Snarkyfishguts finds her Big Why

[Snarkyfishguts]

I failed spectacularly. I have gained almost ALL my weight back, and I've been sick for the last 7 months with colds, sinus infections, bronchitis, and then COLDS. A nurse kindly said to me "It's very easy to neglect your health." and I realized being sick had become normal. I didn't think I was neglecting my health, I thought I was taking care of my loved ones and being a good family member. Just because I gained all my weight back and couldn't breathe without coughing, I mean...

 

Yeah okay. I neglected my health BIG time. I knew I should be working out, I knew I needed to eat better, and I knew that I wasn't working. I was depressed, and all the things I was working towards seemed pointless and impossible. I lacked purpose, I lacked meaning, and I lacked a sense of self and life.

 

Then I went to Ireland. Where I got an airplane cold (laughs bitterly) but it was an amazing experience! I drank beer! I had Guinness and Beef Stew! I had the best vegetable soup in the world! I climbed steep hills (coughing along the way) and I saw amazing views. I met people who were kind, grouchy, silly, and quiet. I saw ruins, I saw SO MANY SHEEP, and I had a wonderful time going somewhere with just my mom. And while I was REALLY happy to come home and recover in my bed and finally sleep, I finally understood why I failed so completely: My "Big Why" was not good enough. I mean, it's a good "Why" but it's not the "why" I need at this point in my life.

 

My "Big Why" was someday I was going to have kids and get married and I wanted to be in great shape for all the life we were going to live together. I was saving for a down payment on a house, so I could move out of my parents' house. I was so excited to get ready for this life that I didn't have. I wasn't even dating. I'm NOT even dating right now. I have no interest in dating right now. The idea of moving out and living alone feels really sad and lonely to me if we're being completely honest. I LIKE having someone to say hello to in the morning. Eventually I know I'll move out and probably live too close to my parents, but right now, this is okay. So how can I work for a goal when it's not really what I want RIGHT NOW?

 

What do I want? I want to travel and see the world! I am willing to work, to lose weight, to save, to live well and healthy for the end goal of traveling somewhere new. I want to climb up hills without the additional 100 pounds. I want to pack smaller clothes in my suitcase so I can pack more clothes  I want to be strong and have the endurance to keep up with 4 hour walks seeing beautiful sights without melting into a pile of sweaty goo at the end of the day. I want to feel healthy and stop getting sick. I want to stop buying frivolous things and save my money, and I want to work and REALLY be successful so I can earn enough to travel more. Because I can say "Someday I want a family." but what really works for me is saying "The fall of 2018, I want to go to tour Tuscany and take a cooking class about making pasta and tiramisu." OH HECK YES.  THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. A concrete goal, a firm deadline, and something I am almost guaranteed to do (provided they don't cancel the tour two times  )

 

Having changed my Big Why for now, I feel motivated to really take care of my life, to stop hiding from the world, and LIVE. I have a reasonable weight loss plan. Eat 3 meals a day and drink lots of water.  Alternate workout intensity every other day. So maybe one day is strength training and hiking, and the next day is yoga. Or one day is yard work and swimming, and then the next day is going for a walk. YOU GET IT. Sundays are my day off. No working out. Still three meals, but this is where dessert and fried chicken can have a spot.  Or Irish coffee, RIGHT? Eating healthy meals, working out, and getting enough sleep. All important parts to losing weight and staying healthy.

 

Working more. I work freelance, and I've let my business SLIDE. So now I'm back to work with renewed energy and motivation. I have something to earn money for that is in the near future, not just some "Wouldn't it be nice" dream. I might get a part time job to help save money when I'm between clients. I can do this!

 

Getting out of the house and having a life between traveling. Spending more time with friends, going out to the movies, festivals. Climbing out from under my laptop to DO things. Take a class, join the local YMCA, explore the local museums. Lots of things to do by myself and with good company.  

 

It's funny, because a lot of what my plan is looks very similar to past plans. But it feels like it's purposeful now. I feel like there's a point. I have my Travel Wishlist, and I'm going to take the next few years and fulfill it.

 

I'll come back about once a week or so to keep you updated on how the Respawning is going  Have a wonderful day, and thanks for listening!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Wobbegong]

Welcome back, Snarkyfishguts! I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time of it lately, but it's fantastic that you've made some changes to your approach and you're ready to come back strong. 

 

Let us know if you need anything and I will see you in a week or so! 

[Snarkyfishguts]

2 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

Welcome back, Snarkyfishguts! I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time of it lately, but it's fantastic that you've made some changes to your approach and you're ready to come back strong. 

 

Let us know if you need anything and I will see you in a week or so! 

Thanks! I appreciate the support  

[Snarkyfishguts]

Good morning! This weekend I'm leaving for a Girl's Weekend with my sister-in-law and our mums. Good family bonding experience. Hopefully *laughing*

 

Starting right off the bat, this was a hard week! Shark week came and went, which meant migraines and feeling very blue. Also, I realized that I get into this "diet" mentality and I completely lost my focus and ate a whole bag of chips and a bag of M&Ms. So... 5 pounds up. EEK.

 

I had to remind myself this is NOT a diet. I'm choosing healthy foods, healthy activities, and that the weight will come off naturally from my lifestyle. I don't need to be restrictive or kill myself working out. I think it's difficult to make that distinction sometimes between healthy and dieting.

 

It's okay. I mean, I wasn't at my best this week, but this is a great opportunity to practice kindness to myself and move forward!

[Wobbegong]

22 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Starting right off the bat, this was a hard week! Shark week came and went, which meant migraines and feeling very blue.

Not gonna lie, you threw me off with this one. Discovery Channel Shark Week is happening right now, so it's come, but it hasn't gone, haha. Sorry to hear about the migraines and low feelings. My "shark week" comes with extreme emotional exhaustion and fainting spells, so I can sympathize. 

 

22 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Also, I realized that I get into this "diet" mentality and I completely lost my focus and ate a whole bag of chips and a bag of M&Ms. So... 5 pounds up. EEK.

 

I had to remind myself this is NOT a diet. I'm choosing healthy foods, healthy activities, and that the weight will come off naturally from my lifestyle. I don't need to be restrictive or kill myself working out. I think it's difficult to make that distinction sometimes between healthy and dieting.

You're looking for a general downward trend! There will be fluctuations along the way, but it's all about learning yourself and your limits and slowly making those lifestyle changes that will get you where you want to go. 

 

22 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

It's okay. I mean, I wasn't at my best this week, but this is a great opportunity to practice kindness to myself and move forward!

Yussss! Slow and steady  

[zeroh13]

Welcome back!

 

It's amazing the difference it makes when you find the Why that just clicks! I've had my fair share of problems with depression + the Why I "should" have (for me it was lose weight to look better). Then I found my real why (get stronger/train so I can do parkour and snowboarding when I have the money), and yeah, depression still knocks me off course, but it's so much easier to get back on course now and work through the depression (and anxiety).

 

It sounds like you have a really good plan for getting in shape. Just keep at it and you'll get there before you know it.

[Snarkyfishguts]

On 7/27/2017 at 11:15 AM, Wobbegong said:

Not gonna lie, you threw me off with this one. Discovery Channel Shark Week is happening right now, so it's come, but it hasn't gone, haha. Sorry to hear about the migraines and low feelings. My "shark week" comes with extreme emotional exhaustion and fainting spells, so I can sympathize. 

 

You're looking for a general downward trend! There will be fluctuations along the way, but it's all about learning yourself and your limits and slowly making those lifestyle changes that will get you where you want to go. 

 

Yussss! Slow and steady  

Oh I should've realized! Shark week hahahaha!! 

Oh no! Fainting spells sounds awful!! 

Slow and steady wins the race! We are tortoises!!

On 7/29/2017 at 5:18 PM, zeroh13 said:

Welcome back!

 

It's amazing the difference it makes when you find the Why that just clicks! I've had my fair share of problems with depression + the Why I "should" have (for me it was lose weight to look better). Then I found my real why (get stronger/train so I can do parkour and snowboarding when I have the money), and yeah, depression still knocks me off course, but it's so much easier to get back on course now and work through the depression (and anxiety).

 

It sounds like you have a really good plan for getting in shape. Just keep at it and you'll get there before you know it.

That is true. Depression is a sneaky beast. I'm glad you found your big Why too! It sounds amazing!