Trying Not To Feel Like a Fail - Respawn?

[Saorsa]

I moved to Canada in 2015. I came up here with lots of optimism and energy...two years later I'm so depressed that's it hard to even get out of the house. Thus, my fitness and nutritional goals are hitting a rut. It's so hard to get motivated! I'm going to try again this coming challenge, but I should probably make some goals now.

 

I know that my biggest problem is no friends here. I've made friendly acquaintances, but they have already established social circles. I'm just an outsider. Moving to a country is so hard! I went from full-time school, full-time job, and weekly friend social time to ...nothing. I have nothing going on. People talk about wanting free time, but ARGH...this is not actually a good thing. I'm cleaned every inch of the apartment, reorganized everything, wrote a novel, filled a journal, binged watched Netflix until my eyes hurt, replayed FF9, cleaned the apartment again...you get the drift? 

 

It's making me depressed, thus affecting my health. I'm refusing to let it defeat me though. I've decided I'm going to make socializing a goal. Been looking at D&D groups in the area, if only I could work up the courage. (My boyfriend's friends have been really nice, but they grew up with him and not me. We have different interests. I need my own friends too.) 

 

If anyone has advice on moving to a new country or being fit while depressed, hit me up with advice 'cause I'm trying so hard to respawn and no give up! 

[Diadhuit]

*Raises hand* I moved to another country and I didn't even have a boyfriend: I knew no one! I do feel your pain, I had gone through the 'I am not going out because ', one being my bedroom being not in order and feeling too tired to put everything in order. I am glad to see you haven't reached that point yet

I live in a capital when every year people change and you have to start from 0 again. How did I survive?!? Meetup.com (and a parish priest who started a prayer group, but this was due to luck and I don't know if it fits your beliefs so it is off-topic)

I started going to meetups of everything, as I don't drink alcohol I avoided the more socialising ones but went for hobbies, now I am the organiser of a crochet meetup.

I would recommend looking on it to see if there are d&d groups or other of your hobbies, or things you would like, and if not, why don't you try to organise a d&d group? You'll never know who you can meet. I have very good friends now out of it, and I even discovered I do like dancing!

[Roamer]

I sympathize with your pain on the lacking a social life part. Truth be told I am having similar problems except I am not dating anyone. (Which by the way makes it 10x worse) The best thing I've ever been told is to just get out and start talking to people at some place where interesting people gather. (ie a bookstore if you like reading, or a gym if you like working out.) I've encountered a few interesting people, but I haven't really tried to be an active part of that community. However, if I had tried I'm pretty sure I could meet some cool people.

 

Also if you're looking for a digital support group or someone to chat with I'd happily sign up! I'm always looking for people who are trying to motivate so if you want to form a facebook, skype, twitter group or something just say the word to me!

 

Hope you get your head back in the game! No sense in keeping it out over something that has a solution.

[Saorsa]

On 8/5/2017 at 2:38 AM, Diadhuit said:

*Raises hand* I moved to another country and I didn't even have a boyfriend: I knew no one! I do feel your pain, I had gone through the 'I am not going out because ', one being my bedroom being not in order and feeling too tired to put everything in order. I am glad to see you haven't reached that point yet

I live in a capital when every year people change and you have to start from 0 again. How did I survive?!? Meetup.com (and a parish priest who started a prayer group, but this was due to luck and I don't know if it fits your beliefs so it is off-topic)

I started going to meetups of everything, as I don't drink alcohol I avoided the more socialising ones but went for hobbies, now I am the organiser of a crochet meetup.

I would recommend looking on it to see if there are d&d groups or other of your hobbies, or things you would like, and if not, why don't you try to organise a d&d group? You'll never know who you can meet. I have very good friends now out of it, and I even discovered I do like dancing!

 

Thanks! I'll keep searching. I'm so shy...going to an event with strangers sounds scary, but it's the only way I'm going to fix this. D:

[Saorsa]

15 hours ago, Roamer said:

I sympathize with your pain on the lacking a social life part. Truth be told I am having similar problems except I am not dating anyone. (Which by the way makes it 10x worse) The best thing I've ever been told is to just get out and start talking to people at some place where interesting people gather. (ie a bookstore if you like reading, or a gym if you like working out.) I've encountered a few interesting people, but I haven't really tried to be an active part of that community. However, if I had tried I'm pretty sure I could meet some cool people.

 

Also if you're looking for a digital support group or someone to chat with I'd happily sign up! I'm always looking for people who are trying to motivate so if you want to form a facebook, skype, twitter group or something just say the word to me!

 

Hope you get your head back in the game! No sense in keeping it out over something that has a solution.

 

I am lucky to have a partner, though I'm learning how important platonic relationships are outside of a romantic one! 

 

I've never thought of making a digital support group. I tried to join a vampire rpg online only to discover it was dead.  I'm not having luck at this! There are twitter groups?! Hmmmm I'm not even sure what I would call it but it couldn't hurt, right? Do you know anything about making groups? 

 

Thanks!

[Saorsa]

Update. I just joined some nerd-based meetup groups. They are in Toronto, which a bit of a drive from me, but it's a start! I also texted a person I meet while volunteering to see if they wanted to hang out. Why is this stuff so scary? Haha I'm trying though...

[Nadoriel]

@Saorsa you're like me! Except I might be worse xD I moved to UK for the first time more than 4 years ago. The first 3 years I was alone, my boyfriend remained in Portugal. I have a full time job here. 

 

I have a few friends from my own country that live nearby.. But because our weird shifts we barely meet. And they have their own friends and life. 

 

My boyfriend only came a year ago. 

 

Anyways, so far I've got no "friend" from UK. I tried meet-up but I couldn't really find anything. Plus it's really shady to meet up with older men for d&d on a pub at night... 

 

I'm trying my best at work to try and socialise. But I'm really slow at opening up and finding ideas of what to say and to ask... Memorise names and facts. Plus I've changed my job and city recently (last November). 

 

So yeah... Friendship is hard o.O I have no idea what I've done until now to be honest. I'm pretty sure I was an easy going person.

 

Sorry I don't really have any suggestions except for... Be brave, step out of your comfort zone. Say something even if it's silly lol. That's what I'm trying to do. 

 

People have finally started to ask if I'm feeling more "at home" and paying a bit more attention to me. I felt like I was a ghost before. So I guess I'm doing something right? Loool

[Saorsa]

@Nadoriel I feel you on the ghost thing. I go to a party or event and just stand there, like, why am I here? Yeah.....the d&d and strangers thing. That's part of why I get nervous. I have been to an all men d&d groups before but knew at least one person so I didn't feel so nervous. It only got weird once. I hope you have some good luck too. I'm trying even though it's been scary. Last night I went out for wings and only embarrassed myself a few times. Haha 

[Nadoriel]

17 minutes ago, Saorsa said:

@Nadoriel I feel you on the ghost thing. I go to a party or event and just stand there, like, why am I here? Yeah.....the d&d and strangers thing. That's part of why I get nervous. I have been to an all men d&d groups before but knew at least one person so I didn't feel so nervous. It only got weird once. I hope you have some good luck too. I'm trying even though it's been scary. Last night I went out for wings and only embarrassed myself a few times. Haha 

Nice work!

I definitely can't go I mean.. especially now that my boyfriend is here... it's REALLY awkward to leave at nighttime for a d&d game (he actually doesn't like that sort of games)!

 

But I know some people at my current job who play d&d. We're kinda waiting and saying we'll book a meeting and then we don't... that sort of stuff. Until then only pc games or ps3 games I guess XD uhh or board games!

 

I'm also afraid to not notice if someone is hitting on me. I mean, I make no secret that I've got a boyfriend. But has that ever stopped people anyway? I'm always torn from: I'm too ugly for people even to think me as a girl - to - why is he always calling me sweet?,  why has he hugged me? hmm maybe it's a cultural thing. or a personal thing.

 

I think I'm just awkward  

 

Ahh.. just be careful Saorsa!! And try to have fun ^^

[Saorsa]

@Nadoriel That's a bummer. :/ I'm lucky that my bf likes the same nerd stuff. I am trying to find my own social circle too though. I've learned that it's good for couples to have separate things, so I'm trying that. 

 

You sound like me! I never know if someone is into me or not until they are like "I'm flirting with you." Years ago I had one guy kiss me and until that point I was clueless, then mortified! Though some people can be crude, then I'm like... "What are you doing? Don't touch me." The boyfriend card doesn't work most times. One guy straight up said he didn't care. :/ 

 

I never know what to do about hugs.

 

I've asked a fellow volunteer (girl) out for a coffee. And I'm just joining meet ups and scoping them out for now. 

 

#awkwardclub At least there's this site going for us.

[Diadhuit]

OMG! So much of what you are saying resonates with me!
I even have the opposite: doing things just because and finding out people thought I was hitting on them. I recently bought a drink to a guy I just met because he was having such a bad day, and now we are sort of dating? Sh#t I didn't realise that he probably thought I made a move on him until now! I am so very clueless

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[Nadoriel]

@Saorsahe likes geek stuff. I met him on guild wars 2,although to be honest, it's the first time he has a job and he now feels too tired to actually play o. O

But d&d and the like has always been too much xD

 

I think I see to little of him to actually want to do separate things. When he works I seem him when he comes back, 18h30. If I work days, I see him at 20h30. If I work nights I see him 10min before I leave. 

 

Yeah I had one guy tell me the same in a gym. Ridiculous!

 

@Diadhuit ahh buying drinks xD that's a movie move! Ahah funny ^^ at least it seemed to have worked between you too! 

 

[Saorsa]

@Diadhuit Haha I would have just thought you were kindly buying me a drink. I wonder if I ever hit on someone without knowing it? I think my favorite (with sarcasm) was the date I was on and didn't know until two days after. Sounds like I could make comics from all our stories.

 

@Nadoriel Aww that sounds rough. I hope it eases up. Is a temporary thing? Also, I wonder if there's a place like Brew Wizards where you are at. It's a cafe/local brewery hub where they have tons of games to play, not just d&d. 

[Diadhuit]

I am glad to have found fellow awkwards @Nadoriel I hope it will ease up, it must be very difficult for you. where in the UK are you?
Btw here in Dublin there are even meetups for people with social anxiety maybe there are similar ones to join if you are shy?

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[Nadoriel]

@Saorsa I dunno actually! Never been to one of those places, didn't know they existed xD I know one ice cream shop on my prev city where they had nintendo games ahahah. We do have boardgames at home though  By all means I'm not complaining, we do have fun together. I just sometimes miss having someone else.

 

@Diadhuit Portsmouth at the moment  I thought that if I was nearer the beach it would remind me more of home. Apparently not O.o it's just more humid I guess xD Anyways... 

I think it's me that I have to move a bit more outside my comfort zone really. If you see my challenge, I'm trying to actually force myself to go outside the house and do stuff with my bf and friends. In the meantime, I'm trying to speak with people at work and trying to know them. I'll get the hang of it eventually xD it's not urgent anyway. 

[Saorsa]

@Nadoriel It's an awesome idea! They have hundreds of games, some of them old ones. It's great because it gives you something to do when you're hanging out with people instead of just staring and drinking. Genius. The one in this town replaced an old bar where I never seemed to connect with people. I don't really like drinking for drinking sake... But a nerdy game coffee shop with local brewery stuff? Heck yeah.

[Nadoriel]

@Saorsasee I reckon one of the reasons I don't go out as often is because I don't enjoy drinking that much. I mean coffee, tea yes. But I'm kinda tired of alcoholic drinks. 

 

Anyways I'm gonna look for one it does seem like a nice place to hang out anyway! 

[Diadhuit]

That place made me think that here in Dublin there is the Clockwork door, a 'timehouse'. basically it's a place that has free tea and coffee, but you pay the time you spend there. It is a bit expensive, but it has all the games you want, and a study room if you want to take a break from socialising.
I don't drink alcohol so I perfectly understand where you are coming from!

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[Saorsa]

Fortunately, Brew Wizards has a massive tea menu and several coffee options. So if anyone is ever in the GTA check it out. I do like alcohol, but it's more about the taste of a drink. I drink coffee and water and tea. That's it. No milk or sugar. So a cider or dark ale is like a dessert treat. I usually order one drink and sip it all night. I don't like the effects of alcohol or feeling drunk. No bueno. 

[Sciread77]

I'm addicted to Timmy's.  My goddaughter and her parents live north of Toronto off Lake Huron, and anytime I visit I drink waaaay too much coffee.   I only really know a few people in Toronto, and one roughly my age (5-6 years younger). The rest are in that tiny town not terribly far from Barrie.  

 

Brew Wizards sounds like a great place.  My wife and I will have to hit it the next time we're in town. You take your coffee and tea like I do, and I must commend you/express my excitement.  I don't seem to meet a lot of people who enjoy black coffee and straight tea.

 

Totally off-topic: the season is either over or nearly over, but I can't recommend the time at the glacial lakes enough.