults should have. It doesn't tell me how to get there from here. There is no leveling guide, and I've come to realize that I need the fucking strategy guide to the game of life, because on my own I just waste my fucking time in the beginner areas and get killed repeatedly if I dare venture outside of said areas. Not enough mana! All the stuff on Mark Manson's web site...someone I know and look up to in RL tore into me with the same stuff a few days ago. Reading it is one thing, but having it all thrown into your face while I'm having a tearful mental breakdown makes the concept sink in a little more: multiple people have things worse than I do and I shouldn't be miserable at all because in reality I am nothing but a spoiled brat and nobody cares about my problems, and that means I shouldn't care either. Some paint chipped on my cosplay prop? Who gives a fuck. If I get cosplay famous? Nobody will remember me 20 years from now, so who gives a fuck. What people think? Who gives a fuck. I understand. Failed deadline at work? Who gives a fuck. I know, I know, I need to reserve my fucks for truly fuckworthy things like family, friends, and having enough money to survive. I have to find something greater than myself, etc etc. If nothing else is worth giving a fuck about, though...do I just quit cosplay because in the end it just doesn't matter? Quit working out because image goals are vain? What is the point of doing anything? I absolutely love my family and my friends, but surely there are more things I can do? I have shitty values. I don't have a life purpose. This is probably the core problem. Well, okay, I did have a life purpose years ago, but everyone I've mentioned it to said--and still say--it's wrong and ridiculous and insane, so I just gave up. I'm trying my damned hardest to find the motivation and discipline and schedule time to get back on this track (because fuck what others think, right?) but...ugh. Brain fog. It's like I leveled up all the necessary pre-requisite skills to venture into this big, dangerous, high-level area, but as soon as I was done acquiring those skills I ran out of mana and never recovered. These skills are now just sitting there and atrophying at a rate that is too fast for my liking. I need to sleep more. Goal for this challenge: log my sleeping hours, and comment/journal/rant on progress. I won't even say sleep more, because I've had that in multiple challenges and failed every time. I'll just write down my sleep hours and this will hopefully make me sleep more as a side effect. I also realize I'm like 2 weeks late for the challenge. Oops. If I fail at seeing progress it means that it will only be half a failure, and this means that the other half must therefore be success. 50% is a pass, so all is good!