Searching for support after losing my son.

[lindleybaker88@gmail.com]

This is the beginning of my journey, and I need your help.

 

My name is Lindley.

I am an ICU nurse with a really shitty night schedule.

I am 5'1" and the heaviest I have ever been at 163 pounds.

I was in a very unhealthy five year relationship, had two sons with the individual, and am now a single mom.

I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, anxiety, binge/purge, and PTSD.

 

Now for the thing that sent me over the edge...

June 12, 2016, I woke up and discovered my 5 week old son (Ronin August) had died from SIDS during a nap. Needless to say, it was the single most traumatic experience of my life and it's left me with an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and apathy. Any kind of will to live just went out the window, let alone any king of will to get healthy and back in to shape. Now, just waking up and doing day-to-day things is a struggle. I live in Oklahoma and have a very limited support system (one friend within physical proximity, and my mom and aunt available via telephone). I'm maxed out on my antidepressants and I go to hypnotherapy 4 times a month (which is not cheap!). Also, I'm now hypertensive and I just FEEL the toll this is taking on my body. I don't feel good.

 

I used to be very in shape. I loved being active and eating clean. But now, the smallest things are a challenge. I don't want to live like this, but the sadness overwhelms me.

 

I am reaching out to this community because there is still a sliver of something inside of me that wants me to "get better". I'm searching for support. I've tried to be mentally healthy, thinking my body would follow suit, but that obviously didn't work. And now I need a different approach. I want to be healthy for my remaining son (Olin Anthony).

 

We all have struggles. We all have our crosses to bear. I would love to hear what others have overcome and how they did it.

Tell me your story.

 

[Guzzi]

I saw your post this morning (GMT) and was going to reply but then life got in the way and I haven't been online since.  Sorry. 

 

I wanted to comment because I have been through a loss too.  I lost my husband four years ago, though i know that it must be very different to losing a child.  If you can see my signature there is a link there saying "Make life rue the day" which explains my situation at the time of writing it. 

 

I honestly can't relate to your situation as mine is/was very different but what I wanted to say is that this community is AMAZING and I'm sure you will find the support you need.  I know that it made a huge difference to me, I wouldn't have been able to cope with a lot of the stress and such (it bit me in the ass at around 6 months) if it weren't for the friendship and support that I found here. 

 

Is there any practical help/advice I can give you in terms of getting you set up to use the forum?  Anything you're not sure about, e.g. the guilds, 4 Week challenges, creating your own character, your Epic Quest etc, etc.  Just ask and I will be happy to help.  

 

How you actually use the forum is up to you, you can start a Battle log and use it to track your progress, you can take part in challenges, or you can simply soak up information and use it to improve your workouts/eating etc, or just hang out in the Chat Room. It's totally up to you.  

 

Honestly, let me know if there's ANYTHING I can help you with. 

Guzzi  

[Jonesy]

I can't even begin to understand the heartbreak and emotional toll you are going through. I will say that if you invest any time into this community, like @Guzzi said, you will find the support you need. 

 

My best advice is to start small with habits/changes and find people on the forums who inspire you and follow their posts. 

 

On 7/18/2017 at 5:35 PM, Guzzi said:

Is there any practical help/advice I can give you in terms of getting you set up to use the forum?  Anything you're not sure about, e.g. the guilds, 4 Week challenges, creating your own character, your Epic Quest etc, etc.  Just ask and I will be happy to help.  

 

How you actually use the forum is up to you, you can start a Battle log and use it to track your progress, you can take part in challenges, or you can simply soak up information and use it to improve your workouts/eating etc, or just hang out in the Chat Room. It's totally up to you.  

 

Honestly, let me know if there's ANYTHING I can help you with. 

Guzzi  

 

Second this ^